Changing Her Heart (9 page)

But Susan said nothing about it, almost like she was avoiding the topic. They talked about everything else, even the weather.

The weather didn't interest Lacey unless it was going to rain on Monday morning, because she didn't want to think of Randy getting wet while skating to work.

Lacey dragged one hand down her face.

Randy. Again he was invading her brain.

“Lacey, do you think we should make some cookies? They might want a snack when they come back.”

“We don't have time to make cookies. They should be back in twenty minutes.”

Susan smiled. “Then that's perfect. The dough is in the fridge. All I have to do is cut the pieces and put them in the oven. Randy won't take anything for helping Eric, so this is one small way I can show my appreciation.”

“He'll like that. He loves sweets. He especially has a thing for Boston Creme doughnuts.”

“I'll have to remember that, but for now, the cookies will have to do. Can you get out the cookie sheet?”

Something in Lacey's gut clenched. She didn't want to know what Randy's favorite treat was. And she had a feeling that he probably did make cookies for himself, because she already knew he was a good cook. She also suspected that if he ever made himself a special treat, he probably worked it off in the pool. He'd told her that he often went for a swim alone, after everyone else was in bed and the pool was supposed to be closed.

She wondered if she started hitting herself in the head with the cookie sheet, if this time she could exorcise thoughts of Randy.

While they waited for the cookies to bake, Lacey put on a pot of coffee, knowing Randy would want some, and she didn't want to think of why she knew that drinking coffee late in the evening didn't affect him.

The front door opened at the same time as the oven timer dinged. Both men appeared in the kitchen as Susan scooped the last cookie from the sheet onto a cooling tray.

Randy grinned from ear to ear as he focused on the hot cookies. “Did you miss me?”

Lacey had actually missed him much more than she wanted to, so she chose to say nothing.

Guilt poked at her for being less than charitable. Randy had done nothing to deserve her bad attitude. It was her own fault that she couldn't stop thinking about him, not his. As always, Randy had done nothing but remain helpful, cheerful and supportive.

Just looking at his handsome, smiling face, she felt compelled to somehow make it up to him, for all her negative thoughts.

“Why don't you guys go sit in the living room, and we'll be right out with everything?”

Eric did exactly as she said, and immediately went to sit on the couch.

Randy poured two cups of coffee and topped up her tea, added the milk to the coffee, tucked a pile of napkins under his arm and carried both mugs into the living room, carefully setting them on magazines when he couldn't find coasters.

Susan took her tea in one hand and the plate of cookies in the other, while Lacey carried her own tea and a small handful of spoons.

The only one empty-handed had been Eric.

“So, how was the meeting?” she asked, trying to act casual as she passed the plate to Randy once they were all seated.

“Good,” he said, then reached for a cookie. “We got a parking spot right near the door.”

She waited for him to continue, but he didn't.

“That's it? You got a good parking spot?”

“We got good seats close to the front, too.”

“And?”

“And the speakers were really interesting. Next week they're going to have a ten-year cake. That's a biggie.”

Again, she waited for him to continue. He didn't. Therefore, she turned to Eric, but she didn't know what to say, as she didn't think that asking him if he had a “nice time” was quite the right thing to say. She didn't want to be so blunt as to come right out and ask if he learned anything, but she wanted to know so badly it was nearly painful.

She stared at Eric very pointedly, until he began to squirm. “I guess you're expecting me to say something. I'm not really sure what to think yet, except that there are a lot more people involved than I thought there would be. While I've seen a few of the same people at both meetings, most of the people at each place are different. I didn't know there would be so many.” He turned to Randy.

Randy shrugged his shoulders. “I think the total numbers would surprise you. But as to attendance, everybody's different. Most people go to a meeting almost every day for the first year. Some people go to three or four meetings a week for the rest of their lives. Some go to one meeting a week, sometimes less. And then there's everything in between. I've been sober for just over six years, and I only go to one meeting a week, unless I'm taking someone else. You have to do what's best for you. I can't make that decision. All I can do is go with you and be there for you, for as long as you need me.”

Instead of waiting for Eric to respond, Randy gulped the last of his coffee down in one gulp and stood. “Come on, Lacey. I think it's time to go.”

