Chasing Forevermore (6 page)

I had no idea why that was the first thing that popped out of my mouth, but it was. Actually, I did. It had been bugging me since I received Miranda’s text and had festered the entire time Hayes had been gone.

Hayes’ eyes went round and guilt filled them, which made me uneasy. “Mac…” he started, trying to touch me.

I batted his hand away and scooted to the end of the bed. “It’s a yes or no question, Hayes.” I stood up and turned to look at him, blinking back the tears threatening to spill over.

“Yes, but I can explain.”

“Did you cram your tongues down each other’s throats this time?” I asked, but I had no idea why. Hayes would never cheat on me. I knew that.

“You know I’d never, ever, cheat on you!” He stepped around the bed, and cautiously cupped my face, which I reluctantly allowed. “How could you ever think that?”

I couldn’t stop the tears as they cascaded down my cheeks. “I know. But how could you do this? Take
her
home? I’m not even sure I want to know what happened to put you in that situation.”

Hayes pulled me closer and wiped the tears from my face with his thumb. “I promise it was nothing.”

How the hell could he say it was nothing? If he hadn’t been cramming his tongue down Baylee’s throat at that party, we wouldn’t have missed over a year with each other. I would have talked to him and stayed in Maverick. But he did, and I left. “It was nothing,” I said slowly, letting his words settle between us.

“Mac…” his voice cracked and tears began filling his eyes. I wasn’t sure I had ever seen Hayes cry before. Maybe this was worse than I’d thought.

“Just explain to me what happened,” I whispered, and pulled out of his grasp to walk to the other side of the room. “Because my mind has been coming up with all sorts of reasons why you,
my fiancée
, were with Baylee. And apparently, she had a great time. Did you?”

“No, fuck no,” he replied, appalled I’d even ask. “Just listen, okay? I promise, it was nothing.”

“Okay.” I leaned against the dresser and crossed my arms over my chest, feeling like I needed protection.

Hayes sighed and ran a hand through his messy hair. “You know how it was raining yesterday?” I nodded and he went on. “I was walking across campus toward the parking lot and she called out my name. I stopped and she told me her car wouldn’t start and she needed a lift home. I told her to call her friend, but she said the friend wasn’t answering. Anyway, I decided I needed to try to be nice, so I agreed to take her home since her car broke down in the pouring rain.”

“You couldn’t have suggested a towing company? Or told her to wait in the union until her friend answered?” I asked, tears spilling down my face once more. I hated listening to this, hated that he had even spoken one word to her.

“I guess I could’ve, but I didn’t think about that. What flashed through my mind was Harley—”

“What?” I shouted. “Harley ran through your mind while talking to one of your old fuck buddies, not me? I get it, Hayes.” I bent over, trying to stifle it, but a loud sob broke free.

Hayes was in front of me in an instant, wrapping me in his arms. “Don’t touch me!”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“What was it like? Please, enlighten me.”

“I thought about how I would want someone to treat Harley if she were in this same position. That’s why I agreed to take her home. No other reason.” He grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me once more, placing kisses on the top of my forehead as I cried. I knew I was probably overreacting, but with everything I had learned today, I had no emotional control whatsoever. “I promise you that is all it was. I took her to her apartment in the city and drove straight home to you.”

Suddenly, I was more than tired and felt like I couldn’t breathe, as if something was strangling me. I knew that something was Hayes and I. “I’m going to sleep in Harley’s room for a little while. I need space.”

“What?” he asked, his eyebrows bunched in confusion.

“I just need to figure things out.” I grabbed my pajamas from a drawer. “I just don’t know if we’ll ever work.”

“What the fuck?” he shouted and pulled the pjs out of my hand, tossing them on the floor. “What the hell do you mean you don’t know if we’ll ever work?”

He was getting angry, but I didn’t care. This was about doing the right thing for both of us. “I really don’t think you want this. The family life. I think you feel obligated.”

“That’s fucking bullshit and you know it!” he roared, placing his hands on his hips. “I didn’t do anything with her! I would never cheat!”

“I know.” I swallowed, giving myself a second longer to gather my jumbled thoughts. “It’s not that. I know you wouldn’t cheat. But that’s just it—”

“What’s just it?” he asked, cutting me off.

I sat down on the bed and looked at the floor so I wouldn’t have to look at his angry green eyes. “Just think about it. You were the privileged party boy and I was the trailer park girl. You loved the party—”

“Loved. Past tense.”

“No,” I said. “If you had never learned of Harley’s existence, I think you’d still be partying. I’ve been holding you back, making you someone you’re not. And even if that isn’t true, just look how different we are. My dad drank himself to death while your dad is the fucking district judge! You grew up in a bedroom the size of some of the trailers I lived in.”

