Changing Tunes (8 page)

What luck when I walked in to Chemistry and saw her sitting in her seat, not paying attention to anything, or anybody around her, just looking straight ahead. There she sat, deep in thought, giving the professor her rapt attention. She stumps and intrigues me, this girl. Then, as if things couldn’t get any better, I’m paired with her as my lab partner. This could be a good, or a bad thing; she could prove to be a major distraction.

If I’m being honest, asking for her number was something I needed as her lab partner, but there is definitely more to it. When she thought I was hitting on her, which I wasn’t, really...I acted like a dick because her assumption pissed me off.  Well, I was pissed off for a number of reasons: one, obviously this kind of thing happens to her a lot; and two, the thought of another guy hitting on her. I have no ties to this girl, other than the fact she’s my lab partner, and yet, I was getting pissed off.

I certainly didn’t need to pull the ‘daddy’ card on her. I can tell she comes from money. You can see her designer clothes from a mile away. I may be a guy, but I’m not completely stupid. I’ve had girlfriends that wore designer labels, so I’m familiar with the look.

I felt so bad I had to run after her. She didn’t hear me call to her in the classroom, or if she did, she ignored me. I had to go after her. I didn’t want her upset; especially not because of me, and the way I acted.

I could tell she’d been crying when I reached her and felt like a total fucking heel. I don’t know what the hell it is about this girl that affects me so much, but man, she does. I wanted to grab her and pull her into my arms, and tell her how sorry I was, but when she said it wasn’t about me, I halfway believed her. There’s certainly more to her than meets the eye. I just hope whatever it is doesn’t mess with my plan.

I have to keep to my plan, to stay at arms-length from everyone, and keep my nose in my books. Nobody’s going to pay this guy’s way. I’m on my own here, and I can’t fuck up my future, especially for a tall blonde that makes me go all caveman, wanting to protect her and tell her everything is going to be okay, without even knowing who she really is.

I’m stickin’ to the plan.

Mac texts me when I’m almost home, saying she’ll be there shortly and—the best part—she’s bringing dinner home.
Holy hell, how lucky am I?

After the suckage that was my day, I’m looking forward to Mac getting home. How odd that, in just a few days, I already can’t imagine her not being here with me. She accepts me and doesn’t know my past. She brings a light into my darkness. I’ve never thought I was in the dark until this very moment. But it’s true. My so-called life isn’t the greatest, and I don’t have much to look forward to, but Mac, she brings something into it that makes it lighter. It doesn’t feel as hazy and miserable with her in it.

I walk down the hallway towards my front door, and I see Austin and a couple other guys chatting in the hallway.

What is it with hallways?

My plan is to continue walking and ignore them, but I’m spotted almost immediately. “Hey, beautiful.” Austin says.

“Hello, Austin.”

I still intend to walk on by, but my plan is thwarted by the guy next to him.

“Hi, I’m Nick.”

I sigh and, trying to be the nice girl, smile, “Hi, Nick, nice to meet you.”

“Aren’t you in my English class? Professor Forrester?”

Shit fire and light a match.

If the floor could have swallowed me up, I’d let it.

“Yep.”

“You sure made quite the impression on him, as well as a few others in the class, me included.” He sneers with appreciation, chilling me to the bone. He doesn’t hide looking me up and down, and back up again.

“I have to go.” I say, trying to escape. Unfortunately, Nick doesn’t get it, and isn’t taking the hint.

“I think our esteemed professor has a thing for our girl Ashley.” He directs to Austin. Austin isn’t as dumb as I first thought because he sees my discomfort.

He looks at Nick, “Quit being a dick, dude. You know we’ve only heard rumors, and Ashley’s too smart to get involved in that kind of shit.”

Now I’m intrigued, and a bit concerned. “What are you talking about, Austin?”

He looks uncomfortable, but answers, “There’ve been rumors of girls throwing themselves all over Professor Forrester. Nothing has ever been proved, just rumors.”

I decide to squelch these rumors immediately, especially not knowing what kind of game Nick is playing. “Look, I’m not that kind of girl. I don’t date, or throw myself at, my teachers. Never have, and I never will.”

Austin punches Nick in the arm. “Asshole!”

Nick hollers and rubs his arm. I throw a grateful smile to Austin, mouth a thank you, and continue on to my door. Once there, I open it, throw my crap down and launch myself onto the couch.

I rub my temples with my hand, trying desperately to ease the beginnings of a headache, as well as trying to contain the tears threatening to escape, again. This time, I allow a few to trickle their way down my face, too tired to fight them anymore.

