Christmas With Nathan (12 page)

‘Everything OK?’

Instead of answering, his gaze narrowed before he drew in a long breath through his nose and released it through his teeth so it made a strange whistling noise. ‘You’re going out with the world’s biggest fucking walking contradiction, did you know that?’ he murmured, his eyes still focused on the hills in the distance as his brows lowered into a frown.

That wasn’t a statement I had ever expected to hear, and truthfully, I wasn’t entirely sure how to respond, so I didn’t immediately, instead moving closer to his side and resting my head on his shoulder. ‘You are exactly how I want you,’ I murmured, hoping the truth in my words was apparent in my tone.

Finally turning toward me, he leant his hip on the fence and looked at me directly, his blond brows still furrowed and his hair going wild in the light breeze so the strands stood up all over the place as if he’d been electrified. ‘I really enjoyed last night, Stella. Really fucking enjoyed it,’ he confessed, his words causing my eyebrows to rise at his apparent change in conversation. God, his statements were jumping around all over the place, making this conversation really difficult to keep up with.

‘Me too,’ I agreed with a small smile as my cheeks flushed slightly.

Dropping his gaze to mine I saw his lips thin as a scowl darkened his brows. ‘But then I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about that fucking dick flirting with you. I barely got any sleep.’

My eyes widened, surprised that he would let such a small interaction affect him to this extent. ‘It was nothing, Nathan, he must have thought I was single, but as soon as he realised I wasn’t he backed off.’

In response to my attempt at soothing words Nathan merely grunted, looking and sounding mightily unimpressed as if he was lost in his own thoughts.

‘He was still trying his luck and it thoroughly pissed me off.’ Letting out a long sigh, he ran a hand through his hair and then gazed across at me. ‘You are mine,’ he quantified gruffly, his expression one of pure torture as he tried, and failed, to smooth his wayward hair.

‘I told you I was against marriage, which I am, so we got you the collar.’ He stated the facts unnecessarily, his glazed expression turning back to mine and his eyes wide and wild. ‘But I fucking hate the idea that other men see your ring finger empty and think you’re available.’

He was acting like I got propositioned on a regular basis, which couldn’t be further from the truth, but clearly this was bugging him, so I took hold of his hand and gave a firm, reassuring squeeze to try and calm my panicked man. ‘It doesn’t matter if I’m wearing a ring or not, Nathan. If a man tried anything on with me I would just tell them I’m taken, simple as that.’

My words apparently fell on deaf ears, because he pulled his hand from my grasp, shoved them into his pockets, and dropped his head down so his chin was resting on his chest. ‘But what if someone catches your eye? Someone better? Someone more worthy of you?’ he whispered, his words so quiet that I barely heard them above the breeze.

More worthy of me?
Jesus
. He’d been thinking about this just because the kid yesterday had mildly flirted with me?

I was so thrown by this sudden show of vulnerability that I hardly knew how to respond. This was so unlike him. Not to mention completely irrelevant, because he was all I’d ever wanted – there would never be someone more perfect for me than Nathan. He looked frantic, his body continually moving in fidgety jerks and his eyes darting between mine and the floor almost obsessively. I’d seen this look before from Nathan on the day Will was born, and I quickly realised that he was working himself towards a panic attack. He needed a calming countdown, and he needed one now.

‘Nathan, that would never happen. You’re worrying for nothing.’ I couldn’t take his hands because they were forced into his trouser pockets, but I laid my palms on his chest instead. ‘Let’s do a countdown, hmm?’ I didn’t count out loud for him, that would probably not go down very well with my fiercely independent man, but instead I led the way by breathing in and out loudly, deeply, and slowly. It took a few seconds, but gradually I felt Nathan relaxing under my palms as he joined in with me.

Once he seemed to have settled again, I licked my lips and imparted my final statement. ‘You are it for me.
You
, Nathan. Just how you are,’ I told him adamantly.

Marginally standing away from me, Nathan drew his hands up and draped them over my shoulders, linking them behind my neck and playing with the hair at my nape for several seconds before nodding. Pulling in a long breath, he dropped his arms to his sides and dug into his pocket to remove a small box. It was a simple enough action, but it made my pulse suddenly beat frantically in my chest.

