Cheaters Anonymous (5 page)

His mouth curved into a genuine smile, giving me back that extra courage that had evaporated the moment I saw him.

“A while. When are you going up?” I felt the urge to check out every inch of his skin underneath the suit and pinched my thigh to concentrate on the pain as it zapped down my leg. It was a trick I’d learned at the meetings and much less obvious than a rubber band around a wrist.

“I was sure I’d get a bigger reaction out of you than that. You’re not surprised to see me?” he asked.

What I was surprised by was his attire. Why so much clothing at a strip club? Did he want me to beg to remove them?

“No. It’s why I’m here,” I replied. His brow lifted slightly, drawing my eyes to the scar there. It was as beautiful as all the other scars on his body and gave him the dangerously sexy edge many men lacked.

“You sought me out?”

I couldn’t help but feel proud of the curiosity in his voice. Did he really think that running into him here was a coincidence?

“Not really. I just wanted to ensure my patient didn’t lose the sensation in his penis.” Feeling powerful and the one with the upper hand for at least a few seconds, I leaned into him, the loose cleavage of my little black dress lowering. His jaw tensed and pupils dilated, and I felt an old rush return to my body. I was much more comfortable with the way I looked now than the awkward teenager he remembered me as, or as the inexperienced woman he’d met at the ski chalet. And
that
gave me the confidence I needed to tell him about our reunion a week ago. “Do you know that after a prolonged usage of a cock pump, it may become one of the only ways to achieve an erection?”

My candid response definitely caught him off guard. It took a moment for the light to click on.

“Wait a minute. It’s still fuzzy... are you the doctor who treated me last weekend?”

I nodded and sat back.

With a smug look on his face he said, “Well, I can guarantee you that I can get an erection without a pump. If you’d like, there’s a back room I can let you examine me in.”

“Really, Scar? Do you see
stupid
tattooed over my forehead?”

He chuckled. “Same feisty and beautiful woman I remember, Jules.” This time it was Scar’s turn to move in. Inches apart, he inhaled deeply before touching his lips to my cheek for a tantalizing peck. “You smell like a fully ripened fruit, Jules.”

He kissed me again, this time a bit closer to the corner of my mouth, lengthening the smooch. “Raspberries, just the way I remember. I bet you’re juicy and delicious.”

Damn! His mouth is just as dirty as ever!

I felt his breath flow around my face and touch my mouth. I couldn’t move as I wished for his lips to be on mine. The compliment, and his closeness, warmed much more than my cheeks. They sent my heart racing and pussy throbbing. I was afraid my hormones were going on a trip of a lifetime, and I would have no way of stopping them.

“Are you alone?” he asked, as if his entire night depended on my answer. Of course I was alone. I’d been alone ever since he left me at the hospital in Colorado with nothing more than a note. I was more alone than I had ever been in my life. I shifted in my seat and took another swig.

“How did you end up at a strip club?” I changed the topic. There was no point in me beating around the bush. The fact that I was curious about my old friend wasn’t a secret. And I’d preferred that he answered questions about himself instead of me halving to talk about my screwed up past. “You were smart. With your experience in splitting couples apart, I pictured you as a lawyer handling divorces or something.”

He cringed for a brief second. “You sure that’s the only reason you’re here?”

That’s right, I forgot that swaying Scar’s attention was more challenging than riding a raging bull.

I let out a breath, contemplating my answer. Scar would know if I was lying, so I opted for a half-truth. “No, but I’m not willing to venture any further at this moment.”

If I were to bet, that growl I heard came from Scar’s chest. Did he want me to go into the uncharted territory that had lured me to him most of my life? I wasn’t sure just yet. Scar seemed different and more open now. There was a calmness in his eyes I hadn’t seen before. It was as if his tortured soul had just found peace, and I was the first one to see it.

I usually didn’t talk about my past, but I was comfortable enough with myself to admit to a man that I was attracted to him, simply because it didn’t mean anything to me anymore. It might have to him, but not to me – not since I accepted that I’d remain single forever. My honesty usually implied that I was an easy fuck. Except that in the past, when I was on the prowl, the man didn’t know I was the one planning to fuck him. And I hadn’t done that in over two years. I shook the thought away, even as it whipped through my body like a thin strap of leather.

