Choices (15 page)

NINETEEN

Settling back down into routine was a lot harder that Paxton thought. She looked at her clock and realized that she was running behind on her to-do list. She just finished up changing out an exhibit and Paxton found herself exhausted. The time difference alone was still throwing her off, but she didn’t sleep well again.

Duke was throwing her out of routine. She hadn’t heard from him much this week. He began to distance himself since she got back from New York. She wasn’t sure what it was about, but Paxton knew it couldn’t be good. Duke had always been there for her. Thank goodness Link was keeping her company. She needed to figure out why Duke was MIA. Maybe she would invite him over. She grabbed her phone from her pocket and saw missed texts from Jack.

She had been ignoring Jack since she left his house. She still couldn’t decide how she felt about the situation they landed in. Yes, they slept together, but was it only because of circumstances surrounding them at the time. Or was it because they were both tired of being away from each other?

“Hey, you okay?” Ryan’s voice resonated in the open area.

“Huh? Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Sorry. Guess this time change is still getting the best of me,” she smiled.

“Are you sure that’s all that’s wrong?”

“Yes, I promise,” another lie slipped out.

Paxton smiled at him trying to make it believable. She hated how the small lies seemed to come out naturally now. Ryan’s look lingered a little longer than she liked but she was thankful that he let it go.

“I better go check on Link. I’m sure he is going stir crazy by now,” she excused herself.

Heading up the stairs Paxton was glad she decided to start bringing Link to work. With a little training, maybe he could run loose in the gallery, but for now it got her out of conversations with Ryan. He still asked her when she was going to tell Duke what really happened in New York. Paxton wasn’t ready and she was sure it would push Duke away for good. She sighed heavily and opened her office door and found Link sleeping in his crate. His little eyes opened at the sudden movement but then he fell back asleep. For a puppy, he was so mellow and Paxton was thankful for that. Duke had picked her out the perfect puppy.

Paxton realized that Duke deserved someone better than her. He was wasting his time on her and only heartache would come out of their relationship. Between the secrets she kept and her longing for Jack, Duke stood no chance with her no matter how badly she would want it to work. She would have to face the inevitable day that Duke would no longer be a part of her life. A chill went down her spine as she sat down at the realization.

The shrill of Paxton’s cell phone startled her. It was a number she didn’t recognize and she let it roll to voicemail. When it beeped, she listened to the message left. To her surprise, Kenleigh had called her. She wanted to thank Paxton for what she did in New York by helping Jack. Kenleigh stated that Jack had moved out from her place and was back at his mother’s. Kenleigh rambled on a bit more and then gave a nervous laugh. Paxton could tell she was trying to figure out what else to say. At
the end of the message, Kenleigh thanked her again.

Paxton was surprised by the random call. She didn’t know what it meant when she said Jack moved out. Did her and Jack break up? Was his mother needing to be looked after because she wasn’t coping well? Paxton looked over at Link as if he would give her the answers she was searching for. She felt hopelessly lost in her situation.

A knock at her door pulled her from her self-wallowing. “Hey, ready to open up?” Ryan peeked in pretending not to notice something was wrong although Paxton saw it in his eyes that he wanted to ask about it.

She nodded and stood. She looked down at Link and decided since he was comfortable and not fussing at the moment, she would leave him be. She would check on him again in a couple hours.

Back downstairs, Paxton found herself wandering around the lobby area. She and Ryan were manning the gallery for a few days while Madeline took time off to get ready for school. She was a big help and they wanted to repay her for all her hard work at the gallery with a few extra paid days off, so she didn’t have to worry about how much she was spending on books and how it would impact her budget.

Business was slower than she expected. With the holidays over, she expected everyone to be back in town and getting back to routines. She almost wondered if anyone would even show up to see the new exhibit. She wondered if she should let Ryan go home as they were slow. She could handle the gallery by herself. She looked over at Ryan across the room. He was sitting at the receptionist desk.

