Chaos (24 page)

“I don’t know what to do. At a family celebration.” Flynn
looked as young as he was.

“You don’t have to do anything. Just be there and go with
the flow. Growing up, whenever Jordan or I did something that they were
particularly proud of we always went somewhere special. The one who caused it
got to choose the restaurant. It didn’t matter that we went out other times for
no particular reason. It’s just the idea of the dinner being declared special
that made it different.”

“Where do I pick?”

“It’s up to you but I always liked to go to The Mill. It
really was an old grist mill and the waterwheel is still there. They have it
turning and the water is running, so it was always fun watch. Even though I
knew it was controlled, I always half expected it to go haywire and splash the
people closest to it. They cook the steaks over an open fire so they taste
really good. There’s also a more relaxed place that makes great burgers. Or, if
you want to go fancy, there’s a place not too far out of town. They make stuff
with lots of sauces and always have a huge selection of fish. Or you could do
what Jordan did once and take us to the bakery for cake and hot chocolate.”

“I think the first place,” Flynn decided uncertainly.

“We don’t have to go anywhere if you’d rather not. We could
run out for sandwiches and have a picnic on the deck if that would make you
more comfortable.”

“It’s okay. I just didn’t expect this. I guess there’s more
to this family stuff than I’ve seen so far.”

“Oh, Flynn, you don’t have any idea what it can be like yet.
My family, our family, is truly the best. Good things are celebrated. Problems
are discussed when you want them to be. Moral support is offered whether you
think you need it or not. Being part of this bunch means you never have to be alone
if you don’t want to be. If you want to talk about nothing, they’re here. If
you’re sad, they’re here. If you call in the middle of the night, asking for
help with a kid who is in a gang and was told to kill you, they help. If
someone makes you happier than you ever have been in your life, they’ll be
happy with you. And if the woman you want with you always breaks your heart
beyond repair, they’ll be here to help pick up the pieces. No matter what,
Flynn, this family will be here to share everything with you. You’ll get the
hang of it.”

“I’m not sure about that. It’s kinda weird. I don’t know
what to do most of the time.”

“That’s what’s great about being part of a family who cares
about you. You don’t have to do anything. Or you can do everything. I think
you’ll find that it’s nice to be part of this group.”

“I keep thinking you’ll change your mind. Or they’ll make me
go away so I don’t mess up your life.”

“Not a chance. You said I got to keep you as my own and you
don’t go back on your word. Just relax and let Mom make a fuss over us. It’s
not worth the energy to try to stop her once she’s on a roll.”

“Did you decide?” Rose asked when they ventured downstairs,
noticing that they both changed into nicer clothes than they had been lounging
in earlier.

“Dad told me about some place called The Mill. Is that
okay?” Flynn was frightened when Rose buried her face in Danny’s chest, crying.
“I’m sorry. We can just stay here.”

“Sh, Rose, you’re scaring our grandson. Ignore her, Flynn.
She’s just overexcited to hear you call our little boy Dad. It’s a big day for
all of us.”

“You sure you don’t mind that I’m old? And, well…” Flynn was
trying to do what Shane encouraged and talk to his parents too.

“I never want you to think that again,” Rose said fiercely.
“I could tell how precious you were the first time Shane mentioned you. You are
our first grandchild. You will always hold a special place in my heart. It
doesn’t matter that you’re just coming to us now. Or what your life was like
before. The important thing is that you’re ours. What makes this even more
wonderful is that you are choosing to be part of this family. You could have
asked Shane to turn you over to the state and picked out anyone else but you’re
staying with him instead.”

“I don’t think anyone else would want me.”

“Nonsense,” Danny chimed in. “You’re an exceptional young
man. Most would be proud to have you. Flynn, don’t let your previous
experiences with clueless people influence the way you regard the rest of us.
We’re not all as foolish as they were. Some of us know a prize when we find
it.”

“Are you people real?” Flynn asked.

“Yep.” Shane laughed. “I called Jesse while you were
changing and he said he’ll be here with the paperwork in a few hours. Let’s go
eat so you can see what a family celebration is all about.”

“We’ll just be a minute.” Rose rushed Danny upstairs to
change.

“He’s coming tonight?”

