Chasing Hope (4 page)

S
abrina took a seat at her usual table at Campus Eats, then opened her Communication Studies textbook to chapter 12. She began reading, but a general haze had descended across her brain and she couldn’t quite seem to focus. This was the weirdest cold she’d ever had—sore throat, fever on and off, and a bit of a cough. No runny nose, no sinus congestion, but an overwhelming sense of exhaustion that she couldn’t seem to shake.

For just a moment, she fantasized about going to Nana’s, crawling under the covers, and taking a long nap. She could practically feel the warmth of the flannel sheets, smell the hint of lavender-scented fabric softener on her pillow as her head sank into its depths. Just a little rest, it sounded so wonderful.

No.

There was no time for indulgence right now. With two projects due and a test on Friday, she couldn’t afford to slack off now. Not when the words
magna cum laude
were within her grasp.

She hunched over the book, leaned her left cheek on her hand, and tried again.
You must carefully decide the tone and style of your communication for each new project. These types of decisions . . .
It was no use. She couldn’t focus. Perhaps a bit of caffeine would help. She pushed out of her seat, walked behind the counter, and began concocting what she hoped might get her through the afternoon. “Hey, Nicole, will you ring me up?”

“Sure thing.” Nicole stood up, setting her romance novel aside, and sauntered over to the cash register. “What’d you make?”

“Skinny latte. With a couple of extra shots.”

“Triple shot? Whoowee. I thought you were a little slow today, but it never entered my mind that the herbal tea girl would go to these kinds of extremes. Everything okay? You not sleeping?”

“I can’t shake this cold.”

“Well, it’s in your own best interests not to give it to me. Unlike you, I’ll call in sick. Unless you’re keen on working my shifts and yours, you best be keeping your germs to yourself.”

“I’ll do my best.” Sabrina went back to her table, dropped to her seat, and took a long deep swallow. Hopefully the caffeine would kick in soon.

“Hello there.”

Sabrina almost spit out her coffee when she heard the voice, that warm, mellow voice, coming from just behind her. She looked over her shoulder. “Hi, Koen.”

He stood there, in all his perfection, just looking at her. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

“You think?”
I sure don’t.
Almost two weeks had passed since their last encounter and its disastrous end. Sabrina could only hope he would forget that part.

He slid the chair beside her away from the table. “May I?”

“Of course.”

“So, you want to study together after psych tomorrow? You promised you’d help me, remember?”

Sabrina was more than certain she’d made no such promise, but if Koen Conner wanted to spend time with her, who was she to argue? “I work in here tomorrow from two to five. I could study with you after that, if that’s not too late.”

He leaned just a fraction closer. “I’m pretty sure I’ve never in my life thought five o’clock was too late for anything.” He grinned. “Too early maybe, but never too late.”

Was it her cold, or just Koen’s normal effect that made her thoughts spin in so many directions, completely unable to find a coherent thought? Somehow she managed to say, “You say that to all your study partners.” Could she be any more cliché and any less interesting? Somehow she doubted it. Lindy Stewart would have had a witty response, no doubt.

Trying to clear her thoughts, she looked away from him and out the window. A loose piece of paper blew across the school lawn and skidded off a trash can before landing beside a girl crossing the sidewalk. It took a split second before Sabrina realized who she’d just seen. “You gotta be kidding me.” Sabrina looked again, but the girl was gone.

“No, I’m really not. I really want to study with you tomorrow.” Koen’s response recaptured her full attention.

“No, I wasn’t talking about that. Of course we’ll study together tomorrow.”

“I must say, you had me worried there for a second.” He grinned at her, but seemed uncertain.

“Sorry, just thought I saw someone. That girl from the police chase the other day, and it distracted me, that’s all.”

Koen turned to look out the window. “Oh, Gazelle Girl? It might’ve been her. I noticed her here earlier today. She was standing in the back of the parking lot when I pulled up. I watched her
for a minute to make sure I felt safe to leave my car nearby. She sort of strikes me as the ‘bust out the window to steal your stuff’ type, you know what I mean?”

“You’re a wise man.”

“You know her?”

Sabrina tried hard not to let the sight of Brandy spoil this moment for her. “Bit of a complicated story, but yeah, it turns out our grandmothers know each other. I wonder what she’s doing. She’s not a student here.”

“Funny thing is, the whole time I was watching her, she remained dead still and was just staring off in the same direction. I finally turned to see what she might be looking at, and . . . this is going to sound weird, I know . . . but you were walking from your car to the science building, and I could have sworn she was watching you.” He shook his head and grinned at her. “Didn’t we learn something like that in psychology? I know I watch you when I can, so therefore I feel like others would, too. Oh,
project
, that’s it, isn’t it? Projection?”

