Authors: V.m Waitt
warmth was full, complete, and close. The kisses on my shoulder were faint, butterfly light, but full of emotion. The hand on my hip was gentle. To imagine Chase so realistically was a daydream of the cruelest kind.
“Elijah,”he said affectionately.
“Not real,”I mouthed, squeezingmyeyes shut.
Gasping, my eyes snapped open. I felt him, his feverish skin, his breaths on the nape of my neck as he murmured the words against me. TentativelyI rolled over, afraid whenI did he would be gone.
He was there, looking at me with stormy eyes through tawny locks of hair that had fallen over them. Lifting my hand, I traced the worried creases above his eyes before dragging my finger down the slope of his cheek and over his lips.
I needed to know if he was really there, if I was what he wanted. Before I could say anything else, he wrapped his fingers around my wrist, pulling my hand away and leaning forward to capture my mouth with his. It’d only been two nights without him, but it had felt like a lifetime. The second our lips met, I melted against him. Shifting onto my back, I pulled himwith me, letting his legs fall between my parted ones. His weight was solid and flush on me as his arms curled under my shoulders. Cradling my head, he swiftly rolled us until I was on top. Sensuously I circled my hips into his, crushing, hard kisses bearing witness to breathless murmurings. Our cocks rubbed vigorouslytogether witheachshift ofmybody.
There was a new kind of desperation in the urgent but delicate way we touched. We weren’t kissing for pure pleasure; we didn't fist hair or claw at skin in the needy way we did to come. Instead, each ghosting touch was a tangible good-bye. Each flicker of a tongue was marking a memory. Sadness, relief, even joy, all mingled, joining our hearts together ina wayI had onlyknownwithhim.
I worked my way down his body, kissing him along the way, memorizingeachcontour offleshand muscle. WhenI reached his erection I paused, looking up at him as I ran my nose along his length, taking a deep breath and filling my lungs with his scent. Continuing to his sac, I took one ballinto mymouthand sucked hard, pleased whenhe released a loud moan. One of his hands was on my shoulder while the other rested lightly on my head as I lavishly licked his balls, sucking until each one was thoroughly soaked and taut with need. His darkened eyes were on me as I pulled back his foreskin and dipped my tongue under it, swirling around the ridged head. I closed my eyes and concentrated on his flavor, wanting to remember it for the nights ahead. His taste grew stronger when his precome coated mytongue.
Opening my eyes, I found his full of the desire he openly expressed in them every night. I let him guide me up his body until our mouths met again, lingering and gentle, tongues reacquainting before he flipped us. I ended up writhing under him with my hands kinked in his hair. Then he was gone, leaving behind a wispy breeze and the pungent scent of sex. My chest constricted, partly in worry it had been a dream, partly in excitement because it wasn’t. I was trying to blink away doubt when he returned withhis bottle oflube. There was no hidingthe reliefI felt, and he gave me a guiltysmile inresponse.
Climbing onto the bed between my legs, he eyed me as he poured some lube on his fingers before he took a hold of my cock with his cool, slick fingers. While he stroked me with one hand, he nudged my legs farther apart and teased the sensitive skin of my entrance with the middle finger of his other, the brief sting melding with the pleasure as he eased it in and out of me. By the time he inserted a second finger, my head was thrashing back and forth. I pressed down on his hand while bucking up into his fist. My back arched off the bed, I sought more of what he was offering. Clutching the blanket with both hands, I brazenly fucked myself onhis fingers.
I peered at him through half-lidded eyes. The glow of the nearly full moon poured through the window behind him, giving the roomand hima celestial quality. His lush lips were parted, his eyes darting excitedly between his hands and my face, a flush all over his cheeks and neck from arousal. The burning anchored in my groin strengthened, and I was close to coming. It was too soon. I wanted our last time to be longer.
“Stop,” I demanded in a hushed tone. He waited, letting me calm before he released me and slid his fingers fromme.
“Need to be inyou, angel,”he pleaded.
I lay panting while he poured lube on his erection, spreading it around before grabbing my hips and pulling me so my ass was on his thighs and his cock pressed against my hole. Sitting back, he held his hands out to me.
“C’mere,”he insisted sweetly.
