Chasing Jenna (16 page)

>CHAPTER SEVENTEEN<

The soft music playing in the background irritated me. I wanted to purposely spill my lemonade all over the white table coverings. The black dress that Katie had picked out squeezed me in the wrong places, making it impossible to take a full breath. The stupid heels made my feet ache.

“You look beautiful tonight.” Cale stared at me from across the table.

I used the fork to move food around my plate, ignoring his compliment. The few bites I’d taken tasted wonderful but my stomach was in knots. I needed to be cautious about how much I ate, in case I happened to see it again later.

It was crunch time now.

The sponsorship evaluation was the next day and every cell in my body was on high alert. My stomach lurched and I dropped my fork onto my plate harder than I’d intended. I looked around and locked eyes with the well-behaved people in the room. They knew I didn’t belong.

He reached across the table and laid his hand over mine. “Why do you look so uncomfortable?”

The simple kindness in his gesture put a huge crack in my already fake image. Tears stung my eyes. A fountain of emotions erupted inside of me and I struggled to keep it under control. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the truth or not. What I really wanted to say was, “
What am I even doing at this type of restaurant? I’m not even qualified to wait tables here. Why the hell didn’t you tell me that this sponsorship thing would take over my whole life, consume my every second and make me lose the best friend I’ve ever had? And … don’t look at me like that because when you do, you can get me to do absolutely anything."

What actually came out of my mouth was, “I’m just tired and a little overwhelmed.” It wasn’t a lie.

Cale intertwined his fingers with mine and brought them to his lips. He pressed a light kiss on the top of my hand. My shoulders relaxed a bit.

“Jenna, I know you’re worried about what’s going to happen tomorrow, but you’re so amazing, there’s no way you won’t get picked. You have learned so much over the last month – it’s been impressive to watch you come so far.”

My heart pounded. I wanted this so badly for him. No one had ever had so much confidence in me. He really cared if good things happened for me or not. I squeezed his hand, “I guess I’m a good student.” I said.

“And remember tonight is a night off. We are supposed to be relaxing and not thinking about what’s happening tomorrow.”

I smiled and nodded my head slightly.

“Now eat.” He motioned to my plate. I felt a little more centered after his little pep talk. He settled his back against his chair and focused on me.

“I do have one question for you though.”

“Okay.”

“What happened that night on the bridge with Ryan?”

I stiffened at the sound of his name as Ryan’s face flashed in my mind. Heat rose in my chest, twisted up my neck and it was suddenly hard to breathe. The absence of him in my life was still so raw. I wondered if there would ever be a time that his memory wouldn’t affect me this way.

Cale hadn’t asked a single thing about that since it had happened. Why now? My heart beat wildly at the thought of the conversation that happened between Ryan and me in the car that night. It was the only time that I’d questioned Cale’s motives out loud. I’d been terrified that in the midst of our fight, Ryan would betray me by going to Cale with my doubts. I didn’t think Ryan would do something that horrible, but I never thought Ryan would hurt. He’d already proven me wrong in a big way. I laid my fork back down.

“It’s like I told you, I got lost walking and Ryan happened to find me.”

“Did Ryan know you were going for a walk?” His eyes were steady on mine. I didn’t really understand what he was asking. Was he questioning if I had left alone? If I had called Ryan and told him where I was going? If we had gone together?

“No.” I couldn’t seem to get any other words out. The mood between us changed. It was charged with something unfamiliar – it made me nervous.

“Has he ever touched you … inappropriately?”

This damn dress was too tight and I couldn’t breathe. Memories of Ryan slammed back into me with a crushing force. I could feel his arms around me, his lips on mine.

“No.” There was nothing inappropriate about the way Ryan had touched me–it had been perfect. But he wasn’t mine, and that would never happen again. I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to fight off the sickening feeling that he was probably touching Dana that way right now.

He lifted his napkin and patted his mouth before setting his hands down on either side of his plate. “Good. I know I don’t have the right to ask you who you spend time with, or who not to. You’re smart, I’m sure you understand me.”