Sabrina twittered something that sounded more or less like a laugh, or so she hoped. “Something like that.” She looked out the window again, and this time found Brandy sitting on a bench, looking directly at her. For a long moment they regarded each other, then Brandy stood up and strolled oh so casually in the general direction of the back parking lot. “That is so weird.”

“It is a bit odd, I’ll grant you that, projection or not.”

Just then Lindy Stewart and friends breezed into Campus Eats. Sabrina grimaced. “Speaking of psychological behavior.”

Koen glanced over his shoulder, then turned back. “Unfortunately, I think this is more than a case of projection. It’s more of a fixation issue. She practically stalks me.”

Sabrina couldn’t help the jealous pang, and she hated herself for it. In an effort to pretend it wasn’t there, she decided to confront the situation head on. “She is so pretty.”

“Pretty’s fine, but you talk about needy . . .” He let out a low whistle. “I personally like the independent and self-sufficient type. Some things just aren’t worth the cost. Know what I mean?” He stood up. “Well, me and the boys are playing pick up b-ball in a few minutes, so I better get moving.”

“Okay. See you tomorrow, then.”

“Yep. Fourth floor of the library at five o’clock. Sound good?”

“The library?” Sabrina hated studying in the library. She liked the noise and activity of the snack shop.

His face went serious. “Is that not okay?”

“It’s fine. Good, actually.” No need to put a damper on things. “I’ll make a set of note cards for us to study by.”

“Note cards? Man, you are motivated. Just don’t work too hard or I’m going to have to tutor you in how to loosen up a little.”

“And I’m going to exert my best effort on bringing up your grade in psych to a respectable level. Looks like we are on opposing sides of this situation.”

“Let’s just consider this a challenge. At the end of the semester, we’ll evaluate who made the most progress. May the best man, or woman, win.”

“You got it.” Sabrina watched him sling his backpack over his shoulder as he sauntered easily from the campus snack shop, waving at Lindy and her group as he walked past. She hoped she felt better tomorrow. Tomorrow . . . with Koen. She sighed with happiness at the thought, then opened her laptop, determined to finish her communications reading.

She made it through approximately three pages before she had to stand up and stretch in an effort to keep her mind moving. Her muscles ached, as did her throat. She had become familiar with the symptoms and knew she was running a fever again. Well, it didn’t matter. She had work to do and she had to get it done. There was no place for slacking off now. She looked at
the window, wondering about Brandy’s presence and what she might be up to.

Koen’s suggestion that Brandy was watching her, or perhaps it was just her bad cold, caused a chill to run up Sabrina’s spine. She vowed to keep a close watch for the next few days. If Brandy was following her, she was going to find out why.

T
he silence roared so loud that Sabrina pressed her hands over her ears in an effort to shut it out. She looked around at all the heads bowed over books. How could people stand to study like this? She much preferred the lights and noise of Campus Eats, or a coffee shop, or at least an outside bench. But this . . . the weight of the quietness was oppressive.

Koen approached the table and mouthed the word
hi
before taking the seat beside her. In one swift movement, he deposited his backpack on the floor and pulled his seat just a fraction closer to her. He opened his Psych 365 book and began settling in. Oh yes. Perhaps silence wasn’t such a bad thing, if studying in the quiet of the library meant Koen was near. Still, it baffled her why he preferred to work there.

He put his arm around the back of her chair, leaned close to her ear, and whispered, “So, before we get started studying, there’s something we need to talk about.”

Sabrina turned slightly toward him, afraid that if she moved too much he would back away and break the spell. She noticed
a loose thread at the shoulder seam of his dark green T-shirt. “Really? What?”

“Do you know what today is?”

She leaned back just enough so that she could look him in the eye. “Thursday.”

“Not the day, the date.”

She didn’t know the answer for sure, so she reached down and pressed the button on her phone. “February 14.”

He smiled and nodded. “Exactly. I know that a couple of weeks ago when I asked you out, you shot me down in flames. But since today is Valentine’s Day—” he reached into his backpack and pulled out a red heart-shaped lollipop—“I’m hoping you’ll show a guy some pity and reconsider.”

Sabrina felt her face grow warm as she reached out and took the candy, their fingers just brushing. She couldn’t contain the smile which undoubtedly looked beyond goofy.

“I’m sitting here asking myself what I was thinking. I barely survived the last blow.” He unleashed the full force of his one-dimpled grin. “Just a glutton for punishment, I guess. Or,” he said, leaning just a little closer, “maybe you make me want to live a little dangerously.”

