Cher (29 page)

With regard to her own battles, Cher admitted,

I don’t scrub so easily anymore. I just don’t, or I just won’t. I said, “I’ll deliver you guys the show, and if you don’t like it, you can put it anyplace you want to, but you can’t say, ‘Make a show for eight o’clock,’ you have to make a show.” It shouldn’t be up to the artist to fit the network’s time that they’re going to show the show. They should just say, “Make the best show that you can,” and put it whereever they can (1).

One of the projects that Cher told me about in 1979 was her entry into major motion pictures. She had purchased the rights to a 1945 film entitled
The Enchanted Cottage
, and she was attempting to produce it and star in it. In the plot, Robert Young and Dorothy McGuire are misfits who met with circumstances that made them both unattractive to others. Young was a World War II pilot who had been in a accident that scarred his face permanently, and McGuire’s character was always considered ugly. However, when they were in one particular cottage in the woods, in their eyes each appeared to be flawlessly attractive to the other.

“It’s hard to explain this film,” she told me.

It’s a remake of an old film called
The Enchanted Cottage
, only it’s really modern. It’s a great film, and we’re going to do it real modern. I play the Robert Young part, actually. Instead of being a pilot, I’m a singer in a band like Heart, and it’s the same idea of the old one, just modernized so that it fits into what would be really upsetting to them today if something happened to them. I own the film, I bought the rights to the original about three years ago, and I’m going to do it at Universal. It’s a musical film like
Saturday Night Fever
was a musical film, or
A Star Is Born
. It’s not the old kind of musical, but it’s a movie with music segments. It’s a real good vehicle for presenting that story (1).

She introspectively added, “I know for myself, if something happened to my face, or something happened that would change me physically, my career and my life would be pretty much down the tubes” (1).

Naturally, Cher had her own distinctive ideas as to how to shape it around her own image, for what would have been her entry into major motion pictures. “We’re going to do it different,” she promised.

The cottage is not like a cottage, it’s a place. We’re going to do it in Colorado. It has something to do with a [recording] studio like Caribou. As a matter of fact, the guy said that we could use Caribou, he was really excited that we would do it. And it will have something to do with a part of this place that was built over a [sacred] place, or somehow, to get the enchantment part in. Because in the end of it, if you’ll remember, Mildred Natwick said, “The enchantment—there’s nothing in the cottage; it’s in you guys.” So, that’s the most important thing to show. I love it. I’ve seen it everytime—I’ve seen it a million times. And, there’s some parts that I laugh at. Mildred Natwick, I always laugh at her, because she’s right-on-the-money. But there’s still something about the film, that you’ve really got some feeling. I’ve got a terrific writer the girl who wrote
Coming Home
is writing the screenplay (1).

At the time, Cher was considering being the executive producer of the film. Among the male stars she was thinking about costarring with were Gary Busey and Jon Voight.

She was also already considering doing a play on Broadway. “Yes, I would love to do it,” she exclaimed.

It would have to be the right show, because I think to really do that kind of work every single day, it’s got to be something that’s really right for you. You can’t just like screw around. It’s not like doing television, where “I’ll do it once, if I don’t like it, it’s fine.” I was talking to Elliott Gould about that, because he’s thinking about doing another show, and I would really like to do it. I would like to do something like
Hair
in the seventies, you know, something really contemporary, with lots of singing and dancing—and BIG! I don’t know if that would be a good idea but it’s something that I’d like to do. I would like to do that. Something with a lot of Bob Seger music in it (1).

With regard to her children, nine-year-old Chastity and two-and-a-half-year-old Elijah, Cher claimed that they each listened to tapes on portable players. Speaking of Elijah, she said, “He listens to KISS tapes on his way to school. Chas listens to Richard Pryor on the way to school, and Steve Martin, and KISS tapes. They get a lot of input. . . . they get a lot of
extra
input, and I guess that it’s up to them to decide how it’s going to affect them” (1).