“Are you asking me not to spend time with Ryan?” He was obviously unaware that Ryan and I were not associating with each other.

A small laugh escaped his lips and he shook his head. “No, not at all. I ‘m just asking you to please be careful how much time you spend with any man, but especially Ryan. I introduced you to him because I know he’s a nice guy. But you are a stunning woman, Jenna. Even a man with the best intentions can be swayed by your kind of beauty. Believe me, I know.”

His eyes connected with mine and electricity surged through me. I desperately needed to touch him. He hadn’t crossed any lines since the night in the car, always being the perfect gentleman and leaving me wanting more and more from him every time he was near.

He frequently talked about the control I held in my beauty, and the power I was unaware of. I decided it was time to test those theories.

“You do?” I asked. I reached out and ran my fingers over his hand. His stare turned intense. I continued to softly rub my fingers over his knuckles, never breaking our stare. Boldness was not usually in my character, but I had also never had Cale Davis in my life, and I wanted him to cross that stupid line again. I needed to feel my sacrifices had purpose.

His voice was a throaty whisper, he answered, “Yes, you can be very hard to resist.”

“Why do you have to resist anything?” I asked quietly.

“I’m not sure why, I just know I do. And that makes me ...” He shook his head slowly and gave me a smirk. “You have no idea the thoughts I have running through my head about you. The things I want to do to you, to teach you.”

“Well, Mr Davis,” I bit my lower lip and flashed him a smile, “We’ve already established that I’m a great student.”

He grabbed onto my hand and was quickly out of his chair, pulling me behind him. My heart beat wildly in my chest. He stopped just long enough to pay the hostess. I stood restlessly just behind him, rubbing my hand softly on his side but it wasn’t enough. I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his waist, letting my body press against his. A small smile lifted the corners of his mouth as he stole a quick glance over his shoulder at me. His eyes flashed to my mouth, and quickly we were moving again, out the door and across the parking lot toward his car. I was nearly running to keep up with him, surprised when we kept going past his car.

“Where are you taking me?” He didn’t answer, just kept walking toward the alley that ran between our restaurant and the building next to it. I slowed a bit but he continued to hold onto my hand. Something inside of me cringed.

We reached the shadows the tall brick walls of the buildings provided. He dropped my hand and walked a few more steps. With his back to me, he ran his hands through his hair slowly.

I trembled as a chill ran up my back. Darkness surrounded us; I looked over my shoulder toward his car sitting in the lighted parking lot. I had a sudden urge to run into the light. No one could see us here, and I suspected no one could hear us either, unless I was screaming. I really hoped it didn’t come to that.

He started pacing. I tried to swallow but my mouth was dry. I kept my eyes on him, trying to anticipate his next move.

“Cale,” I whispered.

“You just don’t understand the kind of pressure I’m under,” his voice was tight, “My father … he is a very powerful man and has high expectations for me.” He stopped and looked right at me. “He expects me to be running our part of the business within the next two years, Jenna … two years. I never asked for this. I never wanted this.” His pacing increased and he ran his hands down his face.

I stood still and silent. I had seen people like this before. It was clear that Cale was not in his right mind. I knew a sudden movement might make him lose it, and from my experience, that never ended well for me.

The dampness of the alley crawled up my bare legs and I started to shake. I wanted to wrap my arms around myself to try and hold it together, but that would bring attention to myself.

His eyes locked onto my face but he looked through me. I gasped at the sight of his face. His eyes were changed ... emotionless. He was completely inside his head right now, fighting whatever internal demons lived there.

My body’s instinct to get me out of this situation overtook my level head that was screaming to stand still. I took a few small steps backward toward the parking lot.

He rushed toward me – a predator closing the distance on his pray. I held my breath and closed my eyes, stiffening my body to prepare for whatever he had planned.