“Go? But…” She let her voice trail off. As they had the last time, they'd come in separate cars, so there really was no need for both of them to leave at the same time.

Unless Randy knew something she didn't.

She stood, as well. “Of course. What was I thinking?”

The second the door closed behind them, he turned to her. “We have to talk. Follow me to the doughnut shop.”

He strode to his car without giving her any chance for rebuttal.

Dutifully she followed him. He didn't say a word to her until they were sitting down.

“Just in case you're wondering, I didn't want to get too comfy at their place because I wanted something that one of the speakers said to sink in a little more, and that wasn't going to happen with us there.”

“I don't understand.”

“I know you've never been to an AA meeting, but what happens for most of the meeting is that different people go up to the front and say whatever is on their minds. The last guy had a lot to say about his wife and his marriage, about how happy he is being together. He's been married, to the same woman, for twenty-three years and they've had a lot of ups and downs, but he loves her to the bottom of his heart and soul. Some of the stuff he said was even making some of the guys sniffle.” One corner of his mouth tilted up. “Although now that it's over, no one will admit it.” His expression again turned serious. “Anyway, I thought it best to leave Eric alone with Susan so he sees that things could turn out the same for him. If he works at it, that is.”

Lacey was almost surprised at his words, but then, his involvement with Eric began when he'd witnessed Susan crying over the state of her marriage. “That's such a sweet sentiment. No wonder women fall all over you.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “Nah. Mostly I just like to hear myself talk. That's why I'm good in retail sales. Sometimes I think I'd make a good deejay on the radio, except they have to start out on the night shift, and then I'd be all alone for a whole eight hours in a row, every single night, and I think that would drive me nuts.”

Lacey opened her mouth, about to say that he would make a good deejay. He was easy to listen to, he did like to talk, and also, he was great with the sound system at church, so she knew that kind of thing would be easy for him.

Instead, she snapped her mouth shut. Again, he'd changed the subject, and she'd almost fallen for it.

“Quit that. That's not what I was talking about, and you know it. I saw a few of the ladies in your church watching you.” More than that, Lacey felt them watching
her,
because she was with Randy.

“I don't know why. I really don't date much. In fact, I don't even remember the last time I had a steady girlfriend.”

She didn't know if she wanted to hear about his
experiences with other women, but Randy was an enigma, and she wanted to learn more about him. “Why not?”

“I just don't.” He looked down at her plate, and seeing that she had finished her muffin, Randy rammed the last of his doughnut into his mouth, and stood. “I have to get up early for church in the morning. I think it's time to go.”

“Go? But…” Even though she knew he had to be at church an hour early, Lacey doubted the time was really the issue. She had the feeling that again she was pushing her toes past another dotted line with Randy, a line he didn't want her to cross. The more she got to know him, the more she discovered she didn't know. Except for a few small smatterings of information, she didn't know anything about him prior to the day he'd quit drinking, which made her want to know more about the “real” Randy, the one he kept hidden. She could understand that he might have done things when he was drinking that he wanted to forget about, and he could do that. Randy was a new creation in God's sight, and he could close that door. But at the same time, she wanted to know what motivated him to do what he did, which she couldn't know until she learned more of the “old” Randy.

But that wasn't going to happen tonight. He was already standing, and waiting for her to do the same.

So Lacey followed his lead and stood, too. “You're right. It is getting late. Let's go.”

They exited the building and walked side by side through the parking lot, until they reached their cars, which were parked together.

He escorted her to the driver's door of her car and waited while she unlocked it.

“I guess I'll see you at church,” she said as she pulled the door open. Lacey turned around, intending to wish him good-night, but her words caught in her throat.

The night was dark, but the glow of the lights from above shone on Randy like a spotlight, highlighting his dark hair and emphasizing his broad shoulders, and most of all, it intensified the shimmer in Randy's striking blue eyes, eyes that could probably make women faint at his feet. She saw it all the time. Every woman who came in contact with him liked him.

“Good night, Lacey,” he murmured as he shuffled closer.

Lacey's heart increased in tempo as they stood nearly toe to toe. Very slowly he raised one hand, then stopped with it hovering in midair, just below her chin.

