Child of Blackwen (An Artemis Ravenwing Novel Book 1) (43 page)

Netira awoke and felt a sharp pain in the soft part of her right ear. She rubbed it with her fingers. She pulled them away and was relieved when she didn’t spot any blood. She was confused, though, as to why she felt such a pain.

She glanced around the main room and was satisfied she hadn’t woken up any of the others. Taking care to maintain stealth, she took one of the cloaks that was left on the floor and stepped outside.

Netira sat on the steps and looked at the sky, which was only slightly lighter than when she first arrived at the cottage. Rubbing her fingers along her ear once more, the image of Karesu’s cross earring came to mind.

“You’re suffering,” she murmured. “I would give anything to be there so that I could free you from it.” Netira tightened the cloak around her while resting her head atop her knees. “I pray to the sacred sisters that they spare you from the worst of it until we get there.”

I was back in Ellewynth, as if Arlina hadn’t attacked at all
.

I was walking the path to Shadow’s house, and I found it strange that there wasn’t anyone around—it was so empty
.

My footsteps were heavier than usual; when I looked down, I saw the jeweled hilts of Mother’s sai sticking out from my boots. I did not remember how they got there, and I pulled them out. I gasped the moment I saw them covered in blood
.

As I dropped them, I tried to wipe my bloodstained hands on my cloak. More blood appeared the more I tried to rid myself of it
.

“Their lives are yours.”

I froze when I heard her. I saw Mother standing with folded, bare, pale arms; her violet eyes were cold, and she wore a black dress with an unusually long trail of cloth. I reached out to her, but she pulled back; Mother had a look of disgust on her face
.

“You weren’t supposed to run away. You were supposed to keep on fighting her,” she said as she picked up the sai. “You could have ended Arlina’s madness.”

“I’m not strong enough,” I answered. “Not yet. And…and the elves…”

“Dead. All dead!” She threw the sai at my feet. “All because of you. All because you are repulsed at your dhampir heritage. You could have saved them!”

“I didn’t mean for this to happen!” I cried. “I didn’t leave the city in time! The dhampir would have made things worse…I have no control over it!”

“Excuses!” She walked up and slapped me hard. “Unforgivable. You’re no daughter of mine. You’re no true Ravenwing woman.”

I felt my bloodied hands clench into fists as I glared at her
.

“You dare say that when one of the reasons I’m going to Blackwen City is to avenge you?”

I grabbed a sai and threw it. It missed her, and it made a loud thud as it impaled the tree trunk behind her
.

Mother’s reaction was only a grin. “Good. You’re releasing your true anger. It’s a powerful tool, Artemis. Remember that when you face an opponent, Arlina especially.”

She walked away before I could respond. When I looked back at my hands, they were clean of the blood. I found myself walking back to the tree where the sai was. When I pulled it out, the tree trunk began to bleed
.

“What in the world?” I dropped the sai. I could not stop the blood flow, not even with both hands
.

“Remember,” Mother began as she appeared beside the tree, “once you begin to take life, their blood will always stain your hands. You’ll have the blood of your loved ones on you as well…no one is immune to the consequences of one’s actions.”

I realized I wasn’t touching a tree trunk anymore, but an actual body. When I recognized the familiar green eyes that stared lifelessly into my own, I screamed
.

I snapped up from the floor and felt the blanket move with me as it clung to my sweat. I looked at my hands and remembered how much blood had covered them in the dream. Once I saw who that tree had been in the end…

I fought off the urge to scream.

I rushed to the washroom and shut the door, and removed one of the floorboards that hid the underground well. I filled up the bucket that was beside the door and thrust my hands into it.

In reality, they weren’t covered in blood, but I couldn’t help but feel like I had to keep washing them; I couldn’t shake the sensation of it. The harder I rubbed my hands together, the harder it was to keep myself from crying.

It wasn’t until I felt hands clasp my own together that I realized I had woken someone. I didn’t have to look to know who it was.

Shadow said nothing, and moved the bucket aside. I choked back a sob when I saw real blood on my hands. My nails had somehow shifted to claws, and I had scratched deep into my palms.

Avilyne’s hell…I was a mess.

“The dhampir is trying to tell you to stop,” he said quietly, while taking one of the washcloths and wrapping it around my hands. Streaks of red surfaced on the cloth.

“I just wanted the feeling to go away,” I explained, shaking. “I wanted the sight out of my head.”

“I understand it,” he said.

“How do you deal with it?”

“The nightmares?”

“The nightmares as well as the fighting.” I now felt the pain the claws had created and frowned. “You’ve been a soldier for most of your life. How do you live each day knowing you have blood on your hands?”

Shadow sighed. “It’s as I told you before. Sometimes it haunts me…and sometimes I’m just numb to the feeling because I
have
fought for so long. You will learn how to deal with it all as time goes on.”