‘I was hoping you might say that,’ he murmured. Lifting a hand, he cupped my face and I felt a very uncharacteristic tremble in his fingers. Blimey, he really was worked up, but then again, so was I. This was a really frigging weird situation, so I think a touch of nerves were allowed. ‘It’s certainly the case for me too, Stella.’ Giving me an edgy look, Nathan swallowed loudly, looking hesitant and perhaps even a little embarrassed. ‘I … I never thought I’d find someone to spend my life with, but I have. You are everything I could have ever wished for.’ His eyes dropped to the box and then raised to mine again causing my stomach to plummet.

Oh, God
. This sounded a lot like it might be ramping up towards a proposal. Had Rebecca been right? Because if that box contained one of
those
rings, then I really wasn’t sure how I’d feel about it. My stomach was churning. I wasn’t convinced that marriage was the way to go for us, but if he asked me, how could I explain that without it sounding like a snub?

‘Before you get too excited, this isn’t an engagement ring. I’m still a freak where marriage is concerned.’ I think all the air in my lungs left in one relieved breath. Thank God for that. ‘But I got this for you this morning and I was hoping you might like to wear it for me.’ I was almost dizzy with relief as I tried to focus on what he was saying. My relief wasn’t a reflection of my commitment to him, because I was one hundred per cent devoted to Nathan, I just didn’t think that a wedding certificate was needed between us to prove it.

Clicking open the box, Nathan held it out to me and my eyes fell to the small velvet pillow that contained a beautiful platinum ring, a small cluster of pale blue stones in the centre that perfectly matched those in my collar.

‘It’s a promise ring,’ he murmured as my breath caught in my throat at the stunning piece of jewellery. Before I could formulate any response, Nathan was speaking again. ‘I thought it was appropriate, because even though I might not be the easiest man to live with, I love you, Stella, and I promise you my heart, my love, and my support for as long as we both live.’

Once again Nathan had thrown me with his sudden emotional declarations. This was some serious stuff for him. Considering he was a relatively withdrawn man where it came to emotions, he could completely floor me when he had his occasional moments like this.

‘It’s beautiful,’ I whispered, one hand raising and gently touching the ring.

As he removed the ring from the box, I was expecting Nathan to put it on my finger for me, but instead he held it out to me. ‘I … uh … I had an inscription done for you on the inside,’ he told me, his tone low and almost embarrassed by his confession. ‘Had to bribe the guy into inscribing it for me on the spot, that’s why I’m a little late.’ That didn’t surprise me at all. In fact, I bet Nathan probably “bribed” the guy with a threatening look, not money.

Holding the ring up into the daylight, I turned it so I could read the small, delicate font that ran around the inside of the band.

I am eternally yours. N x

A short, simple dedication, but the heartfelt meaning behind those few small words was just so clear to me, especially given his history as a Dom. He could easily have had ‘Property of Nathan’ or something similar engraved, but no, he had chosen to express his commitment to me instead, no doubt because he knew it would mean so much to me.

This was all so completely unexpected that I could feel a full-on sobbing post-baby breakdown looming on the horizon.

‘So, what do you say? Would you like to wear it?’ he asked, his voice decidedly uncertain, which almost made me laugh. I mean, who
wouldn’t
like to wear it? It was bloody gorgeous.

As I struggled to fight back the tears threatening to spill from my eyes, words seemed temporarily beyond me, so I nodded my head frantically as I tried to control the wobble in my lower lip.

‘Stella …’
His voice suddenly held a note of warning and my eyes flashed to his to see a commanding expression covering his previously unsure look. ‘I hope you’re not nodding your reply to me, because you know how much I dislike that gesture, don’t you?’

Pursing my lips, I felt the desperate urge to nod my response again, but thankfully I held back and instead cleared my throat. ‘Sorry, yes.’ I suspected that he’d used his harder tone to ground me and pull me back from the brink of my meltdown. It had worked a treat; my tears had abated and now he had my full, non-blubbering attention. He really did know me so well.

Cocking his head as if wanting a bit more, Nathan remained silent.

‘I meant yes, I know you hate nodding, and yes I’d very much like to wear your ring,’ I clarified, my sentence a bit jumbled in my emotional state. I’d been tempted to add ‘Sir’ in there as well, but somehow it didn’t seem quite right in the bright light of day.

