Chaos (37 page)

"But Licht is light …"

"There must be light to give people the shadows they crave. If people do not know light, they do not appreciate darkness. But if the light shines too brightly, they flee to their precious dark. Even your Sasha came here to the land of shadows because it was a way to escape the stifling heat and light of Pozhar. He was Tsar, he was favored by a god and loved by many across the whole world, and he is the child of chaos. But he was not truly happy until his memories were snatched away and he lived in darkness."

David closed his eyes and did not fight when Teufel pulled his head down to rest in the hollow of Teufel's shoulder. His tears fell against Teufel's skin, which smelled like incense and shadow blossoms instead of like rotted meat as it had before.

"Were you not happier, sweet David, before the light drew you out and took everything from you?"

He shook his head because he'd had that fight with himself before, hadn't he? "Sasha—"

"Was never meant to be here. He tore apart your world—everyone's world. Chaos is what destroyed everything, by being uncaring, by being unable to care. Chaos is chaos and cannot be anything else. Sasha is a child of chaos. He will never stay and settle into an orderly life. The brilliance of chaos would have called him back to Pozhar eventually."

"He promised—"

"So did your parents, so did Reimund. Everyone makes promises, but even the gods break them. Licht made the same promises to me that Sasha did to you. But here we are alone, their promises in shards at our feet. In the dark, the truth always comes out. Think of all that has gone awry since Schatten was cut by the jagged edges of chaos."

Helplessly, David did, remembering the way everyone had been nice to him, the way Killian would later come and tell him of all the things they said when he wasn't around. How much worse the gossiping behind his back became after he started nursing Sasha back to health. How cold they had turned once Reimund was no longer there, how much more they disliked him when Sasha was there. The way the sorcerers were meant to protect, but would beat a man simply for being jostled in a crowd. He remembered the way the caravan had broken out in a fight just because they had no guidance and how eager they had been to keep him when he'd lashed out at them, made them behave.

As the thoughts and memories overwhelmed him, he clung tighter to Teufel, scarcely aware he did so, desperate for any sort of grounding as he battled his own mind.

"Without chaos running loose," Teufel said softly, "there would not have been nine hundred years of misery. No sacrifices, no Vessels, no Roses, no Tragedy. All those events, all those deaths, all the misery of the world because of chaos. I would still be at Licht's side, still be beloved. You would be a young man happy in his little village, madly in love with your best friend, and eager to plan the life you would spend together. Instead, you are used by a lost Tsar eager to escape the mistakes of his past—mistakes that his presence caused because he is chaos and destroys everything he touches. If you want happiness, David, stop staring into the sun and let your eyes become accustomed to the dark. Stop being a coward and accept your fate."

David swallowed as Teufel urged him to lift his head and could do nothing as Teufel leaned up to kiss him. Whatever he'd expected—not that he'd expected Teufel to kiss him—it was not for Teufel to taste sweet and warm. Like fragrant tea with a generous amount of honey. His kiss was nothing like Sasha's. Teufel was firm, claiming—conquering. David felt like a battle had been fought, but it was over before he'd ever had a chance to find a weapon.

Then Teufel's kiss changed, turned soft and gentle, soothing as if he were relaxing in a rare hot bath, or a holiday where he got to sleep for a couple of extra hours beside the warm stove. If he had been conquered, the surrender at least was sweet.

As he was drawn deeper and deeper into Teufel's embrace, images began to pour into David's mind.

A beautiful man with a long fall of sun-gold hair sitting against a boulder, covered in bruises and blood, clothes torn. Despite his obvious pain, the man had the most beautiful smile.

~

The sheets were soft against his back, but Licht's skin was softer still, his lips like silk as they slid across his body. Licht was almost too hot to touch, but that heat was so very satisfying as it pushed inside his body and claimed him.

~

His new form was strange, but in a good way. And the way Licht looked at him had not changed, except to strengthen in potency, and that was all Stefan—no, he was Teufel now—wanted as he was pulled into Licht's arms and given a hungry kiss.

~

Licht looked at him, but never saw him. Not anymore. Not unless Teufel was atrocious, did something wrong, made him angry or jealous. He hated it, but he would rather have Licht's anger than be forgotten entirely. Why was he no longer good enough when his love for Licht still shone so brightly? Why could Licht not see it?

~

Dead. He screamed in agony, the power behind it making all of Schatten suffer with him. Licht was dead and he had left Teufel behind—had not even said he might be going to his death and told him goodbye. No longer loved him enough to do even that.

Despair overtook him and turned to hate. If Licht wanted order, then he would have it, and the whole world could suffer with him.

Teufel opened his eyes, stretched and flexed in his new body, settled into it. He was pleased to finally be back in a body that was worthy of his power, would sustain him for centuries instead of mere decades.

He stepped over the husk of Killian's body and knelt in front of the Essence pool, scooping up handfuls and drinking them, adding strength to his body, preparing himself for what he must do next. Rising, wiping his mouth, he left the Essence chamber and headed back to the sanctuary to sacrifice the child of chaos and cause such a state of disorder across the world that it would be easy to take back full control of it.

When he entered the sanctuary, he glanced at the frozen halves of his Priest of Night and Day, who had betrayed him nearly as deeply as Licht. He was still pondering a suitable punishment, but he supposed there was hardly a need to rush the decision.

Dismissing them, he turned to the altar—and nearly fell to his knees, struck by pain and longing and a thousand memories he did not want.

David saw the look in Sasha's eyes, but was not sure what it meant. Before he could think longer on it, Sasha's mouth covered his. He drew a sharp, startled breath, excitement and heat rushing through him as he realized that Sasha was kissing him.

But then Sasha started to draw back, and in dismay, David leaned in, chasing after him, lips landing clumsily on Sasha's again—but apparently that was all Sasha needed to take back control. His lips were warm, slightly chapped, but moved with knowledge and, David suspected, real talent as they tasted and explored David's.

