Child of Mercy (7 page)

“I wouldn’t get between her and a meal just now.”  He held me by the shoulders, his grip incredibly strong.  “Steady now, it’ll soon be over.”

“But…”  Tears gathered as I watched Ben writhe in unfathomable pain, helpless to do anything but curse myself for agreeing to any plan Lucifer suggested.  What had I been thinking? 

All of a sudden Ben went still. 

Too still. 

I pulled at Lucifer’s grasp, but he held tight.  The air above Ben’s chest shimmered and waved, like when you look out over the hot pavement in the blistering Texas sun, and as we watched, the souleater pushed herself out of Ben’s body.  Moving slow and sluggish, she made another chirping sound and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

“There now, you see?  Good as new.”  Lucifer smiled broadly, releasing his hold on me. 

Lurching out of his grasp, I took a deeper look, past Ben’s unconscious body to really
see
him.  His aura lost the dark ring around the center, returning to his natural deep indigo.  “I can’t believe it, it worked…”  My jaw dropped in amazement.  Could Ben really be back to normal?  Was it that simple?  If so, why hadn’t Adam, Sam, or even Nathanael suggested it as a way to avoid the horrible evil that was supposedly unleashed on the Earth from Ben’s tainted soul? 

Kneeling by Ben’s side, I satisfied myself by feeling his pulse beat slow and steady at his wrist.  He hadn’t regained consciousness yet, but for the first time in a while I felt that knot of worry start to unfurl inside of me. 

“Don’t know why more people don’t come to me for help.”  Lucifer brushed a speck of lint from his sleeve nonchalantly.  “I’ve got the skills.” 

“Maybe they don’t want to owe you anything.  I don’t, um… owe you anything now, do I?”  My eyes stretched wider as I regained my feet.  “Because I didn’t call for your help or anything.”

“Oh no, consider this one a freebie.” 

“You really don’t want anything from me?”  Somehow I couldn’t accept that at face value, but his charming smile returned at the question. 

“Of course I do, but I’m willing to wait.”

There it was.
  “Wait for what?”

“For your blessed event, of course.”  His eyes dipped to my abdomen and my heart almost stopped. 

“I really need to be going now.”  I edged towards the door, and Lucifer made no move to stop me.  

“As you wish.  I’d be more than happy to give you a ride anywhere in the city you’d like to go.”

“No thanks, I’ve got my own ride.”  I extended my wings with a flourish, taking up more than my share of the room.  Maybe I was showing off a little, but it couldn’t hurt to remind a guy like Lucifer I wasn’t the usual pushover he was used to dealing with.  He looked suitably impressed and took a step backwards, spreading his hands. 

“Then I’ll bid you a good night.  Take care, Mercy, you’ve got the light of the world growing inside you.  That’s no mean feat.” 

“Yeah, right,” I nodded, not quite sure how to reply to that.  “Thanks for your help.”

“Anytime,” he smiled wide.  “I’ll be keeping my eye on you.”

“Super.”  ‘Cause
that
wouldn’t give me nightmares or anything…

Chapter Six

The cool night air perked me up as soon as I stepped outside, and I felt much more in control of my Grace as I shook off the last effects of the drug.  I decided to leave Ben to wake up on his own before I forgot it wasn’t his fault for putting me through all that.  Besides, the more distance I put between me and Lucifer, the better.  A little uncomfortable with the idea that he kept tabs on me for some endgame I wasn’t privy to that involved my unborn child, I wanted the comfort of my friends and family around me. 

I wasn’t sure what time it was, but it felt late as I took to the sky.  Though I hadn’t practiced keeping myself invisible while flying, I didn’t find it hard to split my attention that way, and it seemed to work.  No one pointed to me flying by at any rate.  I admit, I enjoyed the freedom of slicing through the night sky under my own power (no wonder Sam preferred flying to cars), and I got back to the restaurant with surprising speed.

Unfortunately, the restaurant was closed by the time I got there.  When I looked at the time, I could see why.  Desperate to share my tale about Ben and Lucifer with Sam, I stopped by his place next, but found it equally empty.  I considered hanging out at Sam’s place, waiting for him to come home, but decided I had a good idea of where he’d gone.

