Cheryl: My Story (22 page)

‘You know what, only
I
could escape the paparazzi and walk straight into something like this,’ I said.

It would have been funny if it wasn’t so embarrassing, but there was absolutely nothing we could do about it but put it down to experience.

I got on with the tour and really threw myself into it. I loved every performance and totally lost myself on the stage. It did me good to spend time with the girls, talking about high heels and hairspray instead of my problems. We actually sold double the amount of tickets we had done on the
Greatest Hits
tour the previous year, which was an incredible achievement. I was buzzing for the first time in months, and I wondered what on earth I’d been thinking of to even
consider
leaving the music industry.

At the end of the tour we did a private gig in Monaco, and while we were all sitting round our hotel pool one day my phone rang and I saw the name ‘Simon Cowell’ flash up.

I’d met Simon briefly the year before when I took part in
Celebrity Apprentice
for Comic Relief. I was in the girls’ team, and we had to phone people up and ask them for money. The first person I thought of was Simon and I wasn’t afraid to call him. I was filmed asking him for a donation of anything between £1,000 and £10,000.

‘I’ll give you £25,000,’ he said after listening to my spiel.

The deal was that the donors had to come down to a funfair we were running, or the money didn’t count.

‘Why did you give me so much money?’ I asked Simon on the night.

‘Because you were so blatant and have such a sparky personality,’ he said. ‘You’re opinionated too. I like that.’

Not long after that he’d asked me to take part in his new show,
Britain’s Got Talent
.

‘Hi Cheryl, how are you, darling?’ he’d said. ‘Listen, I was wondering, how would you like to be a judge on
Britain’s Got Talent
?’

It was a brand new show and I didn’t know anything about it.

‘No, I’m not sure that’s for me …’

‘But Cheryl, you’re perfect for it. I could see that as soon as we met on
Celebrity Apprentice
…’

Simon had then started explaining how the show worked, with the judges watching a variety of acts and pressing a buzzer if they wanted to vote them off.

‘I don’t like the sound of that. I’m not sure I could do that to someone. I know what it’s like to be up there on stage like that, being judged. It’s nerve-wracking enough, without a buzzer.’

‘That’s
exactly
why you’re perfect for the job. You can relate to the contestants. Trust me, you’ll love it.’

‘Anyway, I’m on tour right now,’ I’d said to him, which was true as I was on the
Greatest Hits
tour at the time. ‘The timing doesn’t work.’

‘Filming starts after your tour ends, I’ve checked.’

Simon had an answer for everything and was ridiculously persuasive, and by the end of that call I had reluctantly found myself agreeing to do it. I had no time to give it any more thought while I was still on tour, but as soon as we’d done our last performance I had started to deeply regret saying yes.

It was 2007 when all that happened. I’d been married for less than a year at that point and all I really wanted was to spend time being a wife. I just wanted to be able to relax and see Buster and Coco every day too, because I’d missed them like crazy while I’d been away.

I remember I agonised for about a week about what I should do about
Britain’s Got Talent
, and two days before I was due to start I phoned Simon and pulled out.

‘I’m sorry, but I don’t know the show, and I want more time at home,’ I told him honestly. ‘It’s just not for me right now, I should never have agreed.’

‘Shame that,’ he replied. ‘I was going to offer you
The X Factor
. What do you think?’

‘I wouldn’t do
The X Factor
for all the tea in China,’ I replied without hesitation, as I knew the show well and always watched it with Ashley.

My immediate thought was that
The X Factor
would be an even harder job than
Britain’s Got Talent
, because the contestants were all singers. That meant I wouldn’t just understand how it felt to be up there on a stage being judged, I would know
exactly
what was going through their minds, because I had literally been in their shoes less than six years before. I couldn’t take someone else’s dream away. It would break my heart to do that, and I told Simon there was no way he was going to change my mind.

‘As I’ve said, I wouldn’t do it for all the tea in China,’ I said each time he came up with another way to persuade me.

‘But thank you for the offer.’

I’d felt very relieved when I finally put the phone down, but Simon obviously didn’t like taking ‘no’ for an answer.

‘Cheryl, hi! It’s Simon Cowell,’ he said now, as I sunbathed by the pool in Monaco.

It was June 2008 and apparently Sharon Osbourne had quit
The X Factor
the day before.

‘Will you reconsider?’ Simon said.

‘What part of “no” did this man not understand?’ I thought.

‘Simon, I’m really flattered by the offer but I said last year…’

I don’t think he let me finish my sentence before he started trying to persuade me all over again to join him on the judging panel, alongside Louis Walsh and Dannii Minogue.

‘You’ll love it,’ Simon was saying. ‘It’s a buzz to mentor somebody and watch them flourish. I’ve heard you have a good ear for music and I know you’re gobby. I like that. You’re perfect. Trust me, I’m going to take care of you here.’

Simon was very clever. He knew how I felt about the judging element and ending people’s dreams, so he shifted the focus onto the mentoring part of the job, which I had to admit did appeal to me. Then, once he had my interest, he came out with the line that really caught my attention.

‘The best thing is, the focus is on the acts, not you. It couldn’t be more perfect.’

I hadn’t thought of it like that before. I’d been under so much scrutiny because of my marriage, and now Simon was telling me that this was a chance to do something that wasn’t all about me for a change. It was all about the acts, not me, and I liked the sound of that.

‘OK, I’ll consider it,’ I promised.

I think Simon took that as a ‘yes’, because it’s what he wanted to hear.

