Chasing Wishes (21 page)

"We... we shouldn’t be doing this," he whispers. "I’m sorry."

I know he’s right, but the words kill me all the same. We both saw what was about to happen—the incredible, wondrous thing we were about to do together—and the next step is too dangerous. He can’t be both a boyfriend and a boss. I can never let that happen—not while he’s still paying me.

I’m only one step away from becoming my mother if that happens, and I’ll
never
let myself become her.

"I’m sorry too," I whisper back as I hold the door open for him. "It’s okay, though—it’s my fault for—"

"No," he says abruptly, interrupting me. "It was horribly unprofessional of me, and I promise it won’t happen again."

His tone is cold and purely professional now, and I swallow hard as a lump forms in my throat. I don’t want the professional Terrence; I want the lighthearted man I just spent the entire night laughing with, the man who was about to tear my clothes in passion right there in the doorway until his bitch of a lawyer showed up.

The wall between us grows thicker and more impenetrable with each step toward his bed, and by the time he’s under his blankets, Terrence is so distant from me that I can barely believe we kissed at all.

Maybe he didn’t want me after all. Maybe it was only the alcohol. God, I hope not.

Please, please don’t let that be what happened tonight,
I silently beg as I turn toward the door. I don’t know what happened tonight—what brought us into each other’s arms like that in the first place, even—but now that I’ve had a taste, I want more of it.

"Anything else before I leave, sir?" I ask, emphasizing the final word as I look over my shoulder at him from the doorway.

"Could you bring me my cassette player, please? It’s sitting on the dresser, I think."

I can’t decide whether his voice sounds sad, upset or guilty, and a pang of remorse hits me squarely in the stomach. I don’t know what happened tonight, but I’m convinced now that I somehow hurt him.

I grab the old yellow tape deck and set it down on his lap as he nestles beneath the blankets. I haven’t seen a tape deck in years, not since my mother stole mine when I was sixteen.

"Thank you, Irene. Have a good night," he says, his voice stiff and awkward. I need to go—he clearly wants to be alone, and it’s best I leave before I ruin anything else tonight.

"Good night, Terrence," I whisper, and I hurry out the door.

Columbus is asleep on my bed with his head on one of the pillows when I get into my
room. I futilely try to shove him onto the floor. He’s not that big a dog, but I can’t even get him to budge no matter how hard I push him. I finally give up and climb under the covers, taking what little of the bed he isn’t hogging for himself.

I close my eyes and sigh, and the dog licks me on the cheek before falling back asleep again. It isn’t quite the goodnight kiss I’d hoped for, but it’ll have to do, I guess.

God, what a night... I have no idea what just happened.

The clock ticks ever closer to dawn as I lie in the dark, my thoughts spinning in endless circles until I finally fall asleep.

I
turn the invitation over and over in my hands as the taxi speeds through the woods, and I’m almost giddy with delight. ha today...

Isaac gave me the invitation on the final day of my in-school suspension and I saved up my pay from the diner for weeks afterward so I'd have enough to go to his party. I found the most beautiful, shimmering black dress I’d ever seen at the thrift store and snapped it up the second I laid eyes on it. The fabric is as soft as velvet and so,
so
comfortable, and I love how it sometimes looks purple depending on the lighting. I feel beautiful today and I can hardly wait to see how great the party is going to be!

I even managed to hide enough of my money from Mom to buy Isaac a present, but I left it back in my room like a dope. I’ll give it to him at school on Monday.

The taxi is more expensive than I budgeted for, but I don’t care at all. Right now, I’m too awestruck by the sight of his house to realize I don’t have a way home.

My god, this place is beautiful. It’s... it’s amazing! Ancient oak trees line both edges of the driveway and tower over me, their branches forming tall arches overhead. The flagstone driveway feels as if it goes on forever as I wobble toward the house in the black heels I purchased along with the dress. I’ve never worn heels before and I’m finding it very difficult to adjust to them.

At the end of the driveway, a hedge-lined stone path and whimsically colored balloons lead me to the front door. Ivy covers almost every inch of the stunning old mansion’s red brick and granite façade, and even the glassed-in conservatory at the east end has carefully situated ivy trellises. The estate’s lush gardens have a glorious view of Glen Lake, too, as if all this wasn’t enough already. I can’t imagine how much it must’ve cost to buy this place. Where do you even buy a mansion, anyway? You don’t exactly see them in a realtor’s window, after all.

Isaac has it all, doesn’t he? It’s all I can do not to start giggling. Here I am so proud of the dress I snatched up at the second-hand store and feeling like I’m dressed to the nines, and Isaac lives in a storybook mansion! It's almost as if I’m Cinderella on her way to see the prince.

I’m a little late to the party and the other guests are already here. I can hear them laughing and shouting inside, and it sounds like everyone’s having a blast. Isaac invited our entire class to his party. They all hate me, but I know they wouldn’t dare pull anything today, not at his party, right?

Or would they?

No, they wouldn’t.
I’m being ridiculous. It’s his party, and nobody’s going to ruin his day just to make me miserable.

I ring the bell—a deep, four-note melody that echoes loudly throughout the house—and eventually Isaac opens the door and beams excitedly down at me.

"Nina! I’m so glad you could make it. Come on in!"

Before I can react, he leans in and hugs me tightly. I take in a sharp breath as he holds me, and I can feel my face flush in awkward embarrassment as a smile slowly spreads across my face. One tiny action, just one little hug, and suddenly I feel like I belong here. I’m not the outsider anymore; I’m his friend, maybe fri aceven his girlfriend. I’m not quite sure about that part yet. Even if it cost me every dime I had to get a taxi out here—and it did—I’m welcome here today.

