Chasing Dragonflies (3 page)

“What?” She scrunched her brows, studying him.

“What are you thinking? You looked far, far away.”

Maddie sighed wistfully. “I don't know if I have a home Xavier.”

“Of course you have a home,” Xavier scoffed. “You can have the house. I have my place at the club. We'll speak to the lawyers and get everything sorted, you'll always have a home Madds.”

By 'the house' Maddie knew he meant their parents’ home. The house she had grown up in, the only house she had ever lived in. Could she go back there? Would she be haunted by the ghosts of her parents? The ghosts of her past?

“I don't know if I want to live there Xave',” she shook her head.

Xavier gave her a sad smile, drawing her into his arms. “We'll sort something out sis. Don't you worry, okay?”

For the first time in many, many years, Maddie felt safe and protected. She trusted Xavier and knew he would make good on his promise to care for her.

***

“Hi Maddison? My name is Cate, with a C. I am a clinical psychologist and I have been assigned to your case.”

Maddie eyed the middle aged woman up and down. She was plump, with greying brown hair and brown eyes. Nothing particularly significant about her. She held a clipboard in one hand and had the other extended for Maddie to shake.

When Maddie did not immediately take her hand, she pulled it back and cleared her throat.

“Do you mind if I sit?” she asked gesturing toward the chair near the bed.

Maddie really had no mind for a psychologist, what was it going to help? She wasn't the crazy one.

“Whatever,” she mumbled under her breath.

The woman made herself comfortable, and leaned her elbow on Maddie's bed.

“So, I have been sent here by your medical team and I will be working with you over the next few months.”

“I'm not crazy.”

“No one thinks you’re crazy Maddison.”

“Maddie.”

“Sorry?”

“Maddie...my name is Maddie.”

“Okay, Maddie. Now I understand it will probably be a little awkward for you talking to me at first, so let me explain how this works.”

Maddie nodded, she did not really care, but she was stuck in a bed, it was not like she could go anywhere. If she had learnt nothing else, it was that sometimes, you have to shut-up and make it look like you cared, whether you did or not.

“So anything you say in our session, will remain confidential okay? That means you can tell me anything you like, nothing is off limits.
However, I am obligated to
report the intention to harm yourself or someone else. I will also be obliged to report if you are to confess to a crime, to replay what you say, should I be called upon in a court of law, under oath. Do you understand?”

Maddie scoffed and glared at the woman. “I am not a criminal and I am not planning on murdering anyone.”

“Okay, so you understand and agree?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you like to tell me how you feel about being here in the hospital?”

“No.”

“Hmm...okay. Can you tell me how you feel about being away from where you have been for the last few years?”

“Six...six years. I have been locked in a room,” she looked around the one bedroom hospital ward. “About half the size of this one. For six years. How do you expect me to feel?”

“Well I expect that you are probably feeling a lot of things. I would like to explore those feelings with you.”

“Would you now?” Maddie looked hard at the woman. Why would anyone choose to do this job, she wondered. They must be nosey. Maybe they enjoyed hearing about other people's suffering. She wondered if it made them feel superior.

“Only what you feel comfortable sharing Maddie.”

“What if I have nothing to tell?”

“Well that's fine too. Let’s talk about how you feel about seeing your brother again after all these years.”

Maddie smiled at that. Seeing Xavier was one of the happiest things that had happened to her in many years. Her heart softened.

“I missed my brother so much.”

“Can you tell me about your relationship with Xavier?”

“Why do you want to know so much anyway?”

“I'm here to help you Maddie.”

“So you keep saying, but ever since I left the shed, everyone has wanted to ask me questions and what if I don't feel like answering them?” she snapped. She could feel heat rising in her body, her ears were burning and probably going red. Xavier would tease her when they were younger that her ears went red when she was upset.

The woman rose to her feet, “Would you like me to come back another day?”

“No...No I would prefer if you didn't come back at all actually.”

