Chasing the Wild Sparks (27 page)

“Yes, but it’s driving me crazy! He keeps me a secret, Ricky!”
No. I keep her to myself. Big difference.

“Finn’s always been a private person, even with his career choice.”

“I know, but it’s like I don’t matter at all.”
She’s wrong. Not my career, my car, or all my autographs and sports junk. Not even my religion. Becks and Jesus Christ. That’s all I need in my life.

“You’re
all
he talks about. Becks this or Hadley that. It gets old.”
Ricky nailed that.

“Something’s been bothering him lately. I guess you two didn’t resolve it?”
Ricky, where are you going with that?

“No.”

I hear Ricky heavily sigh. I know he’s in an awkward position out there. He’s trying to defend me, but also protect Becks. Despite his faults—because I have plenty of them, too—he’s the greatest friend a guy could ever ask for.

“So, you’re not going to move in with him?”
he asks her testily. Ricky wants to see me happy. He knows how much I’m in love with Becks and how much I want her to live with me. He does like Becks. A lot, actually. He’d do anything she asked of him just because she’s mine. That’s how close Ricky and I are. Although, when I first introduced her to him, he was annoyed he didn’t get to her first. He was going to stop by the ER to see me that night since he was on patrol nearby, but he was needed on a drunk driving call. Sometimes I wonder if Becks still would’ve picked me or if she would’ve gone for Ricky, not that he would’ve kept her around for long. She’s not his type. He likes his women extremely adventurous and uninhibited. He also goes for the tits. The bigger, the better. Becks is absolutely perfect for me…in every way.

I can’t believe how much of a prick I was to her back there. I deserve to have my fucking ass dumped no matter how upset or wounded I am. She has her reasons, as do I for wanting her to be with me. Funny how I’m able to think this in my head, but when I speak, it all comes out as a fucking mess.

Alcohol is a spiteful motherfucker.

“No.”
Hearing that again only kicks me while I’m down.

“Oh. I get it now. That’s why he’s so upset. Finn never gets like this when he’s drunk. He’s a loveable, fun drunk. This isn’t like him.”
The alcohol isn’t the only thing fueling my actions right now.

“So you’re saying this is my fault?”
Yes. No.

“Sort of. I mean, he’s not a big drinker and this is the second time this weekend he’s been trashed.”

“And you think I’m driving him to drink?”
No. Yes.

“I don’t know, Hadley. He was pretty upset Friday night, too.”
Shit. He needs to shut up.

“Why? He told me he was going out with you after working on your bikes.”

Ricky closes the cruiser’s front door a little more. Stealthily moving my head to the side, I see them walking away. Why? So I can’t hear them? What the fuck is he going to tell her? I don’t have any secrets from Becks, except for one, and Richmond Charles Tesco had better not spill it.

I will shoot him with his own gun.

Revive him.

And then shoot him again.

What’s my best friend telling my girl? I peek over my arm again and out the window. Becks has her hands on her face and Rod is standing beside her, looking pissed off. What the fuck did Ricky just tell her? I can’t hear a damned thing over the constant radio communications and the engine running.

Now I’m worried. He wouldn’t tell her? Would he? I’ve known Ricky for six years now. I trust him and I don’t trust many people. I think I trust Becks, but then again, I’m afraid she’s cheating on me with Greg Rodwell. But even though they were dancing the way they were, I don’t think Becks would actually cheat on me. They’re already friends, so they have a connection, but it’s not intimate like ours…I’m almost positive. What we have is special and soulful. I want to be the only one to experience it with her.

If I didn’t just fucking threw it all away.

After what feels like a year and a day, I hear Ricky approaching and my eyes furtively slide up. I don’t want to lift my head because I don’t want to see Becks crying anymore. I also don’t want her to see the shame or tears in mine, either. She has never seen me cry, and she won’t. Ricky saw me on the verge of crying Friday night after I started downing shots.

I’m turning into a damn pussy.

“Alright, Wilder, buckle up. Let’s get you home.”

“Get me the fuck out of here,” I growl into my lap through clenched teeth. I don’t want to say more because I’m already on the edge of not being able to hold it together. He shuts the door and exhales a long and bothered sigh.

“Finn, what happened, man? She said she didn’t know if you two broke up or not. What did you do?”

I ignore his inquiry and ask one of my own as I swallow my sobs, refusing to let them out. I need to get a fucking grip. “What did you tell her?” I rasp and wipe my eyes with my thumb.

“I told her this was the second time this weekend you were trashed. She asked me if I thought she was driving you to drink. I said yes.”

I immediately lift my head. “Fuck, Ricky! Why’d you tell her that, you jackass!”

“Whoa, Finn! Do not fucking tell me that she’s not the reason why you’ve been pounding them back! I was there, man!”

I grab my hair and bend between my legs. “Fuck!”

“This is killing you! You need to tell her!”

“Fuck you!” I yell to the floor.

“Shit.
I
will then.”

Lashing my head up from over my legs, I lean closer to the divider and da
rkly warn, “You fucking do that, I’ll tie you up, and grind your face underneath my bike’s back tire.”

“Shit, man! You just threatened a police officer!”

I glare at him in the mirror. “Shut the fuck up, asshole.”

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you two tonight, but Friday night you were in shambles, too. I had to stay fucking sober so I could pick your ass up off the floor more than once. I’m not a cop for nothing. You were even drunker than this. I mean, yeah you’re tanked, but I can still carry on a conversation with you, unlike the other night when you didn’t even know your ABCs.”

I sit back and run my hand over my mouth. “I know.”

“So, did you break up with her? She said you said some ‘really horrible’ things to her.”

