Chrysalis (Dangerous Secrets) (14 page)

“You have no idea what this means to me.”

Suddenly he was kissing her all over her face, saying “I love you” over and over.

After a few moments, he pulled back again, as if finally noticing that she had not joined in. Then he pulled away fully, dropping his hands, his face slowly draining of the joy that had transformed it moments earlier.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get carried away there. I just—I’ve been keeping it inside for so long...” He looked embarrassed. He got up and gathered himself, preparing to leave. “I keep doing this wrong,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“No, Nicholas, come on.” Sydney got up and grabbed his arm. “Stop apologizing to me, you have nothing to be sorry for.” She put her hand against his cheek. “I said I love you, I mean it. It’s just weird for me to feel this way, that’s all—I don’t know what to make of it.”

“Me too,” he said, turning to her, holding her hands in his. “Sydney, I’ve never been in love with anyone before, certainly not like this. I’m afraid I’ll mess it up somehow. And you know the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”

“This sounds familiar,” she said as she smiled, thinking about their first real conversation.

“It’s true, Syd. My life might look great from the outside but...” He shook his head. “Anyway, if we’re going to be together, you’re gonna see it—all of it.”

“That’s okay Nicholas.”

She reached up and kissed him on the lips, softly. He kissed her back, matching her tentative style. But soon their kiss deepened.

“I love you Sydney,” he whispered, breaking the kiss momentarily but stifling any possible reply as his lips returned to massaging hers, and his tongue caressed hers.

The next thing Sydney knew, he had backed her up to the bed and she fell onto it.

He removed all of their clothes in what seemed like record time, and this time, she had no protest.

He kissed her all over then suddenly stopped and reach for his wallet.

She was confused at first, but then understood and cursed herself for not thinking about it herself.

He watched her face and she watched his, trying to ignore the lower part of his body at attention. She figured if she didn’t look directly at it, she would be less afraid.

“Take it easy,” she said softly once he had put on the condom.

“I will baby,” he replied, covering her body with his.

She shut her eyes and felt him trying to ease her legs apart, alerting her to the fact they were closed tight. He stopped prying, then kissed her chin and started caressing her face.

“You’re terrified,” he said with a faint smile.

She opened her eyes and nodded. He started to move off of her.

She grabbed his arm and held him to her.

“No! I want to do this Nicholas, I want you...to make love to me.”

She relaxed her legs a little as if to verify her words, letting his body fall between them.

He kissed her lips softly, then deepened the kiss, and just as she got into it as he explored her mouth, she felt him there at her entrance. She gasped, her legs trying to come together again, trapping him between them. He smiled again and stayed still, softly kissing her face. She realized he had stopped everything and was not going to make another move.

She grabbed his face and pulled his lips toward hers, kissing him passionately and relaxed again, giving him access.

He broke the kiss momentarily to ask: “Are you sure?” and she nodded her head as she kissed him hungrily. “Make love to me Nicholas,” she said again, terrified, but full of desire.

She flinched as he gained entrance, but was soon enraptured by the sensations he brought about in her body, and the warmth of her heart as she became one with the man she loved.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Nicholas was glad he convinced Sydney to spend the night with him in his suite. Neither of them was sure when Maria would return to the girls’ room, and he didn’t want Sydney to be embarrassed—they had already taken a risk by falling asleep right after their lovemaking. He had awakened suddenly some time after, gotten dressed, then woke her up and asked her to dress and come with him to his room. She had mumbled Maria wouldn’t return that night, but he didn’t trust they would be safe from her stumbling upon them, naked, in the morning. And he didn’t want to completely lock Maria out of her own room just to be on the safe side—what if she needed something from it?

Nicholas hated interrupting their intimate comfort to switch rooms, but it was necessary.

Although he was elated to have Sydney with him and looked forward to continuing the rapture with her by his side, the night had other plans. Nicholas found himself assaulted by disturbing images once again.

No,
he thought, but couldn’t control it as the pieces filtered through...

“...Sarah Landon, Mary Gallo, and Sydney Johnson,” Winston said slowly. “Sarah’s in the bag. Brandon, you’ve got a head start on Mary. That leaves Sydney for you, Nicholas. Four weeks left.” Winston punched his right hand into the palm of his left. “This has got to be one of the best ideas we’ve come up with,” he said, grinning nefariously.

Nicholas looked over at Brandon who looked lost in thought.

Nicholas didn’t know or care what he looked like to them—he couldn’t get past the tiny ball of dread that had formed in his stomach, expanding slowly...

The ball of dread remained with Nicholas upon awakening.

God why? Why am I still dreaming about this? Why is this haunting me?

He lay there agitated for a few moments, until his eyes got heavy again and he fell into a dreamless sleep.

***

As morning broke and Sydney awakened, she wondered about Nicholas’s restless night.

He was sleeping like a baby when they settled to sleep again in his suite, entangled in each other’s arms, but somewhere during the night he started moving around, making curious sounds. She even thought she heard him say: “God, no...” and was disturbed by his agitation. To her, sharing their bodies was a dream—and she was pretty sure it was to him too. So what could lead him to have a nightmare?

