Choosing Waterbirth: Reclaiming the Sacred Power of Birth (19 page)

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very little coaxing to relax deeply. I relax so much that my labor slows down. My mother notices this, and tells me I have to get out and walk. I listen to her because she is my mother. I'm supposed to listen to her. She helps me out of the tub and we walk back and forth around the room.

My labor has been long. I have been at the center for fifteen hours already, but it has not been hard. The contractions are not really painful, they are just there, erratically coming and going. When I start to feel too much discomfort, I get back in the water and when my labor slows down, at my mother's urging, I get back out to walk.

After a while, though, I am too tired and decide I want to sleep. It's close to eleven o'clock by now. Mom thinks resting is a bad idea and suggests Jackie check my cervix for progress before I rest. If I am a good way along, Mother tells me I ought to go ahead and have the baby and rest later. She asks me what I think. Right now I think my mother is pushy, but she's probably right.

On examining me Jackie finds that I am over six centimeters dilated. I am so glad to hear it and for the first time I accept that I am actually in labor. She also says that my cervix is very soft and stretchy. She is able to stretch it to eight centimeters while she is examining me. She says the baby is ready to come and all it will take to dilate the last two centimeters is for me to exert a little pressure on my cervix from inside by squatting.

I squat outside of the tub during my contractions. Consciously I focus on my cervix opening, and on moving the baby down. I

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can feel the baby begin to shift lower. And my contractions begin to feel a little like pushing. I look at Jackie surprised. It has only been a few minutes, yet I know I am nearly there.

She asks me if I want to get back in the water to have the baby. I nod and Mother helps me to climb back in.

I tell her to go get Nilakantan and Dad. They come in and I am in transition already. Nilakantan comes behind me, to sit at my back and lend support. As the contractions are coming hard now, I am glad he is there. I feel myself drawing in, bringing all of my attention inside, to work through this pain. As each contraction comes, I know I am one step closer to the birth of the baby. I note this fact at the beginning and end of each contraction. I know I am close, and recognize a shift in the energy of this contraction, at the same time.

Jackie reaches inside me and pushes back a last edge of the cervix that was still in the way, then tells me to push. The contraction is really painful, and as I push, I feel the baby move past the cervix and feel the pressure as the baby moves down through the birth canal. There is intense burning as the head crowns, and then comes out. Jackie has her hands

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on the baby's head and says, "That's a much bigger head than I thought it was." Behind me Nilakantan laughs and says, "Tell us something we didn't know. Our babies have always been bigger than people have guessed."

I can feel Jackie pulling gently on the baby's head, trying to coax her out. She says the baby's shoulders feel stuck. She tries for a minute more to shift the shoulders, while I remain squatting and then she asks me to flip over so I am leaning on my arms on the edge of the tub and my belly is facing down. In this position, the baby comes out easily with another push, swishing into the water. I can't see anything from this position, so I sit back immediately, looking for the baby

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who is still under the water. I can't find her because she is under my leg.

Jackie has hold of her and she brings her up to the surface, handing her to me and telling me we have another girl. I look into the baby's faraway eyes. She is not breathing and I speak to her, feeling as if I am calling to her soul. I ask her if she has plans to breathe sometime today, and I tell her that air is necessary. I can see she isn't here yet. Jackie is working on her, rubbing her back and her belly. The cord is still pulsing, so she is in no danger. But Jackie and I decide at the same moment that the time has come for her to breathe.

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I hold her head and look into her eyes and tell her to breathe and Jackie flicks the bottom of her feet. Startled into breathing, she cries. She looks so upset. Her bottom lip is stuck out as she wails. Her cries sound offended, as if she can't believe we would do something so cruel as to flick her feet. I talk to her soothingly and laugh, and all the seven people gathered close around the tub to witness her birth, laugh with me.

I notice now that Poorna is here. She arrived back here with the coffee, just as the baby was being born. I'm glad she was here to witness the birth, and that her allnight vigil was rewarded with being there for the birth. She looks awed by what she saw, and when she is asked if she would like to cut the umbilical cord, she does not hesitate to be a part of this birth experience. Poorna is the last of my parents' six