Hayes ran his hands over his face and dropped to his knees in front of me. “Mac, you are all I want. You are all I’ve ever wanted. I don’t want to party anymore. Sitting on the couch snuggled up to you and Harley while we watch Netflix is fun to me. More than fun. That’s what gets me through the day.”

I began to interrupt him, but he placed his hand over my mouth. “I get that you’ve had a lot dumped on you today, but don’t fucking push me away. I’m here for you to lean on. And who the hell cares about our parents? They aren’t us. This is about you and me. And I fucking love you with all my heart. You fucking own me!”

“Hayes…”

“No,” he said harshly, “you let me finish. Looking back, I shouldn’t have taken Baylee home, but at the time, I thought maybe I shouldn’t be such a dick. But that’s all it was. A ride home. Nothing else. It doesn’t matter what she puts on Facebook. It doesn’t matter what she does with anything. All that matters is you, Harley, and me.”

I believed him about what had happened with Baylee and if I had been in a better state of mind, I would’ve loved that he was thinking ahead to how he would want Harley treated in that situation. But I wasn’t in a great state of mind. I looked down at my big diamond ring sparkling in the light. Hayes loved me. But I still didn’t know if I was holding him back. “I just need some space. I can’t deal right now.”

Hayes gathered me in his arms, crushing me to his chest. “I’ll sleep on the couch. You can sleep in here. But you better know, you can’t kick me out or get rid of me. I’ll be waiting when you need me.” His lips captured mine in a hard, demanding kiss. “I love you. And you better keep that ring on your finger.” Then, he left the room.

I sat there, not really knowing how to feel. I knew I had done the right thing in asking for space. This time would be good for us. Hayes would have the time to realize how much he missed his old life. He was only twenty years old, too young to be living this domestic life with me. And maybe the time apart would allow me to remember not to rely on him for everything.

A sob tore from my chest as I really thought about that, and I silently prayed I was wrong. That the time apart would pull us closer together, that Hayes would never want that partying lifestyle again. That he would want Harley and me for more than just fulfilling an obligation.

I pulled my phone out and texted Miranda.

Me: Are you busy? I need out of the house.

She texted back less than a minute later.

Miranda: I’m at Brad’s doing laundry while he works. Come on over.

Me: Great. See you soon.

After pushing myself up off the bed, I cleaned my face in the bathroom and walked into the living room. Hayes was sitting in the chair watching some action movie. “I’m going to wake Harley up and go see Miranda.”

He muted the TV and turned to look at me. I hated to admit this, but seeing him still angry was hot. His jaw ticked as he stared at me, and I wanted to squirm a little under his penetrating gaze. “Let her sleep. Maybe Miranda will be able to talk some sense into you about us.”

“I can take—”

“Let her sleep. You need the adult time.” He tossed the remote on the table and walked toward me. He didn’t say anything else, just placed a small kiss on my cheek and walked into the kitchen to pour a glass of tea.

“Thanks,” I said, then gathered up my purse, keys, and put my coat on. “I have my cell if you need me.”

“We’ll be fine.” He took a drink. “Oh, and, Mac?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

I nodded, and whispered, “I love you, too.” Then I walked out the door to my SUV.

On the ride to Brad’s, I turned the radio up as loud as I could stand it, letting it drown out my thoughts. I just wanted a few minutes without all the crazy thoughts. Thoughts about my parents, my brother, Hayes, whether I was good enough for him…that’s what it all came down to with our relationship issues. Was I good enough for him?

I made it to Brad’s apartment in thirty minutes and knocked on the door. A minute later, Miranda answered wearing a tank top and shorts. “Aren’t you cold?” I asked as I stepped inside.

“It’s flipping hot in here,” she replied as she shut the door. “And laundry always makes me sweaty. I think it’s because I hate it so much.”

I nodded and flopped down on the couch.

“Wanna talk about it?” she asked as she sat down in the recliner.

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” I covered my face and let the words tumble out. “I asked Hayes for space.”

“Because of Baylee?”

“Yes and no. I mean, I know he would never cheat, I’m not worried about that. But I don’t feel like I’m good enough for him. I feel like he’s throwing his life away on me. So, I think I’ll give him some space and let him come to his senses. Lord knows I won’t be able to let him go otherwise.”

“Mackenzie, that’s ridiculous.”

“Is it? I just had my brother, who I haven’t seen in over eight years, by the way, show up on my doorstep to tell me my dad is dead and my mother is having psychological issues.”

Her eyes rounded with shock. “Wow.” She was quiet for a moment, and I knew she was considering how to word her next sentence. “Don’t take this the wrong way, okay? I know it has to be sad to hear about your dad, but he really doesn’t deserve any tears from you. And I don’t think the thing with your mom is a big shocker. Only someone sick in the head would allow their child to be beaten and not do anything about it.”

