Chasing Imperfection (Chasing Series 2) (2 page)

    
“Well who would’ve thought the old arse was embezzling money. If he wasn’t grandfather’s good friend, I would’ve gladly punished him—but hey granddad pretty much said to let it go.”

     He smirked. “
S
ure
…
five million pounds is easy to let go for you folks.”

    
I opened
the fridge to get
bottled water
—
drank some and turned around to face him. I grew up with Toby. We went to the same boarding school and university. We grew up privileged, but his father’s gambling took a toll on the Watson’s
bank balance and it’s been dwindling ever since. His parents have been pressuring him to help out his younger brother, Lia
m, t
hrough high school and he’s been lending them a hand. He was making
a
decent amount in his other job
in the finance department at
one of the leading hedge fund companies in Europe. B
ut when I found out what old McKenzie was d
oing—I thre
w him out and hired Toby. I’m paying him double to ease some of the pressure.
H
e’s worth it, not only am I lending him a hand—he also happens to be a genius when it comes to money.
Toby’s the closest thing I have for a brother and it pains me to see him stressed out about his father’s failings.

     Toby cleared his throat and looked me in the eye. “Mate—for years I haven’t said a word
about
all your follies—
but what in God’s name are you doing?
I see you’re hurting—but you won’t talk about it
. You’re drunk most nights and frolicking with different women.
What the hell happened with Sienna?
Lucy and Chad are clueless too—no one is talking and we’re all wholly baffled.”

     
Fuck
, I knew this was going to come.

    
When Toby moved in
a few days after Sienna left, he never said a word
about it
. He simply dodged the whole subject, but I knew he was giving me time to come to terms with my problem
—my pride
—but now
time’s up.

     Never once had I retained any
reservations when it
came
to talking to Toby—this
bit
with Sienna—where do I even begin? It was a bloody
calamitous
disaster.
Now
my best friend is staring me down, waiting.

    
Blimey
, this is bloody difficult
…just start with a cleaner version, less hassle…less questions.

    
“She found out about Camilla.
I promised I would take care of it and I did. She obviously was gutted about it—I understood that—but I couldn’t lose her—so I proposed—she turned me down and
went
to LA with that cretin named Kyle. End of story.”

    
“Wait—
you
proposed?
Like marriage?
”
H
is face
was
disbelieving.

    
“Yes!
Exactly
that! End of discussion.” I roared at my friend’s face which he
unfortunately didn’t
notice.

    
How the heck does he know how this feels
like
? He’s so smitten with Lucy.

   
“Mate—I knew you were
/
are
still
enamored with her—but you proposed
marriage
…you
’re
that in love with her
?
Wow,
I get it now—all these clamoring different women
….” He trailed off shaking his head,
“
—but mate—you can’t fuck your way out of this one.”

    
“We’ll see about that
,
”
barely hearing my own murmur because I simply
doubted
it myself
. I have a slim chance in hell getting over that woman who
unequivocally
bewitched me. But I have to try
at least
and try I
will
.

    
I can’t keep living like this—like my insides—like my soul is being
sucked out of me
—it’s frightening. Surely there
are
tons of broken people who move on quite easily, why couldn’t I be one of those people? I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t at least try—even if my method is
“
fucking my way out of it.
”

    
 
“She’s back you know. Why don’t you go see her?”
Toby eyed
me with those knowledgeable blue eyes.

   
 
“Fuck no! I’m not going to crawl back and beg
again
. Once was humiliating enough. I’m sure Matthews got her now.” The thought of her being with Matthews is killing me. She needs to get out of my head and make camp somewhere else. It’s like
having insanity running havoc
in your head.

     “Yeah
’
cause her being with Ma
tthews is what you really want
,
” he finished his beer and slammed it down on the counter.

     “Listen—she didn’t want me. There’s no
why
or
how
—she just doesn’t. Do you not think I berate myself enough for not telling her about Camilla? I do—but my apologies were shrugged off and dismissed without consideration. If she doesn’t want to be with me—then what is the point with begging again for her to come back? I’m convinced that I was just a little jaunt to get over her hurt from the cheating wanker.”

     “You both did
start dating quite quickly after Kyle. You probably have a point—Luce did mention you were the second man she dated after him. And I suppose you two being close friends helped your cause. So, if that theory is true…being used as a rebound by Sienna shouldn’t be so bad, I take it? It is Sienna we’re talking about…I know
a
few mates who are captivated by her but I doubt they can hold against Kyle or you. Don’t say I didn’t warn you
about her and Kyle,
mate. She used to talk about being married to him before you even came in the picture.”

