Chasing Jenna (7 page)

“Hide,” she yelled and went after him with her fists. I scurried into the hall and pulled open the closet door. There was a small area that I fit perfectly into. He never found me here. His evil laugh floated into my hiding place. He enjoyed this. The grunts and screams slowed. I squeezed my eyes together, hugging my Barbie up against my face.

I jumped at a loud banging noise, it sounded like when he pounded his fists on the table, but I knew it was my mom. She moaned and it sounded like she was on the floor.

“You are worthless to me,” he yelled. And the screen door slammed. I didn’t move, frozen in my spot. I knew not to come out until I heard her. I don’t know how long my Barbie and I were in there before she whispered my name. I pushed the door open, crawling out and rushing into the other room. She lay on the floor, next to the table.

“Mommy,” I cried. I knelt down to her and with my little fingers I tried to wipe the blood from her face as tears streamed down mine.

“Shhh, Jenna. I’m Okay,” Her words were strained and she sucked air in like I was hurting her when I helped her sit up. I climbed onto her lap.

“I’m sorry Mommy, I shouldn’t have moved, I should have been invisible.” Her trembling hand ran down the back of my hair.

“No baby, it’s not your fault. Now you don’t worry about this, you are starting first grade tomorrow … you will be safe there all day.”

“Jenna!” Ryan yelled.

I heard the gasps of the other girls and the shuffle of their feet as they scurried to get out of there.

I didn’t want him to find me, but I didn’t want him to leave either. He slowly pushed open the door of my stall. I laid my head back against the tiles, my cheeks wet with tears, eyes shut tight. I heard him take a deep breath and felt his presence in front of me. I waited for the questions. It was always the same thing. What happened? Why did you react like that? What’s the matter with you?

I jumped when he used his fingertips to wipe the wetness off my cheek. He was leaning on one knee in front of me. His eyes didn’t show pity, only concern. Another tear fell but he caught that one too.

“I’m here,” he said softly. “No one’s going to hurt you.” I nodded my head and wiped the rest of the tears from my face. He reached out with both hands and helped me to my feet. He pulled me to his chest, wrapping me up in his strong arms, “You’re safe, I can promise you that.”

I inhaled a ragged breath. His grip loosened as I gently pushed away from him.

“Give me a second?”

“Are you going to be okay if I leave?”

I nodded up at him and tried my best smile, which must have been pretty pathetic, because he tilted his head and gave me a questioning look.

“Really, I just need to pull it together.” He nodded this time and left me standing there by myself.

I stared at the reflection in the mirror. I was so messed up. My mom was right; this was my only chance at making a life for myself. If I continued to let the demons resurface, I was as good as dead. Maybe not physically, but emotionally dead for the rest of my life. I couldn’t allow that to happen.

I grabbed some paper towels from the dispenser and wiped the smeared make-up off of my face. I reached down into my bag, reapplied mascara and called it good.

Ryan was leaning up against the wall, his eyes on the ground. He straightened when he heard me come out. I felt the flush of embarrassment starting but to my surprise it didn’t last long. His eyes were soft and there was no judgment. He opened his arms and I walked into his embrace. After a short time he let me go and we started walking. That was it. No questions, no awkwardness.

“Are you ready?” he asked as we walked up to the doorway of our first class.

I forced a weak smile. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.”

He wouldn’t be so confident if he knew how far from “fine” I really was.

The classroom was three times bigger than any at my junior college. It was theater style with stairs sloped down to the front where the instructor was set up. Stunned, I looked around wondering what I had gotten myself into. There had to be, easily, three hundred seats in this room and most of them were filled. Ryan softly placed a hand on my lower back and pointed out two empty seats across the room. I made my way past the other students, letting out a small sigh when I finally reached the seats. My hands still shook, an aftermath of my memories, so I tucked them under my leg. I realized I still had Cale’s sweatshirt on. I tucked my chin down, hooking it under the collar of the sweatshirt, trying to sink down into it. It was a perfect place to hide.

“Relax,” he whispered.

