Cinderella and the Playboy / The Texan's Happily-Ever-After (26 page)

“Do you know what the date is?” Without waiting for him to answer, she continued, “It's September ninth, and Saturday is September eleventh.”

“Raina.”

The caring in his voice undid her even more. “You don't understand,” she said, before he could say he did. “I know it's been nine years, and I didn't think another anniversary would be so raw. But it's not just Clark and what happened to him and all the others. It's the memories of everything about it—going to the Family Assistance Center, applying for the death certificate, forever hearing the fire bell clang at the Ground Zero memorial service. And most of all, the finality of that sound.” She shook her head, as if that could stop the memory. “Every year I remember the private memorial service we had, too. Clark's friends and relatives told
stories and I made a collage of pictures. His brother pieced together videos of him.”

She took a deep breath and pushed her hair back from her face with both hands.

“Tell me about it,” he requested, as if he sensed more was bubbling up inside her and could form a thick wall between them if she didn't let it out.

After a long silence, sorting out the words that could express all of it, she said in a low voice, “I didn't go to class. I hardly ate. My mom stayed with me for a while, but I sent her home. Everyone kept saying they were sorry, and I didn't know what to say back. I just couldn't make sense of it.”

She turned to face Shep. “When I finally returned to class, I was like a robot. But then the pace and complexity of med school gave me a routine to hold on to. Weeks and months passed, and I had a goal—to become the doctor Clark wanted me to be. That was all I thought about and all I lived for. It was my way of holding on to his memory. As the years passed, I found a rhythm. I concentrated on children and I helped them. By helping them I helped myself.”

The burble of the creek and a call of a bird were the only sounds until Shep asked, “Why did you come back to Sagebrush?”

“Because I knew that to move on, I couldn't stay in New York. So I came back home to be near my family, to share a practice and make a difference here.” She had told a bit of this to her friends, but had never let it pour out to this extent. Why had the dam fully burst open with Shep?

His hand clasped her shoulder for a few moments, and then, as if the contact was still too incendiary, he
took his hand away. “I never meant for things to get so out of hand today.”

She could hear the sincerity in his voice, still feel the warmth of his hand where it had lain. “I know you didn't. I never expected—” She dropped her face into her hands for a moment, then glanced at him again. “This isn't
me,
Shep. As I told you, I haven't dated since Clark died. I've just ignored that side of me. Yet, when I came out here today, I felt so alive, and the place is so beautiful, and you—I hadn't felt a connection like that in a very long time. I wasn't thinking of the anniversary date. I guess, subconsciously, I just wanted to feel alive.” She let out a long sigh. “And that's why it happened.”

“And afterward, why the tears?” he probed. “Because I wasn't your husband?”

Closing her eyes, she thought about her reaction. “It's not that simple. I just got bombarded by all the emotions a woman feels when she joins with a man. Sex was never just a physical release for me, and I guess I'm too old for it to be now. I know it is for guys, but I'm just not wired like that. It seems odd that pleasure and joy should let everything else crash in, but that's what happened.”

“I knew you weren't the kind of woman to have recreational sex,” he admitted. “That's why I've kept my distance. I've got three boys who need me. I'm not looking to partner up and make my life more complicated than it is.”

Partner up. Was she relieved he didn't want to? Or hurt he didn't want to? What she was, was confused. “That's honest,” she murmured, glad he could be.

“You were honest with me. I thought I should return the favor.”

He'd already told her he didn't trust women. She'd sensed from the beginning that he was a loner and intended to run his life without having to answer to anyone else. They'd made a huge mistake today, and they both knew it.

“Do you want to go back?” he asked her.

She knew if she said “Let's have a picnic” they would have it, no matter how awkward it would be. But why put them through it? Why put them through having to make small talk and pretend they hadn't been as intimate as two people could be?

“That would probably be best,” she responded, and saw the relief in his eyes. Whatever had been brewing between them had ended today—because neither of them were ready for it.

