Child of Grace (Love Inspired) (15 page)

Did she?

“Kelsey? Will you be okay?”

She’d never answered his question.

“Yes. Fine. Thank you again for everything.”

She wanted to ask when she’d see him again. But she bit back the question, not certain she wanted to hear the answer.

“Okay. Call if you need anything.”

“I will.” She summoned up a smile. “But I’ve got other reinforcements I can muster, too. I’m going to call my sister as soon as you leave. She said she’d come and stay for a few days if… When the baby was born. And Dorothy will help.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it covered.”

Not even close.

But he was talking about practical issues, not matters of the heart.

“I’ll be fine, Luke.” Her artificially cheerful tone came out a bit too bright. “You don’t need to worry.”

He hesitated, as if he wanted to say more. But in the end he nodded, turned and walked out the door.

And short of a miracle, she had a feeling that in sixteen days he was going to walk out of her life as well.

Perhaps forever.

His phone was ringing.

At some subconscious level, Luke’s brain registered the sound and identified it. But translating that awareness into action was proving difficult. After coming home, getting cleaned up and heading into town for the late Sunday morning service, the stress of last night—and the lack of sleep—had hit him. He’d crashed on the couch, out almost before he hit the cushions.

He had no idea what time it was now. And he didn’t care. All he wanted to do was sleep.

The cell phone went silent, and he started to drift off.

Thirty seconds later, it rang again.

Groaning, Luke draped a hand over his forehead, pried his eyes open and squinted at his watch. Four-thirty. He’d been out for three hours. Not enough.

The cell went silent again. The ring had been muted, and it took him a minute to realize the phone had slipped off his belt and fallen between the cushions on the sofa. He dug it out, planning to check his voicemail, when it rang again.

Someone really wanted to reach him.

Kelsey?

His pulse kicked up a notch, but a quick check of caller ID relieved his mind. It was Hannah.

“Missing me already?” He swung his feet to the floor, stifling a yawn as he sat.

“Very funny. Listen, I have some news.”

The undercurrent of excitement in her voice piqued his interest. “What’s up?”

“You’ll never guess who tweeted me last night! Well, not me directly. Carlos.”

At she rattled off the name of a Grammy-award-winning singer, Luke’s eyebrows rose. “That’s impressive. What did she say?”

“That she was touched by the story about the fundraiser and was going to check out the website. And get this—our number of followers has
tripled
since then! That should mean more contributions. But I have even better news. I sent her a private tweet in response, and she got back in touch after she looked at the website. She said she was going to be doing a concert in Grand Rapids the day after the dinner, and she was willing to stop in at the auction and do a couple of songs! I sent her your cell number. She’s going to call you. Isn’t that fabulous?”

It was more than fabulous. Over the past few weeks, Luke’s work with Kelsey on PR for the youth center project had taught him the value of this kind of publicity. With a name like that aligned with their cause, they’d have no problem selling every seat at the dinner and generating national coverage for the event. All of which should translate into a big boost in their efforts to raise enough dollars to turn Carlos’s dream into a reality.

“It’s amazing.” Luke leaned back against the couch and stared out the window at the deep blue sky, cloudless on this mid-August day. “You know, if you and Kelsey hadn’t jumped on board, the youth center project would still be just a local fundraiser that might or might not get us where we need to be.”

“I didn’t do much. Setting up the Twitter page was easy. Kelsey’s done the real publicity work. I tried to call her a bunch of times to share my news, but she’s not answering or returning my calls.”

“That’s because she’s been busy having a baby.”

Dead silence greeted that announcement, followed by an explosive response.

“But she’s not due for weeks! Is she okay? Is the baby okay? What did she have? Has she picked a name? When is she—”

“Whoa! One question at a time. Everyone is fine. The baby’s name is Grace Elizabeth.”

“Grace Elizabeth. I like it. Wow. This is so cool!”

Luke could think of other ways to describe it, but he remained silent.

