Chenxi and the Foreigner (16 page)

Anna knew they had reached a point where, at home in Melbourne, a bumbling conversation about contraception might begin; but not wanting to spoil the moment she silently counted the days since her last period and decided it was worth the risk. She had taken risks before. Chenxi flinched as she reached for his belt buckle and she wondered if Chinese girls were so brazen, but then they were kissing again and it was so easy to slide out of their clothes. His body was long and sleek, smooth and hairless. Just as she had imagined it would be.

He seemed to like that she was taking charge and they were both breathing heavily by now. Her head began to spin. She pulled him down on top of her and he kissed her neck and then the space between her breasts. She slid her hands along his ribs to the curve of his lower back then shuddered when he slid inside her and arched her back to meet him.

She had fantasised about this moment for so long and now that he was between her thighs he felt like a stranger again. He moved urgently, but seemed distant. His eyes were closed. His breathing quickened and through the fug of her desire she thought of asking him to pull out, just to be safe, but then it was over. It was too fast. Anna tried not to feel disappointed. Was it always this way for girls?

He rolled off and they both lay on the carpet, staring up at the ceiling. The air around them simmered with awkwardness and desire. Anna propped herself up to look into Chenxi's face. The skin on his face was smooth and tight. The muscles around his eyes hardly moved, even when he smiled. But when she looked deeper, even deeper, Anna glimpsed a slow fire roaring. Then it was gone.

‘I must leave!' His voice was hoarse, and before she could protest, he was dressing.

‘Stay!'

‘Don't ask me to.'

‘Then walk with me in the park.' She couldn't be parted from him yet.

In the entrance to Fuxing Park squatted the old fortune teller. Anna had often watched him reading people's hands, as she read their faces, trying to determine whether they were happy with the outcome. Sometimes he had spotted her spying and called, ‘Tell your fortune? Tell your fortune, Little Miss Foreigner? I speak very good English. I tell you who you marry!' But Anna had always been too shy.

Today, with Chenxi by her side and the sensation of his skin still burning in hers, she felt daring and pulled him over to the stall. The fortune teller's face lit up.

‘Come on!' Anna pleaded coquettishly, but Chenxi stuck his hands in his pockets. ‘Just for fun!'

‘I no believe that rubbish!'

‘Oh come on!' Anna giggled and thrust her palm into the old man's weathered ones. The fortune teller's brow wrinkled as he traced the lines along Anna's palm with a yellow nail.

‘You have long life…' he murmured. ‘You have lots of money and success…' Anna smiled to herself. It was always the same.

The old man's eyebrows shot up. ‘You have many children!' he squealed. ‘With him!' He pointed to Chenxi. Anna pulled her hand away as if it had been burnt.

‘Oh nonsense!' She laughed.

‘It's true! It's true. You will marry this man!'

‘Come on!' Chenxi snapped. ‘Let's go.' He fished a coin out of his pocket to give the fortune teller, but the old man grabbed hold of Chenxi's palm.

The fortune teller's eyes widened in horror. ‘And you, my son,' he crowed, ‘will follow the path of your father!'

Chenxi pulled Anna by the arm into the park, while the fortune teller cackled behind them.

‘Don't worry,' Anna said. ‘I don't believe in that crap either. It's just for fun. They say the same to everyone.'

‘We each choose our own road to walk down,' Chenxi muttered, staring ahead. Anna skipped to catch up with him.

In the shelter of an ornate rock display, Chenxi and Anna found a bench hidden from curious eyes. At their feet a goldfish pond writhed with shiny scales that thrashed to the surface when Chenxi cleared his throat and spat into the water. Anna stared at the huge goggle eyes of the goldfish and wondered how to begin.

‘Chenxi, I've thought about this for a long time.' Her heart was pounding. She was about to declare her true feelings for him, and she couldn't bear to think they might be rejected. But if she didn't speak now, she would never know. After today, she was sure it was impossible that he couldn't love her, too.

‘I think there's a way I can help you,' she began.

Chenxi lit a cigarette.

Anna took a deep breath. ‘I can bring you back to Melbourne with me. There you will be safe. We would have to get married for the papers, of course, but the most important thing is you will leave China.'

Chenxi studied the top of his cigarette and blew on it. ‘I do not want leave China. Why you think I want to leave China?'