I think of what Austin just said about Professor Forrester, and my intuition when he’d looked at me. I wasn’t crazy after all. I think about Zeke and wonder why my thoughts seem to veer back to him. And, unfortunately, I think about my dad and the lack of feelings he has for me.

It isn’t long before my eyes drift close, and for a change, it isn’t dark chocolate-brown eyes I see, no, it’s the eyes that look almost exactly like my own. I see my mother and me, and try to remember what it felt like to be held, like I was something precious and dear. My thoughts are interrupted with the door opening and closing.

“Did I wake you?”

I sit up, “No, I was just thinking of my suck-ass day.” I smell the food wafting from the bag she’s holding and change the subject. I don’t want to think or talk about it anymore.

“Smells so good.” I say, my mouth-watering.

“I thought we might need a pick me up dinner after our first day of classes.”

I love how this girl thinks.

I stand up, grabbing some plates and utensils while Mac pulls the take out containers from the bag. We sit down at the table and talk the entire time, like two people that have known each other longer than the few days it’s been. I laugh and it’s genuine, and I’ve never felt more accepted. My phone buzzes and I get up to grab it hoping it isn’t the Warden. To my surprise it isn’t. It’s a number I don’t recognize until I read the message:

Hi, this is Zeke and now you have my number. Just in case you may have thrown it away because of my douchebaggery. I’m sorry again. I hope you have a good night and I’ll see you on Monday.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Mac says. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s just my new lab partner, Zeke.”

“Zeke, huh?” She says teasingly. “What’s he like, and more importantly, what does he look like?”

“Um, let’s see. He’s tall, dark and geeky-hot.”

She laughs, “Geeky, huh?”

“No, he’s not geeky,” I laugh. “He looks smart and he wears black rimmed glasses, and he’s got a nice body, as far as I can tell, anyway.” I place my finger on my lip and tap gently while I think. “Oh, and he wears Chuck Taylor’s.”

“That’s a point in my book,” Mac laughs. “He sounds hot, though.”

I think hard before answering, “He really is. He’s got longer dark brown hair that curls around the edges; he has one hell of a tan going on. But his eyes, his eyes are like dark chocolate.”

Mac looks at me and says, with all seriousness, “Even with his glasses on, you could see how dark his eyes were? Damn girl, you must have gotten close to him to notice such detail.”

I must be blushing, “I’ve maybe, possibly, ran into to him by accident, so I didn’t have a choice but to notice.”

“Do you like him, Ash? It sounds like there may be some interest there, especially if he just texted you. Me thinks it may go both ways.” She winks at me.

I chuckle nervously. I can’t even imagine, and I don’t think I can, or will, go there. The Warden would skin me alive if I let anyone, or anything, distract me from my studies.

Shudder the thought; insert sarcasm.

I honestly don’t need any distractions. Plus, I can’t imagine someone of the male sex seriously wanting to spend time with me; or wanting me for me. Most just want to do things to me.

I excuse myself, and veg out in my room for a few before going to bed. I don’t have class on Tuesday, so I’m going to spend it re-reading the chemistry chapters and my notes.

I’ve become a very unexciting person. Miranda would be completely embarrassed by me. It’s sad, but the thought makes me laugh. How is it, in such a short time, Mac is a better friend than Miranda ever was? I think about my past behavior and I’m floored beyond belief.

I never want to be that person again. I never want to pull those stunts, and be the girl who would hit on another girl’s guy. I refuse to be the old Ashley. I look at myself as new and improved; or at least trying to improve. I’m not her anymore. My mind briefly drifts to Professor Forrester, and what the old Ashley would have done. I wouldn’t have given two shits about him being a teacher. I so would have gone there. I’m ashamed, and that’s how I know I’m not that person anymore. That’s how I know I’m different.

I haven’t been the same since the night, several months ago; although, it feels like a lifetime ago. I shudder when I think about that night, but I’m thankful it was a better outcome for me. It could have been bad, oh so bad. Thinking about my past, and all the shame I feel, makes me break. I finally let more than just a few tears flow down my face. I realize sometimes, it’s okay to let it all go.

I decide this weekend warrants another outing and a release. I need to be in control, if only for a little while.

I got back to my dorm room, grateful my roommate, who I know absolutely nothing about, is not there. Lucky for me, he spends all day, and most evenings, gone. I think he actually has a girlfriend he stays with most nights. It doesn’t bother me, quite the contrary, in fact. It’ll give me a chance to study without any interruptions.