Cherry Adair - T-flac 06 (20 page)

When had the balance of power shifted?

"Why do you care how we met?"

"Hey, it's conversation, okay?" She bit her lip. More lies. It wasn't just chitchat. It was holding Sean up and waving him at Derek to remind him that she wasn't available. She hoped to hell he believed that more than she did.

"Right," his voice grumbled in her ear. "You want to talk. When I'm far enough away for you to feel safe?"

"Hah!" she scoffed.
You betcha, Bubba
! "The words
safe
and
Derek Wright
don't belong in the same sentence."

He hummed, low and throaty in her ear, and she felt the vibration pulsing through every blasted cell in her body like a warm caress. Dangerous, dangerous man.

"I think I like that," he said softly.

"You would," Lily countered. She wished Derek had stayed in Montana as she'd asked him to. Then she wouldn't be traveling along this dangerous trail wondering about the ramifications of kissing the infuriating man, the equivalent of giving an inch, when she should have 100 percent of her concentration on what she
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was doing.

Of course if he hadn't been nearby she'd probably be dead now. Lily shivered at just how close she'd been. Twice. A cold chill snaked along her spine and it had nothing to do with the snow drifting silently through the air on gusts of wind. Derek had turned into some sort of strong, completely too attractive guardian angel. And she wasn't entirely sure what to think about that. A more unlikely angel would be hard to find.

"If you don't want to talk, I'll listen to my music. Are you going to tell me how you two met or not?" she said, more to break the disturbing electronic silence than anything else. Music, of course, would be a hell of a lot safer. Since when, Lily wondered, had she decided to live a little dangerously?

"Yeah. I'll tell you," he said, his voice suddenly soft and lethal. "Ask me whatever the hell you want about Sean and our relationship. Ask now, or forever hold your peace. Because, God help you, Lily, this will be the last damn time I'll discuss a dead man with you."

Her hands tightened on the handlebars. "The fact that you don't want to talk about him doesn't make Sean disappear." This was like poking a tiger through the bars with a sharp stick, Lily thought, unable to stop herself and not knowing why.

"How long are you going to let the memory of your dead husband dictate your life?" Derek asked in a hard voice. "There's respect for someone's memory and then there's using a tragic event to justify putting your own life on indefinite pause. Any idea when you'll be giving yourself permission to enjoy life again?"

"I enjoy my life just fine, thank you," she told him with every ounce of conviction she could muster.

"You
work
."

"I love my job."

"There's more to life than working." The nerve-wracking silence stretched out again.

Lily could see her shield crumble right before her very eyes, but she mentally held on to it with a tight-fisted grip. "Sean's only been dead six months. Hardly a lengthy mourning period by anyone's standards."

"Your marriage was over long before Sean died."

You have
no
idea
, Lily thought, getting a panicky feeling in the pit of her stomach as her safety shield cracked even further. Did Derek know that she and Sean hadn't had a physical relationship after the honeymoon? She sure as hell hoped not. He'd be like a bloodhound for sure.

God. She hadn't had sex in more than three years. That was probably why Derek's kisses affected her so deeply. Lack of nookie could do that to a girl, Lily decided. She stared at the unending vista of snow and trees that stretched out on either side of her for miles and miles. Lonely. Cold. Barren.

Much like her life right now, she thought, feeling restless and alone. It would be so easy, so very, very easy, to fall into Derek's arms and take what he wanted to give her. No matter how little, or for how short a period of time. But Lily knew she'd be worse off after than she was now.

Just because she didn't know what she wanted to be when she grew up didn't mean she could or should
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use Derek as a stop-gap measure now.

Changes had to be made in her life. She knew that.

But putting her hand into the flame to assure herself it was really as hot as she'd been told would be beyond stupid.

"Fine. We'll play it your way one more time." He inhaled sharply and blew the air out in a rush and Lily could have sworn she
felt
that hot breath brush against her ear.

