Children of Gebelaawi (11 page)

- But you want me to steal a secret that our father insists on

k<;:eping.

Idrees sighed heavily.

- When I decided to seek your help, I said to myself: 'It will

be very difficult persuading Adham to u ndertake something

against his father's will.' But I was hopeful and thought:

'Perhaps he'll agree when he realizes how much I need his

help.' It'd be no crime and i t'd be so easy to succeed, and you'd

save somebody from torment without losing anything.

- God keep us from doing wrong!

- Amen ! But I beg you to put me out of my agony.

Adham stood up, troubled and confused. ldrees stood up

too. He smiled a hopeless smile and said:

- I 've really upset you, Adham. One thing about my

unhappy state is that whoever I meet suffers in some way or

other. Idrees is still a dreadful curse.

- How it hurts me not being able to help ! It's just one

torment after another.

l drees came close to him, put his hand gently on his

shoulder, kissed him on the forehead and said:

- It's all my fault that I'm in a mess. Why should I burden

you with more than you can do? Let me leave you in peace.

God's wi ll be done!

And with those words ldrees left.

32

Adham

7 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Umayma's face came alive for the first time in weeks and she

asked Adham anxiously:

- Didn 't your father ever tell you about the Deeds?

Adham was si tti ng cross-legged on the sofa, looking out

through the window at the desert plunged in darkness.

- He's never spoken about it to anybody.

- Not even to you?

- I'm just one of several sons.

She smi led gently.

- But he picked you to manage the Trust.

- I tell you he's never spoken about it to anybody.

She smi led again as if to soften him and said cunni ngly:

- Don 't let it bother you. Idrees isn't worth it; his nastiness

to you can never be forgotten.

Adham turned his head towards the window.

- The Idrees who came to me today is not the Idrees who

did me wrong. I'm haun ted by his look of sadness and regret.

She said triumphantly:

- That's what strikes me most about what you say, and it's

what really worries me. But you seem depressed, which is not

like you .

He was peering into the pitch dark night, but his busy head

provided no answer. He said:

- Worrying wo n't get us anywhere.

- But your brother's repented and he's begging for mercy.

- I can see that, bu t what can I do?

- You must patch thi ngs up with him - and with his

brothers. Otherwise you're goi ng to find yourself alone against

them one day.

- You 're more worried abou t yourself than about Idrees.

She shook her head vigorously.

- I have a right to worry about myself - and that means

about you and our baby.

33

Children of Gebelaawi

What did the woman want? How thick this darkness was; it

had even swallowed up the mighty Muqattam. He held his

peace and was silen t, but she went on:

- Do you remember ever going into the private chamber?

He broke his short silence:

- Never! I used to want to as a child, but my father

prevented me, and my mother wouldn't let me go near i t.

- You surely longed to go in.

He was only talking to her about the matter in the hope that

she would draw hi m back, not that she wou ld egg him on. He

badly needed someone to reassure him that his attitude to his

brother was right. But he was li ke a traveller calling in the dark

for a guide and attracting a bandit instead. Umayma asked

again:

- Do you know the dressing table with the silver box?

- Everybody who's been in the room knows it. Why do you

ask?

She left her seat on the sofa, came close to him, and said

temptingly:

- My God! Don't you want to see the Deeds?

- Heavens no! Why should I want to?

- Who can resist the desire to know the future?

- You mean your future.

- My future and your fu ture, and l drees's future, which

worries you so much in spite of what he's done to you.

The woman had given voice to his thoughts, which annoyed

him. He turned his head further towards the window and said:

- What my father doesn ' t want, I don 't want.

She raised her penci lled eyebrows.

- Why should he hide this thing?

- That's his busi ness. What a lot of questions you're asking

tonigh t!

She spoke as if to herself:

- The future ! We'd know our future, and we' d help poor

Idrees so much. And all it needs is to read a page, without

34

Adham

anybody knowing. I defy anybody - friend or enemy - to

accuse us of bad intentions, or to say that it affected your dear

father even slightly.

Adham was gazing at a bri lliant star which outshone all the

others. He pretended to ignore her words.

- What a wonderful sky! If the night wasn't so damp, I ' d

have sat i n the garden looki ng a t it through the branches.

- He must certainly have favored some people in the

famous Clauses.

Adham shouted:

- I'm not interested m favors that bring nothi ng but

trouble.

She sighed.

- If I knew how to read I'd go myself to the si lver box.

He wished it cou ld happen that way. He grew still more

annoyed wi th her and with himself. He felt as though he had

already done the forbi dden thing and was thinking about i t as

a past event. He turned to her, frowning. By the light of the

lamp that swung in the breeze wafting through the window, his

face looked bothered and weak behi nd its scowl.

- Damn me for telling you about it at all!

- I don't mean you any harm, and I love your father as

much as you do.

- Let's stop this tiresome conversation. This is a time of day

when you usually rest.