She shook off her thoughts, turning to kiss his sleeping figure lightly on the cheek, then headed for the shower.

As she felt the stream of warm water caress her body, she closed her eyes and let it run through her hair as well. Her eyes popped open when she heard the shower door open, but relaxed when she saw Nicholas’s groggy, smiling face. His naked body joined hers in the shower and she felt her cheeks warming, embarrassed at being naked herself.

She looked away.

He stared directly at her until she could finally do the same, then he bent down and kissed her.

“Get used to it,” he said, raising his arms and slowly turning around for her viewing pleasure. Then he pulled her toward him and kissed her again. This time, as their kiss deepened, she felt him growing against her abdomen. His lips pulled away and he looked her in the eyes once more, the message clear. He led her out of the shower and back to the room, laying her down.

“Yeah, yeah—I’ll be gentle love,” he said, smiling.

***

After showering and dressing, they headed to a restaurant to meet Maria and Eddie for breakfast.

Sydney felt Maria’s eyes on her from the table as they approached them, and was aware of her watching throughout the meal.

As soon as they were done with breakfast, Maria excused them both to the boys and pulled Sydney aside, out of hearing range.

“You little slut,” she whispered, smiling. “You did it, didn’t you?”

Sydney thought Maria’s impish grin couldn’t possibly get any wider.

“Maria! I’m no slut...”

“You know what I mean, don’t change the subject. Well? How was it?”

“How was what?”

“Don’t even try it. Give me the goods.”

Sydney wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to give in to Maria, but at the same time, felt unable to risk offending her.

“I liked it,” she said, pleased at having found a compromise.

“You liked it? God, you’re such a dork. I’m so happy for you though!”

She let off a little squeal and hugged her.

“Maria, it’s not like I won the lottery...”

“Oh yes you did,” Maria replied, nodding emphatically, then looking over at the boys. “We both did.”

***

“Tell me more, tell me more!” Maria sang, bobbing her head as she led Sydney into their suite once they had separated from the brothers.

“Well, I can’t give you details but he was good to me.”

Maria smiled.

“Well, that’s better. But your first sexual experience and this is all you have to say?”

Sydney paused, shifting her eyes to the side momentarily. She looked back up at Maria whose eyebrows had come nearer each other, her forehead creasing.

Sydney continued watching her obviously confused friend, whose gears she could practically see turning as she tried to figure out why she had paused.

Sydney felt a blanket of dread wrap around her; she knew she was about to give in fully. After the whirlwind of feelings and emotions she had experienced over the past twenty-four hours, she felt less inclined to hold back the secret Maria had wanted from her for years.

Although resigned to her fate, she could no longer look at Maria.

When she spoke, her voice was low and soft:

“He was almost my second.”

Maria looked confused, blinking.

The tables had turned, and in a rare moment, she had been rendered speechless.

“Maria, I...you know how you were always curious about something that happened some years ago?” Maria nodded, eyes widened and incredulous. “Well, here goes.”

Sydney tried to keep her voice light to remain in control as she sat on her bed:

“It happened almost four years ago, a year before we graduated from high school. I was coming from my ballet class, and it was late in the evening, so it was pretty dark, but my car wasn’t that far away. You know how I usually stayed a little later to practice some more. Anyway, as you can imagine, during that time, the bulk of my fellow classmates disappeared, and when I finally emerged, no one was really around. I realize this was a mistake but sometimes, you’re just not thinking bad things will happen to you right?” She looked over at Maria who looked riveted. “Anyway, I headed to my car but I never really got to open it. Before I knew it, a hard body was behind me, one arm around my waist, and a hand pressing what I assume was chloroform against my mouth. Soon, the lights went out. I don’t know how much time passed, but when I woke up, I couldn’t see. I panicked because it’s the weirdest feeling—knowing you’re awake but not being able to see anything. Once I started to panic and shout, I realized I was blindfolded since that’s when I also realized I was gagged. And my hands were tied together. I had no idea where I was but I heard voices—three of them, all of them male.” She paused and sighed. “God Maria, I can’t tell you how terrified I was—I was scared for my life. I kept hoping it was some kind of dream and it really did feel surreal, like a movie. I thought:
This isn’t happening to me.
My mind kind of separated from my body, and I felt like two of me was going on at once—one watching the other. Anyway, that initial level of detachment was soon overtaken by overwhelming fear. I felt so vulnerable—I had no idea what they were planning on doing or why—especially why. I tried to talk but of course I couldn’t.” She glanced at Maria whose face was almost comical it was so distorted by shock and horror. “Anyway, one or two of them laid me down, and they were trying to convince the third to...to...” Sydney gave up. “Well, you know.”

“Oh my god,” Maria whispered.

“He didn’t want to do it, I could tell. The other two were egging him on, but he was hesitant. Then...” she took a deep breath, “...eventually the one guy...I mean he didn’t go all the way but...”

She stopped and shrugged, unable to go on. Maria came over and hugged her.