She had a point. “Maybe.”

“And as far as you not being good enough for Hayes, that’s for him to decide. Trust me.” She got up and sat down on the end of the couch. “When Brad and I first got together, I didn’t think I was good enough for him or anyone else because of my past. I basically hid all of that from him. Do you think I was right? Was I not good enough for him?”

“No,” I shouted, and sat up. “You two are perfect for each other.”

She smiled. “I think so, too. And I was the one who caused those feelings. You never asked for your parents to act the way they did.”

I chewed on my bottom lip as I processed everything she had just said. It made sense and I wanted to believe it, but I just didn’t know. I still didn’t feel good enough for Hayes. “And for the record,” she said, “you and Hayes are perfect for each other, too. Just look at that beautiful little girl you two created together.”

It was the last day of finals, which meant the following day would mark a week since I had moved to the couch and completely messed up by trying to be a nice guy. This was why I should stick to being a jerk. I hated it. I hated lying on the couch every night alone while Mac was alone in our bed, letting her thoughts and emotions get the best of her.

She still talked to me and wore her engagement ring, but she was distant. I just hoped I was doing the right thing by giving her the space she’d asked for.

But why had I agreed to take Baylee home? I knew this wasn’t just about that, but things would’ve been better if I had left her in the rain and came straight home to Mac. She’d only be dealing with her family—not my stupid mistake.

After my last final, I picked Harley up from the sitter and swung by a McDonald’s drive thru for lunch. It wasn’t the healthiest lunch for Harley, but I didn’t think one meal would do that much harm. I walked into the kitchen, carrying a bundled up Harley on one arm, my backpack slung over my opposite shoulder, and the bag of food in the other, when Mac’s ringtone,
You and Me
by Lifehouse, rang out.

I placed Harley on the floor and dropped everything else on the table before fishing my phone out of my pocket.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” she sighed. “Is this a bad time?”

I had no idea what to do to make her understand how important she was to me. “It’s never a bad time when it comes to you.”

“Oh…um, I kinda have a favor to ask you, but if you already have plans, it’s no big deal.”

“Whatever it is, you know I’ll do it.”

“Oh, well…my brother called me wanting to know if we would have dinner with him and his girlfriend tonight. Would you be willing to go?”

I had no idea whether having dinner with him was a good idea, but I was going to be by her side either way. “Of course. What time?”

From the people I could hear talking in the background, I guessed she was walking across campus. “He said around seven. I’ll text him now and hopefully I’ll know what restaurant by the time I get home.”

“Are you on your way home now?” I asked as I opened some ketchup packets for Harley to dip her nuggets and fries in.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. We’re here eating lunch, so I’ll see you in a bit.”

“Okay.”

“Hey, Mac,” I said.

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

I could almost see her biting her lip and tucking her hair behind her ear like she always did when she was nervous or upset. “I love you, too.”

That made me smile as I disconnected the call. As long as she remembered how much we loved each other, everything would work out.

I bit into my burger and chewed as I watched Harley eat her nuggets. There weren’t a lot of things that grossed me out, but watching a toddler eat was one of them. “Let’s chew with our mouth closed,” I told her, even though I knew it wouldn’t matter. I just felt like I needed to say it and hopefully one day she’d actually do it.

I was throwing away our trash when Mac strolled into the kitchen with her bag on her shoulder. We both stared at each other as she set it down on a chair and walked closer to me. Fuck, I wanted to pull her close, kiss her senseless, then carry her to the bedroom. “Thank you,” she said, stopping a foot away from me.

“For what?” I asked.

“For agreeing to come to dinner with my…Trey.”

I grabbed her hand and yanked her closer. “Mac, you don’t need to thank me. I’m here anytime you need me. And honestly, I’m excited to be spending time with you. This week has been rough.”

“I know.” She glanced at the ground before meeting my eyes again. “Have you thought about anything…you know, that I said? About how you’re making a mistake.”

I wrapped my arms around her waist. “The only one of us making a mistake is you. You wanting space is the mistake. I’ve lived without you before, and I don’t ever want to do it again. Ever. I was miserable and hated life. You make me happy. More than happy, elated. But only if you are with me.”

“Hayes…” she wrapped her arms around my neck, “I’m just so messed up right now. I feel like you deserve someone so much better than me.”

“Nope. Not possible.” I placed a light peck on her soft lips. “I already have the best. And you promised you wouldn’t take that ring off. Remember, I’m not just loving you for forever, baby. You are mine forever
more
.”

“Oh, I wasn’t taking the ring off. I was just giving you an out. I won’t ever be able to leave you, Hayes. Unless you cheat. That’s a deal breaker for me.”

“That won’t happen. Why would I cheat when I have perfection?”