On March 7, 1979, the NBC-TV special,
Cher . . . And Other Fantasies
was broadcast. Her guest stars included Lucille Ball, Shelley Winters, Elliot Gould, and Andy Kaufman. In the opening segment, Cher is seen in about twenty-five costumes, beginning with nothing on but a long wig, as Eve in the Garden of Eden, while she sings, “T’ain’t Nobody’s Business If I Do.” The
New York Daily News
described it as “slightly gaudy, but amusing.” The
New York Times
spoke of the splendor of the sets and costumes, pointing out, “Cher seems more than ever like a figure in a Byzantine court ceremonial . . . her gorgeous robes, the unchanging
expression on those marmoreal features, the seeming sightlessness of those almond eyes, the cool, uninflected voice, an essential androgyny, all suggest nothing so much as a figure from an icon or mosaic brought not fully to life” (103).

In 1979, Cher was amid the construction of a new house in Los Angeles, which was destined to eat up much of her available cash. Located eight minutes from Beverly Hills, the house has a totally Egyptian motif. Constructed of columns with a papyrus design and a sandstone wash, it has an atrium in the middle, with a sliding roof covering it. Said Cher of her sudden ancient-Egypt fixation, “I’m crazy about that part of the world. I even loved [the film]
Death on the Nile
, because it showed Egypt. You could say the house was strongly influenced by Zeffirelli’s [film]
Jesus of Nazareth
. The architect and I got lots of ideas from the souvenir book that went out with the film” (104).

She further explained, “My architect is amazing. He and I spent a lot of time working together on the house. He’s really talented and highly respected. I’ve been reading about Egyptian architecture for the past two years. In the middle of the house there’s a two-story atrium and the roof will slide away so it becomes open air” (95). The house ended up going massively over budget, sapping most of Cher’s available cash, and it wasn’t too long before she was unsuccessfully attempting to sell it to recoup her investment.

Cher also delighted in telling people that her two best buddies were singing stars who hated each other. “I know it’s difficult for a lot of women, but I think I’m really easy to get along with,” she explained.

I know that must sound awful, but I know that I get along with Diana [Ross], and I get along with Bette [Midler], but I also know that Diana and Bette don’t get along. They’re not friends because they probably never made the effort. I mean, for a long time I didn’t like Diana, and I didn’t even know her. But when I was going out with David Geffen, who was friends with Diana’s ex, Bob Ellis, I met Diana and just loved her. And I met Bette when I saw her perform at the Troubadour. I bought her a pair of shoes that she wanted but couldn’t get because she was leaving town and that’s how we became friends (6).

When Cher took her new concert stage show to Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas and to the Universal Amphitheater in Los Angeles that summer, the program was filled with costume changes and conceptual staging. During one of her offstage costume changes, the transition was bridged
by female impersonators dressed as Bette Midler and Diana Ross, to poke fun at her friendships with the two totally different women. Cher once announced onstage her rule of thumb for live performances, “Never be in one dress longer than eight minutes” (105). She lived up to her promise consistently. Critics continually blasted Cher’s “style” over “substance” onstage, but everyone was always dying to see what in God’s name she was going to wear next in her shows.

She once confessed in the
Los Angeles Herald Examiner
,

You know, to this day, when I’m feeling nervous, I get this sensation that I’m the Dinah Shore of rock. I really love Dinah, but let’s face it, she can’t do anything. She’s just Dinah. And I think sometimes that I’m just like that. I don’t have a spectacular voice. I’m not that attractive. I don’t stand out at anything. But sometimes, just being famous is enough (20).

In her case, just being Cher is enough. However, she longed for more.

Randy Jones, the original cowboy from the group the Village People, met Cher for the first time during this era. “Village People were on Casablanca Records, and Cher was as well,” he recalled.

