Chasing Love's Wings (24 page)

“She’s here, in Phoenix. She’s in the hospital.”

“What are we standing around here for, let’s go,” Tyson says as he grabs his keys
off of the table.
 

I follow him down the stairs and out the front door. Luckily his brain is functioning
because I don’t even think about my keys or locking the door. I’m fumbling through
my phone, trying to find Beau’s number.
 

I climb into the car and Tyson is on the phone. “Hi, baby, we found her.” He pauses
to listen. “She’s at the hospital.” He pauses then looks over at me. “Which hospital?”
 

“John C. Lincoln.”

“You get that? Okay, see you there.”
 

I finally manage to dial Beau’s number. It rings once, twice, three— “Hi, Tristan.”
 

“She’s here, in Phoenix.”

“Holy shit, where?”
 

“John C. Lincoln.”

“Fuck. We’re on our way.” And the phone goes dead.

******

Cami

******

Knock, knock...

“Hello, Ms. Enders, I’m Doctor Tolleson.”

“Hello.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Scared.”

“Are you in any pain?” I shake my head; the pain stopped shortly after I got here.
I hadn’t been feeling good all day, and then I get here and I suddenly feel better
and wish I hadn’t come, but there was so much blood. “That’s good. I have some good
news for you.”

“Everything is all right?”
 

“It is, for now. We were able to detect a strong heartbeat during the ultrasound,
but we’re going to keep you overnight for observation and at least one — if not two
more — ultrasounds, just to be safe. You came in here alone, is there anyone we can
call for you?”
 

Tristan. “No.”
 

“Okay, the nurse will be along shortly to take you up to a room. Have you sought medical
care for your pregnancy?”

I nod. “My second appointment is next week.”
 

“Okay, good. You’ll want to follow up with your doctor in less than a week. For now,
I just want you to rest and we will keep an eye on you. If you have any pain at all—”
He reaches over the bed. “—press that button there.”
 

“Thank you, doctor.”
 

He leaves the room and I put my head back. I should’ve called Tristan the minute I
found out, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I promised him that I wouldn’t run
away, but I did. Then again, I didn’t. I never left Phoenix and have been staying
in my old apartment. I’m surprised no one managed to look there. But I think everyone
thought I’d gotten rid of it. I was going to, but it just kept slipping my mind with
everything else that was going on at the time. Regardless, this whole thing has become
a huge damn mess, and I highly doubt that there is much I can do about it now.
 

They move me upstairs. I freak out when I see the
Labor and Delivery
sign as we passed by it, but the nurse tells me that this is where all pregnant women
go when they have complications. Once I’m in the room, she puts a microphone to my
belly, and there is a strange whooshing sound that comes piping through the speaker
in her hand. She seems satisfied with what she’s hearing. “Sounds great. Try and get
some rest and I’ll be back in a little bit. Press the call button if you experience
any pain.”

“Thank you.”

She smiles at me and leaves the room. I put my head in my hands.

What am I gonna tell Tristan? He is going to be so mad. We’ve never discussed kids;
we’ve never even talked about anything beyond what we’ve been doing right now. I’ve
been such a bitch to him. I can’t imagine him forgiving me now. God, he will never
forgive me for what I’ve done. I haven’t slept for days, except little tiny cat naps
here and there. Every time I close my eyes I start to panic. Panic about what I’ve
done and the decision I’ve made. Sure, financially I can do this, but every single
time I start thinking about being a mom, I see the look of disgust on Evelyn’s face
in those videos Bobby sent me — all the resentment she felt about Mark and me — and
since I ran away from Tristan, that’s what I’m afraid I’ll do. I’ll end up resenting
this child because I pushed its father away.

I can’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. I put the heels of my hands in
my eyes, hoping like hell that I can turn off the waterworks. I’ve got to call him.
I have to build up the courage to do it. Sooner, before it’s too late.
 

It’s already too late.

“Cams.”
 