“Hey,” she called across the room. Ryan turned to look over at her. “Why don’t you head out? I can man the place by myself. No need for two of us to be here.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Please, I insist. Take a day, go enjoy yourself.”

She gave Ryan a look hopefully conveying that she meant it. She put her hands on her hip to back up her stare. After a few moments, he tilted his head and gave in.

“I suppose I could go, but if tomorrow is slow, you take the day. Equal partnership, equal days off.”

Paxton shook her head knowing there was no arguing with him on this stuff, “Fine, get out of her
e you big lug. Go have fun,” she smiled.

He hopped up and walked up to his office. Paxton followed going to check on Link. She wasn’t sure how long he had been sleeping. As long as it was slow, she figured she could let him run around with her after she takes him out. He was doing well with potty training over the last couple of days, but she kept a strict schedule with him for the most part.

Paxton let Link out of the crate and he ran out. He jumped up Ryan’s leg as he was shutting his office door. Ryan bent over and scratched Link behind his ear.

“You take care of our girl Link, I will see you tomorrow.”

Paxton couldn’t help but smile. Ryan became a good friend to her and she was grateful for it. He waved as he headed down the stairs. They followed and Paxton hoped the day the rest of her day would pass quickly.

***

Exhaustion set in as Paxton arrived home. Slow days at the gallery were the worst. Paxton only had a couple of people come in after Ryan left. They seemed to enjoy the exhibits they put up. They had nothing but good comments and then they asked more about Ella. Paxton of course told them about Ella in her well-rehearsed story. They agreed that it was such a tragedy that she passed on so young. Paxton always nodded in agreement.

She threw herself on the couch trying to decide what to do with her night. She needed to fix dinner but after that she had nothing going on.
She desperately wanted to have dinner with Susie since she came home but Susie was on-duty and staying at the hospital. She decided that it was time to make a visit up there. She wanted to make it routine to keep in touch with her friends who still worked there and they all seem to be living there these days. She gathered her purse back up and put Link in his crate.

“Sorry boy, you can’t come with me this time,” she said as she turned and headed out the door.

It was a short distance to the hospital. She pulled into the visitor’s parking area and headed inside the main entrance. She called Susie and they agreed to meet in the cafeteria for dinner. Paxton waited eagerly in a booth as she got there before Susie did. Paxton took in the sights and sounds of the cafeteria. It brought back many memories of meals she had here. Sometimes Jack would come up and eat with her if she was on duty and wouldn’t be home at a decent time.

“Hey stranger! How was New York?” Susie’s voice interrupted the memories.

Paxton smiled and got up to hug her friend. It had been a few weeks since she last saw her. “It was good. Wanna get some food before we forget to eat?”

Susie laughed knowing
that Paxton had a point. They both knew that they could talk forever, forgetting everything else around them. They could go on for hours and then realize they were supposed to doing something else at the same time. Paxton liked the easy friendship with Susie.

They got their own dinners and sat at the same booth Paxton claimed earlier. It was off in the corner and they shouldn’t be bothered.

“So how was your trip?” Susie asked again before she shoved a forkful of her salad in her mouth.

“Good. The event went well…” Paxton trailed off. She wasn’t sure what else to say about the trip.

“And what did you do?”

“Went shopping, hung around Times Square, partied…went to a funeral,” she quietly said.

“What? What funeral?”

Paxton frowned. She really hoped Susie wouldn’t pick up on that last part but then again, she wanted to get a girl’s opinion on what happened in New York. Susie widened her eyes and gave her a look urging her to answer. “Jack’s father.”

Susie swallowed her bite of salad and stared at Paxton. Paxton felt slightly uncomfortable. She was waiting for the onslaught of questions from her friend. She stared at Susie, waiting.

“He died?”

“Yeah.”

“How?”

“His heart ruptured after a heart attack.”

“Hmm… how did you find out?”

“Kenleigh, she told me at the event.”

“And you saw Jack?”

“Yeah.” Paxton waited for her to ask the million dollar question. She could see it forming behind Susie’s eyes.

