Cheating to Survive (Fix It or Get Out) (19 page)

She knew the wine removed her inhibitions but she also knew that she had too many. Too many unblemished qualities, her flawless way of living, practically perfect in every way. Ick, she was Mary Poppins.

Victoria laid her glass atop the dark-cherry coffee table, and then leaned her head onto the plush cushion. Aiden ran his smooth, uncalloused fingers down her cheek. His thumb reached up and explored her lips. His hand travelled to her neck, reassuring, calming.

Would he kiss her again? She wanted him to, she wanted him more than anything. Just a distraction as Heather said, that’s all it would be. Temporary.

Aiden arched in and brushed his lips over hers. They moved rhythmically back and forth, pulsing and massaging. His thumb returned to her face and stroked her temple.

She hesitated at first, feeling like a fourteen-year-old girl experiencing her first kiss. Well, not her first. That was awkward. But maybe the first real one, with someone who knew how to kiss.

But soon Victoria’s hand moved to his shoulder, then to that luscious hair of his. She opened her eyes to study it, but his dazzling eyes were studying her.

They kissed as song after song comforted them. The romantic jazz music floated through the room and cavorted in her veins. She imagined what making love to Aiden would be like but knew he would not try. The fruity flavors on his tongue and the softness of the cushion immersed her further into the dream.

Victoria placed her hand over his and then guided it up her shirt. He pulled his lips away and then his hand. She directed his head back to hers and let him know she wanted it. Her hand journeyed to his chest hairs and she swirled her fingers in figure eights, then unfastened his shirt buttons and extended her fingers down to his stomach.

Aiden’s finger streamed along her shirt buttons as if contemplating, paused, then wrapped around her neck instead. She rested her head in his chest and he massaged her scalp. For the first time in her life, she wanted to break the rules. No longer the model for perfection, tired of being so proper, she wanted to be shameless.

Victoria twisted out of his embrace and then pushed him down on the couch until her chest rested on top of his, their chins aligned, green eyes mirrored each other’s. Fifty-three years of living the ‘good girl’ life was about to disappear.

She inched herself up to reach his mouth and kissed him with more force this time. He returned the favor and weaved his fingers through her hair, embraced her face, pulled her close.

Victoria wrestled herself to a kneeling position. She grasped her shirt and liberated each button. He burrowed deeper into the cushions and watched her performance. The scarlet cloth cascaded to her hips and then glided to the floor. Her breasts overflowed from the cups in the navy blue lace bra, something she had purchased after their first kiss, something she hid in her sock drawer, something she planned to return.

Aiden slid his hands over her hips, thumbs touched her pale skin. They climbed to the dark blue material and Victoria closed her eyes and embraced the evening that was about to unfold.

He bolted up and removed his silky shirt. Then, in the midst of a kiss, swooped her in his arms and relocated to his bedroom.

The country French décor of his home continued into his bedroom. The wrought iron bed decorated with a red, gold and rust colored bedspread, luxurious yet inviting, called out her name. The sun setting outside the window made the foliage look black and seductive, while it cast orange light into the room echoing the orange clouds above the countryside.

He turned down the bedspread with one arm and then positioned Victoria on his crisp vanilla sheets, his lips still pressed onto hers. Aiden studied her. Would she disappoint him? How long had it been since she made love?

Aiden removed his khaki shorts, settled beside her and ran his fingers over her colorless body. Had time spoiled her appearance? His sturdy chest and trim stomach, his toned physique, all outshined her flabby layers despite their similar age.

His lips streamed down her neck into that cleavage, breasts bursting from their shelter. Aiden set them free and both his hands seized them. So long since anyone had touched them, neglected, they now responded, eager to entertain.

Her clothing peeled off piece by piece until the realization of her nakedness became apparent. The last of the sunlight peeked through the window. Grateful the dusk sky hid her imperfections, but in the darkness, she envisioned Ed. His beer belly, his bleach stained jeans, and his brusque cold manner. Victoria wrapped her arms around herself, the illusion progressed. The aroma of beer and his cigarette laced breath surfaced, along with his love for TV Land.

Aiden’s fingers ran between her thighs. The rigidness of her body so tense, so obvious, he removed his hands.