She already released
Take Me Home
, the album, produced by Bob Esty. We were in Miami, and we were at the NARM (National Association of Record Merchandisers) convention, where labels take their acts to perform, or show the acts off to the people who are buying the records—Sam Goody’s, K-Mart, Wal-Mart—all those people. She performed, did her number, we did a song or two. Afterward, I enjoyed a very nice limousine ride with her, and Neil Bogart, and Joyce Bogart—who was Donna Summer’s manager. I must have been like a kid, with my eyes wide open. I was sitting in a limousine, across from the president of my record company, across from the manager of Donna Summer, and sitting beside Cher. I used to lay on the carpet in front of the television in my parents’ living room in the sixties, watching her as a star. And here we were, buzzing down the freeway, and just talking like regular people. It was really a wonderful experience. Initially, I was totally starstruck earlier in the evening, and upon meeting her as a labelmate—I was kind of awestruck. But, what I think impressed me the most, being in the close confines of a limousine hurdling down the highway at 65 miles an hour, was that she was very normal. I remember her mentioning something about one of her kids, because Neil and Joyce had two or three children at that point. They were all commiserating about having children. One of her comments was made in the voice of her character, “Laverne,” about however she dealt with the problem. I was impressed that she just let me see her as a person, and not that Barbie doll from television. She was just a mother talking about her children. We aren’t that different in age. What impressed me physically about her, was her size. She’s so small. Like Marie Osmond, even her hands are tiny. Cher and Marie have big heads, but they are tiny people. She seemed so little and delicate in person. That evening, it wasn’t like she was Cher, being “Cher,” so much as she was just being Cherilyn (106).

Now that she was a disco star, Cher crossed paths with the members of the Village People quite a bit in 1979. Randy Jones explained,

The next time I saw her, she was over at the Casablanca offices, and I ran into her. We just exchanged words, and she mentioned that she was going to be recording in the studio, and she just offhandedly said, “You should come by.” And, I have found out since then, that she is not always the most open person about her recording, so, for her to say that, was something. So, I went over there and visited her. She wasn’t actually singing when I arrived there, but they were mixing the tracks. I sat with her for a half hour to 45 minutes. Bob Esty was producing. That was the second album she was doing for Casablanca,
Prisoner
. I remember her making faces while she was listening to stuff. Everyone becomes more accustomed to hearing their voice, and is pleased with it, as time goes by, but she was wincing at some of the things she heard that day. I got the impression that she was singing on that album, in a way she had never sung before. I don’t know if that was a good thing, or a bad thing, but she was recording in a different musical direction on that album (106).

Randy and Cher even became friendly enough to the point where they exchanged gifts with each other.

There was a shop called Machismo on Melrose Avenue at that time, which had all kinds of great gifts. They had half life-size figures that were like dolls, but they were soft-bodied dolls they made of like Marilyn Monroe, W. C. Fields, and Mae West. But, they would custom make them for you. So, I went there and I met the guy and asked if he could make two of them to look like the Laverne character, that Cher did on her show. I kept one, and I sent her one at the closing of her show in Las Vegas. It was half life-size, but for her, that was small! It had the tight pants and the headwrap, and the glasses, and the beads. When we did four or five nights at the Greek Theater [in Los Angeles], she had sent to me—for opening night—a pair of lycra pants, that were studded with rhinestones. So, when you wore them on stage, you just spattered light everywhere like a mirrored ball. She told me that they had belonged to Gene Simmons. On our opening night, I wore them with cowboy boots, and my guns. When I came out on stage in them, I could see the other guys in the group seething with jealousy. I looked like a dancing mirrored ball—thanks to Cher (106).

While Cher was busy touring in concert that summer, her next single was on the airwaves, further capitalizing on her
Take Me Home
comeback album. The song “Wasn’t It Good” made it to Number 49 on the pop chart in
Billboard
magazine in America.

In the autumn of 1979, Cher released her second album on Casablanca,
Prisoner
. Her first single off of the album was a song called “Hell on Wheels,” which was an ode to her roller skating passion. One of the most memorable songs on the album is a cut called “Shoppin’.” Talk about autobiographical—she even pokes fun at that initial shopping spree she had in the 1960s when she bought the three Rudi Gernrich outfits she never wore, ad-libbing, “Miss, how many colors do you have?” If you listen closely to the background tracks on this amusing cut, you can hear Cher poking fun at male genitalia, as though it was actually sex she was shopping for. “It’s all pink and wrinkled,” she says as though to a sales clerk, directly followed by the comment “What a darling little bag.” One thing that you have to admit about Cher, when it comes to being outspoken, she certainly has “balls!”