“Just at the funeral?”

Paxton paused. She looked down at her plate.

“You slept with him, didn’t you?”
There was the question Paxton was waiting for. She couldn’t look Susie in the eyes.

“Yes,” Paxton uttered quietly.

“Oh my god! I can’t believe you!” she quietly said over the table.

Paxton looked up and saw mixed emotions about it on Susie’s face. Paxton felt the guilt rise up. “I haven’t talked to him since. I left before he woke up.”

“How do you feel about that? Does Duke know?”

“I don’t know. He calls every day, texts throughout. I don’t answer. I want him to be sure.”

“And Duke? You didn’t answer me.”

Paxton sighed, “No, Duke doesn’t know
and
I don’t want him to. If Jack doesn’t want me, what will matter?”

“It matters because Duke loves you!”

Paxton could tell Susie was upset that it happened. Paxton took a bite of her burger. She let Susie stew in her seat a bit. She knew not to mess with Susie when you drop a bomb on her like that. Paxton knew that she was friends with Duke and Jack at one point. Once Jack was discharged from the hospital after his accident, Susie became anti-Jack. Susie never said why but Paxton wanted to know what her friend was thinking. She knew she was about to get an earful from Susie. Right on cue, Susie dropped her fork and stared at Paxton as she chewed her last bite.

“Pax, I am only going to say this once so listen closely,” she paused and took a drink. “I love you Paxton. I will support your decision on who you decide to be with. But, so help me God, if Jack leaves you broken and shattered again. I
will
kill him,
personally
. I will not let him ruin you. You are far too good of a person to let anyone do that to do. Now, with that said, don’t you break Duke beyond repair. Don’t be like Jack. I have to get back now. Call me later.”

Susie got up and grabbed her trash. She didn’t give Paxton time to respond to her statement but Paxton watched her walk back out the cafeteria door. Paxton couldn’t move. She let Susie’s words sink in and
she knew that she would have to tell Duke the truth.

TWENT
Y
 

Paxton was thankful the weekend had arrived. Susie was taking her out tonight and Paxton was ready to let loose and have fun. She still wasn’t keen on crowds but she wanted to get lost in the bar scene tonight. She would need some liquid courage to face the crowded dance floors but she would do it. She was determined to loosen up a bit this year. She would get her life completely back on track. She and her mother were doing well even though sessions with Dr. Keeler were still tense.

Paxton’s phone buzzed. She grabbed and saw the text from Susie stating she would be there in twenty minutes. Paxton threw her phone down and finished tending to her hair. It was not cooperating with her and she wanted to look like a drop-dead, gorgeous bombshell walking out of someone’s dream. She wanted to take her mind off Duke and Jack. She wanted to cut loose and act like a single woman, which she was.  She wasn’t trying to throw her cat around by any means, she was too old for that but she wanted to have fun and be careless for once.

She gave up after a few more minutes. Paxton looked at her reflection and saw that she almost had the beach waves going. The curls turned wavy. Her side swept bangs tucked neatly behind her ear. She grabbed the hair spray and went to town on her hair. If she could keep it looking like this, she would be happy enough. Once she was done, there was a fine haze in her bathroom. She stepped back into the bedroom to slip on her outfit.

Tonight, Paxton decided she would be sporting a pair of dark skinny jeans, knee-high boots and a silver, sequin halter top. After assembling her outfit and slipping it on, she looked in the floor-length mirror. She loved the way her hair fell over her shoulders, maybe her hair wasn’t a mess after all. She saw Link bounding towards her from the other side of the room. She turned and greeted him.

“Hey sweetie. Need to go outside?” she asked him. He got a little more excited and she led him to the door to let him out.

She was standing on the porch on the corner of the house when she saw headlights beaming from the driveway. She figured it was Susie and headed towards the front. She loved that her porch wrapped around. When she turned the corner to see who was there, it was a car she didn’t recognize. She hated surprise visitors. She saw someone get out of the driver side. Apparently he was alone.