“So have you seen her?” Hannah prodded.

“Yes.”

“And…?”

“And what?”

“Come on, Luke! I want details. Is she ecstatic? Is the baby cute?”

He thought about the look of luminous joy on Kelsey’s face as she’d gazed at her new daughter. Pictured the big, blue eyes of the baby, fixated on her mother, and the blond ringlets.

“Yes to both.”

She huffed out a frustrated breath. “Boy, it’s like pulling teeth to get information from you. I’ll just have to call her directly. Where is she?”

“Holland Hospital.”

“Got it. When are you going to see her again?”

“I don’t know, Hannah.”

In the silence that followed, he could imagine the gears turning in his sister’s head. Could visualize her eyes narrowing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

He raked his fingers through his hair. “It means things are complicated.”

“They don’t have to be.”

For all her maturity, Luke knew his sister still harbored juvenile romantic fantasies. But real life didn’t come with happy endings all neatly tied up with ribbon.

“It’s more complicated than you think, Hannah.”

“Why? Did the baby’s father show up?”

“No. And he won’t.”

“O-kaaay. You obviously know more about that than you’re telling. That’s fine. I’m not going to pry. But if the father’s out of the picture, what’s the big problem?”

“Geography. And don’t start on the long-distance courtship thing again. That’s a manageable short-term problem. Think long-term. My job is in Atlanta. A job I am very much looking forward to. Kelsey’s life and her work are here. She wouldn’t want to leave Michigan.”

“How do you know? Have you asked her?”

“No. It would be a little premature for that. But I know how much she loves this place. I can’t see her leaving.”

“You know, before you write her off for that—
if
that’s the main reason—you might want to have a little chat with her on the subject.”

A frown creased Luke’s brow. “What do you know that I don’t know?”

“Ask her yourself. I wouldn’t want to betray any confidences. In the meantime, you better check your messages. I bet you’ll find one from a very well-known singer. And now I’m calling Kelsey to give her the news and get some
details
on her and the baby. Talk to you later, Luke.”

The line went dead.

His mind occupied with Hannah’s comments about Kelsey, Luke shifted into autopilot and followed his sister’s instruction to check his messages. Most were from Hannah. But sure enough, the pop star had also left a message. And her phone number.

If they could actually work out the logistics, it would be a bonanza. One they needed to milk from every possible angle. And that required very special expertise. The kind Kelsey possessed.

Sliding the phone back onto his belt, Luke rose and wandered out to the deck. He needed Kelsey. And not just for the youth center project. Watching her last night, scared out of her mind but somehow managing to insert touches of humor into the situation, he’d known this was the kind of woman he wanted by his side in good times and bad. She’d had more adversity in the past year than most people endured in a lifetime, yet she hadn’t let it destroy her. By deciding to be better, not bitter—as she’d put it—she’d forged a new life for herself. Found the proverbial silver lining.

But she came with baggage. All wrapped up in a four-point-eight-pound bundle of blue eyes and blond hair. Yes, Grace was cute as a button. But she was also the child of violence and trauma.

A cloud scuttled across the sun, dimming the bright sunlight for a moment, and a chill rippled through him. He wished he could get past that, as Kelsey had. In that first, brief connection with her daughter, when Grace had taken her finger and looked into her eyes, any doubts she’d harbored about her ability to love without reservation seemed to have evaporated.

But since his hadn’t, he didn’t see how Hannah’s romantic dreams had any chance of ever becoming anything more than fantasy.

P
ausing outside Kelsey’s door, Luke shifted the bouquet of pink roses, baby’s breath and fern from one hand to the other.

This was a mistake.

If he couldn’t deal with Kelsey’s baby, he should keep his distance, not bring her flowers—and lead her on. Yes, he wanted to check on her, confirm she was okay. But he could have accomplished that with a phone call.

Maybe he’d just leave the roses at the nurses’ station and ask one of them to—

“Luke?”

