Chief's Angel (Biker Rockstar Series Book Three) (20 page)

“We should leave.”

We both stand and turn. We’re halfway back up the beach when my name is called.

“Angel?”

Shit, shit, shit.

I turn and stare and see that it is Max who has noticed us. His eyes widen at my belly, and then a smile breaks out on his face. Caden turns, and when his eyes meet mine I freeze. Nothing has changed, he still looks devastating. His eyes fall on my belly, and he stiffens.

“Hi Max,” I murmur, rushing off.

“Wait,” he calls out.

He walks over and smiles at me.

“Well look at you.”

“It’s nice to see you.” I say, unable to look at the eyes burning into my side.

“You too, that belly suits you.”

I smile weakly and stroke it, “Thanks.”

That is when I notice Caden walking over, my heart seizes.

I shoot Max an apologetic look. “I’m sorry Max; I have to leave.”

“Mandy?”

Damn it.

Max gives my shoulder a gentle pat before walking off towards the rest of the gang. I turn but can hear footsteps in the sand. Knowing that I’ll have to face him at some point, I stop walking and turn back around. Caden stops in front of me. His eyes fall on my belly, but I can’t read his expression.

“You kept it.”

It? Nice one Caden. “I told you I was going to,” I snap.

His eyes meet mine. “I tried to call.”

“To say what? That you don’t want to be a part of it?”

“I was wrong,” he whispers.

“Yeah, Caden, you were. It’s too late now.”

He grips my hand, and I want to tug away but I can’t seem to make my limbs move.

“Please, let me talk to you.”

“I have nothing to say,” I whisper.

“It’s my baby too.”

“A baby you didn’t want.”

“Fuck it, just let me talk!” he barks. I must have made a face because he immediately holds up his hands in apology and his tone softens. “I’m sorry okay? I have been trying to see you, but you wouldn’t let me. I’m sorry for what I said; I was wrong. I’ve been fuckin’ miserable without you. I don’t want to fuckin’ feel like this.”

“You should have thought about that…”

“What do you want me to do? Get on my knees? I will.”

“Caden, I want you to leave. We are over.”

Don’t cry, don’t cry.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me, and I’ll go.”

The situation becomes too much for me and my crazy hormones to take and I begin crying.

“You hurt me,” I choke out, face to the ground.

He grips my chin and pulls my face up.

“I know.”

“You didn’t want this, you broke my heart, it can’t just be fixed…”

“It
can
be fixed. It has to be. Fuck it Angel, I’ll do anything.”

“We were never meant to be.”

He shakes his head, “We were
always
meant to be.”

“Caden please…”

“Tell me it’s over, tell me you don’t love me and I’ll leave.”

“I’m not playing this game Caden.”

He grips my chin harder. “Tell me!”

“I can’t,” I cry, slapping his hand away, “I can’t tell you that I don’t love you because it would be a lie! I do love you, I never wanted to stop loving you; it was you that walked away. I wanted you in my life and not just my life but in our baby’s life too. But you hurt me, that
isn’t easily forgotten.”

“You still love me; even after everything I’ve done?”

I nod.

Caden
turns to walk away, but not before saying, “Then that is all I need to know.”

Jaxson and I head back home after my hormonal confrontation with Caden. I don’t know where things will go from here, but I know that I am not done with him, and it is clear he isn’t done with me. I head to work for another shift that night, I am tired and worn, but I need the money. My work has been supportive of my pregnancy, and my terrible morning sickness.

“Uh oh, you look ill tonight,” Analeice says, touching my forehead.

“Long day.”

She takes my hand and leads me out back, where she proceeds to hand me a glass of water. Ana and I haven’t spent a lot of time together since our last outing, due to my constant dramas, but she is always up for a chat during work.

“What happened?” she asks, sliding her bottom onto a nearby bench.

“Caden saw me today.”

“Oh no, how did that go?”

I sigh, rubbing my temples. “He doesn’t seem to give up easily; he wants to make it work.”

“Is that what you want?”

I smile at Ana. “This is his baby, of course I do.”

“Then let him in honey, if he wants to be a part of all this, you should let him. If it means seeing a smile on your pretty face again, then I say go for it.”

I smile at her, and reach out to take her hand. “Thanks Ana.”

“Always.”

~*~*~*~*

“Why are you here?” I say, leaning against the door frame.

“I let you push me away before, I’m not now.”

I stare at Caden, standing at the door decked out in leather and looking so God damned beautiful it hurts.

“Can we not do this now? I don’t feel well and…”

“Then let me in and I will take care of you,” he interrupts.

“Caden, please,”

“No Angel. I fucked up okay? It was a shock but I shouldn’t have done what I did. Do you think I don’t know that? I can’t take it back but I can try and make it up to you. Please, just give me a chance to be a part of this.”

“Caden…”

“Angel I love you,” he says.

My breath hitches and I fre
eze. He loves me? Those words; God those words. I have wanted to hear them for so long.

“What?” I croak.

“You heard me,” he says, stepping closer to me, “I love you. I didn’t say it before because I was a fool; but I mean it Angel, being without you these past few months has broken me. I can’t deal with it, I need to be with you; please, let me make this better.”

Tears stream down my face and I nod weakly. Above all else, I have missed him so badly and I need him, I just
need
him. There doesn’t have to be any more to it. He stands forward and takes me into his arms, and holds me while I sob.

“I am
sorry Angel,” he soothes.