‘Oh Chenxi! You're just cut up about what that old man said. He freaked you out, that's all. Chenxi, I know what happened to your father. I know how you feel about foreigners, but you're just being ridiculous! I am offering for you to come to Australia with me! To leave China. You're not safe in China. In Australia you will be safe.'

‘I do not want leave China.'

‘You don't want to leave China?' Anna was incredulous. ‘But all students want to leave China!' Anna stumbled. She hadn't expected this!

‘But, you see, Anna, I am not “all students”.' His smile was forced.

Anna stared at him. Then she turned and glared at the fish pond. ‘You're crazy!' She was hurt and she wanted to hurt him. ‘You stay here and you're finished!'

‘Yes,' said Chenxi, grinning now. ‘I am crazy. That what my mother say, that what my college say, that what Chinese government say…' His grin turned into a sneer. ‘They all say, like you, to be artist is crazy. If that what you think, then I am crazy. What you want I do in Australia? Open Chinese restaurant like all my family in America?'

‘You can be an artist, Chenxi! You can be free!'

‘There is no use for me to be artist in Australia. There I have nothing to say. I am artist for China. China is my country that I hate and that I love, but China is me. In Australia I am nothing. In Australia it mean nothing to be free!' Chenxi ground his butt out with his foot. He brought his face close to Anna's. ‘You see!' he whispered. ‘Not all Chinese want to go to you precious Australia!'

Then he stood up and was gone.

The school children packed up their yo-yos and left. The strolling couples gathered beneath the trees and Fuxing Park became mauve and mysterious. In perfect synchrony, the lamps flickered, then gleamed. Under one of them spun a dizzy moth, under another sat Anna. When her legs began to numb and her bare arms to prickle in the evening chill, she stood up, crossed the park, and walked home.

22

The next day when Anna turned up to the college to find Chenxi wasn't there, she was relieved. The second day, annoyed. The third day, she began to feel worried. When she was eating noodles with Lao Li, she blurted out, ‘Lao Li, Chenxi
zai nar
? Where is Chenxi?'

Lao Li pushed away his bowl, grinning mysteriously, and beckoned for Anna to follow him. They wheeled their bikes into the crowded street and rode side by side along Huai Hai Lu.

When they had nearly reached downtown, Lao Li signalled for Anna to pull over into a vast square lined by long grey buildings. They parked their bikes in the crowded rack and walked to the building on the right, from which hung a long red banner covered in huge black Chinese characters. Anna looked at Lao Li for a clue, but he just beckoned her to follow him.

Inside the foyer, Anna realised they were in an immense gallery. Lao Li led her up the stairs, where the rumbling of voices grew louder as they reached the top floor. A crowd of people had gathered, many of them foreigners, along with a Chinese television crew. Anna skirted the crowd and saw students from her college who smiled at her. As she moved through the sweaty bodies, trying to see what they were all looking at, she came face to face with Laurent.

‘Hey,' he said, pushing Anna in front of him. ‘Look at this! Your boyfriend's putting on quite a show!'

Anna peered in and gasped. On an old school chair, sat Chenxi, bare-chested. Slowly shaving off Chenxi's long hair with an antique razor blade was Old Wolf. He stood behind Chenxi, dressed in a white fabric cloak printed with Chinese news clippings. All over the cloak were handprints of blood-red paint. As another lock of hair dropped to the floor, Old Wolf shouted out some words. Anna stood mesmerised, trying to understand. People and cameras were pushing to get a view. Anna wanted to catch a glimpse of Chenxi's face but his head was bowed low into his chest. On the floor around him, his blue-black hair glinted under the neon lights. Ebony strokes on the white stone tiles like Chinese characters on rice paper.

As the last lock of hair fell to the ground somebody cried out, as if in pain. Chenxi looked up, wild-eyed, and for a split-second his gaze met Anna's. Before she knew what was happening he had darted out of the circle and was swallowed up by the crowd. When she looked back Old Wolf, too, had disappeared.

Anna struggled through the mass of bodies to the stairwell, hoping to find Chenxi. As she pounded down the empty staircase, she heard footsteps echoing her own, close behind. In the foyer Laurent caught up with her and grabbed her by the arm.

‘Let go! Let go!' she snarled, twisting out of his grip.

