Christmas for One: No Greater Love (8 page)

‘In Boca?’ Victor prompted.

‘Yes, in Poker. There’s been a mix-up with dates and I don’t have my key.’ She patted her pockets as though that was where her key might lurk. She caught Edd’s eye as he shook his head and covered his face with his palm.

‘I’m not sure I can let you in, ma’am. It’s ’gainst the rules to allow anyone access without the permission of the owner.’

‘I should think so too,’ Meg countered. ‘But I figured if you’re with me and I can prove my ID…’ She smiled. She had no idea how she was going to stay inside once she got there, but was hoping that somehow, with enough smoke and bluster, she might just pull it off. She knew that if she thought too far ahead she would actually throw up.

‘You like soccer?’ Victor hovered as he asked the random question. It looked like it might be the deal breaker.

‘Yes, very much. Do you?’

Victor nodded. ‘I support Chelsea, big fan of Mourinho.’

Meg crossed her fingers behind her back. ‘Me too! Go the Blues!’ She heard the creak of her actual granddad as he spun in the cemetery in Dalston. He, like his ancestors as well as his descendants, was a lifelong Hammers supporter.

‘You ever met any of Motörhead?’ Victor asked, his eyes bright.

Meg exhaled through bloated cheeks, wondering where the line of questioning would go next. She decided to come clean on this one. ‘No, sadly not. But I did once mosh to “Ace of Spades” at a school disco. If I remember correctly, I’d been swigging neat Malibu behind the bike sheds with some of the bigger girls.’

‘Malibu?’ Victor’s lip curled in revulsion.

‘Yes, it was all that could be stolen from some unsuspecting mum’s booze cupboard apparently.’

Victor smiled. ‘I got everything Motörhead ever wrote, including a rare EP with a picture sleeve.’

Meg stared at Victor, not sure of where to go next.

‘Your granddad expecting you, you say?’

‘Hmm?’ Meg looked confused; she hadn’t actually ever met her granddad. Edd coughed. It was enough of an alert to bring her back to earth.

‘My granddad! Yes! Yes, he is. That’s right.’

‘Well, I guess I can let you in and you tell Mr Redlitch to come see me when he gets back. I got a stack of mail for him and it’ll be good to know he’s back on the block.’

‘I sure will.’ Meg accompanied this with a salute, she wasn’t sure why.

Victor trod the stairs with Meg trailing behind. She felt a tremor of unease; was she actually about to break into an elderly man’s apartment? Might it be better to wait until he got back from… wherever that place was?

Victor took a left turn at the top of the dark wood staircase, his rubber-soled shoes squeaking on the tiled hall floor that bore the dull veneer of a hundred years of grime. The ceramic squares, once bright blue, green and yellow, had paled with age. He pulled sharply at the keys on his belt loop, loosening the bunch. Meg smiled as she saw that they remained fastened to his body by means of a spring-loaded key fob on a length of cord. You never could be too careful.

Victor raised the key towards the lock, then hesitated. His eyes blinked rapidly and he breathed out.

‘Are you okay, Victor?’ He looked a little unsteady on his feet.

‘All good, ma’am.’ He turned to her and smiled. ‘Say, would you mind fetching the young man from the store up here?’

‘Edd? Yes, sure.’ Meg trotted down to the bakery and returned minutes later with Edd in tow, as requested.

As soon as they turned the corner at the top of the stairs, the stench from the opened front door hit their nostrils.

‘Oh shit!’ Edd gasped as he inhaled. The smell was sickly sweet, offensive, sour. ‘Stay here, Megan.’ He gripped the top of her arm, his face stern, his voice steady and commanding.

Meg cupped her palm over her mouth and spoke through her fingers. ‘God in heaven! What is that smell?’ She felt her gut twist as her breakfast muffin readied itself for expulsion. She leant heavily on the wooden banister and was strangely rooted to the spot, even though her instinct told her to run. It was as if time slowed a little and Meg had the distinct feeling that she knew what was happening in advance, a kind of hazy déjà vu. She remembered feeling similar when her mum had walked into the lounge one day and told her to put on her school uniform and wait on her bed. Megan knew something was afoot because it was Saturday and there was no school, but her sixth sense told her not to make a fuss. She remembered sitting on the duvet with her pyjamas in a carrier bag by her side, waiting for the knock on the door and the woman who would whisk her off to Tall Trees Avenue. The lady had been kind, her voice soothing as she gripped Megan’s hand and led her to the car outside. She had looked over her shoulder at her mum, who was watching from the kitchen window. Megan had mouthed, ‘I’m sorry,’ and hoped that one day she would be given the chance to make amends for whatever it was she had done that meant she had to be sent away.