I didn’t hesitate one bit at knocking on Daphne’s door when I saw the light on in her window.  It was a fair chance I wouldn’t be interrupting more than the two of them making baby cow eyes at each other while pretending to watch a Disney flick.  Daphne answered quick as anything, not looking flushed or hair out of place or anything, so that meant I was right about their relationship not having made it to the next level. 

“Hey, I wondered when you’d show up,” she greeted me, swinging the door open wide.

“You did?” I followed her inside the tiny apartment, decorated with Daphne’s eclectic taste in garage sale finds. 

“I didn’t think you were going to bail
out like that or I would have come with you at the time.  It got really weird at the table with just your Dad, Matty and Oriana.  I got your purse for you when you didn’t come back to the table.”  She went to the kitchenette to retrieve it for me and I took a seat next to Sam on the couch. 

“I wasn’t planning on the disappearing act, but someone else had other ideas in mind.”  I’d been about to mention Ben, but was distracted by the frantic way Sam waved his arms at me, his head shaking from side to side as he rose from the couch and moved to stand by the window.  “What?”

“What, what?” Daphne asked, plopping my purse on the cluttered table.

“What’s with Sam?”

“He took off early.”  A drawn out sigh left Daphne as she sat beside me on the couch.  “I think I said something to upset him, something about the kind of wedding
I
wanted some day.” 

“Sam left?” I replied, looking directly at where he stood, his features flushed with guilt.

“Yes.”

“Uh huh,” I nodded slowly, narrowing my eyes at Sam who brought his hands together in a pleading gesture, his lips mouthing
please
over and over again.  “How long ago was that?”

“Maybe about an hour?  I’m not sure, but we hadn’t even gotten through the opening credits of the movie.”

I gave Sam a brief nod, keeping his secret for the time being.  Looking at the DVD box on top of the player, my lips quirked into a wry grin.  “Sparkly vampires, Daph?  No wonder he left.”

“No, it wasn’t that, he said he wanted to watch it.  That’s not it at all.  We made a deal not to talk about the future and I broke it.  I shouldn’t have said anything so stupid, but we were talking about the wedding and I couldn’t help myself.  Do you think I freaked him out?”

That would have done it alright, but I didn’t want to make her feel any worse than she already did.  “Maybe a little,” I allowed, “but it’s a normal thing to talk about, a normal thing to want.”

“Not for us,” Daphne replied, her face glum.  “We can’t ever be together like that.  I used to think you and Adam found a loophole to share that happiness, but now it’s not in the cards for you either.  It’s not fair.”  Her head slumped over and I wrapped a comforting arm around her shoulders. 

“No, it’s not.  It sucks on a huge scale, trust me, I’m right there with you.  I’m sorry you have to go through this, but at least you can spend time with him.  That’s gotta be better than nothing, right?”  I sent a pointed look in Sam’s direction, in case he got any bright ideas about taking off like Adam had. 

“Yes, I guess you’re right about that.  Most of the time it’s okay.  I can live with that and nothing more.  But sometimes… sometimes, Mercy, I want it all.”  Daphne fixed me with those bright blue eyes, all watery with unshed tears.  “Does that make me a sinner?”

“No, Daph.”  I pulled her into a real hug.  “It makes you a woman in love, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  You have a big heart and you’re a good person, don’t let anyone tell you differently.”  I decided not to get into my troubles with Ben for the moment, she had enough on her plate to worry about.  Instead, I did my best to distract her, even watching the vampire movie about teen angst, cracking jokes the whole time which eventually got her to smiling again. 

Sam watched us the whole time.  Or rather, I should say, he watched Daphne during the entire movie, his mouth unconsciously drawing into an accompanying smile whenever Daphne smiled and a pucker of worry appearing on his brow whenever she fretted over the doomed pair.  When I was reasonably sure her mood had improved, I made my excuses, surreptitiously motioning for Sam to follow me out. 

I waited until we got all the way out to my car before I let him have it.  “Pulling a phony exit just so you could sneak back in and watch Daphne like a creeper?  That’s gotta be a new level of low for you, Sam,” I scolded, losing some of my steam when I saw his shoulders crumple in shame.  “What is going on with you?”

“I… meant no harm.  I thought it best to remain from sight since my presence seems to torment her so.”