"Okay, the party’s in the living room right now," he says, guiding me through the labyrinthine house. "Make yourself comfortable, and have a drink and some snacks if you’d like."

We go down a long hallway, take a right through first one door and then another, and just when I’m certain we’ve gone in a circle, we’re suddenly in a wide-open room with couches, a big-screen television taking up most of the wall, and a glass patio door looking out over the lake. The room is packed with our classmates, and I immediately pick out Sarah’s glare in the crowd. Nobody’s particularly happy to see me, she least of all.

A glass shatters in the next room and I hear a woman start yelling. Isaac groans and shakes his head.

"Sounds like the caterers broke something—let me go deal with things before Mom flips out, and I’ll come find you in a few, okay?" says Isaac, and he shoots me such a sweet smile that I get lightheaded. Before I can say anything else, he disappears out the door again and leaves me with the rest of the guests.

Suddenly, I don’t feel as welcome anymore. The feeling of belonging crumbles away as the conversations die and the cold stares begin. Nobody in here is my friend—they all despise me for absolutely nothing. I never did a damned thing to any of them.

I wave awkwardly to nobody in particular, turn away from the glares and help myself to a can of soda. The whispering starts the second I’m not looking at them.

"What’s
she
doing here?" whispers a girl’s voice that I don’t recognize.

"Isaac invited her," answers Sarah, intentionally speaking loudly enough for me to hear her. "Just between you and me, he’s probably screwing her."

I manage to hold my tongue as I take a long drink of my soda and pretend I didn’t hear her, but my free hand still clenches into a tight fist all the same. I hate Sarah. I fucking
hate
her. I’ve never even kissed Isaac—how dare she tell anyone that I’m...

"Oh my god, no way!" titters another of Sarah’s awful friends. "Her? Who’d ever want her?"

"Isaac has a great eye for discounts, you see," answers Sarah, digging the knife in deeper and twisting it as I try to ignore her. "I mean, like, if she's already down on her knees scrubbing his floor anyway, why not get a little head while she's at it?"

That does it. I’ve had enough. Isaac’s party or not, I’m going to rip Sarah’s throat out.

Just as I spin around to face Sarah, a woman’s hand clamps tightly onto my shoulder and I nearly leap out of my skin in shock.

"Excuse me," Isaac’s mother says, clearing her throat angrily as she spins me around to face her. "One, the food is for guests only, and two, catering is supposed to be in uniform, remember? I don’t pay you to stand out here and stuff your face, missy."

Oh you stupid bitch
, I think, and a burning fury rises inside me as Sarah and her vile friends start giggling behind me.

"One, you don’t pay me at all," I fire back, dropping my voice to a low growl, "and two, my name’s Nina, and Isaac invited me as a guteddiv heest, ma’am."

Isaac’s mother blanches and then quickly regains her composure.

"He invited one of
you
?" she hisses at me.

"There’s only one of me to invite, ma’am," I answer, forcing a smile even though I hate her. "There’s no other Nina like me."

The room goes silent at my retort and everyone's eyes turn toward us. Isaac's mother stares disdainfully down at me, and I can't help but feel that she's growing taller with each passing second.

"No," she says firmly. "Isaac didn't invite you at all, you little liar."

Suddenly, she grabs me tightly by the shoulders, and her long nails dig painfully into my skin through the fabric of my dress as she shoves me sharply forward.

"Get out," she hisses, marching me toward the front door. "Get the hell out of my house."

"I told you," I yell over my shoulder, "Isaac invited—"

"He did no such thing," she interrupts me with a snarl as she pulls me toward the door. "Gregory put you up to this, didn’t he? He just can’t let it go, can he?"

Sarah snickers behind me, and her evil-hearted amusement quickly spreads to the rest of my classmates.

"Go back to my darling ex-husband and tell him to drop dead," Isaac’s mother hisses into my ear as she shoves me out the door. "If I ever see you here again, I’ll have you jailed until you rot."

"But..."

"Now get out!" she hisses, and then she slams the door in my face.

For one brief moment, the entire world is silent.

Then the laughter starts inside.

I’m so stunned, so upset beyond comprehension that I can’t even find the strength to get angry. I want to yell at them, to curse at them through the door, to do something—
anything
—to get even with them, but I can’t. I can’t do a goddamned thing.

I can still hear the laughter as I walk slowly toward the street, but somehow, instead of making me angry, this time it breaks me. I don’t even have money for a taxi home, but now that I’ve been thrown out, I couldn’t call one anyway.

"I hate you," I whisper as I walk slowly down the narrow highway shoulder. "I hate all of you."

I’m more than ten miles from home—a broken Cinderella without a carriage alone on the highway shoulder—and these heels are already starting to hurt my feet. A ten-
mile walk ought to be plenty of time for the tears to dry up and the usual fiery hatred to replace them, but I can’t make them stop today. Tears keep blinding me as I stumble along the road, and I can feel myself starting to break down.

This was Isaac’s big plan, wasn’t it? He found the ultimate way to hurt me, to cut me deeper than anyone else could. I hate him. I hate everything about him.

I hate... I hate that I liked him.

I start to cry even harder, and then I crouch down on the shoulder, rocking slowly back and forth in place as my misery overwhelms me.

If this was his plan, it worked. I’d rather die than go back to that school on Monday.

A
n ear-shattering buzz wrenches me out of my dream and back into my own room. I was sitting beside Terrence in his limo just moments ago, but now I'm lying in the darkness beside his stupid dog. It's not quite the way I'd hoped the dream would end, to be frank. Columbus doesn't even react to the buzzing, of course. It’d take a thunderstorm of sausages to wake him up, I think.