Lacey's eyes drifted shut all by themselves. She tipped her chin up and parted her lips slightly, waiting, meeting him halfway.

Very gently and tenderly his fingertips brushed her cheek, then slid behind her ear. Slowly the warmth of his thumb rubbed her temple.

Her lower lip started to quiver, and she couldn't stop it. She squeezed her eyes shut even harder.

His voice came out in a husky whisper. “I guess I'll see you in church.” The warmth of his hand suddenly disappeared. She counted four footsteps in quick succession before her eyes opened. By that time he'd clicked the electronic lock of his car, and he was inside before she had time to blink. The second the motor started, he was gone.

She moved quickly into her car, shutting the door as his car turned out of the parking lot.

“Good night, Randy,” she whispered to the empty street.

R
andy grumbled to himself as he set the last control to get the sound he wanted. He was having a particularly hard time getting everything right, but he also knew the reason.

He was allowing himself to become distracted. Every time someone new walked into the sanctuary, he kept looking up to see if it was Lacey.

And every time it wasn't.

The service was ready to start, and she still wasn't there.

He had a bad feeling he knew why. He'd almost lost it last night. He'd wanted to kiss her again, but at the last minute, he'd bolted.

He couldn't kiss her, because he didn't have that right.

But she would have kissed him. Any fool could have seen that.

And he was a fool.

In the privacy of the sound room booth, Randy closed his eyes and pressed his hands over his face.
Lord God, don't let her hate me. Tell me what to do.

Behind him, the door creaked open. He quickly lowered his hands and tapped one of the control knobs.

“Hi, Randy. Sorry I'm late. Kaitlyn wouldn't leave without her favorite teddy bear, and we almost couldn't find it.”

He turned around to smile, his heart pounding so hard he was positive Lacey could hear it. “No problem. I was just beginning to wonder if you were going to make it.”

She sighed. “I hate walking into church after everything has started, although I do know a lot of people at my church who arrive promptly five minutes after the service begins, week after week.”

“Yeah. Same here.”

The music of the first song ended. Randy set the PowerPoint to a scenery picture as Paul stepped closer to the microphone and welcomed everyone. Randy adjusted the volume levels while the congregation greeted one another at Paul's invitation.

He watched Lacey out of the corner of his eye as she stood at the window. When his friends on the worship team waved at the window, Lacey waved back.

“I know you can't tell me what was said at the meeting, but whatever it was, you were right. Eric's
been different this morning. He didn't lose his temper when Kaitlyn couldn't find her bear. He even helped find it instead of storming off and waiting in the car while Susan did everything.”

“Good. Just remember, though, that this isn't going to be an instant, overnight change. There will be ups and there will be downs.”

“I know. But I thought you'd like to know that we've started to see some ups.”

At Lacey's words, last night's speaker's words echoed through his head like a clanging gong. The man had been emphatic in telling everyone at the meeting, both men and the women, to respect and nurture that special someone God put into their paths, because often, there were no second chances. And if there was a second chance, to grab it and never let it go.

Up until last night, Randy hadn't considered that with his history, he was capable of being involved in a nurturing relationship; he couldn't participate because he thought he had nothing to give. But last night in the parking lot, it had hit him that he could be wrong.

Lacey would have kissed him. She wouldn't have been open to him if she didn't see something in him, even if he didn't know what he possibly had to offer.

Yet at the same time, Randy tried his best to live his life the way God wanted him to. He treated people the way he would have wanted to be treated if the situa
tion were reversed. He was a good friend to the men in his life, but he hadn't thought he had it in him to be a good friend to the women, as well. He especially hadn't thought he was capable of treating Lacey the way she deserved to be treated in God's sight.

But there was something happening here, between himself and Lacey, no matter how hard he tried to fight it. And it was breaking him down.

In the parking lot at the bar, he knew he'd caught her off guard when he leaned over the seat and kissed her. In fact, he'd caught himself off guard, but he did it anyway.

The kiss had been different…special. He'd always rolled his eyes when Carol talked about her fiancé's kiss being like fireworks, but he couldn't think of any better way to describe how it felt when he'd kissed Lacey that night.