“Bastard,” Maria whispered, and Sydney was grateful she didn’t press for more details. After a few moments, she asked:

“Did you get a chance to see him?”

Sydney shook her head.

“I only had one opportunity, and I pretty much just saw his back.”

Sydney stopped as the memory came back to her clearly:

“I’m sorry,” the guy said softly, helping her to a standing position.

She heard him walking, and as his footsteps sounded fainter, briefly brought her bound wrists to her face, lifting the blindfold a little. She saw the back of him as he looked through the window.

She had a short amount of time before he came back and tried to finish what he started.

She looked around to see if there was anything near her she could use against him, no matter the consequence.

She noticed a vase nearby on a table and shuffled toward it, marking its general location in her brain as she put her arms back down and pretended nothing had happened. She kept her head down as she heard him walking back toward her, hoping he didn’t notice the slight shift in the blindfold’s position.

As she felt the breath of his whisper when he started saying something to her, she reached for the vase and swung it as hard as she could toward his head.

He made a sound before crumpling to the floor. She had no time to even think about her next move as she immediately heard the other two coming inside. She turned towards them, petrified, regretting her decision to make the guy pay somehow.

“You bitch!” the tall blond in front said as rushed towards her, and the last thing she saw was his fist coming toward her face.

When she awoke again, she realized she was in a car, her blindfold back in place.

The murmuring from the front seat finally reached her consciousness and formed words, and she realized her kidnappers were trying to decide where to drop her off.

“I don’t think we should just leave her on the side of the road, man...”

“I don’t give a fuck what you think. This was the original plan.”

“Not really—he had planned to take her to...”

“Well, he’s out cold now, isn’t he? We have to get rid of this dumb bitch and get a doctor to see him. Fucking cunt.”

Sydney put her hand to her head.

“Are you okay Syd?” Maria asked, successfully pulling her out of the memory.

Sydney continued:

“Anyway, while his back was turned, I spotted a vase, then socked him with it when he came back so he didn’t get to...you know.”

“No kidding,” Maria said, her eyebrows rising, a smile of approval escaping.

“Yeah, he went down.” Sydney felt her chest lift. “I didn’t get a chance to get a good look at him then either because his friends must’ve heard the commotion, and immediately came back inside. One of them hit me so hard, I was out cold again.”

“Oh shit. Okay, but when you peeked at him, do you remember anything distinctive?”

“Maria, I’m pretty nearsighted, don’t forget.”

“But weren’t you wearing your contacts?”

“I take them out after class—I hate those things. So I was wearing my glasses when they nabbed me. But of course they disposed of them. All I can tell you is that he was tall and white. I got an even blurrier look at his friends but they looked white too—in fact, one was tall, the other was about average height—a little short even. The short one had dark hair, the tall one was blond I think.”

She paused, trying to remember more.

“So what happened after?” Maria pressed.

“When I came to, I heard them talking about where to drop me off. I didn’t hear the decision because they knocked me out again, I guess with chloroform. I woke up in the backseat of my car.” She stopped again.

“So what did you do? Who did you tell? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Sydney tried to ignore the pained, betrayed look on Maria’s face.

“I sat in my car and cried. I didn’t know what to do right away—I didn’t want to report it for fear my parents would somehow find out. Truthfully, I was just happy to still be alive. Someone had left my glasses on the passenger seat, and my key was in the ignition, so I just...started up my car when I could and drove home. When I got home, I took a shower—I know, it was stupid, but I tried to wash the whole thing off me. I scrubbed and scrubbed, took a warm shower, then a hot one. Then I thought about my options. Since I had probably washed away any evidence, I just sat down and wrote about the experience. And wrote and wrote and wrote. I ended up writing about it in different ways over the next few days, then months. At some point, I went on the internet, found a pay phone because I was paranoid the number would show up on a phone bill, and called a crisis center. It helped—telling my story to strangers.”

“Didn’t your parents freak when they saw your face? Wasn’t it, like, all bruised and swollen? Weren’t they worried when you didn’t show up as usual?”

“They weren’t even home at the time. They were off on vacation, some trip for their anniversary. My brother was worried though, he freaked. I told him it was a pirouette accident, that me and this other girl bumped into each other at high speed. It would’ve been believable if I wasn’t such a bad liar, and if he didn’t know me so well. He kept pressing but I kept to my story. However, he was determined to find out the truth so he gave me some time, and when he figured enough time had passed, he snuck and read my journal. When he found out I had been attacked he wanted to track those guys down. But of course I had no clue who was involved. I made him swear not to tell our parents. I was their perfect, smart little girl—how could I let them know I had been tarnished?”

“But how would that have ‘tarnished’ you? It’s not like it was your fault...”

“Yeah, but was it Sarah’s fault? Did that stop her from being scorned? God, now I know how Amanda felt.”

Maria’s eyebrows came closer together.

“As in ‘Abortion Amanda’?”

“Yes. I see why she did what she did. She had a chance to take her life into her own hands, keep her reputation...well not intact, but at least when people talked smack, they had no proof.”