He kissed back shyly, awkwardly, hoping fervently that he was not doing a horrible job of it. His body was too hot, felt too big for his skin, and he mourned when Sasha finally drew back. He stared at Sasha, still not quite able to believe what had just happened. "You—you kissed me."

Sasha laughed and did it again, and the joy of it nearly made David dizzy. Kissing back was easier the second time, though he struggled briefly with his hands before he finally settled them cautiously on Sasha's shoulders. He curled his fingers into the fabric of Sasha's shirt as their mouths slid together. David wondered if Sasha was going to go further than kisses and wished suddenly they were not in the middle of the Shadow Forest and practically buried in snow.

~

Stefan flushed at the look on Licht's face, scarcely able to believe it really was Licht who stood before him—had been Licht the whole time. What would a god see in a simple boy like him?

"You're beautiful," Licht said, resting his hand over Stefan's heart. "Every thought, every emotion—you're the most beautiful thing I've ever encountered."

"You made me, lord."

Licht's mouth quirked in that way Stefan loved—amused and affectionate with a touch of tenderness. "I do not make anyone, not as you mean. I am merely in charge of seeing that chaos does not consume them."

"Then perhaps I was simply made for you," Stefan said shyly, hoping he did not presume.

"Whether or not you were, you are certainly mine now," Licht said softly and drew him in close, tilted his chin up and brushed a thumb across his lips. Stefan drew a startled breath, but before he could form words, the thumb was replaced by Licht's mouth, warm and sweet and tasting of summer.

Stefan clung tightly, kissed back heatedly, certain that he was exactly where he was meant to be.

~

Sasha's touch was dizzying, but the way he looked up at David through his lashes was very nearly David's undoing. Then Sasha took David's cock in his mouth and David thought he might expire in the best of ways. "Sasha, I can't—"

Sasha pulled off his cock to chuckle and pressed a kiss to one thigh. "Do you want me to stop?"

"No!" David burst out, then flushed at how desperate he sounded. "I mean—"

Sash nipped the soft skin of one inner thigh. David swore and writhed, not certain if he wanted more of that or for Sasha to stop. Sasha laughed again. "Do what you must, sweet, but say my name when you do it." He returned to his task, taking David deep into his mouth and light that was the most shocking—

David tried to hold back, make it last, but the heat of Sasha's mouth, the feel of it, the unreality of Sasha doing such a thing—and to him—was just too much. David came, letting out a ragged cry, fingers digging into Sasha's hair, skin hot with the realization that he had so shamelessly spent himself in Sasha's mouth.

He lay there panting as Sasha slowly pulled off his cock, heart kicking up another notch when Sasha crawled up his body, licking traces of David from his lips. David whimpered as Sasha kissed him, realizing the bitterness he tasted was himself. The thought made him moan.

Swallowing his nerves, suddenly desperate to do something in return, he loosed an arm from around Sasha's neck and reached between them to wrap one hand cautiously around Sasha's cock. Sasha startled in his arms and drew back. "Sweet, you don't—"

"I do," David whispered, hoping he was conveying that he did need to, possibly more than he needed to breathe.

Sasha closed his eyes, but the look on his face just reassured David he was doing the right thing. "Harder," Sasha said, then abruptly sat up to straddle David's hips. He wrapped his hand around David's, encouraged him to tighten his group, move his hand faster. Determinedly, David obeyed, eyes raking Sasha's body, landing on his face, addicted to the emotions that filled it, the fire that blazed in Sasha's eyes that said he very much enjoyed everything they were doing.

Then Sasha bent to kiss him, hard and deep, as he shuddered in David's hand, release spilling between them, and David had never been so pleased in his life. Eventually Sasha calmed and stretched out alongside him, held him close, and there was nowhere else David ever wanted to be.

~

Licht kissed him hard as he sank into Stefan's body. Stefan whimpered, clung to him, fed eagerly on his mouth as he was overcome with heat and need.

It had taken Stefan entirely too long to convince Licht to take things so far, to come to this after so many months of little more than kisses and teasing touches. He had exhausted himself convincing Licht that all would be well, that it was right, that there was no manipulation or advantage being taken.

That a god could love a mortal and a mortal could love a god without it all going wrong.

Every second of frustration was worth it as Licht drove into him, claimed him, his gold eyes blazing, beautiful, making the sun dull by comparison surely. Stefan clung tightly to him and let the light consume him, crying Licht's name when he finally came apart.

~

Sasha pulled him close and David went easily—gladly, soothed as always by the warmth of Sasha's body, how perfectly they seemed to fit together. "I'm so glad you're safe," Sasha said. "I saw that whip strike—"

"I saw you collapse," David replied. "I wanted to run back to you, but I had to keep running away. I don't like running away from you. I did that once—twice now. I don't want to do it again." He wasn't even certain what he was saying, but the words only made Sasha nod and draw him in for a kiss.

When they finally drew apart, Sasha said, "Wherever we run, we'll do it together, I promise."

David nodded, something in him easing, and he leaned against Sasha and just soaked up his warmth.

~

"I love you," Licht said softly. "I would never want any harm to come to you."

"If I come to harm, it will not be because of your love," Stefan said. "Without you, I would definitely die. Stop fretting so, my light, and just love me."

Licht took his hand and kissed the back of his fingers. "I do love you and always will. Perhaps my brothers know something after all."

"Perhaps you can show them how to do it properly," Stefan replied teasingly.

Snorting softly, Licht said, "You need rest before I show anyone anything. Come, let us walk. The blossoms are in bloom."

"They call them Licht blossoms, you know."

Licht made a face. "Flowers do not need to bear my name; they are beautiful all on their own."