“Are you all right, am I hurting you?”

The night also hid her embarrassment, her cheeks flaming hot. “No, I just…” Suddenly her flaws and blemishes seemed trivial compared to the images of Ed, and new courage emerged. “I want to see you. Can we have a little light?”

Aiden lurched off the bed, switched the bathroom light on, then lit the cranberry candle on his night table. The flickering light squelched her images and brought back the fantasy of making love to Aiden in front of his fireplace.

Victoria noticed his tight burgundy briefs remained in place. With one deep breath, she rose, guided her hands to his hips and slowly slid them down.

Aiden felt larger and firmer than Ed, part of her had hoped she would be disappointed, anything to end this folly, but instead it only solidified her yearning for Aiden.

They kneeled before one another, explored each other’s bodies, hands clasped, kisses lingered, until they could wait no longer. He eased her onto the pillow and slid himself inside.

A hint of cranberry surrounded them. Their shadows bounced on the ceiling and flashed like teenagers dancing under a strobe light. Watching herself unbridled ignited her desires. Making love under candle light would one day become wild sex beside the fireplace.

This was better than any of the fantasies she had created in her head.

She rolled over and began to sob. Quietly at first, like always, but then her volume amplified.

Aiden rotated her onto her back and rubbed her forearm. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Victoria let out a chuckle, then a silly giggle, until a loud roar of laughter erupted.

“What’s happening, what’s wrong?” Aiden’s bewildered face waved back and forth.

“Not a God damn thing.” She grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him back down.

****

Victoria called Heather from the phone in the nurses’ station and asked to meet her in the patient lounge. She hurried past a cluster of nursing students and flew around the corner. The closed door surprised her. It was normally wide open with various family members discussing their loved ones. At 10 a.m. though, visiting hours had yet to begin.

The knob rotated in her palm and she eased open the door a mere inch. A long lab coat obscured any definitive observation. She advanced the door further. A jolt ran through her. Dr. Mangle’s mouth gyrated and rolled across a woman’s face. His movements powerful, she appeared hypnotized. It was Megan, a new nurse on her floor.

Victoria closed the door and took a few steps back. Did everyone cheat? A bonfire ignited inside her. The rumors were true. That repulsive schmuck.

Instead of leaving, she pretended to stumble into the door and wrenched the knob in an exaggerated manner, looked back over her shoulder as if in the middle of a conversation and hollered, “thank you, I’ll check on his tube feeding next.”

Dr. Mangle and Megan stood on opposite sides of the room.

“Oh, so sorry,” Victoria said.

“Not at all,” Dr. Mangle began. “We were discussing the sad case of Mrs. Neidman. So sad.” He wagged his head back and forth like a dog. “Megan, we should give her the Roxanol at this point and discuss palliative care with the family.”

Megan the dimwit stared at him, baffled. The skin around her lips, red and overcooked. He raised his eyebrows but it still eluded her.

“Very well then,” he said. “Let’s speak to the family, shall we?”

They skulked out together. Dr. Mangle patted Victoria on the shoulder like a small child and retreated down the hallway.

Victoria’s shoes sunk into the plush carpeting of the lounge only seconds before Heather charged in and closed the door behind her. “What’s up?”

“Well, I had one story to tell you but now it appears I have two.”

Victoria described what she just encountered and Heather barred her teeth. “I can’t stand that man, he makes me sick. Not sure why it bothers me so much, but it does. I wish I caught him, I wouldn’t have been as nice as you. That door would have swung open, catching them in the act.”

“I could imagine what you’d do. You’re too much.”

“He preys on these brainless low self-esteem women that fall for his crap because they’re lonely or single or just pathetic. Ugh, why can’t they see it?”

“Because they’re lonely and single and pathetic.”

The two of them laughed. “No wonder he never answers his calls,” Heather said. “He’s probably off having sex with them somewhere and doesn’t want to interrupt his fun.”

They shared equivalent judgments and means of torture until their stomachs hurt from laughter. At least they were able to joke about what bothered them.

Victoria glimpsed at the clock on the wall. “So, I have to tell you something. Do you remember that director of research from SandCrest Laboratories?”

“The one with the tight ass?”