Randy squeezed his eyes shut. The first time he'd kissed Lacey had been in the parking lot at a bar, the second time, when he could have kissed her, was at the doughnut shop. Was he such a loser that he could only kiss a woman in a parking lot? Why was everything he did that was worth anything, ultimately self-destructive?

“Randy? Are you okay? Do you need to lie down or something?”

His eyes shot open. For now he was fine, but he didn't want to stress himself into what he knew could
happen. He didn't ever want Lacey to see him like that. “Don't worry. I'm fine. I was just thinking about something. Excuse me. It looks like Paul's ready to start.”

He quickly set the PowerPoint to the next song, and because it was the first song, he concentrated on getting the sound level settings right as it progressed.

About halfway through the song, Lacey leaned toward him. “It feels so strange not singing on Sunday morning. Last time we were together in here was different, being the first time, but today it really feels like something's missing.”

“I know what you mean. For now I'm making adjustments, but when I'm alone and I've got everything right, I sit in here and sing all by myself. So go ahead and sing, too. No one can hear us because there's a lot more sound out there than in here. I promise. In a way, it's perfect up here, because only God hears me if I sing off-key. So please, don't be shy.”

“It's okay. I'll just listen.”

“Don't worry. It took me a while to get used to this. It's almost like singing in the shower, except here, there's actual music to sing to, the sound system is really good, and there's no echo.”

When Lacey turned to stare at him, he felt his face heat up as he thought of what he'd just admitted.

“Don't look at me like that. I know I'm not the
only human being on this earth who sings in the shower. I just admit it.”

“That might be a little more information than I need to know.”

The burn of his blush extended to his ears. “Sorry. I was just making a point, and I think I got carried away. Anyway, it's okay to sing up here.”

Sometimes when his friends were doing their pre-service practicing not only did Randy sing all by himself up in the sound room, but sometimes when his friends were going over the same part over and over to get it right, Randy pretended he was singing into a microphone to help the time pass.

But when the service was in session and everyone sang to worship God, Randy settled down, singing just as if he were sitting in the sanctuary with the rest of the congregation.

He flicked the PowerPoint to the next screen, turned to Lacey and grasped her hands. “Please don't be shy. I don't want to hamper your worship this morning, or any Sunday morning.”

Paul led the congregation right into singing the next song, so Randy followed along and began to sing, just like everyone else. The only difference between this and any other Sunday was that with Lacey so close to him, he sang much more softly than he usually did.

After a few lines, Lacey began to sing with him.

The experience was like nothing he'd ever experienced. Lacey sang exactly on pitch, her voice blending perfectly with his. So perfect, that Randy stopped singing the melody and began to sing in harmony. They were beautiful together.

They sang all the songs that way. At times, Randy could barely get his voice to work, for the wonder of the experience, but at the same time it felt so right that he couldn't not sing.

The last song was about trusting in God, and asking for God's guidance in times of uncertainty.

When all voices had quieted, the music continued to play, lower in volume, which Randy knew meant Paul was giving the congregation more time so everyone could continue to soak in the words and the impact of the song. Today, Randy also needed more time to let everything sink in. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so affected by the music during the service.

He faded the words on the screen instead of abruptly making them disappear, then turned to Lacey.

He froze, staring into her deep brown eyes.

They were beautiful eyes, full of sincerity, reverence of God Almighty and something else he was afraid to define.

With all voices silent, with God's music playing softly in the background, something passed between them, but he didn't know what.

A peace he'd never known settled over him.

This moment was another turning point of his life.

If only he could figure out what it was.

 

“I'm so glad you could come.”

“I'm glad we did. This was really, great, right, Eric?”

Lacey stepped back and watched as Randy moved closer to Eric, waiting for Eric's response.

“Yeah. Your church is really different than ours.”

Randy smiled politely. “I don't think that's necessarily true. I think you were just seeing things differently. Today, maybe for the first time, you were ready to let God touch you.”

Lacey noticed that Eric didn't comment. But she had a feeling that Randy's words were accurate. Only Eric didn't want to admit it.

Randy glanced back and forth between Eric and Susan. “How would you all like to go out for lunch—my treat?”

Susan's mouth dropped open. “No, I can't let you do that. That's too much. Besides, I already have a lunch prepared at home. Why don't you come to our house? We'd love to have you.” Susan turned to Lacey. “Of course, you're invited, too, especially since your car is still at our house.”

