Chasing After Infinity (15 page)

“You’ve already gotten into enough fights,” I say dryly.

“Aren’t you even going to go after Michaels and make him delete everything?” His blue eyes are blazing with anger.

“There’s no point,” I say, stopping. A sigh curls out of my lips. “Everyone already sees me like this. There’s no turning back.”

Hayden touches my chin and lifts my face up so that I’m looking into his face. “You and I both know that you’re
not
a slut.”

I pull my head away. “Are you sure?” I say defiantly.

I break out of his arms, walking away to my civics class, needing some time to be alone for a while.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
By the time the class ends and
it’s
lunch, I’m tense. Without retorting to Anna’s pointed elbow push as we go out through the door, I bolt out of the classroom and set out to find Hayden.
To clarify things.

I browse the overflowing hallway, a sea of blue and gold colours. No sign of him anywhere. I turn sharply around a corner and walk down to the dining hall, feeling a mixture of emotions I can’t identify.

In the dining hall, I can’t spot either Hayden or Kara. They must be off somewhere else, but haven’t told me. A deep sinking feeling settles in my gut once I realize that I don’t have a place to sit.

After getting my lunch, I try to put on a brave face and look over my surroundings. A table full of girls in my English class are laughing and chatting, seeming mild and pretty nice. I take that as my opportunity and
march
towards them.

Their tittering immediately stops once I sit down with them. Their eyes land on me and I can feel their incisive eyes probing me. Nervousness twines its way through me but I keep on nonchalantly drinking juice.

“Hey, guys,” I say, trying to put up a smile, looking at their blank faces. “So what was the lit homework from yesterday? Do you remember?”

One of the girls, Kristen looks at me in distaste. “It was page 456 from the textbook.” Then as if they’ve sent each other some sort of telepathic message, she meets the eyes of the others.

Sensing frigidity, I try to warm up to them. “Well, what about--?”

Then as a group, all of the girls stand up, grabbing their trays and moving away. As they leave, I hear their whispers, “--The slut is not sitting with us” and “Wow, we’d probably get some sort of disease.”

Clenching my sandwich, I feel an overwhelming urge to grab it and throw it at their perfectly ironed straight hair. I swallow, trying to shove away my anger.

I bend over my lunch; feeling like everyone is staring at me and mocking me. The bitter taste in my mouth doesn’t fade. As I finish my juice, I get up to throw the can out, looking down as to not attract attention from the entire dining hall as I walk quickly to the exit.

Shaking off my loss of nerve and disgusted with myself, I speed down the set of stairs and around a corner, passing the quad where a few guys look up from their cars and whistling, calling out, “Hey, come here!” They make catcalls as I quickly pass and I walk faster, trying to get their voices out of my clouded mind.

My legs feel leaden beneath me as I fight the rising feelings in me. A couple of girls sitting on the steps start to whisper as I walk past, my ears catching the usual rumours spouting out of their perfectly polished lips. Hayden’s voice echoes in my mind.
Aren’t you even going to go after Michaels and make him delete everything
?

And suddenly, I’m so sick of it. I’m sick of feeling dirty, tainted.
Sick of the others looking down at me.

My hands now clenched, I veer the other way and start walking to the gym, throwing my backpack over my shoulder. Where I know he’ll be.

I’ve known that I’ll have to face the rumours for a while now but was always afraid to. This time, I’m not backing down.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I head into the gleaming auditorium, pushing open the double doors and seeing crowds of people either in the bleachers, eating lunch, or playing basketball on the courts. I set my glare towards the group of guys crowded around a basketball court, shooting hoops. Jeering and whispering skitter into the guys as they stop when they see me approaching. “We’re in the middle of a game,” one guy pointedly tells me but I pace past him.

My eyes are only on Graham. He’s stopped dribbling the ball and now holds it under one arm. His eyes are trained on me, cold and sly. “What are you here for?” He says, a slow sneer forming on his mouth.

“You know what.”

Playing dumb, he just curls his lips and watches me. “Well, I don’t know. Would you like to inform me?”

My voice is steely. “I want you to delete all of the pictures.”

“Oh, so is this what it’s all about?” He says breezily, laughing and turning away from me to resume his game.

My calmness shatters.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about,” I shout at his back, my nails digging into my fists. My yell has captured the attention of some of the people in the bleachers nearby as they stare. “You had no right to send those to everyone in this school!”

I hear whispers coming from the guys around us and one of them says, “So it was you?” and Graham turns around, his face flaming red.

“Shut up,” he says, swooping towards me, his eyes no longer amused but dangerous. His face suddenly resembles Brent, all the
evilness
revealed,
only targeting the fragile. Graham bends low to me, his hot breath on my face.

I wrench my face away. If Brent has sent him the pictures, then he must know about what had really happened. “You know that he got me drunk and it never actually happened—admit it! The pictures were just part of a ploy! Admit—“

“You need to watch your mouth, you little skank,” he spits out, stepping closer to me menacingly. This time, I won’t back down. I have to fight for my reputation.
My name.
It’s not a matter of who wins, but I need to do this. Hayden’s right.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
All this time, I was just afraid. Because what if I was really what everyone thought of me? But now, it’s crystal clear.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I’m going to fight for who I am.

“I’m not afraid of you,” I hiss, thrusting my face into his. “Tell the truth about what happened that night.”

