Authors: Cathy Keeton
They rejoined the rest of the people at dusk the next day. There was great joy when they rode into the camp, everyone was glad to see the son of their ailing chief return.
Green Eyes came rushing up to embrace her son and his wife. "I am so happy to see both of you, a group of warriors spotted Black Heart not far from where we left you. The warriors were hunting and did not know that you two had left the group. They did not return until midday today,” she finished.
“We have seen Lone Raven and suspect that Black Heart was close. Lone Raven attacked Abby with a knife late yesterday,” Shadow Spirit stated.
“Oh my dear, did she hurt you?”
“She didn’t, but only because she heard Shadow Spirit approaching, she was ready to kill me.”
“Please come and have something to eat, I know you both must be tired, you most likely did not sleep much.”
Green Eyes led them to a private little section of the camp where Yellow Dove and the chief were eating there evening meal. Abby noticed that the chief looked weaker than the last time she had seen him, his eyes seemed to have sunk further back into his head and his skin was visible ashen. He looked up from his pallet and smiled feebly.
“It is good to see you my son.” Chief White Feather whispered faintly, he was having difficulty breathing.
“I am happy to see you also Father. How are you?”
“I am as well as I can be, but I wish to talk with you while I have the strength.”
“I am here Father, what do you need to talk about?”
“A scout from another band of Cheyenne rode by as we traveled today; he said that there was an attack on a small village to the east of here, two suns ago,” he took a quick breath and continued. “He said that there were maybe a dozen white men and several renegade Cheyenne, they butchered and killed all the people, even the children.”
“Was it a Cheyenne village Father?”
“The scout did not know, he said that it might have been Arapaho, he did not actually see the destruction he only heard about it, we must be on the lookout.”
“Do you believe that they would dare to enter the Black Hill knowing that there are hundreds Cheyenne and Arapaho that winter there?”
“Our people will be safe once we reach our camp, it is well hidden for no white man has ever found it and never will. It is our brothers that camp more in the southern part of these mountains that I worry about,” the old chief fell back on his pallet, breathless.
Shadow Spirit motioned for his mother and Abby to walk a short distance away before he spoke. “I have never seen Father as weak as he is today.”
“I believe that he will rally as he has done before and if not I do not know how to go on without him,” Green Eyes cried as Shadow Spirit took her in his arms.
Abby watched as mother and son gave each other strength. She knew how Green Eyes must feel, she could not imagine her own life without Shadow Spirit, and they had only known each other a short while, his parents had lived side by side for twenty-five years.
Green Eyes swayed and almost feel to the ground when Shadow Spirit released her. “Mother you have to rest. When the new sun comes up you will ride on a travois with father. It is only two more days until we reach our winter camp, let us take care of you.”
“I will help you Green Eyes, between Yellow Dove and myself we can see to it that you rest,” Abby said.
“I know that you will be there for me, but you are both pregnant.”
“Yes we’re pregnant, but we’re sick, well at least I’m not and Yellow Dove is getting over her morning sickness.”
They ate a quick meal and went to bed close to where Shadow Spirit parents slept. They talked about the new camp, and about how strong Green Eyes was. They never brought up the subject of the village that had been raided or the fact that white men had been involved. Abby knew she was welcomed by all in this village and she believed that they had accepted her even though she was white.
She wept for the chief, and for his family. The next few weeks would be hard on them; she hoped that their faith would help them through. Most white people that Abby had known thought that the red man had no faith and were heartless heathens. They should see the people that she had come to love, their hearts broke and they grieved just like the whites do. She tried to hold back the sobs, but a small one escaped.
“Abby my love, why do you cry so?” Shadow Spirit asked as he gathered her in his arms.
“I am sad for Green Eyes for she knows that her husband is dying. I can’t envision me without you. I know that what is to come will be hard on all of the people, but she will lose the most.”
“I believe that my mother is strong enough to with stand this heartache. I only wish that a miracle could happen and he would live to see his grandchildren born, but sadly that will not be.”
“I know that he will not live to see our child born and that makes my heart ache. I also know that my father doesn’t even know that he is going to be a grandfather. I don’t suppose that there is any way to get a message to him, is there?”
Shadow Spirit flinched at the mention of Abby’s father. He should tell her, but he just could not stand the thought of her having to go through the pain that he was going to experience. He had decided not to tell her until they reached their winter camp; now he was not sure that that had been a good decision. He was afraid that the news of her father’s death would upset her to much, causing her to lose their baby. No, he would have to wait until the baby was born in the summer.
“I will see Abby, but please do not get your hopes up.”
“I have a feeling that my father may not still be alive, he was weak and sick at heart when I was kidnapped, I don’t believe he could have survived.”
“Oh my Darling I have to tell you something. Do you remember when the traders were in our camp?”
“Yes.”