He gripped tightly around my neck as he backed me up against the rough wall, forcefully pushing himself up against me, making me straddle his legs. His breathing was heavy on my neck and I struggled to control my own. Confusion coursed through me. I wasn’t supposed to like this, but I could not deny the pleasure I was feeling. Tears flooded my eyes as the confusion of these feelings swirled around me. I flattened my hands against the wall, surrendering. He ran his free hand up the side of my body, cupping my breast and pushing himself even harder into me while tightening the grip on my neck.

“You make me crazy. I can’t fucking think, Jenna. I crave you, I can’t get enough.” He pressed a hard, passionate kiss onto my lips. There was nothing careful or gentle about it. It tasted of pure lust and his intent was to consume me. When he finally pulled away, my lips throbbed from the assault. “My father would call you a distraction,” he growled.

My mouth dropped open as a rush of heat surged through my body. I moaned and pushed back against his leg, trying to get some relief from the intense desire that controlled me right now. A frenzied look crossed his face. I didn’t know what to do, nothing made sense. I should be terrified, I should fight back, but I wanted him, I didn’t care if he hurt me. I deserved it, needed it … wanted it.

“Cale, please.” I reached behind him, twisting my hands in his shirt, trying to get him as close to me as I could. “Please, do something ... anything …” Suddenly his hands were all over me, rough and aggressively attacking me. It was painful and shocking and I loved it…and wanted more. He lifted me off the ground and I wrapped my legs around him. I pulled his mouth to mine, taking his hungry kisses over and over until I had to break free to breathe.

He buried his face in my neck and held onto me, still pressing me between his body and the brick wall. “Damn it,” he whispered forcefully. The air between us changed and I knew that it was over again.

He took a deep breath and whispered, “I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” He lowered me down to my feet, still pressing his weight against me. I put my hands flat against his chest as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, begging my body to calm down. I tried to push against him, wanting to get some space between us.

“No, wait.” He begged holding on to me. I pushed harder and harder until I was pounding my fists against his chest. He stood there motionless until I had exhausted myself. I pressed my forehead against his chest and let the tears come.

“Please move,” I sobbed. He shifted slightly and I slipped past him, running toward the parking lot. I tried to regain my composure and the tiny shreds of dignity he‘d left me; while the word ‘distraction’ swirled in my head.

>CHAPTER EIGHTEEN<

I stood in the darkness of my dorm room, trying to slow my breathing. White dots speckled my vision while I held myself, trying to stop the uncontrollable shaking. The memory of Cale’s hands touching me made me feel dirty and disgusting. I thrust my hands into my hair, squeezing my temples to relieve the throb in my head, trembling as I realized what I’d been willing to do to fill the void Ryan had left.

Who had I turned into? I braced myself against the door and slid down until my knees were against my body. Resting my head back and rolling it from side to side, I wondered how I’d become this person. My life was filled with lies.

I pictured Ryan’s face – it always came back to him. My heart began the slow ripping that only happens when you realize you’ve betrayed someone you love. I gasped from the pain, covering my mouth with one hand while pushing the other against my chest.

I was breathless … needing to cry out to relieve the agony. But this type of pain refuses to be comforted. It consumes everything, staying inside and reaching into the places where only the worst kind of damage can be done.

Fear was nothing new to me. But I’d always fought to keep away the destruction someone else was capable of. Now, I fought the fear of what I’d become because of the damage I had inflicted upon myself. I didn’t know how to change things back.

A numbing washed over my body, an unnatural calming that can only happen when pain wins and leaves you broken. I straightened my legs in front of me as my arms fell to the side – the tears slowed. Not because I felt better, but because my mind had developed a shut-off switch to save me from falling into real depths of darkness … The kind I could get lost in for a lifetime.

Once this fake calm took over, I noticed the shadow sitting in the dark by the window. His long legs were bent up in front of him. Muscular forearms hung over his knees, holding a bottle of something. His black baseball cap was turned backward and his head hung down. The moonlight shone in the window throwing a shadow on his face, but I wasn’t afraid – I knew exactly who he was.

I should’ve been embarrassed about what he’d seen, or pissed he’d come here at all. But I didn’t have enough energy left for extreme emotion like that.