Ryan appeared to feel the exact opposite of me. He was more than comfortable as he dug around in his bag, pulling out a spiral notebook, pen and his laptop. People filed by our desks on the way to their seats, most stopping to say hi or to shake his hand. Even the teacher gave a nod in his direction.

“Do you know the professor?”

He leaned toward me. “The house sponsors a banquet every year for the faculty. It’s a good way for the “first years” of the house, like me, to get our names out.” His closeness silenced everyone else in the room for me. His blue eyes were fixed on me and I felt honored to have a few seconds of his attention.

My heart grew suddenly heavy. I needed him to forget about what he witnessed only a few moments ago. This was my new beginning, my new life, and I had stupidly brought the darkness here with one moment of panic. Damage control was needed quickly. I didn’t want him seeing the bathroom scene every time he looked at me. So up went the walls, and out came the sarcasm – my two best defenses. I whispered back as the teacher began with his introduction, “Well, aren’t you the golden boy of the class already?”

He smiled and shot back, “And aren’t you lucky to be my friend?”

>CHAPTER EIGHT<

I leaned back against my chair, slightly winded by the exchange that had just happened. After his quick come-back, something passed between us. His eyes settled on my lips for a bit too long. It was only a second, but long enough for my mind to make up the scenario; him leaning into me, his lips brushing lightly over mine.

Just as quickly, he glanced at Cale’s sweatshirt and leaned away. Stretching against the back of his chair, he ran his hand through his hair. Someone else caught his attention and he turned around to greet them.

This day was already exhausting. I’d made a huge mess of the morning with very little hope for improvement as the day moved on. My mind continued to play out the fight in the stairwell making it impossible to focus at all. I needed to find a different way to get to class. The idea of passing through the same landing everyday made my skin prickle. I didn’t want a repeat of the bathroom scene day after day.

The empty notebook page staring back at me made my restlessness worse. I chewed on my pen, another nervous habit of mine, as the instructor blabbed on about study guides and scheduled quizzes.

I shifted casually in my seat, acting like I was trying to get comfortable. Honestly, it was to sneak looks at Ryan. His relaxed, bad boy demeanor was so sexy. I loved the way he leaned back into his seat when listening to the professor, one arm draped over the back of his chair, the other resting on his leg. He was so confident in himself. I wondered what it would be like to kiss those full lips, or run my fingertips over those amazing arms.

I sighed quietly and shifted in my seat again, glancing over at him. He looked like the perfect student, until I noticed a small smile forming. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and nipped at the side of it with his teeth. Without looking at me, he reached into his bag and handed me a piece of paper. It was his schedule.

Keeping his eyes down, he leaned into me and whispered, “Why don’t you look to see if we have any other classes together? You’re making me self-conscious with all that staring.” A small gasp slipped from my lips and it felt like the floor dropped out of the room. I had been caught and he called me out. Somehow this morning just got worse.

When I reached for the paper, he grabbed my hand, our eyes locked onto each other’s. “And a favor, please? Stop twirling that pen around in your mouth. Unless your evil plan is to make me fail this class miserably.”

My shoulders slumped and I tried to fight back the humiliation that rolled through me. I looked away immediately and hid my face behind his schedule. He chuckled and the sound of it warmed my heart.

I dug through my bag until I found my schedule. I was shocked.

“Is this because we have the same major and are in the same year?” I whispered handing back the identical schedules.