I immediately spoke to all the girls, and Ashley of course, and everybody said exactly the same thing: ‘Go for it – what have you got to lose?’

I had no answer to that, which was just as well because the press statement was out there almost before I’d drawn breath from calling Simon back.

‘Cheryl Cole to replace Sharon Osbourne as
X Factor
Judge.’

As soon as I saw the headline I wondered what on earth I was getting myself in to. What’s more, I only had four days to get myself organised before the first auditions started. This was crazy.

I remember my dad phoning me around this time, sounding a bit upset.

‘Cheryl, sweetheart, I’ve just seen on a documentary that you’ve had a boob job. I’m that shocked, I can’t tell you.’

‘Dad! I haven’t had a boob job,’ I replied. ‘How many times do I have to tell you not to believe everything you hear? They’re always making up stories about me. It’s doing my head in!’

‘Well, thank goodness for that. I didn’t think you’d do anything like that …’

I’d had the worst hell ever from the media for six months at this point, and my dad’s call added to my worries about what I was letting myself in for with
The X Factor
. Would the spotlight
really
be on the acts instead of me?

I was already in a daily battle with myself not to take out my frustration with the paps on Ashley, and there were times when I’d really had to bite my tongue.

‘You stupid bastard! This is your fault!’ I wanted to shout at him after the paps had camped outside the house or chased me down a street. One time I was literally running down an alleyway in central London, being chased by 30 strange men. I wasn’t even working; I’d been for a dental appointment, nothing more exciting than that. If those men hadn’t had cameras in their hands I could have called the police, but I couldn’t because they were doing their jobs, hunting for a story, and Ashley’s behaviour had turned me into one of their biggest targets.

‘I’m having a sad day,’ was all I said to Ashley whenever I was finding things hard.

There was no point in blaming him because it would only cause more trouble, and I knew he was struggling too. When I was away on tour he hardly dared to go out, and he started smoking for the first time in his life, to help deal with the stress.

‘Everybody’s watching, waiting for me to mess up,’ he said.

On one occasion, when he had to attend a football function, a blonde girl had tried to sit on his knee. Ashley swished her away and was fuming afterwards, saying the paps had sent her over on purpose.

‘They’re out to get me,’ he ranted.

‘It can’t go on forever, we’ll get through this,’ I said, though I really wasn’t sure how.

I had days when every time I saw a blonde woman I panicked, thinking it might be that hairdresser. I didn’t tell anybody that, because I didn’t want my friends and family worrying about me. I didn’t confide in anybody, in fact.

I remember just once texting my mam and telling her about how upset I was by the paps chasing me. She replied by saying, ‘OK’, which made me burst out laughing. My mam didn’t know how to text properly, but even if she did she probably wouldn’t have said a lot more than that. I hadn’t been brought up to pour my heart out, and it was a big reminder to me of how I’d dealt with all my troubles in the past.

‘Pick your chin up,’ I could still hear my brother Joe saying to me, and that’s what I was trying to do, every single day.

Taking the
X Factor
job was a good way of doing that, I told myself. It was something new and exciting, and what did I have to lose?

10
‘Everyone loves you. You’re a star. Well done!’

‘Me dad would always choose the song off the album that would be a hit,’ I said to Ashley as I tried to convince myself I could do the
X Factor
job.

‘I’ve grown up with that. I can spot talent, can’t I?’

‘You’ll be brilliant, babes,’ Ashley said. ‘And look at the other telly you’ve done – you’re a natural.’

None of the other TV work I’d done was remotely like being a judge on
The X Factor
, but I knew Ashley was only trying to support me.

‘Well, I’m doing it now,’ I said. ‘There’s no going back. If it doesn’t work out, at least I’ve tried.’

I didn’t say this to Ashley, but my attitude to a lot of things had changed since his cheating. The way I felt in Thailand, when I didn’t care whether I got eaten by a shark, was still with me. I’d been to hell and back, and nothing could ever be as bad as that. Not being a successful talent show judge certainly wouldn’t come close, so what did I have to fear?

That’s how I felt when I turned up for the first audition days later. I’d watched the last few series of
The X Factor
at home with Ashley and always really enjoyed the show. I’d always been able to pick out the winner too, and so it wasn’t like stepping into something totally unknown.

‘Just be yourself, that’s all you can do,’ Ashley said.

Simon came over to me with a cheeky, smug smile on his face. ‘I’ll guide you step by step,’ he said, which was good to hear, but I wasn’t even nervous.

Louis made it easy too. ‘Let’s forget everything that’s gone before,’ he said. ‘Calling us fat, you mean?’ I thought, but I just smiled and agreed with him. ‘We’ll let bygones be bygones.’

When I met Dannii I decided to get in first, saying to her, ‘Let’s not let the media make this a bitch fest.’ She readily agreed. I didn’t know what had gone on between Dannii and Sharon Osbourne at that point, but there were all kinds of rumours that they didn’t get on, and that was why Sharon had left. I really didn’t have the energy for all that rubbish and I didn’t ask questions. I just wanted to focus on the job and pick out the best talent, and I imagined that was all Simon wanted me to do too. I had no idea at the time, but I came to find out later that Simon actually
loved
drama between the judges.

One of the first auditions I saw was in Manchester, and it completely threw me. I recognised the contestant the second he walked in the door. It was Nikk Mager, one of the boys who had made the final 10 in
Popstars
with me, six years earlier. He never made it into the boy band One True Voice, but he hadn’t given up on his dream and was back, trying to win a recording contract, all those years later.