I sob harder when I hear his voice, and in a second he is next to me. He doesn’t say
anything, but his hand comes to rest on my belly, and I feel his forehead press against
mine. I can tell he’s crying because I can hear the short breaths that accompany his
tears.
 

“What are you doing here?” I sob.
 

“They called me. When I filled out your paperwork for your foot, I had to put an emergency
contact down. I put me.”

“Tristan, I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry. I missed my appointment—” The words come out
fast and almost inaudible. “I didn’t mean to, I thought about it before we left for
Montana, but thought I still had time. I—”

“Shh. Cams, it’s all right. Are you okay?”

“Yes,” I breathe.
 

“The baby?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, thank God.” The words are followed by a sob. “Thank God.”

It takes me a minute to soak up what he’s said. He’s thanking God that... “Ohmygod,
Tristan, I thought you were going to be so angry with me.”
 

His head comes off of mine and his beautiful blue eyes meet mine. “About you running
from me? I’m furious. But this — no, Cami, never this.”

I sob again; this time my heart fills with happiness that seemed to have been forgotten
these last few weeks.

“Shh, baby, please.” He wraps his arms around me as best as he can. “Cami, I could
never be mad at you for something like this. Not now, not ever. I think the timing
is off, and far from the best, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about having
a baby.” He sits back down. “I’m hurt, beyond words, that you ran away from me. That
you left me with no idea where you were, where you were going, if you were all right.”
I can see the tears streaking down his cheeks. “I’ve been so scared that I would never
see you again. I haven’t been able to work or hardly function for the last six weeks.”

“Jesus, Tristan, I’m sorry. I felt so betrayed, like everyone was against me. I didn’t
know who I could trust not to drop more bombs on me. The longer I stayed away, the
more stupid I felt, then I didn’t know how to come back. Or what I would find when
I came back. I didn’t want to know that you’d moved on, that you’d left. It broke
my heart knowing that I hurt you.”
 

“Shh. Please.” His hand, resting on my stomach, fists. “I love you,” he breathes,
and I lose any hold I had on the fact that I thought I’d lost him forever. He’s here,
with me. He loves me, no matter what I put him through. He is still here.

“I...love...you,” I say through my sobs, and he holds me to him. After a moment, he
climbs awkwardly onto the bed to lie down next to me.
 

“Please, don’t ever do this to me again. I can’t take it again.”

“What have I ever done to deserve you?”
 

He doesn’t answer, and I don’t need or want an answer. Having him here is all the
answer I need.

THIRTY-SIX

******

Tristan

******

“Where have you been?” I ask her.

“Here, in Phoenix.”

“What?” The word comes out harsher than I meant it to. “We tracked you to New York.”

“No, you tracked a ticket to New York. I never boarded the plane. I couldn’t leave.
Despite my best attempt to do so, I couldn’t do it. I’ve been staying at my old apartment.”

I don’t know whether to be happy or angry at the fact that she was here this whole
time. But I decide that it doesn’t matter. Seeing her here, safe and alive, is all
the reassurance I need to know that she’ll be okay. “How long have you known you were
pregnant?” I don’t want the answer because it will make me feel worse than I already
do. But I need to know if she’d ever planned on telling me.
 

“I found out...” She pauses, not good. “The day I arrived in L.A.”

“If you hadn’t ended up here, and they hadn’t called me, did you ever plan on telling
me?”
 

“Yes, but I didn’t know how.” Deep breath. “I played our conversation that afternoon
over and over in my head — about how you felt about our future — and it scared me
to tell you. I didn’t know how you’d react.” She’s crying again, and I don’t want
to make her cry; this is stressful on her enough as it is. “Then I kept playing what
happened in Vincent’s office that day, and how Bobby didn’t know that Trinity was
pregnant, and how he probably would’ve never faked his own death if he’d known, and
I knew I had to tell you. I’ve been to the house about thirty times over the last
month, but I didn’t know how to come in, I didn’t know how to tell you. I didn’t know
how to apologize to you.” She is damn near hysterical by the time her speech ends.
“I didn’t know if you’d forgive me for screwing up so bad and, believe me, I never
expected you to walk in that door.”