Ricky looks at me through the rearview and I turn my head to look out the window. “No. I didn’t break up with her, but shit, after the things I said… I don’t know.”

“What did you say? Just talk to me.”

I rub the back of my neck as I peer out the window. “I got mad because she was staying with her friend, Morgan, tonight instead of us going back to her apartment.”

“She turned down hot sex with you to paint her friend’s toenails?”

“I guess. Then, I had propositioned her to have sex with me.”

“Where? The club?”

I look back to the mirror, where he’s gaping at me. “Yes.”

Ricky continues to gawk in amazement. “Did you?”

I shake my head and look away from him. “She turned me down.”

“Good.
That
would’ve been an awkward call to respond to.”

“No shit. Although, it wouldn’t have been as awkward as that time we took home those two sisters, Mavis and Cindy, who waitressed at Jake’s.”

“Oh, yeah. The almost-foursome?” He laughs. I had become friends with Mavis since it was one of the bars we frequented between Ricky’s marriages. One night, I drank too many and Mavis offered Ricky and me to stay with her sister and her. They shared a bedroom in a tiny apartment and offered us their couch and recliner, but that’s not where Ricky and I ended up.

“Almost? We were all in the same room, but there was no way I would’ve ever been that close to your junk.”

Ricky shakes his head. “Same here. It was dark enough, but I still had to hear you fucking her.”

I rebut, “I had to hear
you
squealing like a girl.”

“Well, I had to stick close by in case you needed advice.” I can hear his smile in his voice. “You know…to show you what to do since you’re so virginal.”

Grinning at me in the rearview, I flip him off. He says, “I still can’t believe you slept with her. You never went home with anyone. I have to pay you to relax when we go out. An old lady at bingo is more fun than you.”

I shrug. “I got drunk, which I usually didn’t do because I was always the DD. You weren’t exactly sober to guard my virtue.”

He laughs. “Still, you fucked her and I was shocked because I was there to witness it.”

“It was dark,” I counter.

“I wasn’t deaf.”

I narrow my eyes and argue, “I had to hear you, too, Ricky. Your dirty talk is extremely disappointing. You were reciting ‘The Pledge of Allegiance.’”

“Fuck you, Wilder!” Ricky whines.

“After that, Mavis and I did get together a few more times, but you weren’t invited. You were…busy…elsewhere. It wasn’t the same without your squealing or pledge reciting.”

He looks over his shoulder to gripe. “Go to hell.” We both laugh, making me feel slightly better.

Turning his head back to the front, he states, “We’ve gotten into some crazy shit together.”

I protest, “No. I’ve been caught up in some crazy shit
with
you. That was the only time I went home with someone from your bar excursions, and she was actually someone I knew. You didn’t even know her sister Cindy before you slept with her.” I offhandedly mumble, “That was shortly before I met Hadley.”

“I tried tarnishing that halo some more, but damn, you’re stubborn. I’m sorry I failed to corrupt you.” He laughs and I faintly smile back.

I sigh and am quiet. Ricky asks, “What else happened back there with Hadley?”

“It turned into me blowing up about her not wanting us to live together.”

“I know how much you want that, man. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Then I accused her of fucking someone else.” I slide my hand through my hair and close my eyes.

“She told me she’s not cheating on you.”

“She told me no, too.”

“Hell, are
you
even fucking her?”

“Fuck
you,
Officer Tesco.”

“Hey, now! What about you, Wilder? Maybe she’s retaliating. Are you fucking anyone else?”

“You actually think I’d do that to her? Thanks a lot, asshole.”

He glances up to the mirror. “No, I really don’t think you would. I’m just checking. I think you’d tell me if you were cheating on Hadley. And if you didn’t, I’d know if you were cheating. I know you that much.” Total truth. He’d know. He figured out my secret before I told him.

“No. I’m not cheating on Becks.” I see him nod and I continue, “I then said some shit about…” I can’t believe I did that. I’m such a dick. I’m even too embarrassed to admit it to my best friend and I tell him everything.

“About…?”

“Us.”

“You and me?” he asks, confused.

“No, dipshit. Becks and me.”

“Oh! About? Sex?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “Yeah.”

“Did people hear you?”

“Yeah.”

“What exactly did you say?”

I blow out a huff of air and ruffle my hand through my hair. “I asked her something about her having a slumber party and complained about our first time together.”

“Oh, fuck. You’re screwed. I mean, you’re unscrewed! Shit. She’s not going to play with your dick for a long time.”

“Or possibly ever again.”

“Your first time? You said you two were on fire then. What the fuck did you have to complain about?”

“The wait.”

“Oh. Wow. Well, I suppose that’s not that bad. She’ll get over it.”

“I think I then broadcasted to everyone that she doesn’t give me blow jobs.”

“Son of a motherfucker, Wilder! What the hell, man?”

“I’m a dick. I know.”

“You took the words right out of my mouth! Shit! I can’t believe I’m actually hearing that from you! This is like a weird role reversal thing going on here! You’re always the good boy!
I’m
the deviant!”

“How bizarre,
officer
.”

He laughs. “Kiss my ass.” We stop at a red light and he looks over his shoulder. “Well, if you two do break up, are you going to leave? I mean, we had talked about it that if it didn’t work out with you and Hadley, you would leave Richmond. Would you still do that?”

I think about his question and when the light turns green, I say, “Yeah. I couldn’t be around her in the same city if she is with someone else.”

“Well, the first thing we’re going to do if you split is I’m taking you out and getting you laid.”

I roll my eyes. “Like I’d let you do that.”

He confidently nods. “You would. Believe me.”