That was the old me. The sick me, completely addicted to sex. Despite my curiosity about Scar, I’d trained my body not to act on impulse, and I knew I wouldn’t throw the last year away into the garbage – well, unless Scar jumped in with me.

Stop it!

“Drunk patients with no real injuries usually get dismissed right away. Why the preferential treatment, Doctor? Why let me stay until I sobered? And why the STD report?”

Aha, so he had noticed. Yeah, I might have gone beyond my duty. And what the heck was with all the questions? For a moment I felt like I was sitting in a witness chair. Apparently law school had stuck with Scar more than he knew.

“I didn’t want you operating another pump incapacitated and get it stuck on your cock,” I lied. Why was it so difficult to admit that I still cared for him? “Besides, is it so bad to want a friend healthy?”

His mouth lifted. It was so easy to talk to Scar, yet a bit intimidating at the same time. He had definitely changed: broader shoulders, sharper jaw, extremely sexy and slick hair cut, rougher fingers...
Oh, those fingers!
Maybe I shouldn’t have come here.

“And an STD report?” He interrupted my lust-filled thoughts. If anyone from my support group had seen me here, acting like this, they’d know I had just taken two steps back... maybe even more.

“Given your job, I thought you’d want to know.”

He let out a laugh. For a moment I thought I had offended him, but if I did he wouldn’t let me see it in his eyes. Scar was trying to give me the impression of a man who didn’t care. Or was I reading him wrong? Seeing how he kept sipping my drink, I waved to the waiter for another one.

“Well, then, it’s a good thing I don’t sleep around for money,” he said.

“I... I didn’t mean to... I just thought you worked here.”

“I do work here. I own this club.”

What?

“I bought Hounds the same day I left the ski resort.”

The day he left me with nothing more than a note.

The suit and tie made much more sense now. As much as I’d rather see Scar in one of the skimpy outfits most of the staff here wore, my imagination took me back to the last time I’d seen him wearing nothing – when he was at the hospital. In my mind, I wiped the paint away with my wet hands. Colorful streams flowed down his muscles and onto the floor, slowly and tantalizingly revealing his naked perfection, forming rainbow puddles on the linoleum.

Shit!
I couldn’t allow myself to think that way. Not about Scar. This could only mean trouble.

“How long have you been in New York, Jules? And why didn’t you come see me earlier?”

Because I was sick.

“It’s only been two years, Scar. I finished my residency in Washington and got a permanent position on Long Island.”

“Only? I thought our friendship meant a bit more than that.” Scar appeared completely hurt; as if I had been the one who’d left that day.

“And I thought I meant more than a note,” I spat back. My voice was beginning to shake. There was no way I’d let another man ruin me or make me feel like it was my fault, the way they usually did. Men hurt me before, but now I was strong enough not to let them.
He
was the one who left, not me. Why was it so difficult for me to admit to Scar that during the past two years I had avoided him on purpose? Deep inside I knew I couldn’t commit to the program with Scar around. He was the only man in the world who spun my mind like a carousel, and he didn’t even know it. He was my weakness, my Achilles’ heel. I got up from my chair and reached for my purse, “It was a mistake coming here. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

He grasped my wrist. The touch heated my skin, forcing my entire body to be that much more aware of him. It electrified me, and for the first time in years made me wish for one stolen night with Scar Wagner. That was all. Just one night – even if it meant my obsession returned. The need wasn’t about my addiction or a lack of faith in myself. I could be well again; all I needed was Scar. It was always about Scar and how much he meant to me. And even though I knew he’d crush me, I was willing to bet that I’d be the one to crush him first, simply because deep inside I was still broken, and I pushed men away as soon as I drowned in an orgasm.