Too late. Kelsey’s greeting came from behind him, in the hall.

He took a deep breath. Summoned up a smile. Turned.

And froze.

Gone was the woman whose face had been contorted with pain while she shivered and shook in his arms less than thirty-six hours ago. Today, Kelsey was radiant, glowing—and gorgeous.

“Hi. I didn’t expect to see you.” She searched his eyes, as if looking for a change of heart he couldn’t offer, then gestured to the flowers. “And I certainly didn’t expect those.”

He cleared his throat, praying his voice wouldn’t come out in a squeak. “You earned them. You were a real trouper Saturday night.”

“It was worth it.” She reached out and fingered a petal. “The nurse told me you called last night. Sorry I missed you. I was in the nursery, trying to feed Grace.”

“How is she?”

It was a perfunctory, polite question—nothing more—and some subtle nuance in her demeanor told him she knew that.

“The neonatal specialist wants to keep her for a few days, but her early arrival didn’t seem to cause any problems other than low birth weight. The biggest worry at the moment is getting her to breast-feed. They’re concerned she doesn’t yet have the coordination to suck and swallow.”

“That can happen with preemies. She’ll pick it up.”

“Would you like to come in?” She indicated the room behind him. “Hannah called and told me the fantastic news last night. I’ve been thinking through some publicity ideas I’d like to share with you.”

“Are you certain you’re up to that?”

She gave him a steady look. “I don’t renege on commitments, Luke. Just because I had a baby doesn’t mean I’m going to drop the ball on the youth center project. I know how to juggle multiple duties and obligations.” She held his gaze for a few seconds, then lifted one shoulder and lightened her voice. “Besides, I need a diversion. I’m not used to sitting around all day doing nothing.”

“You could use a little downtime after all that’s happened in the past day and a half. But if you’re sure, I’ll stay for a minute. I’m on my way to a special board meeting at St. Francis, to discuss the latest development, and this way I can pass on your thoughts as well.”

He stepped aside to allow her to enter, setting the flowers on her nightstand after following her in. She eased gingerly onto the side of the bed as he took the chair.

“Why don’t you start? Any updates since last night?” She shifted, as if trying to get comfortable.

“Yes. I called our Grammy winner, and she not only agreed to come, she donated two pairs of concert tickets and a backstage tour to the auction. She also solicited some of her celebrity friends to donate autographed personal items.”

Luke ticked off a few names, and Kelsey’s eyebrows rose.

“That’s impressive. And it makes my job even easier. Let me run you through some of the publicity ideas I’ve already jotted down.”

Reaching over to the nightstand, she picked up a piece of paper filled with bullet points and briefed him. When she finished, she lowered the sheet to her lap.

“You know, the support of a name entertainer gives us a great opportunity to not only meet, but exceed, your goal. This is exactly what the dinner auction needed in order to garner big bucks and national media attention. If we milk this opportunity for all it’s worth, we might be able to raise not just enough money to build the center, but to create an endowment that could fund operating expenses for years to come. Wouldn’t that be fabulous?”

Her eyes were shining at the prospect, her face luminous, and Luke had difficulty focusing on her words. Only in its absence did he recognize the tension that had sharpened her features for all the weeks he’d known her. The new, subtle softening enhanced her already considerable beauty.

With an effort, he pulled himself back to the conversation. She’d made a comment that needed a response—something about establishing an endowment.

“Yeah. That would be wonderful. And you can take a lot of the credit for our success. I might have been able to get the ball rolling without you, but I wouldn’t have scored a home run.”

A soft flush suffused her cheeks, and she leaned over to set her notes back on the nightstand. As she did so, her hospital gown slipped down her shoulder, revealing the ragged scar near her collarbone. Luke stared at it until she hitched the gown back into place with a firm tug.

“That’s part of me, too, Luke. And it’s not going away, either.”