“Can I help you?” Paxton asked as Link came up beside her. He gave a small growl.

She saw the man approach her and she immediately recognized the familiar face. “Steve!”

Paxton ran down and flew into his arms, hugging him. “What on Earth are you doing here?”

“Well, Susie said she would be here already. I wanted to surprise you by coming out tonight. Susie said I could crash the party.” He set her down and smiled at her. He bent down and scratched Link behind his ear. “Cute pup.”

“Thanks! I can’t believe you are coming out with us!” Paxton was over the moon to have her two best friends back in her life. She hadn’t been able to catch up with Steve since the first week the gallery opened. Steve let out a small laugh.

“I know, every once in a while I cut loose and blow off the hospital. This is the first weekend in a while I am not on call. When Suz said she was going out, I kinda invited myself at first.”

“You would, but I am happy you are joining us. It will be just like old times!”

“Minus a couple people, but that’s okay.”

Paxton felt the mood somber a little bit. She didn’t want to think about Duke or Jack tonight. She put on a smile and led him inside. Link happily followed. He was curious about the new person on his territory.

Within a few minutes of getting inside and settling down, Link bounded to the door. Paxton knew that Susie had arrived.

“Hey chica! Sorry I’m late. I can’t believe Steve beat me here…then again, maybe I can,” she laughed. Susie was not the most punctual person when it came to anything outside of work.

“Its fine, we were just catching up,” Paxton smiled. She found Steve smiling back at her.

“Great, are we ready to go?” Steve stood as he straightened his jeans.

“Yeah, the cab pulled in the same time I did. We are ready!”

“I didn’t know we were taking a cab,” Paxton stated.

“Um, hello! The three of us out on the town, none of us will be sober enough to drive tonight,” Susie said rolling her eyes.

Paxton laughed, “Alright, let’s go. Let me put Link in his crate.”

***

The three of them hit the dance district. Paxton wanted to start at the opposite end, away from Athens. She figured Duke might be there, she
wanted to avoid him. They went to another dance club that was similar though. Mercury was packed. It was one of the more popular dance clubs on the strip. There was a rooftop area where you could take a break from dancing, sit and talk with friends. From the rooftop you could actually see the gallery. They headed up there first. They all needed drinks.

Paxton smiled as they settled into an easy conversation about life, the hospital, and the ups and downs of procedure changes. For the first time in a while, Paxton felt like an outsider on the hospital talk. She wished she could get back into the O.R. even if it was only for one more surgery. She had kept up with conferences and extended learning classes. Technically, she still had her license but she just didn’t have a surgical team, or job for that fact. She left that part of her life behind her when she started moving forward and opened the gallery.

“Pax, you okay?” Steve asked.

Paxton looked up at him and there was a look of concern on his face, Susie’s too. “Yeah, fine, just thought about how long it’s been since I was in an O.R. room, scalpel in my hand…saving lives.”

“You should come back. Ryan could handle the gallery. We could use a good surgeon. You know Jonathan still hasn’t filled your position.”

“Yeah, come back Pax,” Susie chimed in.

Paxton felt cornered for some reason. They were her friends but she immediately shot the idea down. “I can’t. I just can’t leave Ryan like that. The gallery is going well and we are doing well.”

“Come on Pax, we miss you up there.”

“I can come and visit. Maybe do some consultations or second opinions but I don’t know if I want to be back in the O.R. quite yet. It’s too soon, what if I freak out,” Paxton rambled. As much as she wished it could happen, wishing and it actually happening were two different things.

“Then we’ll be there for you. Just ask Jonathan for your job back. I
can supervise you your first few surgeries. Hell, if you’re on probation and need supervision, I volunteer to be the one to help you out and watch you,” Steve became animated. It surprised her.

“What if I am no good anymore? What if I kill someone else?”

“You won’t,” they both said in unison.

Steve grabbed her hands, “These hands right here hold the muscle memory. You know how to do the surgeries, you just have to get back into the saddle. You are one of the most talented surgeons in the area.”