Taking my hands, he lifted my upper body untilmy legs straddled his lap. He wrapped one armaround my waist; his other stayed on my hip. I took his nipple between my index and middle finger, tweaking it lightly. His back arched and he moaned, his Adam's apple bulging. Enthralled, I watched his face as I repeated the motion to his other nipple. His reaction was just as intense. Before he lowered me onto his erection, he caught my eyes and held them, asking for permission. I would never deny him anything, but witha longkiss, I granted himwhat he needed.
“Are yousure?”he asked witha raspyvoice.
“Make love to me, baby,” I begged and drew himto me for another kiss.
His hands spanned my hips as he positioned himself under me. Slowly, he lowered my body until he was filling me. When he felt the resistant muscle, he stopped and waited for me to adjust. Dropping my head to his shoulder, I sighed and nodded. Gently, he continued to lower me and thrust up simultaneously untilhis cock was entirely sheathed inside me. Liftingmyhead, I wrapped myarms around his neck and kissed him.
His cock throbbed inside me and I began grinding onto him. Breaking the kiss, I held his rapt stare as I leisurely rode him, rolling my hips and pressing our chests together. Threading my fingers through the soft hairs at the nape of his neck, I breached the fraction of space and meshed mylips to his. He fought to maintaincontrol, holdingmysides and halting my movement a few times. Leaving one hand in his hair, I glided the other over his shoulder and down his back, skimming the toned muscles just beneath his satiny skin. When I began trembling, he paused and toyed withmydamp hair.
“What’s wrong?”
How could I tell himit was everything and nothing? It was a perfect good-bye, but that was the problem:it was good-bye. I never wanted the night to end. I wanted it to last forever. I knew he had come to me because I was leaving, because I was doing what he wanted. If I were to change my mind, he would still make me go. Never had I wanted someone to be more wrong than him right then, but as much as I wished for it, he wasn’t wrong, and I think that hurt most ofall.
When I looked into his eyes, the blue I often lost myself in, my breath left me in a forceful rush. I showed himeverything he meant to me, how much my life had changed since I’d arrived up on his doorstep, the defining moments of us, from the first tense meeting to a steamy Sunday night when he’d sought the comfort of my arms, to a hotel room where he’d exposed his heart and past to me for the first time. I tried to show our possible future: rides in the fields, winter nights cuddling, autumn and spring days planting, but the images were stunted before they fully developed.
It wasn’t that his eyes were stormy; in fact, they were clearer than ever before. It was what I saw in themthat stole my breath. The emotion that gave them light right then was one I’d seen in them often. It was the same light as whenhe spoke about Owen.
It was love.
I had to tellhim. He had to know I felt it too. “Chase, I lov—”
He stopped mywords witha savage kiss, suddenlyrealizinghis need and greedily going after it. Mirroring his fevered actions, I slid up and down on his cock. When I began whimpering into the kiss, Chase dropped a hand and gripped my erection, firmly dragging his hand over it. We were one again, in body, in heart, in every way that two people could possibly connect. Hands sought each other’s flesh, our tongues caressed, and yet there was something evanescent about what we were doing, somethingwords could not explain.
Strong arms wrapped firmly around me, and I knew it was more than my body he didn't want to let go. Ripping his lips from mine, he breathlessly moved over my jaw and down my neck. Lolling my head back, I gave himaccess and he took advantage, sucking the skin between his teeth and running his tongue over it before nipping it hard. I could practically feel the bruise forming and smiled at the thought of returning to school marked by him. Satisfied with his work, he placed his lips at my ear.
“You’re so beautiful,”he whispered.
I hadn’t even noticed he’d stilled until all I could feel was his hand around me. We continued with agonizingly slow movements for what seemed like hours untilwe could no longer containthe uncontrollable need to come. My head fell forward against his, our eyes meeting passionately. The sweet fire inside me built until it was raging and readying to spread. Chase pumped me faster, his breaths caressingmyear and neck.
“That's it, angel. Come for me."
“No,” I gasped, shaking my head, trying to quell the inferno he was igniting.
He knew what I liked too well, the right way to flick his wrist and apply just the right amount of pressure. The fire I’d been trying to delay roared through me, singeing every fiber and warming me from the inside out. Staringinto his eyes and baringmysoulto him, I came.
