CHERISH (15 page)

Beckett pops his neck as he stands outside the door of the bathroom stall.

“If someone comes in here, there's going to be trouble,” I choke out as I stand, arms wide, hands pressed onto the metal stall walls, hovering over the open white porcelain wondering what more my stomach has to offer.

“You’re right. They will be in trouble if they think I’m leaving you for a second. Open the door, babe.”

“
No
. Gosh, I don’t want you watching me throw up again. You’ll stop wanting to ever kiss me.”

“That’s not possible,” he grunts through the door. I turn my head and I see his fingers curl around the top of the chipped, beige metal door. The man just does not give up.

“Listen. I think I’m okay.” The wave seems to have subsided as long as I don’t think about Northrup biting into that—

Too late.

I’m exhausted.

Everything crashes around me and I feel like I’m being tossed in a strong surf. I grab a few handfuls of toilet paper and hold them to my mouth, then toss them in the water and flush the mess into oblivion. Grabbing a fistful more, I press the white tissue globs into my eye sockets until I see stars.

With the nausea gone, I feel empty, and I explode into sobs.

The metal stall walls start to shake around me.

“
Beck!
What are you doing?”

It’s too late, he twists the door with such force, the sliding latch pops off, falling to the floor with a clink. Two seconds later he’s inside the stall with me.

“I’m not letting you be alone like this. It’s not fucking fair. I did this to you. I wish I could be the one that’s sick, babe. But I can’t, so I’m going to be next to you through all of it.”

I cry harder. My emotions come unraveled. I should be happy, ecstatic, but a surge of hopelessness covers me and I hate the familiarity of the feeling. Like the return of a destructive friend, the one you found the strength to say goodbye to a long time ago, and then there they are, smiling on your front porch waiting to be invited back in.

“See? I told you.” I choke and spin around to face the wall of Beckett’s white t-shirt.

“See what? I see my girl and she’s not happy, so clearly I’m not doing my fucking job.”

“
No
, see?” I wave my hands toward my face. “
I
can’t even handle being pregnant for one day, let alone having a baby.” I’m slipping into a darkness and part of me wants to claw my way up but there is a small part of me that just wants to let go and fall. My emotions are in such turmoil.

“
Babe
.” Beckett curves one of his massive hands around the back of my neck, fingers moving up into my hair as he steps forward and I feel the familiar hardness of his chest on my cheek.

“Don’t
‘babe’
me.” My bravado fades and he works his calming magic on me, a combination of the heat from his body and the slow, even thump of what has to be one of the biggest hearts in this world. But that old spinning is still there. The black sucking hole I’ve crawled out of once before is back and the pull is strong. I’m scared.

“I can’t help it. Besides, I can’t deliver you to Bruce in this condition. He’ll never let me live it down. Here.” He pulls a bottle of water from his back pocket, raises it and puts it in front of my nose. “Drink. I’m taking you home.”

“No,” I whine. “I want to see her. Let’s go.” I press my palms into his chest, backing him out of the stall as a tall, southern Belle type pushes through the door to the ladies’ room and nearly loses her french tips when she sees the force that is Beckett looming before her.

“’Cuse us.” Beckett gives her his most disarming smile and her eyes light on his scars, then dart to me trying to be sure there is nothing nefarious going on. “We’re done.”

“You okay?” she whispers to me as if he can’t hear. Her eyes now glued to the left side of Beckett’s face.

“Babe, you okay? Are we done?” I can hear the playful lilt in his voice, but from anyone else’s ears, he’s profoundly intimidating. I can see the woman take a breath in and hold.

“I’m fine,” I cough out.

The woman drops her eyes from Beckett and settles them intently on me. Beck and I begin moving forward when the Texas prom queen hits us again.

“Your sister,” she starts with a sympathetic smile, “or your mother—I’ve never seen anyone with hair like yours. Yours is beautiful but you two sure do still look alike. Can’t be mistaken for strangers, I’m sure.”

Beck and I are almost to the door when we turn back toward her and I feel my entire body turn cold.

“Excuse me?” I manage.

“I’m sorry. I know whatever is going on must be bad.” She snaps a piece of gum and grins. “We are in a police station, right? I’m sorry. But, she’s making things harder on herself, isn’t she? It took three of them to get her inside.”

The woman smiles and tips her head, watching me, gauging my reaction.

Before I decide what to say, Beckett’s hand is around my upper arm and we are in the hallway. The ladies’ room is close to the front of the station and as soon as we are outside the confines of the room, I can hear Holly’s voice echoing down the cinderblock walls.

“We got a call from CPS offices about a disturbance. Guess who we found?” Northrup leads us down a hallway as my heart beats hard against my chest.

Beckett

It's the second time in my life that I've considered hitting a woman. Both times that woman has been Holly.

The silence in the eight by eight-foot room hurts my ears, but I keep the peace even as my fists ball.

“No!” Holly’s scratchy, indignant voice pushes me to my limit. “I
never said that
. I always wanted you. And your brother.”