“They had news about a man that died after seeing his daughter kidnapped by Black Heart.”
“You don’t know for sure that it was my father, do you?”
“No, not positively, but the traders said that it was a school teacher’s father.”
“Then it was my father.” She was crying softly now in a way that tore Shadow Spirit apart. Why did she not get angry and yell or scream at him. “How could you keep it from me. I can’t believe that you would do that, my father is dead and you knew all this time.”
“I am so sorry that I did not tell you sooner, I was so afraid that you would try to leave on your own and be hurt or killed. If it is any comfort to you he did not suffer, he saw Black Heart ride away with you, and his heart just stopped.”
“I need to be alone, please leave me.”
“Abby, please forgive me, I was only trying to protect you.”
“I know, but I need some time to grieve, I can’t talk to anyone now, please,” she cried.
Shadow Spirit walked away from the woman that he loved more than anything. He should not have kept it from her. He went in search of Yellow Dove he would explain what had taken place to her, maybe she could comfort Abby.
He ran into Gray Wolf, who was coming back from the stream. He was the only other person who knew about Abby’s father dying.” Hello, my friend,” Gray wolf said.
“I told Abby; she asked me to leave.”
“She will not want you to stay away for long. She needs you, but she is hurt and the pain of losing her father is clouding her thoughts, she is also angry with you for keeping it from her.”
“If she had become angry, I would not be so worried, but she did not; she simply cried softly and asked me to leave.”
“Perhaps she only wants some time alone with her grief. I will ask Yellow Dove to check on her before we go to sleep. Do you wish to set and talk with me while she is with Abby”?
“You are a wise man, my friend; someday you will make a great Shaman.” Shadow Spirit said.
Abby sat alone in their little make shift lodge, why had he kept such vital information from her. She had cried for her father, but deep down she had known that he would not survive when she disappeared from his life, so soon after losing his wife. She was not angry at Shadow Spirit, she was hurt and disappointed that he had not told her, but not angry. She knew she would get through this because she loved her husband and nothing could ever change that.
“Hello Abby.”
Abby looked up at Yellow Dove. “Did you know that my father was dead, and not tell me?”
“I did not know, I am so sorry, if I had known I would have told you.”
“I believe you; it doesn’t make it hurt any less to know that he died months ago. Do you know what hurts the most?” She asked sadly.
“What hurts the most Abby?” Yellow Dove came over and pulled her friend close.
“ It’s knowing that the last thing my father saw was me being taken away, and that he never got the chance to see that I have found the man that I was intended to meet and love for the rest of my life.”
“How do you think he would have felt to know that you are happy with the Cheyenne?”
“He was always appalled at the treatment the Indians received. Then when my mother was killed he changed, he became bitter, afraid, and filled with hate. I tried to tell him that Black Heart didn’t depict all Indians. He was beginning to come out of the house a little more, and spend time with his friends, but he still woke up every night sobbing. I don’t know if I could have convinced him that I was happy or not, I think that with time he would have come around.”
“Black Heart killed your mother, I did not know that.”
Abby told her about her mother’s brutal death and her father’s withdrawal from life. She cried more than she had since her mother died, she felt completely drained and knew she had to get hold of herself, she had to think of the baby. Abby’s sobs gradually subsided, and she slept with her head on Yellow Dove lap.
Yellow Dove shifted Abby around so that she was resting on the sleeping mat, and covered her with a buffalo robe. Poor thing lost her mother and father in such a short span of time; it will be terrible to lose her father, but it had to be so much worse to lose both.
When Yellow Dove returned to her own place Shadow Spirit was waiting impatiently. “Is Abby alright?” he asked.
“She sleeps, she cried until she was exhausted. She will feel better in the morning, she will still be sad, but Dear Brother, do not ever think that she does not love you beyond anything else. Abby will understand your reason for keeping her father’s death from her when she has had time to think about
“I am grateful to you for being with her when she did not want me there. I hope that she can forgive me in time.”
“Abby is not the type of person to hold a grudge against someone she loves as much as she loves you.” Yellow Dove exclaimed.
“I will go see if she is still sleeping,” Shadow Spirit said.
Shadow Spirit walked the short distance to where Abby slept. She never knew when he lay down and scooped her up close to his body, holding her and praying that no harm came to her or their baby. He tried to stay awake so that he would be aware if she woke, but he could not keep his eyes open. Shadow Spirit did not know that only a few miles to the south, Black Heart and Lone Raven plotted their demise.
After they reached the winter camp Abby tried to help Green Eyes all that she could. It gave her less time to dwell on the fact that she would never see her father again. Shadow Spirit father was barely hanging on to life and Green Eyes needed her and Yellow Dove not only to help with her husband but also for emotional support.
