Cinderella and the Playboy / The Texan's Happily-Ever-After (36 page)

“Making out on a porch swing could be the perfect end to a long day.”

“We can make out,” she agreed. “And maybe…we can talk.”

His expression changed. “Talk about…”

“I got a phone call from Mrs. Sumpter. I have an interview with a psychologist the week after next.”

His focus entirely on her, he asked, “Are you worried about it?”

“Some. I just don't want anything to hold up the adoption. I know how important it is to you and Manuel.”

“What are you concerned about besides that?”

“I'm worried that whoever interviews me will think we married too quickly and for the wrong reasons.”

“And what will you say if he or she asks why you married me?”

It was on the tip of her tongue to blurt out “Because I love you,” because that's what she'd tell the interviewer. But she didn't think Shep would accept that. It was too soon. Not only that, but a little voice in her mind whispered,
He hasn't told you what
he
feels.

“I'll tell him or her that I want a family as much as you do, and you're a good man and I've always felt a…bond with you. We're having a baby, and I believe two parents are better than one.”

“You've thought about this.”

“Of course. I want to be prepared.”

He wrapped his arm around her and brought her close for a kiss. Hoarsely, he said, “I'll change and be right down.”

Ten minutes later they were sitting side by side on the porch swing, the dish of cookies on a table beside them accompanied by glasses of homemade lemonade. Before he'd come outside, he'd switched on the CD player in the living room. Trace Adkins sang “You're Gonna Miss This,” and Raina knew it was so. Every moment was precious. Children grew up too fast and intimate moments were gone before you could catch them.

After all the passion they'd shared, Raina had thought sitting close together would seem natural. However, they both seemed off balance, and she supposed that was her fault. Shep didn't like heart-to-hearts, and that was really what she wanted to have with him.

He ate one of the chocolate cookies and offered her the plate. She shook her head.

“They're great,” he said.

“Thanks.”

After he finished another one, he gave her a considering look. “Morning sickness today?”

“On and off most of the day.”

“Are you sure that's normal?”

“When I see Emily next week, I'll ask her.”

“Are you sure about giving birth with a midwife? A hospital room with doctors around sounds better to me.”

“I really believe a baby should come into the world with soft lights and lots of love surrounding him. You can be with me. The kids can even be around at the beginning of it. Emily won't take chances. If there's any problem, I'll go to the hospital and Jared Madison will take care of me.”

“My stress meter will be off the charts,” Shep muttered.

When the strains of the soft ballad floated through the open window, Raina suddenly stood, then held out her hand to him. “How about a dance? You can forget about your long day and the stress of my labor.”

When he took her hand, the look in his eyes went from concerned to heated. Rising to his feet, he circled her with his arms. “Do you know how pretty you look tonight?”

She'd changed into a smocked, gauzy dress, the color she loved most—turquoise. She'd wanted to put on something soft and sexy, yet not too obviously so.

“When I'm away from my office, I like to look more…feminine.”

He buried his nose in her hair and murmured against her ear, “You succeeded.”

Instinctively, Raina wrapped her arms around Shep's neck, wanting to be as close as she possibly could to him, maybe closer than he wanted to become. Had it been a mistake to think that one day they could bare their hearts to each other completely?

With their bodies pressed together, their desire was obvious. Yet in some ways, she felt as if she had to take a step back from the physical aspect of their relationship to make the rest of it work.

The three-quarter moon cast its glow over the yard
around the porch. It was bright enough for Raina to see Shep's face as she leaned away, allowing a few inches between them.

“Tell me about your ex-fiancée,” Raina requested.

Shep stilled. “Why would we want to talk about that at a time like this?”

“Because we're good in bed, Shep, but I want to feel close to you in other ways, too.”

His shoulders stiffened and she thought he was going to drop his arms. But he didn't. He held her loosely. “What if I don't want to talk about her?”

She met his question head-on. “I'm not going to pull away or sulk, if that's what you think. But sometimes I still get the feeling that you think I won't stay. I just want to know more about her so it doesn't become a forbidden topic between us. I want to know
you.”

“You're in a funny mood tonight.”

Maybe he was hoping she'd say “Just forget about it,” but she wasn't going to do that. “How did you meet?” she asked, knowing she was prodding.

With a sigh, he answered, “On the golf course. There was a tournament for charity. She and I got paired up and it wasn't until after we broke up I found that she had asked to be my partner.”

“I imagine a lot of women would have wanted to have been your partner.”

“I think you're seeing it in a different way than I did. I never realized how manipulative she was. I think she was looking for someone with money to marry, and purposely went about it.”

“Did
you
break off the engagement?”

“It was mutual. As soon as I started talking about returning
to Texas to ranch and adopt kids, Belinda began getting cold. The day I bought Red Creek Ranch, she said goodbye. Apparently, when we got engaged she figured my money would buy fancy cars, a penthouse and servants.”

“Were you living a different lifestyle in California?” She really couldn't imagine him anyplace but here.

“I had an office in Sacramento and a condo nearby. I had to wear suits a lot more often than I do now.”

From his wry smile she could see he was much more comfortable with this conversation, rather than revealing his romantic past. But she wanted to know more.

“Can I ask you something without you getting angry?”

He narrowed his eyes. “Is that supposed to defuse it before it begins?”

“Maybe.”

“Shoot,” he replied with resignation.

“Why did you ask her to marry you?” Had he gotten engaged to
have
the family he'd never experienced?

After a silence that told her he was reluctant to reveal more, he replied, “You mean, what did I see in her that I liked? She was beautiful in a California, sun-drenched sort of way. Her parents adored her—they'd sacrificed for her education—and I thought that meant she would sacrifice for the people she loved. After all, she came from a good background.”