     “You did—and I didn’t pay heed. I couldn’t—I wanted her.”

     “There were times I saw her look at you in a certain way—like
conflicted somehow—but the way her eyes looked—I thought she was in love.”

     “She doesn’t… she never did.”
Painful
but it’s the truth. Idiot me thinking I’ve found the one.

     “What happened with the Clayworths then?”

     “They were understanding and said they wanted me to be happy. Camilla was shattered of course. She already had her dress drawn out and ideas where the wedding was to be held. I like Camilla, she and I are compatible—and she loves me. But I fell in love with Sienna. I wanted it to be like the usual blasé I went for
—but she was different—she rocked my world and
left
me in shambles.”

     “Anyone with eyes can see how Camilla is so smitten with you
,
mate. You always treated her differently than your usual conquests. You took
her on holidays and such—then
again you needed that to get to know your wife-
to-be. I think Camilla is a great woman—but I’m biased because I love Sienna and you’re my friend—so I want you two to be together. But since you’ve categorized that subject as rubbish
and you’re done fighting for Sienna and handing her over to Kyle
—why don’t you want to date Camilla?
You do like her and you two seem quite compatible actually.
All these different women Blake—surely it’
s taxing? Think about it.”

     “I’m really starting to hate Sienna. My whole life is out of order.”

     “Doubt that but s
ure, whatever you say. I’m off to bed. See you in the morning.” He took his laptop with him and left the kitchen.

     
Damn
him. He knew
how much I hated Kyle Matthews and he kept rubbing it in.
Every night I’ve been tortured with thoughts of them together. It’s no wonder I
drank
myself to sleep most nights.

    
I left
the kitchen towards the stairs and headed to my room. I needed
to
shower and clean myself of any traces of Maria on my body.

     Can I really consider dating Camilla? I have to be su
re because Camilla’s an excellent woman
and I don’t want to hurt her
,
again
.

     Turning the dials on my steam shower, I dwelled on my thoughts.
Sienna
, you really crippled me.
I thought
abhorrently
.

    
I have to rein my
feelings before this whole disaster
affect
s
my work. I can’t let down grandfather. This company is my legacy. My children will inherit this someday and their children’s children.
Hell
, the thought of kids turns my stomach into acid. A little girl that looked like Sienna floated around my head.

     God, how I want that woman
—
it’s maddening.
Maybe if I could taste her one more time—get her out of my system—it would help.
She did believe in closure, didn’t she? She went to see Kyle for
“
closure
”
and moved on
from
me. I suppose I could test that theory.

    
Fuck! Fuck! I’m getting hard thinking about her body. I’ve had sex three times today, but put Sienna in my thoughts and I instantly get a hard-on.

     I’ll figure something out. I always do.

     I want to possess her—for the last time.

     Then I can move on and not look back.

2

Sienna

    
It’s been
a month
and three weeks
since I’ve been back in London. The trip to LA was worth it. Although, my teachers were accommodating, I still had homework to catch up on. I stayed with Kyle and his parents during the whole two week visit. Marie was overjoyed and wouldn’t stop implying that someday I would eventually go back to
her
son. I hid most of the time in the guestroom and tried to forget about everything—which was simply impossible to do.

     My memory always flashed
back to that single moment
when
he proposed and I declined—his
expression
then—his beautiful face contort
ed with hurt and rejection—made
me feel like a double cold-hearted bitch
. He proposed and I never saw it coming. Not only was I reeling from the revelation of his
impending engagement, I was gob-
smacked by the proposal. As much as I love
d
him, I am not ready to be married. I’m not even twenty—marriage is out of the question. I felt bombarded with all sorts of emotions at that very moment—but it doesn’t take away
the fact that the bottom line wa
s
/is
,
that
I’m
still
in love with Blake Knightly.
If
he told me about the whole t
hing before I found out from that
wretched woman, I would’ve forgiven him. But it was all a joke wasn’t it? I felt betrayed and most of all
the
butt of all jokes. Who else knew and never once warned me about it?

     Everything’s been
on
auto-pilot. I’ve trained myself to smile and be cheer
ful around people even though it’s killing
me
inside. I’m a living empty shell—but
the beat goes on right? A
nd so I shall.

     After the first week in LA shutout to the world in Kyle’s guestroom, he wouldn’t let me have the same courtesy come
the
second week. I was grateful for his persistent nature. He took me to Disneyland and Universal Studios, twice for both. I had a blast—
who
wouldn’t
? I felt like a kid again. Kyle
knew
me inside out and I’m thankful he’s helping me through this rut of post-breakup madness.