Victoria giggled. “You would remember that part. Yes, him, Aiden. Well I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, really I am, please understand.” She paused and played with the plain gold band on her hand. “We’ve been talking on the phone every day for two months.”

“Get out!”

“No, seriously and it gets better. We met for lunch one day, about a week after the lecture, and talked for hours. Real conversation Heather, big words and thought provoking ideas, and it didn’t involve any television characters.”

Heather leaned back in the cheap torn sofa and her face beamed. “Go on, go on, you’re killing me.”

“About a month ago he gave me a personal tour of his laboratory, the meticulous grounds, the cloudless sky, abundant flowers, old fashioned buildings with wonderful architecture and magnificent sculptures. Magical to say the least. Ed worked that day, I woke to a quiet house, alone again. Because that’s how my life’s been Heather. Lonely and dark and depressing.” She bowed her head.

Heather stroked her shoulder. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“I’ve been depressed for a long time, longer than you I think. I fill my days with work and projects, but when I go home, it’s all the same. I can’t avoid what’s there – or not there. Throwing myself into multiple jobs is a diversion but that doesn’t fix anything.”

“I completely understand, you’re preaching to the choir.”

“I tried, I really did. For years I pretended it was just a phase and we’d grow out of it. Thought once our children were older we’d be able to rekindle that flame, but I realized that the candle has burned down to the metal plate.”

“Victoria, what did you do?” Heather released her arm, her face turned ashen.

“When we reached the lake, I started to cry. I don’t know why, depressed of course but it was more than that. At that moment, I felt such internal happiness but wouldn’t let myself be happy. I forced it down, deep down refusing to let it happen.”

“Why?”

“It’s wrong.”

“To be happy? To feel good about yourself?”

“Yes. No. I mean I try to make Ed happy, I try to be there for my children, but the three of them don’t want anything to do with me anymore. And Jean, well Jean she just…”

“Don’t even mention her.”

“No, but that’s part of the problem, it adds to it. The miserable life I have. There’s nowhere to turn, I go from work to home and it doesn’t change. The insults, the lack of support.”

“You deserve happiness, not just your family, we all do. Victoria, what happened, are you okay?”

“Yes, more than you know.” She grabbed the lapel on her lab coat and straightened it. “I started to cry. He’s seen me upset before, senses it on the phone. I try to hide it, you know I’m not like that, one to show my feelings, but a tear fell and once it started, well…” She looked at Heather finally, refusing to let her eyes wander away. “He leaned in and kissed me! It was astounding. It had been so long. An extended kiss, lingering and just wonderful.”

Heather turned away and shook her head in disapproval.

“Please, I know what you’re thinking. I’m a big girl you know.”

“I know, it’s just…I feel that maybe I put the thought in your head and I– ”

“No, no, I knew you would say that. It wasn’t like that. It just happened it wasn’t planned.”

“But if I didn’t cave with Silvatri maybe you would have thought twice, avoided him, stayed strong, maybe you– ”

“I knew what I was doing, I wanted it. From the first time I met him, he had me walking into walls. I didn’t have to go to the lab that day and I could have pushed him away. For once I wanted something for me. For
me
. Is that so horrible?”

Heather smiled. “How was it?”

“At first I was so guilt ridden, I avoided him for weeks. We spoke on the phone but I resisted offers to see him again. He understood. Felt bad that he did what he did but I assured him I wanted it to happen.”

“Then this Saturday– ”

“Wait, there’s more?”

“Saturday night Ed was incredibly nasty, ignored me, then went out with his friends. I couldn’t take it anymore. How much more can I do for him? I’m not his mother, we’re supposed to be partners. We were at one point, you know.” She waggled her head. “I called Aiden and agreed to meet him. The next thing I knew, his brick walkway appeared under my feet and then my shoes were off in his living room.”

Heather’s eyes expanded and she sucked her lips in to hide her smirk.

“Sure I could blame it on the wine, but I wanted him. Wine or no wine, I needed this.” Heather remained silent but the smirk on her face, unmistakable. “Heather, I slept with him. And it was amazing. I cried, cried right there in front of him, only they were tears of joy this time. I felt like the happiest woman in the world.”