He takes me inside and his hands slide over my belly, his eyes full of love and curiosity. He helps me into a bath, and he sits beside me stroking my body with a soft wash cloth until all the tears have left my body, and I begin to feel okay again. He is the only person in the world that can get so many different emotions out of me in a period of twenty four hours.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, running the wash cloth over my back.

“I am feeling better now,” I whisper.

“And the baby?”

“The baby is fine, he or she is healthy.”

“I am sorry you know. I said it before but I was a dick Angel.”

I laugh weakly, “I know you were, but it is over now.”

“I will do whatever you need me to do, you know that right?”

“I know.”

He smoothes back my hair, then reaches down to take my chin in his hand.

“I want this…”

“I know that.”

“I was just so fucked up over it. I was sure I couldn’t be a good Dad; how can I be with the life I lead?”

“Your Dad is a good Dad.”

He smiles, “I realize that now. I just didn’t look at it like that.”

“You will be a good Dad if you want to be; only you can make that choice.”

“I will do everything I can to be good to this baby, and to you Angel.”

Smile and look up at him from underneath my eyelashes. “I’m glad you came back.”

He brings his lips down onto mine, “So am I, believe me.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

“
You meeting your Dad?” Caden asks, stroking a finger over my cheek the next morning.

“Yeah we’re meeting for lunch.”

“Want me to come?”

“No, it’s alright. I haven’t seen him in ages so I need the catch up.”

He smiles, “Well I will be at Max’s house if you need me, okay?”

I beam, and kiss him softly. “Okay.”

“Take care of my little blob.”

“Blob, that’s so mean.”

He chuckles, “Shhh, he can hear you.”

“He?”

“Or she” he shrugs, “whatever.”

I laugh. “I have to go.”

“Later, beautiful.”

I arrive at the restaurant an hour later and take a seat at our usual booth. I order some drinks and I wait… and wait… and wait. I look down at the time; my Father is over an hour late. I don’t understand, he hasn’t called and he isn’t answering the phone. I take another sip of my water and a strange sense of foreboding overwhelms me. I wait a little while longer but when he doesn’t show, I drive over to the beach house. There’s no sign of him, and his car isn’t in the driveway, so I make my way home. Maybe he got caught up in traffic, and he can’t find a phone to call the restaurant and let them know he couldn’t make it.

When I arrive back to my apartment, I can see Jaxson is home. With a sigh, I get out of my car and walk inside. Jaxson is facing the window, staring out. He has the phone in his hand, and…is he trembling? I walk over, and put my bag down. I feel sick, and I can’t explain why. It is one of those moments when you know something is about to happen, but you don’t know what. All you know is that it will change your life.

“Jaxson?”
I say quietly.

When turns, I feel my heart stop.
Tears are pouring down his cheeks, his eyes are red and his lip quivers.

“Jax, what happened?”

“I…I tried to call the restaurant…but you were already gone,” he croaks.

“What
happened Jax? You’re scaring me! ” I cry, gripping his shoulders.

“Your Dad was on his way to the restaurant, and…he didn’t see the other car, it just came out of nowhere. His car rolled and….”

“Jaxson,” I whisper, feeling my world go dark. “What happened?”

“He is gone Mandy. Oh
God I can’t believe I have to tell you this but… your dad passed away half an hour ago.”

I can hear screaming and it takes me a moment to realize that it is me making the sound. I don’t feel my body fall; I don’t feel Jaxson’s arms around me. I don’t feel anything.

Daddy, please, no… say it's a dream; that it isn’t real.

~*~*~*~

The next few days are a blur; I don’t remember anything. I can’t think about anything but my Father and each time I do the emotions hit me all over again; I cry so much I run out of tears. Caden is by my side while I scream at night and sob continually through the day. My Mother comes back, and together we comfort each other as best we can. The funeral is today, and I can’t bear to think about it. I can’t bear to lay him to rest; it just doesn’t seem real.

We arrive at the Church to find it packed with friends and family. I don’t speak
to many of them; I just keep my head down. Jaxson holds my arm and Caden holds my hand as we line up at the front. The big wooden casket sits beside a dazzling photo of my Father; he’s smiling. My heart clenches and fresh tears stream down my cheeks. How will I ever get over this? How will I ever move on?

“I am here,” Caden soothes, holding my hand tightly, “I won’t leave you.”

I don’t answer, I just stand staring at what I know is the last memory I will have of my Father; him in a wooden box. When the Priest comes in and begins to speak, I zone out. I don’t want to hear about how much my Dad loved his life, and how good he had it. I shouldn’t have to listen, he should still be alive; he shouldn’t be gone. A song playing in the background brings me back into the room. My Mother rises to her feet and stands at the pulpit to make a speech.

It’s all too much and I physically crumble.

Caden catches me as my knees give out. I wail and whimper ‘Daddy’ over and over again. I never got to say goodbye. I never got to tell him I loved him one last time. He is alone now and he was alone before he passed; it breaks my heart to I know I can never change that.

Being unable to change the unchangeable is a gut wrenching feeling. I watch my Mother through my bleary eyes, I know how she feels. Still guilty over the break up, she will live with that forever. As the final speeches are given, I close my eyes and take myself to a different place; a place where pain and heartache were no more…

A place where I had my Dad… just one more time.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

FIVE MONTHS LATER

“Oh
God,” I cry, gripping my stomach.

“It’s happenin’,” Caden yells, pacing the room.