Sabrina’s mouth had gone so dry she wasn’t certain she could speak. “I, well . . .” Her mind remained fuzzy, in spite of the rush his closeness produced. She took a sip from the water bottle in front of her, frantically searching for the correct response. She whispered, “You never said anything about going out. You said going over to Jared’s house with a bunch of people to watch the basketball game.”

“So, you didn’t realize at the time that I was asking you on a date?”

“Shh!” The girl sitting in the study carrel closest to their table glared in their direction.

“I guess not.” She kept her voice as low as possible. She smiled
at him, hoping that there weren’t bags under her eyes caused by her marathon cold.

“Maybe that’s the problem I get from attempting to mix with the highly driven type. Since you actually have something else on your mind besides having fun, you don’t see what would be obvious to most of my friends.”

“I’m not sure if you just called me dumb or boring. But either way, it didn’t sound good.” Sabrina whispered as quietly as she could.

He shook his head and smiled. “No. I told you, that’s what I like about you. I’m sick of needy girls. Being around you is like a breath of fresh air—a woman of independence. Still, some things are gonna take a little effort in communication on my part, I see that now. How about I make it more clear then?” He took her left hand between both of his. “Sabrina Rice, would you do me the honor of accompanying me on a date this Saturday evening?”

“Shh!” The girl in the carrel was glaring again, but this time, she wasn’t alone. There were several faces turned in their general direction.

Sabrina’s cheeks burned with embarrassment, or excitement, or some combination of the two. She turned her attention back toward Koen and gave a few rapid nods.

Koen pumped his fist in victory, then wiped his brow, feigning relief. There was just no end to his cuteness. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then glanced toward the study carrels, closed his mouth, and pulled out a notebook. He began writing in large, rapid strokes, then handed the paper to Sabrina.

I saw Gazelle Girl standing near your car when I walked up. Is she following you?

Sabrina looked up at him, trying to gauge whether or not he was joking. He seemed perfectly serious. She mouthed the words
Be right back
and hurried down the stairs to the ground floor and the front door. She got her answer before she reached the door. She could see Brandy walking down the sidewalk, looking back and forth as if searching for someone. Time to stop this once and for all. Sabrina pushed through the door. “Hey!”

Brandy looked up, then turned and ran in the opposite direction.
Enough of this
. Sabrina was going to get answers about what was going on and she was going to get them now. She sprinted toward the girl, heedless of the fact that her ballet flats were hardly meant for running.

She pushed her legs to move faster and faster, painfully aware of how foreign that feeling had become. Her muscles no longer responded the way they used to, no matter what her mind and will told them to do. When she got to the very end of the middle sidewalk of campus, she looked in every direction but no longer saw any sign of the girl’s distinctive white and black hair. Her side ached and her lungs burned, forcing her to stop. Wow, when did this become so hard?

Slowly, she pivoted and turned back toward the library, trying in vain to ignore how much her body was failing her. She needed to refocus and quickly. She did not have time for self-pity. She would do what she always did: push these thoughts to the back of her mind until she’d pushed so hard they disappeared altogether. It was the only way to keep sane.

By the time she made it back to the library, her knees were already telling her what a mistake this whole thing had been. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she stood and debated. One part of her insisted that she wasn’t an invalid, that she should take the stairs as always. The other part reasoned that her knees were hurting now, and would be far worse by the time she reached the fourth floor. And the thought of facing Koen while trying to hold back the pain tipped the scales. She would take the elevator.

Koen was waiting for her when she reached the fourth floor. “Wow, that was some display out there.” He motioned with his thumb toward the floor-to-ceiling window, from which he’d obviously seen the whole thing. In spite of the fact that he’d whispered the words, several more
shh
’s sounded through the room.

They walked back to the table and he pulled out Sabrina’s chair for her, then leaned down. “Did you catch her?”

Sabrina shook her head, then made a point of reaching for her psychology text. They were there to study together. She’d pulled out her note cards and highlighter, prepared to get to work, when Koen put another piece of paper on top of her book.

Want to go for a run together sometime? I didn’t know you were a runner until I saw you flying just now.

Sabrina took a deep breath and closed her eyes for just a moment, fighting through the barrage of unwanted answers that came to her mind. Finally, she picked up her pen and wrote:

I’m not a runner.

You sure looked like it to me.

Wrong. Now, what about our psych test?

Koen stared at her for a moment, but she didn’t blink. She wasn’t going to explain, not after hearing him say how tired he was of needy girls. No way would she let on just how messed up she really was. Better to be . . . mysterious.

He waited another moment and looked like he might press the matter. But he didn’t. He seemed to decide against it and turned to his book. Still, every now and then Sabrina would catch him looking at her, a mixture of doubt and question in his eyes.