“Shh, sweets, please. You need to calm down. Please, baby.” I hold her in my arms
as tight as I can. “We can work through this, work through us, but right now I need
you to take a deep breath and relax. I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

She wraps her arms around me and holds me tightly against her; my own tears won’t
stop, but I have to find it in myself to be strong. For her.

We lie here for a little while. “I need to go tell everyone what’s going on. Do you
want to see anyone?”
 

“No, not tonight.”

“Okay. I will be back soon.”

“Promise?”

She wants promises from me? “I promise.”
 

Just as I’m about to leave, a short, plump woman comes into the room. “How are you
feeling, Ms. Enders?”

She nods but doesn’t say anything. The nurse looks from her to me and back again.
“We’re fine,” she says. “It’s a long story, but we’re fine.” I hear her say the words,
but I’m not sure she believes them herself.
 

“I just want to check your vitals, and the baby’s, okay?” Cami nods.
 

The nurse produces a microphone-looking thing, and Cami lowers the blankets and lifts
her gown. The sight before me is in slow motion as I take in what I’m looking at.
If I didn’t know better, I’d assume that Cami’d gained some weight — there is a small
swell to her belly, but not noticeable — but I know her body so well, it is obvious
to me, and my heart pounds a little faster.
 

The nurse places the microphone to her stomach, and within a few heartbeats there
are whooshing sounds coming through the speaker. My eyes dart to Cami’s and she nods.
I sit down on the foot of her bed. My knees have gone weak. “Sounds good. Your vitals
look good, but, Ms. Enders, I recommend that you relax and get some sleep.”

“I will,” she says, but again the conviction isn’t in her voice.
 

“We can give you something to help you sleep.”
 

“Let me try first.”

“All right,” the nurse says, putting her equipment away, and she leaves the room.
Cami’s stomach is still exposed; my eyes go to it and she quickly tries to cover it.
 

‘Never, ever cover yourself from me,” I say as I take her hands and move them from
her gown. “Not now, not ever,” I say as I lift her gown again. I lean forward and
I kiss the small swell of her stomach. I can hear Cami start crying again. Her hand
comes to rest on my cheek. My head turns and I kiss the palm of her hand, and she
uses her fingers to tell me to come to her. I stand and walk toward her, leaning over
her and the bed. She takes my face between her hands.

“I love this,” she says as her fingers play with my stubble. “I love you.” She pulls
me down and kisses me. She kisses me like she’s never kissed me before, and I can’t
help but kiss her back. All the love we have for each other pours between us: no walls,
no barriers, just pure love.

I reluctantly pull myself away from her. I need to go and talk to everyone. They’re
all downstairs, waiting for news on Cami and what is going on. As soon as Beau sees
me, they all come running toward me. “She’s all right. Shattered, but she’s all right.”

“What’s going on?” Beau asks, “what happened?”
 

I walk past them to the waiting room and take a seat. I feel like I’ve just run three
marathons. “She’s been here in Phoenix the entire time.”

“What? Where?” It’s Mick who asks.
 

“Her old apartment.”

“Oh, for hell,” Beau says.

“But what about her now? What happened?”
 

“She called an ambulance because she was weak and exhausted, she started bleeding
and she thought something was wrong. She’s pregnant.”

There are joint gasps of shock. I am sure someone is doing the math in their head,
but frankly I don’t care. I know it’s mine.
 

“Did she?” Jo asks.
 

I look up at her standing next to Tyson, who has his arm wrapped tightly around her.
“No, she’s fine. The baby’s fine. They’re keeping her overnight for observation.”

There is a heavy weight that lifts from the room; the tension is gone in one big swoop
and all I want to do is cry.
 

Beau kneels down in front of me, looking up into my eyes. “How are you doing?”
 

“I’m wrecked, Beau. I’m so unbelievably happy that she’s alive, that she is well,
and that she is here. But I am scared shitless that she will leave again. I’m scared
shitless about the baby, I’m happy, I’m tired, I’m— I don’t know. I’m just wrecked.”