“I was there when you said it.” Promise is cold rolled steel staring down the woman that could be her own reflection in some fucked up carnival mirror.

A chill creeps down my spine as I look back and forth between them. Even the little mannerisms, like when Promise crinkles up her nose, and the way her hand flutters at her neck when she’s nervous are mimicked by this train wreck sitting across the table.

“Well, you heard wrong. Can I have a cigarette?” Holly turns to bark at Northrup, who in turn, raises one eyebrow.

“Ahhh, no.” He shakes his head.

“Then I want to leave. Am I under arrest?”

“No, but you are being questioned. And the more you cooperate, the more likely you will not be under arrest.”

Northrup filled us in before bringing us together.

Holly raised the roof with her boyfriend, Carl, over at CPS. She barged in, demanding to see Jeremy, who, for obvious reasons is no longer in their employ. Holly thought Jeremy would help her find Louis and Jordan.

Promise put her big girl panties on when Northrup asked if she wanted to have some time to speak with her mother. She nodded confidently and she’s been asking Holly some hard questions, all of which the older woman has managed to deflect with noise and bullshit as might have been expected.

“Mom.” Promise glances quickly toward me and I nod, urging her on. I want her to get this shit out, ask whatever she wants even though I expect the answers will provide zero comfort. At a minimum, I hope they will clear up any question around the fact that her mother is a narcissistic piece of shit.

“What?” Holly huffs with righteous indignation. If it wasn’t so sad it would be comical. I smile at this shell of a human and she squirms under my gaze. Her daughter is with me.

“Tell me about Louis. Why didn’t you tell him about Jordan?”

Holly exhales in a puff, leaning back in her chair with an eye roll.

“
Because
he’s a maniac. He didn’t deserve to know.”

“Why didn’t you press charges when he raped
you?” Promise continues.

“Who was going to believe me?” Holly’s eyes narrow at Promise and I fantasize about smacking the smirk off her face. I imagine the rusty wheels turning in her head, writing this story as she goes. It's quite possible she doesn’t even know the difference between truth and fiction.

Her body posture shifts. Holly sits up and points a finger at Northrup who stares back with an amused smile, waiting to see what pile of bullshit Holly has loaded up for his benefit. “He threated to kill me if I told anyone.”

I see from Northrup’s disgusted glance toward the ceiling he isn’t buying her endless line of sewage any more than the rest of us.

“Did you question his sexuality?” Northrup asks.

“
Sexuality?
What the fuck are you talking about? I didn’t question nothin’. I heard he was a fag, though. I did.” She looks at Northrup as if the information were terribly important. Like he might just nod and say 'ah, I get it.' “He came over, we were talkin’ and then he attacked me. Just like that.” Holly snaps her fingers in the air, then in a split second her demeanor spins and she looks like the cat that just ate the canary. “And he ain’t no gay either. Or, maybe I’m just that good I can turn ‘em back around.”

“You’re lying,” Promise shoots back and slams her hand down on the top of the table.

Northrup and I look at each other with pride.

“I’m not fucking lying.” Holly glares at her daughter. “Besides, what do you care? You never even tried to come find me all these years. I’m your
mother
.” Holly's voice shakes, like she's about to cry or something. I can't believe she even dares to throw that in there.

Promise’s shoulders straighten as she pulls at a couple of loose threads on the hem of her white silk blouse. I can feel the anger rising off her and I want to scoop her up and carry her out of here, but I must say, I am proud as fuck at how solid she is standing in the face of such pathetic evil.

“You are
not
my mother. You're just some woman called Holly Henderson. And I don’t believe anything you say.”

“Oh really? Well, aren’t you some big shot? You think I’m scared of you? Of him?” She points at me and I smile. “You married him?” Holly bursts out an evil, humorless laugh. “Aren’t you two a pair? You should be in some sideshow, both of you. You ever make a baby, the circus will be right there to see what kind of headline they can put on—”

Throwing insults at our unborn child sends me over the edge. The halo of darkness starts to form around the room and I’m on my feet. Whoever I was a second ago is gone. I hear myself growl and the chair I was sitting on flies back and smashes into the wall.

“Well, that was fun.” Northrup's eyes are wide as he looks around the room, which appears to have been redecorated by a tornado.

I shake my head, trying to focus. I find Promise. Her eyes are wide too, but I see concern for me, not fear of me.

“Are you alright?” She steps forward, her arms coming around my waist, her eyes studying my face.

“Fuck. I didn’t hurt anyone did I? I didn’t hurt you, right?” I cup her cheeks in my hands, straining to remember and knowing I can’t.

“I’m fine. You didn’t hurt me. You didn’t even hurt her and she deserved it.” Promise hugs me tighter, her face pushing against my chest as my heart beats triple time.

I glance up at Northrup who is nodding then shaking his head.

“I should arrest you,” he says. “But I won’t, because I wish I could have done what you did.”

“What did I do?”