At her quiet comment, he lifted his gaze. Try as he might, he couldn’t come up with a response.

Some of the light in her eyes dimmed as she tucked her blond hair behind her ear and folded her hands in her lap.

“I know you were blindsided the other night, when I told you my story. And I understand that. I also know you were probably shocked when I made my decision on the spot after Grace was born. But I’d been praying for guidance, and God gave it to me the instant I looked into my daughter’s eyes.”

She leaned forward, her posture intent. “Here’s the thing, Luke. Because of Grace, my life was transformed. Not in the manner I would have chosen, but the end result has been good. I thought I’d sacrificed the dream of a family to my career. Now I have one. I carried Grace near my heart for eight months, and in that time she claimed a part of it. I love her for who and what she is—a gift of grace from God. And I can’t give her up. She needs me and I need her. However…there’s room for more people in our circle of love.”

Luke had already figured out that Kelsey and Grace were a package deal. Hearing it put into words, though, left an empty feeling in the pit of his stomach. Especially now that she’d made it clear she was interested in exploring
their
relationship.

But he needed to repay honesty with honesty.

“I wish I could say your choice doesn’t make any difference to us, Kelsey. But it does. This scar…” he brushed his fingers over the cotton fabric at her collarbone that covered the jagged line “…will always be a reminder of what happened. But scars fade. A child grows. Grace will always be present, a vivid reminder of violence. She’s part of you, yes, but part of him, too. And she’s part of an incident that feels like a punch in the gut every time I think about it. I’m not sure I can get past that.”

A resigned sadness dulled the vibrant green of her irises. “I’m sorry, Luke. For all of us.” She swallowed, and though her eyes were shimmering, she managed a shaky smile. “Let me know how the meeting goes, okay? In the meantime, I’ll start making some media contacts.”

The subject was closed. She’d taken her stand, and she wasn’t backing down. Luke admired that, even if he suddenly felt more alone than he ever had in his life.

He stood and moved to the end of the bed. The sun coming in the large window highlighted the high cheekbones and firm chin that imbued her face with strength. He’d met a lot of brave men and women in his line of work, but Kelsey ranked up there with the best of them. Her actions over the past eight months demonstrated that—as did her decision to keep Grace even at the risk of losing a chance at love.

He didn’t know if he would have been as strong—and selfless—in her place.

“Well…I guess I’ll head out. How long will you be here?”

“Dr. Evans plans to spring me tomorrow. Dorothy said she’d pick me up.” She waited, as if hoping he might offer to take her home instead.

He didn’t.

“Okay.” He tried to ignore the flicker of pain in her eyes. “I’ll let you know what happens at the board meeting.”

“Good.” She averted her head and gestured toward the flowers. “Thank you again for these.”

He couldn’t see her face now, but he detected tears in her voice. “It was my pleasure.”

“I’ll talk to you soon.” She shifted away from him and arranged the pillow. Waiting for him to leave.

So he did.

But instead of heading for the exit, he found himself walking toward the nursery. Grace was easy to spot through the large window. She was still in the enclosed crib, several monitors stuck to her chest, still wearing the pink cap. Now that her hair was dry, the fine gold ringlets peeking out were the same shade as her mom’s.

As if sensing his presence, she turned her head in his direction, stuck her thumb in her mouth and gave him a solemn look. As if to say, “Why don’t you like me?”

And that was the problem. He didn’t dislike this innocent little infant. He disliked what she represented. Even looking at her now, his thoughts were on Kelsey, on all she’d endured at the hands of her attacker. And once more fury began to churn in his gut.

As she watched him, Grace’s face puckered and grew red. Kicking her tiny legs and flailing her arms, she began to cry—almost as if she’d read his expression or sensed his mood. Which only reinforced his conviction that trying to play the role of father to this infant would not be in her best interest.

One of the nurses moved beside her, blocking his view, and he took that as his cue to leave. No noise followed him down the hall from the soundproof nursery, but he knew Grace was sobbing her heart out. That she wanted the comfort of Kelsey’s arms.