On Saturday, Shep leaned against the kitchen counter, trying to look more relaxed than he felt as Manuel's caseworker inspected his cupboards and refrigerator.

He hated these visits, but he knew they were necessary. Still, he felt one wrong move, one wrong word and she could swoop Manuel out of their lives.

“Did you find what you're looking for?” he asked, with some attempt at levity.

Uncharacteristically quiet, Roy and Joey sat at the kitchen table eating lunch. Manuel poked at the noodles on his tray, smearing cheese on the vinyl and then across his mouth.

Carla Sumpter, a tall brunette in her forties, gave a weary sigh. “Mr. McGraw, you know this is just routine. Could I have a word with you on the porch while the boys finish their lunch?”

Manuel suddenly decided he'd had enough of lunch. “Daddy, Daddy. Up! Up!”

Ignoring Carla for the moment, Shep went to Manuel, lifted him from his high chair and took him to the sink, where he proceeded to wash his hands and face. Manuel shook his head from side to side, avoiding the damp paper towel, but Shep made a game of it and soon the little boy was giggling.

“Mr. McGraw.” The caseworker reminded him she was there.

He faced her and said, “The boys come first, even before your report. Just give me a few seconds and I'll come out on the porch with you.” Crossing to the table, he said to Roy and Joey, “Each of you can have two cookies from the bakery box. I know how many are in there, so don't try to fool me.” He winked at them. “I'll be right outside.”

Roy crooked his finger at Shep.

Shep leaned down toward him.

Roy asked, “She's not going to take Manuel with her, is she?”

Roy asked this every time the caseworker visited. “No, she's not. Now eat a cookie and drink your milk. I'll be back.”

Two minutes later, he was standing on the porch with Mrs. Sumpter. He took his key ring out of his pocket and handed it to Manuel to keep him occupied.

Shep had to admit he was distracted today. He had been for the past two days. In spite of his attempt, he hadn't been able to stop thinking about Raina. Especially today—September eleventh. He'd thought about calling her. But his gut told him to leave her alone—for
now. In a few weeks, he'd have to check on her. They hadn't used protection, and he would have to find out if she was or wasn't pregnant.

Although images of Raina and their day together had kept him awake the past two nights, he shifted his focus to Manuel.

Carla wiped a little smear of cheese from Manuel's cheek with her forefinger, and he grinned at her. She smiled back. “I'm glad his operation went well. He does seem to be hearing better. You said your housekeeper is shopping today?”

“Yes. Some sale she wanted to go to in Lubbock. She'll be driving to Amarillo later in the month to see her sister. She needs a few things for that.”

“How long will she be away?”

“Three or four days.”

“And you think you can handle all three yourself?”

“I spend as much time with them as Eva does.” He tried to keep his voice from showing his impatience. “When she leaves after supper, it's me and them. On her days off, it's me and them. Believe me, Mrs. Sumpter, we'll be just fine when she's away.”

She peered inside the kitchen where Roy and Joey were comparing the size of their cookies. Then her gaze returned to Manuel again. With her purse under her arm, she descended the steps. “I hope so, Mr. McGraw. I do hope so.”

As he watched her make her way to her car, he looked forward to the day when her visits would end. He looked forward to the day when he was officially Manuel's dad.

Smoothing his hand over his little boy's hair, he thought of Raina again and how good she was with his boys. Did they need a mother?

Not as much as they needed one stable person in their lives who would never leave them. Shep knew he was that person.

For the past few days, Raina had told herself not to panic. Yes, her period was late. But it could just be…stress.

The problem was—she was never late. Never, ever. Not even through the most horrible time of her life.

So she'd done what any woman in this position would do. She'd gone out and bought two pregnancy tests last night on her way home. Angie had just switched to the day shift and left for work. Raina was alone in the house.