The woman looked around the room, then huffed out a sigh, “Okay. I am sorry for upsetting you, how about we try this again in a few days. Here is a card with my details, you can call me or have the staff call me any time if you change your mind.” She reached out and placed a business card on the bedside cabinet. Turned on her heel and walked out of the room.

“Good riddance to you,” she mumbled under her breath, glad to see the woman leave.

***

She was not left alone long. Within half an hour there was someone else at her bedside.

“Hi Maddison,” came a chirpy young voice. “I'm Lola.”

Maddie turned to see who Lola was and found a young, tiny girl, who looked barely old enough to be allowed out alone. She eyed her up and down, wondering why this child was in her room. She did not have to wait long to find out as Lola continued talking.

“I'm a physiotherapist here at the hospital and I have come to do some exercises with you.” This little pixie beamed down at her. Maddie struggled to see how this girl had even managed to finish high-school let alone university.

“Do I need exercises?” she asked dubiously.

“You have been in bed quite some time and prior to that, confined I believe?” she asked, cocking her head to one side, waiting for an answer.

Maddie nodded.

“So we need to build your muscle tone back up, and we need to do some work on getting your lungs working well again. First of all let’s start by getting you up out of bed.”

Maddie mulled over Lola's words, at least she was not pestering her for personal information and she could do with regaining a little strength as the months of being sick had left her feeling very weak. Lola moved to her side and wrapped her arms around the back of her shoulders, bringing her to a sitting position. Her tiny size was misleading, as she seemed to have quite a bit of strength in her thin arms.

Maddie sat with her legs dangling over the edge of the bed, feeling the familiar tingle of blood rushing to her toes. She gave them a wiggle before shifting her bottom to the edge of the mattress and pushing to her feet.

As her body weight shifted to her feet, she felt like jelly as her legs which once were strong, collapsed beneath her. Lola quickly grasped her shoulders and directed her backwards toward the bed, saving her from landing on the cold linoleum floor. She sucked in a breath, which made her cough. Pain stabbed into her congested lungs. Lola rubbed her back and whispered soothing words.

When the coughing subsided, Lola offered her a sip of water to soothe her throat. She was grateful for the coolness as it slid over her swollen and raw throat. After giving her a moment to catch her breath, Lola suggested they try again. This time using a funny looking contraption with arm rests and wheels, similar to something an older person would use. Maddie was horrified! Only old people use walking frames surely. But with Lola's encouragement, she figured she would give it a try.

Again slipping off the side of the mattress, her toes hit the floor and she reached out to grasp the frame steadying herself. Lola brought her hands to Maddie's waist to help steady her. She lurched forward, a sudden feeling of dread sparking low in her stomach as she thought she might fall flat on her face.

“It's okay, I've got you,” came Lola's squeaky voice. Maddie doubted Lola could stop anyone from falling. Sure she was thin and had lost so much weight she barely recognised herself, but she was still larger than this woman who was meant to be holding her up.

Pain radiated through her legs, working its way from her calves, up into her thighs. She winced at the feeling. Lola must have noticed and moved into her view.

“You okay? You can sit if you like?”

Maddie shook her head,
determined
to try a few steps. One foot forward, it was a natural thing, she had been walking for some twenty-five years, how hard could it be? Slowly she lifted and moved her right foot, it felt like she were wearing leaden shoes and she could not understand. Then she moved her left leg, again, feeling every sensation, like a burn radiating through her leg.

Taking several steps forward, she allowed her body weight to rest on the frame in front of her. Slowly she turned, using the frame. This was surprisingly not as hard as she had expected.

Almost at the bed, she lost her balance and felt herself going down. She yelled out in shock. She was powerless to stop herself tumbling to the floor. She waited for the pain that never came.

“It's okay, I've got you, it’s okay.” Lola had stopped her from falling. With her hand at the small of her back, Lola helped her regain her posture. She straightened and tentatively took the final steps back to her bed.

Plonking herself down heavily, she huffed. “Gosh who knew walking was hard?”