- It seems my mind wi l l not rest till we've decided to do this

simple thing.

He puffed.

- God, bring her back to her senses!

She looked at him with something new in mind.

- Haven 't you already disobeyed your father by seeing

I drees in the garden house?

His eyes opened wide with surprise.

- I found him there in front of me; I couldn't avoid seeing

him.

35

Children of Gebelaawi

- Have you told your father about his visit?

- What a nuisance you are tonight, Umayma!

She said triumphantly:

- If it's all righ t for you to disobey him i n something which

may harm you, why can 't you disobey him in something which

will help you and your brother and will harm nobody?

He could very well have broken off the conversation, had he

wanted to, but the temptation was too strong. The truth was

that he had let her ru n on only because something in him

needed her support. He asked petulantly:

- What do you mean?

- I mean you should stay awake till dawn, or till the way is

clear for us.

- I though t bei ng pregnant had just taken away your

passion, bu t now I see it's made you lose your good sense too.

- You agree with what I say, by God. But you 're afraid, and

that's not worthy of you.

Over his face came a darkness quite out of keeping with the

compliance he felt within. He said:

- We'll remember this as the night of our first quarrel.

She said very gently:

- Adham, let's thi nk about it seriously.

- No good will come of it.

- That's what you say; but you 'll see.

He felt the heat of the fire that was fast approaching, and he

said to himself: 'If you get scorched, tears won't quench it.' He

turned his head to the wi ndow, and thought how lucky the

inhabitants of that bright star were to be so far away from this

house. He murmured feebly:

- Nobody loves his father as much as I do.

- You 'd never do anything that would harm him.

- Umayma, you need to sleep.

- It's you who are keeping me awake.

- I hoped to hear the voice of reason from you.

- That's the only thing you have heard.

36

Adham

He wondered to himself in a whisper:

- Won't it destroy me?

She stroked his hand, which rested on the edge of the sofa,

and said reproachfully:

- We share our fate, if you love me.

With a resignation that showed he h ad already made his

decision, he said:

- Even that star doesn't know my fate.

She lost all cau tion.

- You wi ll read your fate in the Deeds.

His gaze wen t out to the unsleeping stars, and to the shreds

of cloud lit up by their calm ligh t. He imagined that they had

heard his conversation, and he murmured:

- What a lovely sky!

Then he heard Umayma's playful voice:

- You taugh t me to love the garden, let me return the favor.

8 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

At dawn Gebclaawi left his room for the garden. Ad ham was

watching from the end of the corridor, and Umayma stood

behind him in the darkness with h er hand on his shoulder.

They listened to the heavy, even tread, but could not make out

its direction in the dark. It was Gebelaawi 's custom to walk

about at this hour wi th neither light nor companion. The

noise died away, and Adham turned to whisper to his wife:

- Don 't you think it would be best to go back now?

She urged him on, wh ispering i n his ear:

- You can curse me if I mean any harm to anybody.

He took a few steps forward, confused and unhappy, his

hand clutching the li ttle candle in his pocket. He felt his way

along the wall ti ll his hand touched the door. Umayma whispered:

37

Children of Gebelaawi

- I'll stay here on guard. Go on, and good luck!

She stretched out her hand and pushed the door open, then

drew back. Adham tiptoed wari ly into the room, and was met

by a strong smell of musk. He closed the door behind him and

stood peering into the darkness till he could make out the

windows overlooking the desert, which let in the first light of

day. Adham felt that the wrong - if wrong there was - had

already been done with his entry into the room, and that he

must now go through with it. He followed the left hand wall,

falling over chairs once or twice, passing the door to the private

chamber on the way, till he reached the end wall, which he

followed, fumbling his way to the dressing table. He pulled out

the drawer and rummaged in its contents till h e found the box.

After pausing to regai n control of h imself, he returned to the

door of the private cham ber, groped for the keyhole, put the

key in and turned it.

He opened the door, and there he was slipping i nto the

secret place that no one but his father had ever before entered.

He closed the door, took ou t his candle and lit it. He saw a

square room with a high ceiling and no opening other than the

door. A small carpet covered the floor. To the right was an

ornate table and on it rested the huge book, fastened to the

wall with an iron chain. His mouth was dry, and when he

swallowed it was as painful as ifhe had a sudden sore throat. He

clenched his teeth as if to crush the fear that travelled through

his trembling li mbs to the candle in his hand. He crossed to the

table and gazed at the leather binding of the book, which was

embellished with gold-i nlaid lettering. He stretched out his

h and and opened it. It was difficult for him to compose his

though ts and overcome his confusion. He began reading in

the Persian script: 'In the Name of God .. .'

Suddenly he heard the door open. His head was jerked

round violently towards the sound, without his willing it, as

though the door had pulled him as it opened. By the candlelight he saw Gebelaawi, blocki ng the doorway with his great 38

Adham

bulk, looki ng at him wi th a cold, cruel stare. Adham looked