Despite reminding herself once again not to panic, she still was. A few minutes later, she waited in the bathroom, staring at the thermometerlike stick lying on the vanity. She read the code on the display window.

Her head swirled as she realized what the message meant. She was pregnant. Hurriedly, she unwrapped the second package, hoping the first was a mistake and would say something different.

But deep down she already knew the reading was true. She was carrying Shep's baby.

It would take a few minutes until her world righted itself and she could figure out what she was going to do next.

“You're pregnant?” Ryder Greystone's voice was filled with astonishment.

“That's what I said.” Raina sat quietly beside her brother on his patio Sunday evening, looking up at the sky, trying to decide what to do.

“Who's the father?” Her brother's voice was gruff,
and she knew this was hard for him. He'd always been the kind of big brother who wanted to take care of his little sister.

“Shep McGraw.” Raina explained how she'd met Shep and the boys.

“I heard he was adopting three boys. What's his story? Why did he do it?” As a cop, as a detective, Ryder was always looking for motives.

“He was born in this area. Then he and his mom moved to California after his dad died. He ended up in the foster-care system there. He insists his goal is to give kids more than a temporary home, a home like he never had.”

“So this guy blows into town, buys a ranch, a lumberyard, and adopts a few kids. I think I'll do a background check.”

“Ryder.”

Ryder's suspicions stemmed from the fact that he'd seen his share of domestic violence, as well as women harmed by con men. But Shep didn't fit into either category.

“Just let me check around, Raina. I don't want you getting involved with someone you shouldn't get involved with. And don't lecture me on how you have to live your life on your own terms. Go ahead, do that. Just let me be in the background making sure those terms are good ones. You deserve the best. And if this guy isn't the best, you need to know.”

“He's a wonderful dad. I think that tells a lot about a man.”

“How long have you been dating him?”

That one was hard to answer. She didn't want her brother to know their first date had ended in making love
under a cottonwood. “Ryder, Shep and I connected. It happened fast.”

“You're not impulsive.”

“I was this time. Isn't that obvious? We didn't use protection. We didn't even think about protection.”

“Too much information,” Ryder said with a shake of his head.

“You were grilling me. I get confused between an interrogation and what a brother should know.”

He chuckled. “Raina, sometimes I don't know what to do with you.”

“Just don't tell Mom yet. Once I know what I'm going to do—” The cell phone in her purse beside her chair beeped. She plucked it out, thinking it might be Lily. However, the number on the screen was Shep's. Her heart started beating even faster than it had when she'd told Ryder her news as she answered the call.

“Hi, Shep.” That was lame, but she didn't know what else to say, not yet anyway.

“Raina, hi. How are you?”

“I'm fine.” Had he called for that reason? Had he called to see if she was pregnant?

“I don't know if I believe you. You weathered September eleventh okay?”

Had he been thinking about her that Saturday? It sounded as if he had been. “I weathered it.” She didn't want to go into it now, with her brother listening.

“I thought about calling you. But it seemed better just to let everything…settle.”

She knew exactly what he meant. “Is that why you called tonight?”

“I called for more than one reason. But I don't want
to talk about them on the phone. For starters, do you by any chance have the name of a nurse I could call who would come to stay with the boys overnight?”

That question hadn't even been on her clipboard. “A nurse? Why do you need a nurse?”

“I don't need a nurse per se, but I've got a sick horse, and Eva's away in Amarillo. I might be able to take Roy and Joey to the barn with me and let them sleep in bedrolls, but I can't do that with Manuel. All I would need is the caseworker showing up and finding out about it. So I've got to do this right.”

“You have to stay with the horse all night?”

“Possibly. He has colic. I don't want to lose him.”

An idea rolled around in her head, and she knew she should dismiss it. But she did need to talk to Shep, and at least she'd have a reason for being at the ranch. Before she changed her mind, she said, “I'm not on call this weekend. Why don't I come out and stay overnight with the boys and get them ready for school in the morning. Do you think that would be okay with them?”