Charlie and the War Against the Grannies (2 page)

What is a digital orphan?

A digital orphan is a kid who is completely ignored by his parents because they are always on their iPhones.

My parents are so interested in their iPhones they have lost all interest in me.

They take so little notice of me that I might as well not have parents.

That is why I am a digital orphan.

My parents don't talk to me. They are too busy chatting online.

My parents don't look at me. They are too busy looking at YouTube.

My parents don't love me. They can only ‘like' things now.

If I wanted to talk to either of my parents I would probably need to leave them a message on Facebook. I am not on Facebook. My parents and I haven't spoken for about three years. Since I was eight. It was really, very, super weird to begin with. Now I'm used to it.

I suppose.

I used to love going to the zoo with Mum and Dad. We always ran straight through the gate and over to the meerkat enclosure.

Sometimes we spent the whole visit just watching the meerkats.

The day after Mum and Dad got their iPhones I ran through the gate straight over to the meerkats while Mum and Dad sat down and immediately started checking their phones.

‘Mum. Dad. Come and see the meerkats.'

Mum looked up and smiled at me. When she smiled her cheeks lit up. Like two suns rising on either side of her nose.

‘Of course I'll come and see the meerkats,' Mum said.

Dad also looked up and smiled.

‘I wonder how you say “fart” in meerkat?'

They put their phones away and came to see the meerkats.

A few weeks later we were at the zoo again. Mum and Dad were sitting down checking their iPhones.

‘Mum. Dad. Quick. Come and see. A peacock is chasing the baby elephant.'

‘Just wait a minute. I'm watching something,' said Mum and she kept staring at her iPhone.

‘So am I,' said Dad.

Mum and Dad stayed sitting where they were.

Next time I went to the zoo, I went by myself. Mum and Dad were at home. Checking their iPhones.

After that I stopped going to the zoo.

I thought my parents would lose interest in their iPhones. I thought it was just a phase.

It wasn't a phase.

That's how I became a digital orphan.

So.

Mum and Dad were sitting in the living room. I needed to ask them something very important. Something I had wanted to ask them for ages.

‘Mum? Dad?' I said. ‘Can I get a paper round?' They didn't say anything. They were too busy on their iPhones.

If you are a digital orphan and you ask your parents ‘Can I get a paper round?' and they don't answer what they really mean is, ‘Yes, you can get a paper round.'