“Flynn, I asked him to start preparing the papers before we
left the first hospital. I didn’t want any delays if you decided you wanted
this. We don’t have to sign them tonight if you don’t want to. You can still
change your mind. I can continue to be your guardian if you have any doubts.”

“You’d really let me do that?” Flynn was amazed by Shane’s
offer.

“I would hope it was only temporary but, yes. I told you
this was your decision. What I want, what my parents want isn’t nearly as
important as what you want. I’m not going to toss you out if you decide not to
be my son. You’re eleven. I have seven more years to legally become your
father. It already feels like I am to me. I don’t need the papers if you don’t
want them.”

“I used to think I had the worst luck in the world. Do you
think I was just saving it all up for now?”

“Maybe. Jordan is always saying that things happen for a
reason. This might be what he meant when he used to tell me everything had a
purpose.”

“So me watching Alyssa and you yelling at her is all part of
some cosmic plan shit?”

“How old are you again?”

“Do you think she’ll end up with us?”

“I hope so. We’ll have to wait and see. I haven’t told Mom
much about her yet.”

“I won’t say a thing. I’ve noticed that she is a little
bossy when she wants you to tell her something. He’s a lot calmer.”

“Exactly. Not that I’m hiding Campini from Mom. I’m just
waiting until I’m more sure of the situation.”

“She asks lots of personal stuff.”

“Always did too. Don’t let Dad fool you. He’s just as
concerned as she is but he goes about it in a different way. He’s generally
easier to talk things over with but both of them would do anything they could
to make your life better. If I’m not here and something comes up, don’t think
you can’t go to one of them. You’ll learn which handles what things best over
time.”

“Giving pointers on the grandparents already, Shane?” Danny
rejoined them.

“No, sir. He was just telling me that I’ll be okay with you
when he goes tomorrow.” Flynn jumped to Shane’s defense, causing Danny to
chuckle.

“You certainly will,” Danny said. “Rose and I taught this
boy everything he knows. You’re bound to be more comfortable with him because
you know him better but I hope you’ll find that we’re acceptable too.”

Flynn swallowed the lump that formed when he saw the open
caring on the older man’s face. “I saw a movie once where the kids called their
grandfather Grampa. What should I call you?”

“Whatever makes you most comfortable. I know it was a big
step to call Shane Dad. You can stick with Danny for now if you want to. Grampa
will be wonderful when you’re ready.”

“Why are you all so nice to me?” Flynn was overwhelmed.

“Because,” Rose heard his question and slid her arm around
his waist, “you’re worth it. You should have always had nice in your life,
Flynn. You deserve better than you had and lived with things you’re too young
to know about yet. We can’t make up for your past. We can promise you a better
future. Now give me a hug and tell your grandmother to stop being a foolish old
woman before I cry again.”

Flynn timidly wrapped his arm around her. “Grandma, you’re
not foolish and certainly not old.”

With that Rose was unable to stop the tears that had started
when Shane first gave them the news. Danny nodded to Flynn as he pried Rose
away from the boy, letting him know he had said the perfect thing. He could see
that Shane was proud of him too for that one little gesture.

“Chris, I don’t know what to do. I hate the way I’ve been
treating Shane but I can’t seem to stop myself. It’s like I’m forcing him to be
the stranger he was months ago. What’s wrong with me?” Alyssa had asked Chris
if they could ride alone and talk for the afternoon.

“Nothing’s wrong with you. You need to go home and spend
time alone with your man.” She held up her hand to stop the protest before it
started. “Stop kidding yourself, Alyssa. Shane is your man and not just because
he says he wants to be. I’ve seen you talking to him, remember? You look like a
woman in love who misses her man and aches for his touch. Why are you fighting
this so hard? He seems like a genuinely good guy.”

“He is. I don’t know. I never expected to find someone like
him. And I wouldn’t have ever guessed that he’d actually want me. I didn’t
think love really existed for someone like me.”

“You keep saying that and I’m afraid I don’t understand.
What is someone like you?”

“Independent. Self-sufficient. Set in my ways. Unyielding.
Cold.”