He could relate.

Two hours later, as Grace finally got the hang of breast-feeding, Kelsey let out a relieved sigh. Smiling down at the infant nestled against her, she cuddled her close. That was one piece of good news today, anyway.

“That’s Mommy’s good girl,” she whispered, touching one of her daughter’s ringlets, the hair so fine it was like the whisper of an angel against her fingers. “Now your little tummy will be full. And I’ll never let it be empty again.”

Grace watched her, those big, blue eyes filled with innocence and absolute trust as they claimed yet another chunk of real estate in Kelsey’s heart.

Too bad Luke was immune to their charms.

Kelsey had known, when she’d set the ground rules earlier, that the package deal stipulation could be a deal breaker. But painful as it was to give up the possibility of a future with Luke, letting go of her daughter wasn’t an option. Not anymore.

“It looks like she’s making up for lost time.”

At the nurse’s comment, Kelsey blinked away her tears and raised her head. “I think she was
very
hungry.”

The nurse tipped her head. “Are you having some pain?”

“No.” Not with the breast-feeding. Her heart was another story. “I’m fine. Just a little emotional.”

“That can happen with new mothers.” The nurse smiled and tucked the blanket around Grace. “Too many hormones running wild. But things will settle down soon, and you’ll feel more like yourself.”

The nurse moved on, and Kelsey thought about her comment. Who was Kelsey Anderson these days, anyway? The career-focused Kelsey she’d known a year ago didn’t exist anymore. The pregnant Kelsey agonizing over her options was gone. The romantic Kelsey who’d begun to think that maybe—just maybe—she might be destined to share her tomorrows with a handsome army doctor had also vanished.

So who was left?

Grace grabbed her gown and tugged—giving her an answer.

Kelsey the mom was left. Kelsey the independent business owner was left. Kelsey the woman of faith was left.

And with or without Luke, that woman would endure.

But she’d much prefer that it be
with
Luke.

As Luke swung into his driveway, he glanced at Kelsey’s cottage through the trees. She’d come home two days ago as planned, but other than some lights through the trees at night, he hadn’t seen any sign of her. Not that he’d been around much. Since the news of their special guest star and celebrity auction items had hit, he’d been racing around at full throttle, doing a whole new round of interviews Kelsey had arranged and meeting with the manager at the hotel where the event was being held. They’d had to move the dinner to the grand ballroom to accommodate the surge in ticket requests.

He slid out of the car and shut the door. Started toward his house. Hesitated.

Although he’d talked to Kelsey by phone over the past three days, discussing details about promotional opportunities, he hadn’t seen her. And he wanted to.

But seeking her out wasn’t a good idea. Not in light of the line she’d drawn in the sand during their last face-to-face encounter. No matter how appealing he found her, Grace was a stumbling block. Period. They were at an impasse.

Forcing himself to turn away from the cottage, he headed for his own house and the solitary dinner that awaited him.

Easy to assemble.

Ha!

Kelsey huffed out a frustrated breath as she reread the bold heading on the instructions and surveyed the pieces of the crib she’d purchased this afternoon, spread around the floor of her living room.

It would take an engineer to put this thing together. And where was the packet of screws that was supposed to be included?

She had half a mind to shove the whole thing back into its box and haul it back to the store in Holland where she’d bought it.

Except the end of the box was ripped to shreds. The crib had been a lot heavier than she’d expected, and she’d ended up having to drag it across the gravel drive to get it in the house. A stunt she knew Dr. Evans wouldn’t have sanctioned. Driving was one thing. Heavy lifting was another.

But how else was she supposed to get it inside? She didn’t have anyone to help her.

As she stared at the instructions in her hands, the print blurred and she swiped at her eyes to clear her vision. A wayward tear escaped, though, plopping onto the paper and smudging the type. Now it was hard to decipher.