Placing our foreheads together, his hand left my hip when his arm went around my waist to support me as tremors wracked me. In his embrace, I shook, grunting as my cock released long ropes of creamy fluid, which spattered onto his chest and down his hand. Surges of pleasure hit me, enveloping me. Winded, I slowly caught my breath, the familiar tingling still wildly coursing through me. We were pressed together, his hand remaining on my cock while the cresting waves of my climaxfaded.
“Take me,”I mouthed against his lips, liftingmyass slightly.
With our lips together in a steamy kiss, he locked my legs around his and began to decadently thrust into me. I watched his face, the mixture of emotions ranging from base need to love flickering across his eyes as he neared his orgasm. One last buck and he stilled, keeping his cock buried as it twitched and filled me while we clung to each other, kissing gently. I clenched and released mymuscles, milkinghis climax.
“Onlyyours,”I vowed.
Right then, I could never imagine sharing myself with anyone else, but time might allow the piercing pain to morph into a constant dull ache, and if it did, and if I was ever physical with another man, I knew for certain he would merely have my body because my heart would always onlybelongto Chase.
He trembled and we kissed, neither of us wanting to move, but he eased me off his softening cock. We stayed just like that, completely in each other’s arms, sometimes loosely, sometimes tightly, but never out of touch. Hands skimmed damp skin, tangled in hair and grazed over muscles. His body spoke to mine in every way he’d taught me since our first night, and it was only himthat could heal the gaping hole in my chest, and he tried, he tried desperately.
Lyingdownwithhis face mere inches frommine, I was close enough to see the emotion, the one I’d never thought I would find, in his azure eyes. My hands were on his chest, one over his heart feeling it beginning to slow, and my other on his collarbone, my fingers skimming the protrusion.
“You need to go.” He uttered the words I dreaded. “I can’t let you stay. Maybe at first you’d love it here, but eventually you would wonder what you’re missing, and I can’t… I can’t let you grow to resent me because I made youstay.”
“I have everything I ever wanted here with you,” I countered weakly, but I knew it was alreadya lost argument.
“You’re too young to separate yourselffromeverything out there for me,” he stressed. “I won’t let you do that. You need to find what makes youhappy.”
“You,”I declared ina shakyvoice, “youmake me happy.”
Closing his eyes, he released a pained sigh. “You make me happy too, and these past few months you have filled a hole in my life I thought would always be empty, but you need to go. You need to find your own path, Elijah.”
While I knew he was my path, where I wanted to be, and would never resent him if I stayed, I would do as he asked. For him, I would return to school for one more year. He wasn’t telling me to stay away fromhimor never return; he just wanted my decision to be made with my head and not my heart. He knew I would do as he asked, and I always would.
“What time are youleaving?”
“Never,” I mouthed before saying, “I was going to leave before you got up because I didn’t think I could take seeingyou, but now….”
“Do youhave everythingyouneed?”he asked, ignoringmyplea.
I nodded. “I’ve got my stuff fromlast year, and I can get more once I’minBoston.”
“WillTrent be your roommate again?”
“No, I’mina single roomthis year. I requested one and got lucky.”I snuggled close, fitting my head securely under his chin. “I don’t want to go.”
“I know,”he agreed, his nose nuzzlingmyhair.
There was no more talking, no mentionofmymajor or classes or my dorm. There was only holding and caressing and kissing. We listened to the horses snort and nicker to eachother inthe barn, the heat bugs buzzin the grass, and our hearts, which seemed to grow louder with each wistful beat. Melding into each other in a mess oflimbs, we kissed untilneither of us could stay awake any longer. At some point, I rolled onto my back, and even in his sleep, he followed me, his head finding my chest, my hand findingthe silkytendrils ofhis hair.
though I refused to open my eyes, morning still came, its light filling the room. Chase’s head was still on my chest, his arm slung over my torso, his leg twisted between mine. Two people couldn’t get any closer. Not wanting to disturb him, I resisted the urge to run my fingers through his hair like I did everymorning.
In the end, it didn’t matter. I could tell from the rise and fall of his back he was already awake. Aheavy sigh tickled my skin before he lifted his head, placed a kiss over my heart, and then looked at me. His lids were low withsleep, but I could stillsee love fillingthe clear blue.