This felt similar, as though she were spiralling downwards, a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Victor appeared in the hallway, shaken and pale. Edd followed closely behind. ‘I’m so sorry, ma’am. I’m afraid it ain’t good news.’ He paused. ‘Your grandpa has… passed on.’ Victor lowered his gaze.

Meg was shocked by the news, no matter that she had never met Mr Redlitch. Her legs wobbled and she sank down on to the step. She placed her hand on her chest and whispered, ‘Ssssshhh.’

Edd helped her up and as they made their way down the landing, Meg couldn’t help but glance back through the open door through the banister railings. She saw what looked like a dark cloud hovering just below the ceiling. It was only when it started to disperse and hum that she realised it was a swarm of flies.

*

As darkness fell on the city, the cab carrying Edd and Meg drew to a halt. Edd offered Meg his hand as she clambered out.

‘You okay?’ His tone was one of concern.

She nodded, but felt far from okay. She felt sick, scared and tearful but was trying to keep it all bottled up as she arrived at the park with this strange man in this strange city.

Edd shook his head. ‘I thought a walk in the park might help clear our heads. That was quite a shock back there.’

‘Yes it was.’ Her voice was small.

They entered Central Park and walked side by side along the wide, meandering path with the New York skyline twinkling in the twilight behind them.

‘Take deep breaths,’ he instructed, so she did.

Their shoulders bumped from time to time as they strolled in silence, matching each other’s pace. Meg yanked her pixie hat down over her cold ears and pulled her scarf over her chin, letting her warm breath gather in droplets on the wool. Edd shoved his hands inside his coat pockets and lifted his shoulders, as if adopting a hunched posture might make him warmer.

‘I hope his daughter is okay.’

Meg liked the fact Edd was concerned. She nodded her agreement. ‘They are going to get the friend he played bridge with to call her. At least the news won’t be coming from an unfamiliar voice. Oh God, I feel so terrible about lying!’ Meg placed her hand over her eyes. That was what she was to Mr Redlitch: an unfamiliar person who had lied to get into his apartment. And all the time he was lying there…

‘It’s not your fault, Megan.’

‘I still feel horrible. I shouldn’t have done it.’ She shook her head as they slowed down a little.

Edd seemed deep in thought. ‘It was a stranger, a policeman, that confirmed my dad had died—’

‘Oh. I didn’t know your dad had died,’ Meg replied, interrupting him as the two halted on the path.

He gave a dry smile. ‘Yep, little while ago.’

‘Do you remember him?’ She thought of Lucas, who would only ever know Bill by a photograph and the familiar tales told by his grandma.

‘Yes, it wasn’t
that
long ago. Thirteen years to be precise.’

‘I know there’s nothing I can say that probably hasn’t been said a million times to you before, so I’m not going to tell you how sorry I am,’ she thought of the countless times this had tripped from strangers’ tongues, ‘but I would like to tell you that I know what it feels like to have that sadness inside of you. I know how horrible it feels. Don’t know if that helps?’ she smiled.

‘More than you know.’ Edd nodded.

‘Did he just die or was it in an accident?’ She was curious.

Edward took a deep breath. ‘Oh, there was nothing accidental about it. He was killed while he was working.’

‘Oh, Edd!’ Megan placed her hand over her mouth, the horror of his statement only magnified by the events of the day.

He started to walk and Megan kept pace.

‘I have every second of that day imprinted in my brain, what we wore, where we sat, everything. I can picture every detail of that cop’s face as he looked my mom in the eye and told her. And I just watched as she fell apart. It was as if time stood still. Even now, it’s like it’s not real. Then something will happen that makes me realise it
is
true and it shocks me all over again. Sometimes, regularly in fact, I think, oh, I haven’t spoken to Pop in a few days, and I reach for my cell to call him.’ He kicked his toe against the path. ‘It sounds stupid.’

‘Actually it doesn’t.’ She looked at him. ‘My fiancé died too. He had a car accident. It didn’t feel real for years. The police gave me the news over the phone. I often think it would have been easier coming from someone that knew me, that knew us…’ She let this hang, trying to think of who that person might have been.