“Uh. Sure.” Randy glanced over his shoulder. “Just let me tell the guys. Eric, how would you like to come with me? You were saying you might be interested in
playing guitar. I can introduce you to Adrian. He hasn't been playing all that long, but he's really quite good. He could probably give you some tips.”

Eric nodded and began to walk away with Randy. Since they hadn't picked up the children from their Sunday school classrooms yet, that left Lacey alone with Susan.

The second the men were out of earshot, Lacey spoke. “What do you think?”

Susan turned her head as Randy and Eric disappeared around the corner, then reappeared atop the stage platform. “I think he's perfect. He's crazy about you.”

Lacey felt a burn in her cheeks. “I meant, what did you think about Eric during the service?” Lacey pointed up to the sound booth's window at the rear of the sanctuary. During the service Randy had warned her not to be distracted by watching people, but she couldn't help it. “I had an unfair advantage. Every once in while, I looked at Eric from up there. It's really quite a different perspective from so high. I could see what everybody did for the whole length of the service. Eric seemed to be really paying attention.”

“What were you doing up there?”

“Last week they had a guest speaker, but this week Randy couldn't leave the booth because he had to do the PowerPoint for the pastor's sermon, so I stayed up there with him. I could see everything from up there.”

Susan shrugged her shoulders. “I thought Eric was paying attention to the pastor, but I don't know what he was thinking. I'll have to see later this evening if he wants to talk about it.”

“So far so good, then.”

Susan turned again to the stage, where Eric was shaking hands with Adrian. “Last night I didn't want to ask in case the kids were listening, but today it's killing me. I have to know. How was your date last night?”

Lacey gritted her teeth. “It wasn't a date.”

“No, you're right. A date would have been just dinner. You spent all day with Randy, too. What did you do?”

“We went swimming for the afternoon. Then we went out for dinner.”

Susan's eyes widened. “Swimming? And you're still together? I'm even more impressed. Not only is he smart and funny, that means he's a gracious loser, too.”

“That's beside the point. Things between me and Randy aren't exactly what you're thinking. He's still an alcoholic, and I don't know what to do with him. We've both seen the same thing so many times with both Dad and Eric. Things go well for a while, but then something happens and everything goes right back to the way it was. I can't live like that.”

As soon as the words came out of her big mouth, Lacey immediately wished she could take them back.
She'd had those same thoughts for years, but never voiced them, especially not to Susan.

Susan's smile dropped, and her voice came out in a hoarse whisper. “I know. But this time, things are different. Eric has Randy to help him. You have to understand that Eric doesn't have any friends who quit drinking, because if they quit, they wouldn't be friends anymore. I'm sure there are lots of people out there who quit and don't go back. It's just that I don't know any of them. Except for Randy.”

Lacey wished that Susan would quit holding Randy up as a shining example of perfection at every opportunity. While six years was a long time at the present moment, especially compared to Eric's longest period of sobriety, which was thirty-nine days, the space of six years was dust in the wind compared to a lifetime.

“Hi. Did you miss me?”

Lacey spun around to see Randy, with Eric at his side, stopping to stand behind her.

Fortunately, Eric picked up Susan's hand and started to speak before she had to reply to Randy. “Randy's friend said that he'd show me a few things on the guitar so I could see if it was something I wanted to do. All I have to do is buy a starter guitar.”

Randy stepped closer. “I suggested that Eric put the money he would have spent at the bar into a special jar, and use that for the guitar. Then if he decides
he likes it, he can keep saving in the jar and using that money for lessons. Then it wouldn't really be an extra expense. That's what I did when I first quit drinking. It didn't take too long, and I'd saved up enough money to get my first digital camera.” He broke out into a wide grin, and his eyes sparkled with joy. “I've kept putting money in the jar, and I've bought some really neat things. My digital camera, of course, and the greatest DVD player. And you should see my new MP3 player. Right now I'm saving for a wide-screen television.” Randy's smile widened, and he reached to the clip on his belt. “Let me show you the latest thing I got with my jar money. This new cell phone. It does text messaging, documents, e-mail and takes great high-resolution pictures.”