Taking my left hand into his palm, Nathan paused, and looked up at me curiously. ‘Can I put it on here?’ he asked softly, one of his fingers tracing along my ring finger gently as he awaited my permission.

My throat was thick with emotion, but thankfully instead of my customary nod I managed a croaky, ‘Yes.’ That caused Nathan to smile shyly as he slid the ring onto my finger, adjusting it so the diamonds and other stones faced upwards and glinted in the late morning sunshine. It was utterly stunning.

‘Thank fuck it fits,’ he muttered, making me choke out a laugh as I admired it sitting on my finger, my heart feeling full to the brim with love for this man.

‘Nathan, I love it. Thank you.’

We both stood there gazing down at the ring for several silent moments, until I felt the need to break the silence. ‘So, basically, you got me this to stop guys flirting with me?’ I guessed lightly, adding a touch of humour to the moment to try and ease my urge to cry. To be honest, I didn’t care what the reason was, because I absolutely adored the ring and its engraving.

‘Can’t a man just buy his woman a nice gift every now and then?’ he responded, but I saw his eyes narrow as an amused look twinkled in the blue depths and I knew I had hit the nail on the head.

‘It doesn’t lock on like the collar, so I could just take it off when I go out. That way men can still flirt with me if they want,’ I teased, knowing that I was walking a fine line by playing with Nathan’s jealousy, but rather enjoying the small flash of panic that crossed his handsome features. ‘I was only joking, Nathan. I love it, I’ll never take it off.’

Nodding his relief, Nathan lowered his head and kissed me, his mouth chaste, his soft lips merely pressing against mine as if sealing the deal. As he pulled back looking particularly happy, and more than a little smug, something suddenly occurred to me. ‘Are you going to wear one too?’

A frown crossed his brows as he tilted his head to observe me, before lifting his left hand and looking at his ringless fingers. ‘I hadn’t thought about it.’

‘It works both ways, Nathan. Women will assume you’re single when you’re not.’ And now that he’d brought up this topic I realised just how much I hated that idea. The thought that women would consider him fair game was enough to cause hot, jealous sparks to churn in my belly.

‘But I would never do anything,’ he replied, looking confused.

‘Neither would I,’ I countered, ‘but you still wanted me to wear this.’ I gave a wiggle of my left hand to show off my ring before looking back to him with firm eyes. If I was wearing a ring, he should too.

‘Are you jealous, Stella?’ Nathan suddenly asked, his eyes twinkling with amusement as his lips curved into a small smile. Bloody hypocrite! I was wearing a ring that probably cost more than my last five pay cheques because of his jealousy, and yet he had the audacity to laugh at me for it!

Instead of denying his claims, I simply shrugged and admitted the truth. ‘Yes. I want people to know you are mine too.’

I think my blunt honesty shocked Nathan, because my words wiped the smirk right off his face as he simply stared at me with his mouth hanging slightly open. Then, so quickly that I barely even registered it, one hand snaked around my waist and dragged me closer as he pressed his lips to mine again. ‘I bloody love that you get jealous over me, Stella. I’ll wear any ring you pick out,’ he murmured against my mouth, making me grin with victory. His hands tightened around my waist and tugged my hips forwards so they met his, where I could immediately feel his length hardening against my stomach. Apparently he
really
loved it when I got jealous.

I hummed happily against him as he parted his lips, his tongue gently running along the seam of my lips until I opened for him and allowed him a deeper exploration. Our tongues rubbed across each other, silently agreeing that we were OK and that our slightly tense moment earlier was now a thing of the past.

Sliding a hand into my hair so it rested on the nape of my neck, Nathan gently tugged me closer and lowered his forehead to rest on mine. ‘I must drive you mad with all my obsessions and odd habits. I know I’m fucked up, Stella, and I don’t know why you put up with me, but I’m so bloody thankful that you do. I truly don’t know how I got so lucky. I love you.’

OK, that did it. My emotional barrier had been topped up to overflowing with those final words and I felt tears of happiness beginning to leak from my eyes. ‘I love you too, Nathan.’ And I really did. Even with his obsessions and funny habits, he really was the love of my life. My fucked-up, gorgeous, intense, loving, sexy-as-hell, love of my life, and I wouldn’t have him any other way.