The questions kept popping up in Raina's mind, and she didn't know how many more he'd tolerate. “How long did you date before you were engaged?”

Although his jaw tightened, he responded, “About four months. We were engaged another five months, but when I started talking about leaving California, I could
see she had other plans. One night I asked if she ever wanted to have kids, and she blew up. That's when I saw a side of her she'd never shown to me before. In a temper, she said if I was thinking about moving to a hick town in Texas, I could move there alone. She would never allow her body to be changed forever by a child and she wouldn't be tied down with adopted ones, either. She wanted a lifestyle with maids and servants. She wasn't going to
be
one.”

If Shep had really loved this woman, he must have been devastated. “That must have been
so
hard for you to hear.”

“You could say that. I wondered how I'd been such a fool. So now do you understand why I don't like to talk about it?”

Without hesitation, she kissed him on the cheek and then laid her head on his shoulder. Shep was a private man, but he'd just revealed more than she'd ever expected.

They began swaying to the music, their bodies moving in unison once more.

This time Shep was the one to lean back. She looked up at him quizzically.

After he studied her for a verse of the song, he passed his hand down her back. “I could kiss you. I could pick you up and carry you upstairs and we could have a great time in bed. But I think all of this is coming from somewhere, and I want to know where.”

With the fall of night, the air had grown cooler and she shivered. “I want us to be able to talk.”

His voice was low and deep above her head. “You said that before. Why is it important?”

Now she was the one who had to be honest. “I've been thinking about my marriage to Clark.”

“What kind of thinking have you been doing? Are you regretting—”

“No,” she cut in. “I don't regret marrying you. I guess it's just…my marriage to Clark wasn't so perfect. Even though I was in med school, Clark really wanted us to have kids, and I did, too. I think I would have given up my career to be a mom.”

Shep considered what she said. “So what happened? Why didn't you have children?”

“I couldn't get pregnant,” she responded. “Med school was ferociously energy-consuming and Clark's schedule was erratic. I don't know what the problem was, but whatever it was, it was coming between us. We didn't talk about it. If there was just one thing I could change, that would be it. Whether the distance between us stemmed from my insecurities or his desire to have children, I don't know.”

“It doesn't sound like you to let something like that go,” Shep insisted.

“You're right. I was hoping to change things. I planned a second honeymoon, hoping that would help, but then—”

The pictures that had played over and over again on the TV screen were still so very blatant in her head. In spite of her best effort, her throat choked up and her eyes became moist as Shep held her. She let her tears fall. She wasn't sure where the sadness was coming from—from unfulfilled dreams and the loss of her husband, or from the closeness she and Clark could have had but didn't, because neither had made the effort or taken the risk.

The call of a night bird carried in the stillness as they stood on the porch, Shep stroking her back, thinking about all she'd said.

“I'm sorry,” she murmured. “I don't know why I'm so…emotional. Being pregnant, I guess.”

“That's not all,” he decided, brushing her hair over her shoulders. “You got married a little over a week ago.” Taking her face in his hands, he added, “You have a career and you're trying to be a ready-made mom. I think you should go on upstairs and get ready for bed. I'll make you a mug of hot cider and bring up some of those crackers you've been eating.”

“Shep, this isn't what I intended.”

“I know, but isn't our motto ‘go with the flow'?” He gave her a smile that was meant to make her feel better, but it didn't. She could see the mood had been spoiled for both of them. She should have just let well enough alone. She should have settled for physical intimacy.

When Shep dropped his arms from around her, she stepped away.

Maybe talking was highly overrated. Possibly the next time, she'd just give in to the desire between them.

But was that the kind of marriage she wanted to have?

“E
nough about me,” Gina said on Sunday evening, the night before her wedding. Raina, Angie and Lily had invited her over for some girl talk before the big day. “You've learned every detail I can tell you about our honeymoon plans in Kauai. It came together so much more easily, once we decided to take along Daniel and Hannah.”

Although Daniel was Logan's son, Gina already thought of him as hers. Raina knew the feeling. Her heart seemed to fill to top capacity when she thought about Roy and Joey and Manuel, about the closeness she felt to them and the closeness they were beginning to feel to her. Since Joey's revelations about the bully bothering him in school, he seemed to gravitate toward her more and was much more talkative. They'd gone shopping for a chain for his medal and he'd proudly shown it to Shep.

“We'll miss you for two weeks,” Angie said. She picked up the glass of sparkling apple cider sitting on the table next to her on the patio of the Victorian. “To my sister, Gina, her soon-to-be husband, Logan, and their wonderful son, Daniel. All the happiness in the world.”

Sitting close together on the outside furniture, all of the women clinked their glasses and drank their cider.

With the sun teetering on the horizon in a beautiful purple-and-pink West Texas sunset, Gina turned to Lily. “If tomorrow will be too difficult for you, I'll understand. If you want to sit out the bridal party, if you want to skip the wedding altogether, just say the word.”

Slowly, Lily set down her glass and met their gazes, one by one. “I don't know what I would have done the past few weeks without all of you, and that's why I want to be part of your wedding tomorrow, Gina.” She settled her hand on her stomach. “Knowing Troy's baby is here makes me feel less alone.” She hesitated a moment, then went on. “Something happened today and I—” She cleared her throat. “I want to tell you about it. I received a letter in the mail from Troy—from one of his friends. He'd left it with him in case anything happened.”

“Oh, Lily.” Raina was quick to take her friend's hand.

“It's okay,” Lily replied softly. “I cried all afternoon. That's why my eyes were puffy when I came in. I couldn't help but cry. He told me how much he loved me, how much the baby and I meant to him. He also said he took a precaution before he left. He asked Mitch Cortega to look after me if anything happened.”