Graham’s nose is to mine. “What’s your problem, huh? It’s already past. Get over it already!” He growls.

“You probably like staring at those pictures, eh?” I taunt him, stepping farther, my gaze unbroken.
“Because it fuels your urge to become a real man, right?”

There are a couple of oohs and snickers and Graham looks around, his face turning red. He knows that he’s being humiliated by a girl. I know that this will only make him angrier because of his ego. What I hadn’t expected was his next cheap hit. Catching me off guard, he throws the basketball that he was holding at my face in a quick motion. The ball slams into my left cheek with brute force, snapping my head to the other side and making me stumble backwards. There’s darkness, then blinding light as spots of colour pop up in my vision. Pain explodes across my cheek and I’m reeling over, tasting blood near my back teeth.

Suddenly, there’s havoc everywhere. As the haze moves away, I see the crowd around us, growing larger by the second as they stop and stare, strangely excited. The chant begins as one person begins to murmur and everyone joins in, “Fight! Fight!
Fight!”
The crowd looks driven to hunger, some shouting and calling while others are just
incalculusued
at what will happen next. They’re reduced to a mob mindset. I see that most seniors have gathered and most of them, like Anna, are looking pleased that I’m finally being put in my place.

“No one makes me look bad and gets away with it,” Graham growls over me in front of him. I can’t show that he’d hurt me, I can only spit in his face when it’s near enough.

He pulls away and angry, kicks me in the side.
“Bitch!”
He calls for one of his buddies and they hold me, struggling, while his fist comes crashing to me, catching me beneath my eye. A wound up fist comes at me again and I kick out at them, kicking out crazily at everyone trying to hold me down. I manage to elbow someone in the sides and there are groans. I’m caught in a tangle of bodies as his friends hit me, and somehow, I end up on the floor.

I’m trying to protect my head, crying out hoarsely, “Admit it—
“ A
shoe kicks me in the ribs, making me grunt. “Admit nothing,” I hear Graham’s low voice in the distance.

I’m thrown back against the wall and I droop down like a person with no bones, just jelly. The taste of my blood fills my mouth as my tooth cuts into my cheek. I can barely breathe now, all of my insides screaming in fiery pain. I’m nearly crying as I curl up on the ground in a fetal position, trying to breathe. The floor kisses my hot, aching cheek where I lie. Swearing and yells are in the air.

I try to get up but someone pushes me back down with their foot and I no longer have the energy to retaliate.

Then I hear my name.
“
Avena
!”

I crack my eyes open to see Hayden and Kara bounding to me, pushing aside all of the onlookers who watched. Hayden pulls his clenched fist back and hits one of the guys holding me on the nose, knocking him away. Kara looks like she’s nearly going to faint as she helps me up, getting blood over her shirt.

“We’re not done with her yet—
“ Graham
growls, grabbing Hayden.

Hayden snarls, “Yes, you are.” He attacks Graham, pushing him over and they tumble down to the ground, both of them growling like wild animals.

“What is this?”

Adrian comes through the crowd, his eyes narrowed. I look at the spin of faces, Graham stares at him and the others with similar shock. He sees me on the ground with Kara trying to have me sit up as a few people shift and my lips form the words but none come out.

Something comes over him and he turns to Hayden and Graham’s grappling. He pushes Hayden aside forcefully and within seconds, Adrian has forced Graham to the ground, his knee compressed into his back, his hands twisting Graham’s arms together as he grimaces.

“You were the one who did that to her?
The one who spread the pictures?”

Graham frantically shakes his head, wincing.

“I see.”

Adrian’s fist connected to Graham’s face quickly, the brute power behind it shown when I don’t look as I hear a sickening crunch and a low guttural groan.

When I open my eyes again, Graham’s clutching the lower side of his face, still groaning. Adrian shifts his hands to grab Graham by the front of his shirt.

“Get the hell out of here,” Adrian says bluntly to him and shoves Graham to the double doors. Mollified, Graham casts a hate-filled look at me, then scampers away as everyone erupts in applause. Funny how no one bothered to stand up for me but now that Adrian has intervened, everyone switches sides.

As Graham and his pack leaves, the crowd thins as well.

“Jesus,” Hayden says as he stares at me. “She needs to get to a hospital.”

“Losing too much blood,” Kara says worriedly.

“I’ll take her there,”
comes
Adrian’s voice. “I have my car parked near here.”

He slides his hands under my legs, hoisting me up. I try to wriggle out of his arms but he holds me too tightly. My face is against his shirt and again, I can smell his cinnamon-apple scent like acrid smoke in my nose.

Kara and Hayden watch me go, reluctantly, and I can only be carried out of the gym like a weak lamb.

My voice, raspy and bubbling with blood, finally works. “Put me down,” I say hoarsely. I refuse to be held in this bridal style way.

“If I do, you can’t even walk,” he replies curtly.

We pass the throng of people who was watching, girls who pursed their lips and tried not to look venomous. The noise level drops to a hushed level once we’re in the hall.

I look up at him, suddenly noticing how close our faces are. His green eyes are unsettled and stormy, outlined with dark lashes. Something in his face is tense, tenser than I’d ever seen him before.

I can feel the quick thudding of his heart through his dark gray shirt, chasing away the ghosts left over from my past.

“Thanks,” I mutter quietly.

His eyes meet mine. Everything drops away, the noise, the musty smell of the hall, the students whispering around us. It all just comes down to this.