‘Jesus. I don’t know what to say to you, Megan.’ Edd sighed and it was a little while before he spoke, as if he were feeling the weight of their combined story. ‘My dad was missing for some time, and that was possibly the worst part for me.’ Edd drew a sharp breath as a jogger ran past at speed. Meg got the impression that this admission was rare. ‘I just wanted to know either way, so I could either get on with grieving and looking after my mom, or I could set about welcoming him home and organising a big celebration. The biggest celebration ever.’ His voice wavered with emotion. He coughed to clear his throat. ‘When they confirmed he was dead, I felt very guilty because I had prayed for the news. I figured living with the uncertainty was worse, but it wasn’t. As soon as I knew he had passed on, I prayed that there might have been a mistake and that there was still a possibility he might be found alive and well. That hope was like an energy and I missed it. I had the best safety net in the world: two parents that loved me so much and made home a place I couldn’t wait to get back to. My dad used to say, “The real world is what is behind our front door, everything on the other side ain’t important.”’

Meg felt a familiar stab of raw pain. ‘I envy people that haven’t been through it. It’s the worst thing,’ she whispered.

‘Do you? I don’t envy them.’ Edd stopped on the path and paused. ‘I think that because the worst thing has happened to me, I’m equipped to deal with whatever comes my way. If anything, losing someone you love puts everything into perspective. Makes you understand what’s important, reminds you not to sweat the small stuff.’

Meg looked up at him. ‘I hadn’t thought of it like that.’

‘It’s true though, right? You hear someone going nutso because a train is late or their phone has no signal and I think, half your luck, pal, if that’s all you’ve got to worry about.’

Meg gave a small laugh; this was very, very true. ‘I guess I’m used to dealing with crap. I didn’t have a mum that gave me a safety net or a dad that I looked up to. I grew up without a dad or stability or a bed that was all mine.’ She looked into his face, trying to gauge his expression.

‘That doesn’t sound like much fun.’

‘It wasn’t.’

‘Are things better between you now?’ he asked.

Meg shook her head. ‘I haven’t seen her for nearly a decade.’

Edd gave a small whistle. ‘Wow! I can’t imagine that.’ He looked sad.

‘It’s just how it is for me. When I was little, what I wanted more than anything in the world was someone to look after me. And I found them! The day I met Pru is one I will never forget, she rescued me from a really shitty time. That was the start of a change in my life, a change in me. Bill had just died and I was in a really bad place. It hit me like a rock.’ Meg placed her hand on her chest as words rang inside her head that she wasn’t willing to share just yet.
And he was cheating on me and I was pregnant with Lucas.
She smiled as she pictured her crumpled newborn.

‘You’ve had a really hard time and I admire you for coming out the other side.’ His hands jerked, as if he had been about to reach for her but had decided against it.

Her heart leapt with both relief and disappointment. ‘Sometimes I’m not sure that I am on the other side, not yet.’

‘I know how that feels.’ He nodded into the distance, looking out across the clusters of trees and the winding path.

‘You’d think I’d be used to disappointment, but I’m not.’ She hesitated. ‘I always believe things are going to get better, but then something comes along and pulls the rug from under me. Admittedly it’s different worries now. When I was little, I used to worry about becoming homeless. I used to wonder what would happen if agencies and charities stopped gathering up my clean pyjamas and Neville, my ratty teddy bear, and giving us both shelter.’ She glanced at him, it was rare for
her
to make admissions like this. ‘It was only ever me that left, being that much younger than the others. I was the one that was whisked away when things started to crack, always being told that being taken away from my family was only temporary, just until my mum got her act together and I could go home again. It was temporary for a week and then it was temporary for a month and, once, it was temporary for four years…’ Meg sniffed, imagining Lucas being bundled out in the middle of the night. ‘Oh God, look at me!’ She swiped her tears, embarrassed. ‘I think it’s the shock of finding Mr Redlitch like that. It’s made me sad.’

‘Of course. It was horrible.’ Edd shook his head. ‘Look, it’s getting colder.’ He shivered. ‘We could go and get something to drink if you like?’

Meg nodded; she liked the idea very much. ‘I know, we could go to the coffee shop that they use in
Friends
. That’s near Central Park, isn’t it?’ She smiled.