“I don’t know,” He said shrugging his shoulders. “That’s really strange. Well, I guess I found my study partner.”

~~~

Ryan and I successfully navigated our way through our first day of morning classes. I grabbed at my stomach trying to quiet the next round of growling. Why didn’t I listen to Katie when she told me to always have a granola bar with me for times like this?

“Dang Jenna,” Ryan said looking down at me as we walked, “everyone on campus must know you’re starving. You need some food, girl.” He laughed at my pitiful attempt to shove his arm. “Let’s stop at the Union and eat. We have time before our next class.”

“Can’t,” I shook my head. “I promised to meet my roommate back in our room. She wants to hear all about my classes. She would go crazy if I blew her off; probably send the FBI out after me.”

“Over protective?”

“Oh my gosh, you have no idea.”

We stopped in front of the Student Union. He pushed his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and smiled at me. Just a simple, small smile. My heart jumped and I felt my face warming. I looked over toward the herds of people filing into the Union, or anywhere that wasn’t directly at him.

“I’ll see you in our next class.” He turned and started toward the Union. My already racing heart pounded as I envisioned him eating alone. I started down the sidewalk toward the dorms. There was no way someone like him would be eating alone. He was the male version of Katie. There were probably ten tables of people waiting for him to show up.
Just keep walking Jenna. Just keep walking.

“Why don’t you have lunch with us?” So much for walking away.

He turned and started back toward me. “Are you sure Katie won’t mind?”

My mind panicked as I rushed through our conversations this morning. How did he know her name? Had I told him? I couldn’t remember talking about her. Shouldn’t this be another red flag? I’m obviously bad at this stuff. I thought I was a smart girl but I let Cale in my dorm room when everything about it felt wrong. And what had that gotten me? Confusion and an awkward conversation.

Did this feel wrong like that night? No. I don’t think so, but shouldn’t it? Why did I want to trust these guys? I felt all the years of protection I had built around myself suddenly slipping through my hands like sand.

Ryan stepped in close to me, cutting off my psycho thoughts – stopping all thoughts really. I let my eyes focus in on him.

“Hey, where did you go just now? A thousand emotions just ran across your face.”

I took a step back to distance myself. There was no clear thinking when he stood that close to me.

“Are you hungry or not?” That was better. Avoidance; I’m comfortable here.

“Marcus and yes,” he said shifting away from me.

“What?”

“Marcus is how I know who your roommate is and yes, I am hungry.”

I nodded my head once, feeling like a complete idiot. Of course Marcus was talking about Katie. Without another word, I started toward the dorms.

The temperature had gotten high enough to make it a comfortable day. I could feel the warmth from the sun on my face and it calmed me. He fell into step with me and we walked in silence, pushing through the sea of people. My mind was racing however; going over the morning’s events.

I reached the steps of the towers first: quickly ran up several, and turned, so I could be eye to eye with him. He stopped abruptly, not expecting me to block his path.

“I was hoping that maybe …” I twisted my hands together while I gathered my courage. This was the last thing I wanted to bring up, but I had no choice. “Maybe, you wouldn’t tell Cale what happened today? Or anyone really, but especially Cale.”

Ryan looked out over the crowd of people around us. He put his hands on his hips, shaking his head slightly. A conflicted look crossed his face. He was acting like the possibility of not telling Cale was a huge deal. I needed to plead my case and do it quickly before he made up his mind.

“I mean, I guess I just don’t want him to think I’m some sort of freak. I know I overreacted. I should’ve been able to deal with a fight, it’s just …” I couldn’t think of another word to say. My eyes searched the sidewalk, hoping that the words would suddenly be clear in my head.

“What did happen, Jenna?” The softness of his voice wrapped around me, his eyes searched my face for some clue to the answer. The people around us continued to go about their day, not noticing he just asked an impossibly painful question.

“What do you mean?”

“I want to know why the fight freaked you out so badly? Haven’t you ever seen a fight before?”

Tears threatened again but I fought to keep control. He had no idea what I had seen before. “Of course I have. It just was so, unexpected.”

He was silent for a minute while he processed. I put my hands together in front of me and gave him my best puppy dog eyes. I’d never tried this tactic before but hey, this was important, I was willing to try anything.

A small smirk raised one side of his mouth.

“Please, I will never ask for another favor again,” I said batting my eye lashes in an obnoxiously, over the top way.

Rolling his eyes, he groaned and I could tell he was caving. “Okay, it’s our little secret.”

I smiled at him, “Thank you.”

He started up the steps, lightly grabbing my arm as he pushed past me. “Let’s go little one, I’m starving!”