“You did really well, it won't
be long until you’ll
be running. Now let’s get you comfy and we can work on some upper-body exercises while you’re in bed.”

This was not so bad
yet
she was amazed at how much strength she had lost in the time she was ill. She had exercised while locked up. All those long tiresome hours, she had to do something to keep her mind from turning to mush, so she would do aerobic exercises for an hour each day. Just what she remembered from school sports classes, jumping jacks, squats, sit-ups, push-ups.

There was no way of knowing how long she had been sick. The doctors had said maybe five to six weeks. It had started as what she thought was a cold. Then one day, she woke and her head was thumping so hard she could not bring herself to get out of bed. Her dad had been angry at her when he came into her room and she had not showered. He had built a shower and toilet area for her after about six months of keeping her captive. He insisted she shower every day.
Unfortunately he had not been so vigilant about clean clothes, she had three pairs of pants and two tee's in the time she was there. She had long since given up on underwear when the elastic had given way on her only pair of underpants and her bra had almost literally fallen to bits. It was not like she was going out in the world, so what had it mattered anyway?

“There's my girl,” Xavier's voice dragged her from her memories.

She smiled up at him, then looked to Lola who was beaming at her brother. Ignoring Lola he moved to the side of her bed and placed a kiss in her hair.

“Lola, this is my brother Xavier,” she waved her hands between the two of them. “Xavier this is Lola my physiotherapist, we have just been doing some exercises.”

“Yes and she is going to do just fine,” Lola announced batting her eyelashes at Xavier. Maddie brought a hand to her mouth to cover a laugh. Only it caused her to start coughing again. Struggling for air, Xavier's strong arms moved around behind her helping her to sit forward as Lola rubbed her back. “I'm okay. It's okay, thank you,” she smiled at them both as she caught her breath again.

“Well I will go but I’ll be back tomorrow. Then we will get you up and walking again, okay?” Lola beamed at her and she could not help but think, that she was altogether far too cheery.

“Okay,” Maddie called to Lola's back as she walked out of the room.

“Up and walking huh?” Xavier said turning back to her.

“Well, I don't know if you can call falling on my ass up and walking,” she huffed out a laugh.

“Really?”

“Yeah, but I'll get there,” she smiled at her brother, reaching out to take his hand in hers reassuringly. “How's Asha doing?”

Xavier huffed out a sigh, “She is getting better slowly. A little too slowly for my liking.”

“What's going on with her?”

“She has a nasty infection in the wound in her belly. The doctor said she should have had antibiotics straight away, but she didn't,” he looked away from her, suddenly finding something on the floor very interesting.

“It's all my fault isn’t it?” she asked. Trying to catch his eye.

“No. No of course it's not, don't talk like that.”

She looked out the window, there were children playing on the grass outside. Her mind wandered to the children she may never have. Her and Tom had talked about having a houseful one day. Now it seemed that ship had sailed.

“Madd,” her brother called her name. She continued watching the children, facing the fact she was responsible for someone else's pain was too much to bear. “Maddie,” he said louder, “Look at me.”

She rolled her head against the pillow, back to meet his eyes.

“Nobody blames you for what happened to Asha.”

“But if it weren’t for me, she wouldn't be where she is now, would she?”

“If it weren’t for her, you would be dead Madds.” Xavier ran his hand over his unshaven face, he had been here since she had woken. Moving between her and Asha. This must be hard on him too.

“She should have taken the antibiotics. I know she gave me all the antibiotics, the doctors told me.”

“Yeah...yeah she did.” Xavier stood leaning over her. “If she hadn't you would not have survived. You would be dead.”

“But Mum and Dad would still be alive.” Tears welled behind her eyes, but she would not allow them to escape. “I was already as good as dead anyway. She should have let me go.”

Xavier's arms enveloped her and the tears came closer to spilling. She had trained herself over many years not to cry. Even though her dad was not here to be angry at her. It was a habit hard to break. When her dad was angry, he was scary as poor Asha had found out.