‘No, you let go!' Laurent hissed. ‘Anna. You have to let him go.'

Lao Li and Laurent wheeled their bikes side by side along Huai Hai Lu, Anna a little way behind them. The two men had been talking earnestly for some time, but now Lao Li stepped onto the pedal of his bike and waved to both of them as he disappeared into the crowds.

Anna caught up to Laurent, impatient for news. ‘So that's where he's been, all this week?'

‘I suppose so.' Laurent paused to light a cigarette. Anna waited, irritable. He blew out a stream of smoke. ‘That exhibition was the work of a group of artists who call themselves The Red Wolves. Lao Li is one of them, Chenxi is their leader. The exhibition would have taken a lot of organisation even though it's only on for one day. So, yes, that's probably where he's been all week.'

‘Why only one day?'

Laurent began to push his bike forward and Anna hurried to catch up. ‘Because it's extremely controversial. I don't know if you got a chance to look at the works, but some of them were very…um…how could you say? Political. To say the least. Did you see that big painting of the Chinese Statue of Liberty with a gag around her mouth? That was Lao Li's work. There were other paintings from students at your art college, too. They were all pieces about freedom of speech and democracy in China. Chenxi having his head shaved was the climax. You couldn't understand the characters on the floor in front of him, I suppose, but they said: “I am having my head shaved for democracy”. These artists are hoping to get some foreign press.

‘In Beijing, students are holding protests for democracy in Tiananmen Square. Chenxi and Old Wolf disappeared because someone called out that the police were on their way. You get into a lot of trouble doing that kind of thing here in China. Especially if foreign journalists are involved. I told you, Anna. Chenxi is trouble. You should stay away from him.'

Anna stared at Laurent. ‘So why were you there? What do you care about Chenxi?'

‘I don't. I ran into Lao Li at the noodle shop. He told me about it. I'm not interested in Chenxi, Anna. I only came because I thought you would probably be here. I came to warn you.'

‘Has my dad set you up for this?' Anna asked. ‘Is that what this is?'

‘No! I know you might not think much of me, but I'm trying to look after you. There are a lot of things you don't understand about China.' He paused and looked into her face. ‘Anna…' ‘I can look after myself,' Anna interrupted and pushed her bike forward. She didn't want to embarrass them both by hearing Laurent declare feelings for her. Her cheeks began to burn under Laurent's intense gaze and she looked around for a way to change the topic. They were walking beside a high brick wall. Anna peered into a long glass case that ran along it. Behind the dusty glass were rows of black and white photographs of faces. Mainly of young men with mug-shot stares.

‘What are these?' Anna said. There was nothing Laurent liked better than to display his knowledge. It would get him talking about something else even though she really didn't want to listen. He annoyed her but, other than Chenxi and her father, he was the only person in Shanghai she could talk to in English. Once again she felt helpless. Always dependent on somebody to translate for her and help her around this indecipherable city.

Laurent read the Chinese characters below the photographs. ‘Look,' he said, wheeling his bike to a poster further along.

The photograph was blurry, but it was possible to make out a group of people standing around a man lying in the dust. His hands were tied behind his back and in front of him lay his decapitated head.

‘See. That's what happens to criminals here,' Laurent said, pointing to the photographs.

Anna shuddered. ‘What did they do?'

‘Mostly drug dealers.'

She looked at him. ‘Doesn't that worry you?' She pointed towards the headless man in the photograph.

‘Me?' Laurent gasped. ‘I don't deal drugs!'

‘You sell hashish.'

‘That's just to people at the university. I don't sell to make money, or anything. You're mad.'

Anna raised her eyebrows and shrugged. ‘Maybe?' She skirted her bike into the traffic, glad to be rid of him.

Anna watched her father help himself to the salad, and stared distractedly at the other tables. They had come to the restaurant where they had talks. Her procrastinating time was over.

A waiter in a bow-tie stood in a corner cleaning his ears with a matchstick. Anna smiled. She was beginning to admire the Chinese. They were conformists perhaps, from a western point of view, but they were also remarkably non-conformist as individuals. Chenxi's exhibition had moved her.
That
must be true freedom of expression, she thought.
That
was something powerful. Chenxi was right. It would mean nothing to shave your head in an art gallery in Australia. In China it was pure defiance!