As if sensing what his touch had done to me, Scar stood up and brought me closer to his body. He wrapped his arms around me, completely encasing me. I leaned against his hard chest, inhaling the blend of vanilla and paint. It was different from the slight smell of cigarettes I remembered, but just as exhilarating. He felt so good. It was almost like the dream I’d had over and over again during the past six years. Although I denied it, I desperately wanted to be back in his arms and to stay there forever. And so I sank into him, holding onto his arms with my hands, grasping the fabric between my fingers, praying that it was dark enough that no one would see my weakness.

“Jesus, what happened to you, Jules?” he asked, but then he didn’t wait for an answer. I knew he knew. Scar understood me inside out, including my pain. We shared a similar problem in the past, except mine had twisted over the years into a sick compulsion. “It wasn’t a mistake, Jules. I’m glad you’re here. Let’s find a more private spot to talk.”

C
HAPTER
5

With his hand on my lower back, Scar guided me to a secluded booth. I sank into the plush seat, and he squeezed in beside me. Regardless of the amount of space available, he was as close to me as only a lover could be. It made me feel warm and fuzzy and more wanton than I could handle. I was afraid that if Scar didn’t behave himself, I couldn’t either. Surviving this night would definitely be a challenge. If I could pull through without at least kissing him, I’d call it a success.

Think of it as a test.

And what was it with this feeling I had that someone else was still ogling me? It couldn’t be Scar. He was beside me. Yet I couldn’t let go of the eerie chills that swept through my body, even with Scar at my side.

“You look gorgeous with dark hair.” He curled a lock around his finger.

“I dyed it a year ago. Just needed a change.” I shrugged. I had it done the day I made the decision to get healthy. I wanted to be a different woman; anything better than a slut.

“I missed you, Jules.” He signaled a waiter for what I assumed was a drink of his own.

“Yet you never came to see me,” I said. “It’s been six years, Scar¸, and I didn’t even get a call from you. Nothing but a simple note.”

“I’m sorry, Jules. But staying away from you was for the best.”

Yet the story in his eyes told me something entirely different. Fear flashed behind them, along with doubt and confusion. If I were to bet, I’d say that for the past six years, Scar had been fighting demons of his own.

“For who?”

“For you and for me. You know how I am. Actually, you’re the only one who knows why I do what I do. And you deserve better than that.”

Scar had a talent of breaking couples apart. As an instigator, this meant that he’d probably slept with as many women as I had men.

“I had to remain on my own. After what happened in that cave, I was afraid I couldn’t keep away from you. That phone call from New York was my – and your – savior.”

How?

I watched the candle in the middle of the table lighten and darken his face with each flicker. The men took stage and the screams got louder in the club, but all I could do was turn my head to the man at my side and admire his chiseled jaw while the pain in his heart spilled out. His eyes shone, reflecting the glow that illuminated the glass top. He reached for my hand and started drawing circular patterns over my wrist. His mouth curved up slightly, and the next time he looked at me I thought I’d melt right in my seat.

“I remember the taste of your lips and warmth of your mouth, Jules. I don’t think I can ever forget that night. You were so wet, I still get hard at the memory. I’ve kept myself busy with work so that I wouldn’t pick up the phone and call you, Jules. You understand, don’t you? I am a bastard son who’s only good at breaking couples apart by sleeping with them.
That’s
why I never called. Because if something ever happened between us, I’d shatter you. I’d do the same thing to you my father did to Mom. My life is so complicated now. I’m the least deserving man of you.”

Was I holding my breath? It definitely felt like it. If it were any other guy in the world talking, I’d call bullshit. But this was Scar, and if there was anything that I knew about him, it was that he would never hurt me. And was he on better terms with Beth now? Scar had always held a grudge against her, claiming that she wasn’t his real mother. He was a product of infidelity: his father’s “straying seed,” as he called himself.

“You were better off without me. You needed to finish school.” I watched his face twist in pain as if he were fighting an internal torment. “But seeing you tonight, all I want is to have you in my arms again. Nothing else matters, Jules. Only you do. And if I have to suffer for the rest of my life and leave you alone after tonight, I will do so with my head held high, if that’s what makes you happy. But I can’t let you go thinking that I didn’t call because I didn’t care. It was the exact opposite.”