Mac rose up on her tiptoes and kissed me. It was supposed to be a light kiss, but I deepened it by pulling us as close as possible and slipping my tongue in her mouth.

“Mammma!” Harley cried as she yanked on Mac’s jeans and tried to get between us. Mac began giggling and pulled away, leaving me groaning in frustration. It had been a damn week.

“What is it, love bug?” she asked as she picked Harley up.

“Car,” she replied, pointing toward the living room where the race track was set up.

“That’s my girl.” I placed a kiss on both of their cheeks and we walked into the living room. “Oh, by the way, Mom called and wanted to know if we wanted to drive to Maverick to ride that Christmas train on Sunday since finals are over.”

“That would be great. I saw an advertisement for a similar thing and I think Harley will love it.” She glanced at the clock. “I’m going to go shower and change. I need to stop by Target on the way to the restaurant.”

***

A few hours later, I was sitting in a restaurant with Harley on one side and Mac on the other as I stared down Trey Blanchard in front of me. I knew I shouldn’t, but I really wanted to punch the shit out of him for leaving Mac behind all those years ago. She was just a little girl and he left her to be abused.

“So, what do you do?” Trey’s girlfriend, Amber, I think, asked Mac.

“I’m going to school fulltime. What about you?”

Amber smiled. “I’m an ER nurse. That’s how we met, actually.” She placed her hand on Trey’s shoulder. “He came in needing stitches for a huge gash on his hand. I just happened to be working Triage that day.”

“Why did you need stitches?” Mac asked, genuinely curious. I, on the other hand, couldn’t have cared less about anything having to do with him.

“I work in construction. I sliced it really good on a piece of sheet metal.” He shrugged, as if it were no big deal.

“What about the two of you? How did you meet?” Amber asked as she placed her elbows on the table and leaned forward. I wanted to tell her I was a male stripper and Mac had come in for some fun and it was love at first sight, but I held my tongue.

“We met in high school,” Mac replied. “Hayes and I were paired up in chemistry the first day of our senior year.”

“That’s sweet.” Amber turned to me. “And what do you do?”

Again, I wanted to say I was a male stripper, but I didn’t for Mac’s sake. “I’m a student.” She furrowed her brows and I could tell she was confused. “I have a trust fund that supports us while we’re in college.”

“Oh…”

“Wow, Mackenzie. You totally moved up in social class,” Trey pointed out.

“Excuse me?” I asked. “I’m pretty positive we were and still are in the same social class.” I really wanted to punch this douche in the face. And why did he have to say that after this past week of Mac thinking the exact same thing?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for that to sound so rude.”

“It’s okay,” Mac stated, plastering on a fake smile. “I’m sure most people feel that way, but I got lucky and found a great guy who doesn’t give a shit where I grew up.”

“That’s great.”

I took Mac’s hand and squeezed it as I made sure Harley’s iPad game was still on the right settings. It probably wasn’t the best parenting, but sometimes it was called for to keep a toddler busy. Especially while meeting long-lost brothers for dinner. “What type of construction do you do?” I asked, trying to steer the conversation back to them.

“Mainly corporate buildings. I’ve done homes in the past.”

“That’s cool. I’ll make sure to call you when we decide to build ours. Maybe you can recommend someone.” I glanced at Mac and smiled, letting her know I was trying to be nice. For her.

“Of course.”

The waiter brought our food and by the looks of relief on everyone’s face, we were all grateful. Once he left, we dug into our dishes. “So, um, Hayes, what’s your major?” Amber asked as I forked a huge piece of enchilada into my mouth.

I held up my finger and chewed, then finally swallowed. “Pre-law.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Hayes’ dad is a district judge,” Mac explained.

“I really just want to make sure abusive bastards get what they deserve.” I wasn’t sure whether I should have blurted it out, but it was the truth.

Amber and Trey smiled, and it seemed genuine. “That’s great. I like that.”

Trey must’ve taken that as an icebreaker “Do you plan on visiting Mom? She’s at home now. At least, that’s what I’ve been told.”

Mac shook her head. “No, not really. I haven’t talked to her in two years, and honestly, I have nothing to say. I hope she’s getting the help she needs and has a great life from here on out, but I don’t want to be part of it.”

“That’s pretty much the way I feel.”

Mac grabbed my hand. “I have these two and that’s all the family I need.”

The rest of dinner went smoothly, but as we were saying goodbyes in the parking lot, Trey grabbed Mac and pulled her in for a hug. He kept telling her how sorry he was for leaving and how glad he was that she was happy. He asked her if they could get together once a week for coffee or lunch and she agreed.

I still didn’t like him, but Mac wanted to give him a chance. I understood why. She wanted to have one person from her original family in her life. But in the end, what she had said at the table had been true—she’d always have Harley and me.