“Torment you, you mean.  I never knew you could be so selfish,” I shook my head at him in disgust.

“Selfish?” he blinked.  “If I were selfish, I would have taken her long ago, consequences be damned.”

“You heard her in there, she loves you.  She understands you can’t be together like that, and she accepts it.  The only thing that makes it worthwhile is spending time with you, and you took that away from her tonight, but kept it for yourself.  If that’s not selfish, I don’t know what is.” 

“You’re right.”  His head hung low.  “I have no right to seek solace in her company when I deny her mine, it was thoughtless of me to do so.”

“Damn straight it was.  Not to mention it’s creepy, hanging back watching someone like that.  Do you seriously not get that?”

Sam shrugged.  “It has ever been my way.  Before I met you, I hardly revealed myself to anyone.”

I tried to remember he’d been operating that way for two thousand years or more, and cut him a little slack, but he had to understand what a huge violation of trust that was.  “But you know Daphne, you know how much she wants to be with you.  How could you do that to her?”

“Because I could not sit there and listen to her dream for a future that will never come to pass!”  His eyes blazed suddenly as Sam succumbed to the frustration tearing him apart.  “I will
never
be able to give her those things, and it pains me to watch that light of hope die in her eyes every time she is reminded of it.  I see now why Adam left the first time, the better to spare you the pain of attachment.” 

“But it didn’t work, did it?” I reminded gently.  “You can’t shut the door on your heart and expect to move on just because you choose to ignore it.  The love you feel will still be there.”  He didn’t say anything, and I shifted to catch a better look at his face.  “You’re not going to leave are you?”

The silence stretched between us, speaking volumes. 

“Oh, Sam…” I caught hold of his arm, feeling like he was seconds away from taking off rather than staying to deal with the unpleasant topic.  “Just… don’t leave without saying goodbye, okay?  You owe her that at least.”

“I don’t want to leave her at all, and yet… I can’t help but feel as if I’m cheating her of the life she deserves by extending this exquisite torture.  She deserves a happily ever after.”

“Happily ever after?  That’s it, you’re cut off from Disney movies from here on out.  How many of us do you think actually get that?  Take a look around, Sam, people going on with their normal, human lives.  Maybe you’re right, the two of you will never have the picture perfect lives you see on the silver screen, but almost nobody else gets that either.  Take my advice, be happy together while you can, and hope for the best.  But if you end it yourself because you’re afraid of where it might go?  Then that’s a self-fulfilling prophecy if I ever heard one.”

“My misery is the key,” Sam said suddenly, as if he’d had an epiphany.

“Huh?” I blinked, not tracking his shift.

“If Adam is to be believed, Mariah was marked for death as a symbol to the Fallen.  That we were not to rejoice in our banishment from heaven.”

“Yes… that’s one theory,” I nodded.

“That is why he originally chose to leave you, for fear God would retaliate.  At least until you became clearly more than human and the rules were suspended.”

I no longer disputed that fact, not with three different types of Grace swimming around inside me.  “And that’s why you can’t take things to the next level with Daphne, for fear God will punish you the same way.  Where does misery enter into it?”

“Don’t you see?  As long as I am in torment, I am not an example for my brethren to follow in my footsteps,” he beamed, his face lit with joy. 

“Well… I guess so, but…”

“Then I can do my best to make Daphne happy in all ways.  As long as I myself cling to misery, Daphne remains safe!”

“How do you expect to make that work?”  My brow crumpled in confusion.  “Won’t making her happy make you happy too?”

“This deserves much more thought, but I think it carries serious potential with it.”  Sam’s whole body took on a “gotta go” stance. 

“Wait… before you do anything rash, maybe we should talk about specifics?” I cautioned, wondering what he had in mind. 

“I’ll catch up with you later, I need to consult my books first,” he replied, already putting a few feet of distance between us. 

“Merceline.”

“Did you hear that?”  My head whipped around as I heard someone call my name in the distance. 

“Sorry, what?”  Sam looked back distractedly and I thought maybe I’d imagined it.  How many people would be yelling Merceline out on the street in the middle of the night?  The only person who called me by my full name was my mother, and it was definitely a male voice doing the yelling. 

“I thought I heard someone calling me, that’s all.”

“Thanks for the talk.  We are still BFF’s, right?”