Abby had forgiven Shadow Spirit for keeping her father’s death from her, but she still could not forget that he had. Each day that passed made it easier to remember that he was only trying to protect her from more heartache.
Abby returned to their lodge to find that Shadow Spirit had built a fire in the fire ring in the center of their home and had left a pot of stew warming for their supper. They had been at their winter camp for more than a month now and the nights were getting cooler and the days longer. They’d had frost the last two mornings and to the north, the clouds looked heavy with snow.
Abby was filling their bowls with stew when Shadow Spirit walked in.
“Hello my sweet wife, how are you feeling?”
“I am a little tired and I don’t like cold weather. Do you think it will snow tonight?”
“I think that the snow is going to stay to the north it will not be of a concern to us,” he stated.
“I certainly hope so I already miss summertime.” She handed him a big bowl of venison stew filled with wild turnip and onions that had been gathered in the last weeks before they came here. Their winter camp was a sight to behold; hundreds of teepees were set up between mountains that protected the people from invaders and strong winter winds. There were several other Indians that also called this place home during the winter months. Yellow Dove had explained to Abby that their friends the Arapaho liked to live out the winter here.
“I can’t imagine how beautiful this place is in the spring, when the flowers are in bloom and the trees leaf out. I love you Shadow Spirit,” she quietly said as she began to eat her stew.
“I love you also. I am glad that you were able to get past my not telling you about your father. I do not think that I could have been able to bear you not loving me, I am a proud future chief, but seeing the hurt in your eyes brought me to my knees.
“Oh Shadow Spirit I know that you only did that to protect me. There is nothing that you could do to stop me from loving you.”
He sat his stew down, took Abby by the hands, and led her to their sleeping mat. He slowly undressed her and then himself. He kissed her with all the pent up emotion that had been slowly coming to the surface for the last month. He kissed her belly, where their baby lay warm and safe, he kissed and suckled her toes and trailed kisses hungrily up her leg, paying special attention to the back of her knees. Just when she thought she couldn’t take anymore, he entered her in one powerful thrust. This was the first time they had made love since arriving here and both were hungry for the other. They feverishly loved each other until the fire in their lodge had burned down to an ember, and their fire for each other had been satisfied.
Abby lay in Shadow Spirit arms with her head on his chest and listened to the beat of his heart return to normal. “Shadow Spirit, I don’t ever want anything to come between us. I want to spend all of my days living with our people and loving you.”
“I will always try my best to keep you safe and happy. I will never want anyone else and I will never take a second wife.” Shadow Spirit felt her tense at his statement.
“I would hope that you would not want anyone else,” she sat up and looked him directly in the eyes. “We have talked about this before and if you ever think about taking another wife, while I am alive, I will make sure she doesn’t get to enjoy what I have just had.” Abby laughed. They fell asleep still holding each other.
Abby woke feeling happy and contented. She sat up looking around the lodge for Shadow Spirit. Wonder where he went this early, she thought. She dressed and walked outside to look for him. She spotted him leaving his parents lodge coming toward her, he looked like he had been crying. She waited for him to reach her, from the look on his face she knew something bad had happened.
“Oh Shadow Spirit is it your father?”
“Yes, he is gone.”
“I am so sorry Shadow Spirit. Where is your mother, is someone with her?”
“Yes, Yellow Dove sits with her. He has been unwell for so long Abby and now he no longer suffers, he is with our ancestors where there is no war, hunger, or sickness.”
“I know how you must feel, the pain that your father was in was terrible, but it is still hard to lose someone so loved.” Abby took Shadow Spirit by the arm and led him inside their lodge. “Do you think I should go be with your mother?” she asked
“I need you here with me for awhile, there will be much to be done in the coming days, and Mother will need you then. Now, I just need to be with you and think about the new life that will come into our lives. Our child will bring much happiness to our village; he will be Chief of our people one day.” Shadow Spirit placed his hand on Abby’s abdomen where their child lay. “This child and the child of Yellow Dove and Gray Wolf will help my mother to live with the passing of my father; it will give her something to look forward to.”
“Your mother is a strong woman I just pray that the loss of your father is not too much for her to bear.” Abby stated. “Shadow Spirit what makes you believe that our baby will be a son?”
“I went on a vision quest as a young warrior, and in my vision I saw a family, myself, and a white woman holding a young boy.”
“Was the white woman me?”
“I could not see her face.”
“Oh.”
“In my heart I know that it was you, for you are the only woman that I have truly loved and the only one that I will ever love.”
“Thank you for being such a wonderful man, I am so lucky that you found me and rescued me from Black Heart. I hope that our child is a son, proud and noble like his father and his grandfathers.” Abby put her hand on Shadow Spirit where it lay on her stomach.
As they sat there remembering their fathers, the rest of the village must have heard of their chiefs death for the wailing began, it was the saddest sound that Abby had ever heard.