Chasing After Infinity (23 page)

But it was not Shannon’s target who rushed to catch her. It was Jason, my crush. He bent over to inspect her, helping her up as she stared blankly at him.
“Hey, you alright?”
He asked her, flipping his blond bangs off his face.

His friend and I stood awkwardly there while they got up and started talking. Shannon noticed me standing there. “Hey, this is my friend, Aven--” She tried to introduce us.

“Hey, want to dance?” Jason asked, cutting her off, barely giving me a glance. Right there, I felt my heart drop to my feet and it was like I was trapped in a glass bubble.
Wasted.
My pining after him, my endless daydreams, my hopes.

And for the rest of the dance, I stood near the edge of the dance floor, watching them dance.
Him holding her by the waist awkwardly as she swayed in his arms.
It was far from being romantic but watching the other couples dance around me was just too much. Back then, I thought that my heart broke.

And that was it. No more romantic imagined daydreaming. No more hoping for a white knight in shining armour. My quest for perfection had ended.

Adrian was the proof for that theory.
That there was no perfect prince coming to save me from my broken heart.

***
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Today is the first year anniversary of Mom’s death. My dad and I try not to mention anything relating to her at breakfast but the cloud over us doesn’t lose its grip on our hearts. There seems to be some kind of burden upon my shoulders as I enter the familiar halls of
Eiernhill
, losing myself in the whirlpool of bodies surrounding me. In a hollow thought, I wonder if I can ever forget her death. Act that everything’s okay again. Will the hurt ever cease?

Another girl waves at me and I try to plaster a smile back, ducking my head as I walk through the hall. I exhale deeply, getting in a big lungful of air. That’s it. Get a hold of yourself.

But thinking it is easier said than done.

As I’m sitting through the second half of English lit class, I have the intense urge to escape this humid, hot room. The heat from the AC filtering through the air vents overhead is making my head pound, sending shoots of aching through my brain. I stare at Mrs.
Kentworth’s
scraggly letters on the board and the way her arm flab shakes with each stroke of the dusty chalk. Sunlight streams through a closed window, lighting up every dust molecule in the dense atmosphere. Breathing in and out, I bite my lip.

Every other student around me is doing the worksheet or doodling absently on the margin but I’m doing nothing, just staring up at the ceiling.

The pulsing in my head is almost relentless. And then I submit to the appeal of escaping this class.

I raise my hand, interrupting Mrs.
Kentworth’s
flow of babbling. “Can I go to the bathroom?” I say quickly.

She peers at me through black glasses, straightening them. “Be right back.” Then she turns to the blackboard and starts writing notes on the board again.

Feeling free, I stand and make my way to the door, feeling my classmates’ eyes on me. Once out in the hall, I breathe a relieved sigh and surrounded by an unfamiliar sensation, I start to run.

Running down the open-aired corridor, to the bio lab, down the set of stairs to the eastern wing.
I surge out the back door of the school, gasping out of slight exertion.

I’m finally alone. I stare out at the mostly secluded parking lot and try to even out my breathing. Under the gray wintry sky, I slump against the school building, revelling in the feel of the fresh wind blowing against my skin.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Tucking my arms tightly around my legs, I bury my face into my knees. Feeling just like that
time
just after Mom died, I can barely feel my cold icy hands.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Why can I always find you like this?”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
My head snaps up and I look at him. He pushes himself off the wall, holding a half-smoked cigarette to his lips. His eyes flicker over me and I feel an involuntary flinch.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I don’t reply. I look at my shivering arms and try to keep them warm. If he’d sensed that I’m cold, Adrian makes no move to give me his jacket. He wears the same face from before: cool, sardonic with a tinge of amusement.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“A funny case,” he says in that lilting mocking voice of his.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I can only snap out at him. “Can’t you see that I just want to be left alone?” I say through gritted teeth.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Adrian tips his head back and laughs. He raises his eyebrow. “Someone is cranky today.” Cold sarcasm traces his words.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I grab my bag and get up, moving for the next door but his next words stop me in my tracks.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“You can’t escape forever, you know.”

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
“I might as hell try,” I reply crisply.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
He laughs again.

“What was that?” I snap, turning back to him.