Alyssa stopped when Chris started to laugh. “You are such a
silly girl. Tell me, do you consider me independent? I’m self-sufficient and
ruthlessly stubborn when I’m determined.”

“Yes but…”

“But nothing. Do you get the impression that Brian loves me?
Do you think having Murray impacted my life? Alyssa, you’re a woman who, for
some reason, tries to hold yourself apart from life. You’re certainly not cold.
Cautious perhaps but never cold. Murray loves you. Children aren’t wrong about
character. They don’t know how to play that game. Why won’t you give yourself
the freedom to take what life is offering you? Men like your Shane don’t come
along every day. What’s keeping you from going for the whole shebang? What are
you afraid of?”

“How do you stand it when Brian is in the first car and a
tornado turns back toward him?”

“I can’t but I’m not willing to forfeit all we have because
something may happen one day. You can’t live your life hiding from the
what-ifs. Think of all you’re letting pass by while you’re worrying about
something you can’t control anyway. We’re all going to die one day. Some of us
sooner, like your friend, some of us later, like my great grandmother who is
about to turn ninety-eight. Would you be happier if you’d never met that boy?
Do you really want to spend your life without that man loving you?”

“No,” Alyssa whispered.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you this but he’s been calling
Brian.”

“What?”

“To make sure you were safe. Don’t be mad at him, honey. He
cares about you and hates that he’s not with you. He just wanted Brian to
reassure him that you’re well away from the funnels since you aren’t telling
him much these days.”

“I can’t believe he called.”

“You should be flattered. He didn’t want to smother you with
his concerns so he did the next best thing. Brian was impressed.”

“I’m such a bitch. He’d be better off with someone else.”

“Stop being so stupid! That man loves you. How can you even
suggest that? Love isn’t something you decide on. He didn’t wake up one morning
and say to himself that it would be a good day to fall in love with Alyssa
Campini, any more than you chose to love him. You do love him or am I wrong?”

“I do. I hate it but I do.”

“Why do you hate it? It’s the best feeling in the world if
you let it be. Sometimes I’m so consumed by the way Brian overwhelms me that I
think I’m going to lose myself. Then I see the same thing in his eyes and I
know that’ll never happen. We add to each other. My life is so much fuller with
him in it. I would never go back to what I considered freedom before I met him.
Sharing things, knowing we’ll be there for each other, is the real freedom. I
can do anything and still know he’ll be with me at the end of the day. That
gives me internal power that I can’t begin to describe.”

“But what if I screw up? What if he ends up hating me?”

“What if you don’t? What if you find the always changing,
forever kind of love? I won’t lie to you, Alyssa. It’s not easy. We argue and
say awful things and stomp away from each other. But we both know that we’ll
always head back to each other after we cool off. It takes work, hard work,
constantly but I wouldn’t give it up for anything.”

“I wish I had your confidence.”

“I can’t believe you said that. You ooze confidence. Why
aren’t you charging fully into this like you seem to do in other circumstances?
Frankly, I’m surprised that you’re so insecure.”

“My dad is a Marine. I remember how awful it was when
someone would die and they’d come to tell the family. I never want that to be
me.”

“So instead you’re going to spend your life isolated and
alone. It’s your life but personally, I’d rather take my chances with the
future and spend the present with the man I love. If he dies tomorrow, I’d be
devastated but I still wouldn’t miss out on what we have today. Maybe you
should be thinking of what you could have instead of what you could lose. If
you reject Shane you already lost it all anyway.”

Alyssa sat silently, pondering all Chris had said. “What a
fool I am.”

“Only if you don’t do something to fix it. You have plenty
of photos. You’re probably already done here but you should stay with us
another few days. We’re almost to the best town around. They have a Fourth of
July town picnic that is so much fun. Murray gets so excited that I haven’t
told him we’ll be there tomorrow. Wait until he finds out. He’ll tell you
stories nonstop for hours if you let him.”

“I’d like that. You’re right. I do think I have enough. I’ve
been afraid to go home. I know we have to talk about the Kid but I don’t know
what to say.”

“You will once you start talking. We’ll book your ticket for
the fifth. We’ll use the picnic as your going away party. Follow your heart on
this one. Stop thinking and let yourself feel. You deserve to be happy so stop
hiding from it.”