"I have another ranch in Texas." He spoke softly, intimately, as if they were sitting across from each other at a candlelit table. She could almost
see
the wavering flames dancing in his dark eyes. She could hear the sigh of his breath and almost convinced herself she could smell his cologne on the icy air.

Lily's fingers tightened on her handlebars as her sled tilted and then bounced down onto both runners as she lost concentration again and just… felt.
Focus, Lily Marie. Focus
. He'd dropped back a little, but she felt him there, protecting her back, watching out for her. Keeping her safe. It was a strange, unfamiliar sensation. She didn't want to like it this much. Damn him.

"Sean's father—"

"Tossed him out on his ear and disinherited him," Lily inserted, fighting to maintain control. "I know that part of it."

"He'd had ranching experience. I hired him as a hand. Worked for me off and on for a number of years.

Then he heard of his father's death, and that the ranch was being sold off by the bank. He asked if I'd be interested. I was."

"Why?"

"Why not?" he asked mildly. As if everyone could afford two multimillion-dollar ranches in two different states. Why not indeed? "I was interested in expanding my breeding program with the Red Brangus," he continued easily. "Montana was as good a place as any."

Lily remembered Sean's father, Vern Munroe. A more cantankerous, judgmental,
unforgiving
man she'd never met. He'd regaled anyone who'd listen about his no-good, ne'er-do-well son. The details of just why father and son had never seen eye to eye had been lost in translation. Sean's mother had disappeared after going out to buy cigarettes when he'd been a teenager. The last anyone had heard, she'd gone off to Hollywood to break into movies. She'd never been heard from again.

Lily'd heard the stories for years, and vaguely remembered Sean from grade school. But she'd gone on to boarding school in San Francisco, while Sean had gone to high school in Billings. By the time she got back home after graduating from Texas A & M, he and his father had had their falling-out and he was gone.

Lily had found him amusing, charming and open when they'd first met. Sean wasn't nearly as smooth and sophisticated as Derek was; she'd loved that about him. He was still a small-town boy. A small-town boy who'd made good. When she talked, he listened with his undivided attention, watching her features, paying attention. He remembered things she'd told him. And God help her, she'd been flattered and dizzy with delight. He was her Prince Charming. Good-looking and clearly mad about her. He spoiled her with small gifts and bushels of flowers. He held her hand at the movies, and never pressed her to give anything
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she wasn't ready to give him.

Lily thought afterward that the reason Sean Munroe had married her was because she wouldn't sleep with him before he put a ring on her finger.

In retrospect, holding on to her virginity had been a damn stupid thing to do. She should have slept with Sean and got it out of both their systems. The relationship would probably have lasted five minutes.

In the beginning, when they'd first started dating, she'd used the loss of his mother and the estrangement from his father as excuses for his bad behavior.

Unfortunately, he'd never done anything to move forward and get on with his own life. Everything he said and did was always someone else's fault. He'd been "born under an unlucky star." He'd had "bad breaks." And, starting with his parents, people were out to screw him.

She should have paid attention to the signals. She hadn't been used to dealing with that kind of negativity and instead of running for the hills, she'd tried to fix him. The only thing wrong with that theory was, Sean hadn't wanted to be fixed. Sean
liked
being a victim. It was comfortable for him and a role he'd perfected over long, agonizing years of practice.

Sean never took responsibility for his own actions. His father had hated him. His mother had walked out.

Derek hadn't pulled his weight, and Lily wasn't supportive. It had gone on and on, until Lily had turned a deaf ear.

The town of Munroe—if a gas station, a Piggly Wiggly and the Methodist church could be called a town—had been named after Vern's grandfather. The ranch, started in the early fifties, was the largest in the area, and when Vern's health had started fading and he'd gone off to Billings to the rest home, a lot of people had been put out of work.

The nursing home had eaten up his savings, throwing the ranch into receivership to pay off the rest of his debts. As far as anyone knew, he hadn't had contact with his son in years.