“Yeah Pax, I would love to be on your service again. I want it to be like old times,” Susie added.

Paxton looked back and forth between them. She didn’t know what to say. The faith they had in her was so overwhelming. She was thankful to have friends like them. Maybe tonight was a sign that it was time for her to go back to the O.R. Maybe she was ready after all, just too scared to take the leap. “I’ll talk to Jonathan about it.”

Susie squealed and jumped up and down. Steve pulled her into a bear hug. Paxton pulled away, “This doesn’t mean I am coming back, I am just going to talk to him. Now enough of this, let’s party like we’re twenty-one again.”

She grabbed a waitress and ordered another round. The possibility of getting back into the O.R. scared her. She wouldn’t say it in front of Susie and Steve but Paxton knew that stepping into a surgery scared the hell out of her. She didn’t want another Ella on her table. She didn’t want another loss, another family she had to tell that their loved one didn’t make it. She tossed back her shot and ordered another one.

After another hour on the rooftop, Susie announced she was ready to go dancing. Paxton giggled as she tried to walk. She knew her drinks were definitely kicking in. She should have slowed down after the second Long Island but she didn’t care tonight. “I think I am ready to daaance too,” she giggled as she wiggled her hips.

She felt Steve’s arm wrap around her as he helped her get to the stairs and safely down. She was the only one having trouble. She figured her tolerance was low but she was going to have one hell of a night. She laughed as she slid on a stair. Steve thankfully caught her.

“I think you should have some water when we get down there. You aren’t going to last long,” Steve commented.

“Nah, I’ll be fine. I just need to dance. I may be in my mid-thirties but hey thirty is the new twenty, right?” she laughed.

They headed on the dance floor and spent a good part of the night out there. Paxton found herself enjoying this. She let her mind wander a little bit as they were dancing to some old school Pitbull. ‘Go Girl’ used to be her song. She danced like it still was. Laughter filled the area between Steve, Susie and her. She was having a great time and she wished this would happen more often.

“I need a drink, let’s take a break!” Susie shouted over the music after a few more songs.

They made their way off the dance floor when someone spilled their drink down Paxton’s shirt. “Ahhh…watch it!” she barked at the person. She looked up and saw the man who did it.

“Sorry,” he looked at Paxton with recognition. “Oh my god, Paxton! It’s been a while.”

Paxton stared at the man before her. She suddenly realized, it was one of the men she slept with behind Jack’s back. When she was not herself. “Hey,” she said looking down at the floor.

“How are things? I haven’t heard from you in a while. I was hoping to run into you at some point.”

She smiled not sure what to say or do. She was left behind by Steve and Susie as they were weaving through the crowd.

“How about we go get you cleaned up, maybe go somewhere else?”

Paxton knew what he wanted. She was on the prowl the night they met. They met a few times after that but it was nothing more than a roll in the hay. She didn’t know what to say or do. She looked around frantically.

“She’s with me buddy. Back off,” Steve’s voice suddenly appeared behind her. How did he loop back and come up behind her, without her seeing him?

“My bad, see you round Paxton.” He sauntered off onto the dance floor.

Paxton turned and faced Steve, “Thanks.” She quickly headed towards the door. She needed fresh air.

“Hey, you okay? Who was that jerk?” She didn’t realize Steve followed her.

“I’m fine, I just think I need to go home.”

“You don’t look fine, did he say or do something to you?”

“No I slept with him, during my dark days…” Paxton couldn’t look at Steve. He knew what happened between her and Jack but she was ashamed and couldn’t bear to see the emotions that were surely running across his face right now.

“You mean when you were with Jack?”

“Yeah. Listen, you two stay out. I’m going to catch a cab home. I think I had enough for one night anyways.”  Paxton felt suddenly sober and sick to her stomach.

“No, stay. Don’t let that jerk ruin your night. We were having fun!” He tried to cheer her up. She finally looked up at him and after a few moments agreed to stay. He went in to grab Susie. He decided they were going to a different bar.