“I dreamt I had the blood of all the slain elves from Ellewynth on my hands,” I revealed. “Dead. All dead.” I shuddered as I repeated Mother’s words. “Because of me.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Artemis,” Shadow said, his tone sharp. “Arlina would have done this whether you had or hadn’t been in Ellewynth.”

“But it
is
my fault, Shadow,” I growled. “And I’m now taking the rest of you to your own deaths.”

“Artemis, you’re not leading us into anything. The rest of us are capable of making our own choices, and we’ve made them.”

“I saw Mother as well, Shadow.”

He stiffened. “And?”

“It’s probably best not to speak of it anymore.”

“As you wish.” Shadow looked at my hands again. “We’re waking up Jack.”

“There’s no need.”

“Yes, there is,” he insisted as he folded his arms. “I will stick around to make sure that Jack tends to your hands.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Is this payback for the tunic bit?”

“Oh, no.” Shadow smirked. “I have yet to think of what I can do to you for that.”

Aerios blow me.

Talisa cursed as she felt the soreness from the battle in Ellewynth. She glanced at Lady Clarayne and knew the Elder felt worse than she looked. The Elder noticed her glances and waved her off.

“I’m fine, Talisa,” Lady Clarayne assured her while adjusting the cloak borrowed from the witch. “Artemis and Jack did their jobs well.”

“I know they did.” Talisa wrinkled her nose as the smell of ash intensified. They had almost reached the city that once held such beauty in the realm. “You didn’t even speak to Shadow.”

“On the contrary, Talisa, I did. You were still asleep.”

Talisa was shocked. “I’m losing my touch on these things!”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Lady Clarayne chuckled. “I’ve kept my stealth.”

“Clearly!” Talisa stopped laughing once she saw that the ground beneath her feet was covered with burnt vegetation and soot. “Avilyne’s hell. I never imagined I would see this again so soon.”

Lady Clarayne sighed. “Neither did I. It was impossible to believe that Ellewynth would always stand, but I hoped I wouldn’t have to relive its destruction.”

“You were a child at the time,” Talisa reminisced.

“And you were then as you are now.”

Talisa frowned. “My lady, you know I detest being reminded just how old I
really
am.”

Lady Clarayne smiled, even though she knew she shouldn’t have mentioned Talisa’s “special” situation.

“Forgive me, old friend.”

“I’ve already forgotten.” Talisa shrugged. “How did your conversation with your nephew go?”

“He and I had already said our good-byes,” Lady Clarayne answered. “This time…this time it was much harder for the both of us. He means to never return.”

“Shadow will be called a deserter, I know this…but surely that can be changed after this is all over?”

“He also attacked an Elder, Talisa.” Lady Clarayne’s lips curled into a wistful smirk, and Talisa knew the Elder enjoyed that fact as well. “That cannot be overlooked. Even if Destrius deserved it, Shadow committed an act that is unforgivable in our culture.”

“Sometimes one must do a little evil to achieve a greater good,” Talisa recited, trying her best to ignore the crunching sounds of the forest beneath her feet. “Something you would have said in similar matters, if I recall.”

“Indeed I would. But Shadow has chosen his path. I cannot change it even if I wanted to.”

“He’ll return,” Talisa said. “You know this.”

“Return alive from Blackwen City? Yes, I believe this,” Lady Clarayne said.

“Thank the goddesses! You’re both safe!”

The women saw Lord Celstian rush toward them, and they realized they had reached what were once the gates of Ellewynth. Talisa noticed the Elder hadn’t gotten any rest either, and he embraced Lady Clarayne. He did the same with Talisa, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“My lord, it would take
far
more than a fire to end me.” Talisa moved her hands on her hips in a defiant stance. “I think Lady Clarayne should be offended as well!”

“I meant no offense, Talisa,” Lord Celstian apologized. “Kiare be praised, I’m just relieved to see the both of you here and safe.”

“Where is Destrius?” Lady Clarayne inquired.

Lord Celstian rubbed his brow. “I left him back in the ruins. One of the healers is seeing to what he describes as a never-ending ache in the back of his head.”

Talisa burst out laughing. “It’s his ego that’s really hurting.”

“Oh, I’ve no doubt about it,” Lord Celstian replied. “As amusing as it is, that was an inexcusable action your nephew committed, Clarayne. Where is Shadow now? I have not found him.”

Lady Clarayne cast her glance to the ground. “He fought for this city and the realm, Celstian. He fought during the attack.”

“I know this,” Lord Celstian said, stern. “No one will forget all that Shadow has done for us. I know you are aware of where he is, Clarayne.
I beg of you, send for him. His honor will not be questioned should he come back.”

Lady Clarayne now watched her fellow Elder. “Shadow has a path he must follow, Celstian. I cannot take him away from it.”

“He is a soldier of Ellewynth, Clarayne. Shadow was not released from duty,” Lord Celstian sighed. “If you will not send for him, then you condemn him to our laws.”

“No.” Talisa put an arm around Lady Clarayne’s shoulder to console her. “She frees him from them.”