Lily couldn't imagine bearing a grudge that long. Sean hadn't wanted to talk about it, and at the time she'd imagined the hurt had been so deep he hadn't been capable of discussing it. Apparently Sean's bad habits and even worse behavior had started early.

"So you came to Montana and bought Vern's ranch. Did Sean contribute
anything
to the purchase?" Lily asked curiously. Sean had told her he had. That as soon as he left his father's spread he'd bought his own place in Texas and made a killing in the cattle market.

"No."

"I should have known." Why would Sean tell the truth about anything when he so clearly preferred the elaborate lie? Lily frowned. "Then why on earth did you allow him to tell everyone you worked for
him'

?" Sean bragged about his holdings, about how many head of cattle he ran, about his prize bull—he'd let Lily name Diablo, for heaven's sake!

"I wasn't around that much."

The fact that he had another ranch in Texas explained his many absences. "True."

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"I figured if Sean wanted to play big man in Montana, what did it matter to me? We both knew the truth," Derek said in her ear, sounding as close as a breath.

It was considerably easier talking to Derek without seeing him. Lily bit her lip. Should she ask him about the bull-sperm sales now? Matt had made her promise not to talk to Derek about it until their investigator had more information. It made sense, she knew. But the bull belonged to Derek. Didn't he have a right to be apprised about what was happening?

Unless he was the one in charge of the illegal sales.

She wondered if the investigator had contacted Matt with any new information. Even now, Sean was making her responsible for cleaning up his messes. Knowing Sean's illegal scheme would have long-term legal and financial ramifications, she had a sudden, and surprising, fear that Derek would just wash his hands of the whole situation. She didn't want to confront the possibility of living without Derek in her life.

How scary was that?

God. What a mess.

As far as she knew, the sperm sale was the last bit of Sean garbage she needed to clean up before she could go about the rest of her life. Derek was right. She'd been on "pause" for way too long.

"How do you feel about taking a long break when we get to Rainy Pass?" Derek asked, closing the gap between them just as the trail emptied out on a bushy plateau at the other end of Squaw Creek. They were required to take two eight-hour stops, and one twenty-four-hour stop. As impatient as Lily was to skip those rules, a) it wasn't permitted, and b) at a certain point her body would shut down if she didn't take all three of those lengthy mandatory rest stops. But until they reached the Yukon River it was too soon.

She glanced at Derek out of the corner of her eye as he came up alongside her team. He looked like a wild Cossack with his bulky coat and black fur hat, the earring winking as blue as his eyes in the sunlight.

"Four hours'll do me," Lily said absently as her stomach did a little flip-flop. With
hunger
, she told herself firmly, trying her damnedest not to think of how smooth and firm his lips had been when he'd kissed her as they'd balanced precariously on the cliff side. Or how hot he'd tasted. Or how her heart had hammered and her knees had gone weak when he'd ravished—and that was the only word for it—

ravished
her mouth.

Turning her attention back to the trail before she tipped over the sled while fantasizing about his mouth, she controlled the dogs as they smelled food and put on a burst of speed. They were all hungry. A nice long stop was just what the kids needed. And she could get a few solid hours of much needed sleep. The adrenaline rush had left her a little shaky and a lot exhausted.

The kiss had left her with the inability to concentrate. A couple of hours of oblivion would do her good.

"Don't let me hold you up," she said casually as they pulled left onto Puntilla Lake for the last stretch before reaching the lodge checkpoint up ahead.

"Nothing's going to hold me up, sweetheart," he said with a chuckle of amusement, clearly seeing through the cellophane for the puny shield it was. "I'm a man on a mission."

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They checked in, then started a fire to heat the dogs' food, then took their bales of straw to a sheltered spot under the trees to spread for their animals. Derek smiled inwardly at how perfectly synchronized he and Lily were as they each performed their tasks and finished up at the same time.