Adrian smirks. “What was what?”

I look at him, feeling anger bubble beneath the surface. “Why are you acting like this?”

“This is me. I’m acting like myself.
A stone cold bastard.
Get used to it.” The same half-smile is on his lips. “I break people’s hearts.”

I see him and Lauren stumbling out of the closet again, in my mind, flushed and red. “What were you doing with her?” The words burst from my lips. Before I can take them back, he stares at me.

I stare back at him as the silence stretches onwards.

We’re both stiff. He says nothing.

“Maybe I should ask you the same thing.”

I shake my head, my nails digging into my palms.

Then before I can react, he has pushed me roughly up the wall, his eyes now dark and fiery, like a storm ready to unleash itself. Good. He’s mad too. His hands force me to the wall as he presses his body against mine. The intensity of the move, the feel of him makes my breath hitch.

“Get off me,” I seethe, pounding my fists into his chest but Adrian keeps me locked in place, so that his breath caresses my ear.

“Were you guys too rushed?’ He mocks.
“Too desperate to book a hotel room?”

I can barely stifle a disgusted snort. “What are you talking about?” Fury pumps through my head.
“A hotel room?
What kind of girl do you think I am--
mmf
?”

He moves against me, moving to kiss me. The moment where his lips meet mine hard and unyielding. He tastes of smoke and
lipgloss
—and I’m reminded of the scene earlier where he and Lauren got out of the closet together. Disgust fills me as I squirm in his arms.

He groans, fire burning in his voice. “You want
me,
you’re trying to hide from it.”

“No,” I try to bite the words at him but it comes out strangled.

I try to push him away but before I have to, he releases me.

His face is pale and his eyes are unfocused. “You still taste like him.” Pain is in his voice.

I try to put as much distance between him and myself, shaking. He’d just treated me like I was one of his whores.

Loathing is my voice. "Get away from me. I hate you."

He swallows and looks away, his breathing slowing. He pushes himself from the wall, still very pale.

Then closing his eyes and turning, he starts walking away, heading towards the parking lot.

"I hate you!" I scream again behind him.

Adrian stops for a moment, his back to me. “I’ve told you from the very beginning. You should.”

He keeps on walking, never glancing back.

chapter
nineteen

AVENA

I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.

How could he turn something good into something so sour? I want to scream at him, hit him, and tear his hair out. How could he make me like this?
Wild and out of control.

My mind keeps replaying to last week, that scene where he had pushed me against the wall and said those things to me. My mind keeps on flashing back to that.

God, how I hate him right now.

But Adrian is someone that is hard to erase, no matter how hard you try. His enigma existence breathes life into everyone at school and his name is whispered throughout the halls, from behind a closed palm, that is. He’s the type of person that should not be idolized, instead scorned on, but his looks and veiled charisma get him out of trouble. For
every girl he’d been with, the guys bet money on who he’s going to dump.

I’ve heard of him before I’ve even seen him. Girls bonded by swooning over his melting green eyes and tall, rugged body. The moment he stepped into school, he was knighted. The ones that he dates are the type of girls that I’d try not to associate myself with. Girls are attracted to his fame, appeal. Like he’d mentioned before, few of them are looking for something real in him.

The way that Adrian uses girls and tosses them out is so smooth that nobody even seems to mind that much---or maybe because his ex-girlfriends are too busy screaming and engaging in cat fights with each other that they forget to get mad at him.

But whatever the reason is, it’s enough to make most of the girls go crazy over him—whether it’s hatred or puppy love.

At lunch, I’m confronted with the question of where to sit again as Kara and Hayden
are
off somewhere again and the skittering of nerves races up my spine. Then I spot Blake and Valerie—two familiar faces. I start towards them before I pause; surveying that Adrian is sitting there too. Before I can turn away, Valerie looks over and sees me standing there awkwardly and immediately waves me over with a smile.

When she sees that I’m standing rooted to the ground, staring at Adrian
who’s
gaze is refusing to meet mine, Valerie comes over and grabs my arm, leading me to their table. I protest but I have no choice but to make my way over there, setting my tray on their table. I pick my seat near Valerie and am squished between her and Blake. Adrian inspects me over with a glance.