Cinders & Sapphires (19 page)

Ada stared at him in wordless shock.

“Yes. You see now why it is so essential that you marry well? You talk of independence. How much independence do you think you will have as an old maid, dependent on William for every penny? How much do you think Georgiana will have?”

In a gesture of frustration and anger, he slapped his glove against the window. Looking out, he added, “And if you do not marry well, Somerton could be lost to the creditors. Do you want people to say that was your fault? The loss of an estate that has been in the family for over five hundred years?”

There were tears in his eyes, Ada was shocked to see. She could think of no reply. The world, that had seemed full of limitless possibilities a moment before, now seemed to have shrunk to a prison of glass and steel. And yet Ravi’s words came back to her:
We all have to believe in something greater than ourselves
. Those words gave her strength, and she knew that she would never give up her dream of independence. Somehow, despite all the obstacles, she would find a way.

“Georgiana,” said Michael, as he looked around the door of the music room, “may I talk to you?”

Georgiana, who was looking through some sheet music, jumped and the papers slid to the floor.

“Why of course!” she said eagerly. She glanced toward the windowsill, where the roses he had given her stood in a vase, lovingly, if not very artistically, arranged by herself. “And thank you again for the flowers—they’ve lasted so well.”

Michael gave them a cursory glance. “So they have.”

He led the way from the music room down the stairs. Georgiana as good as skipped along behind him, with a quick glance in the mirror to check that her hair was becomingly arranged.

“So what is all this mystery about?” she asked as she followed him out of the side door and into the gardens.

“You’ll see.” He sounded awkward, and her curiosity deepened. He was leading her into the maze—no, into the rose garden. How romantic! She trembled with anticipation.

Once they were deep within the rose garden, he stopped and turned to her abruptly. He looked self-conscious. “Georgiana, I have something to tell you.” He was blushing.

Georgiana’s heart skipped a beat. Surely, surely, this was it. He had led her into a rose garden, after all. He had given her a bunch of roses. And now he was shuffling from foot to foot and clearing his throat. Nothing could look more like love.

“I wonder if you can guess what it is,” he went on.

“Is it—is it about love?” she managed.

His blush deepened. “Well, yes. As a matter of fact, it is. How did you guess?” He shrugged. “I suppose it was obvious from my behavior the other day.”

Georgiana almost swooned.

“I want to ask you something,” he went on. “I hope you’ll say yes.”

This was moving too fast even for Georgiana.
Am I too young to get married?
shot through her head. Michael was so very handsome—and yet she had been looking forward to her first season so much. Besides, what about Ada? It would look bad for the younger sister to marry before the older.

“I—I don’t think I can,” she blurted. “Not yet, at least. I don’t think it would be fair to Ada.”

“Ada?” he stared at her in surprise. “What does she have to do with Priya?”

Georgiana stared at him with her mouth open. The world, which before had been spinning deliciously, ground to an abrupt halt. “P—Priya?” she managed. “You love Priya?”

“She’s the most beautiful, most elegant, most ladylike—” A dreamy expression had come over his face, one she had never seen before.

“O-o-o-oh…” Georgiana tried desperately to hide her disappointment. “So the roses—”

“Yes, I meant to give them to her, but like a fool I ruined the moment. That’s what I wanted to ask you, you see. Every time I come near her I can’t think of a word to say. So I thought maybe you—” He looked at her pleadingly. “I mean, you’re a girl, aren’t you? You know what to say to girls. If you could just let her know how I feel, maybe find out how she feels—”

Georgiana took a deep breath. Her insides felt like a sand castle that had just been hit by the biggest wave on the beach. But she could not let him see that. It was not his fault that she had been mistaken. And besides, she had Averley pride.

One thing stood out clearly to her. “Michael—she’s the nursemaid,” she said as gently as she could.

“So? She’s beautiful!”

“I know, but…” She searched for words. Being the calm counselor of reason did not come easily to her, but she sensed that she had to warn him. “Michael, you’d never be allowed to be together, don’t you see?”

He kicked angrily at the gravel. “I didn’t think
you
would be so snobbish about it—”

“I’m not being snobbish. I’m being practical. Can you imagine what your mother would say?” From the expression on his face, she gathered that he could. “Is it really fair to Priya, to put her under such pressure?”

Michael hung his head. “Maybe not,” he muttered. “But then what am I to do?”

“Wait,” said Georgiana instantly. “I don’t think you should give up loving her, but I think you should wait awhile before speaking to her. I think it would be easier for both of you.”

The look of unhappiness on Michael’s face caught her heart. She came close to him and put a hand gently on his arm.

“Don’t despair, Michael. I promise that if you still feel like this in a year’s time, I’ll do everything I can to help you be together. But it’s got to be above board, don’t you see? For everyone’s sake.”

The lamplight flickered in the darkness of the servants’ passage. It threw eerie shadows across Martha’s face as she glanced behind her.

“Hurry up, Tobias. I don’t like this.”

“Getting cold feet?” Tobias grunted. He was working away at the door of the housekeeper’s parlor with a small metal instrument.

“You know what’ll happen if we’re caught.” Martha shivered.

“Don’t fuss. I’ve used this trick a thousand times. They won’t know what’s happened unless we’re clumsy.” The lock clicked open as he spoke. “See?”

They hurried into the parlor. Martha exclaimed as she bumped into something, but it was only the rocking chair. The room was silent and dark; Mrs. Cliffe had retired hours ago.

“Just look for Rose’s letter. Miss Ward will pay us well for it,” Tobias said. He scowled. “I’ll never forgive that nursemaid for putting me to all this trouble.”

Martha hurried to the secretary desk in the corner. Setting the lamp on it, she opened the desk and began looking through the various papers that were filed neatly away.

“Look out, you idiot, don’t put them out of order or she’ll guess.”

“Here, you sort through this lot.” Martha handed him a wedge of papers tied with ribbon.

“These are no good,” said Tobias, after a moment. “They’re just old bills—”

He stopped speaking abruptly. Martha, still looking for Rose’s letter, did not notice. Tobias read on, his sly face intent. After several minutes, Martha noticed the silence and looked up.

“This ain’t a library,” she began.

“Shut it,” Tobias interrupted. A grin spread slowly across his face.

“What’s up? You found it?” Martha snatched the paper from his hand. She frowned. “This is just old payments to Mrs. Cliffe from Lord Westlake.”

“Nothing strike you as strange about it?”

“No. He pays her wages, so what?”

“Look at the dates, Martha.” Tobias pointed. “Mrs. Cliffe wasn’t employed here then. I was here and I know, she only came in 1904. And I do remember she knew the house very well, and she said she’d been a housemaid here before she left to get married.”

Martha shook her head. “You’ve lost me.”

“Lord Westlake was paying money to a housemaid who left his employ years ago. And who came back as housekeeper with a daughter? A daughter who thinks herself a cut above the rest of us and gives herself airs? Come on, Martha. You’re not
that
innocent.”

Martha’s mouth fell open. “Now you say that,” she said slowly, “I do remember that he came down to see her the night he got back from India. I wondered at the time what they were up to—he was in her parlor at midnight.”

“So it’s still going on.” Tobias grinned. “Forget Rose’s letter. If Stella Ward doesn’t pay for
this
information, I’m a Dutchman.”

The trains whistled and hooted, filling the air with steam. Porters hurried here and there, pushing trolleys full of trunks. Ada, on the platform, watched the crowds of people moving about; rich and poor, young and old. Ada felt as if she were looking for someone, but she did not know who she expected to see. Her father had insisted they leave London as soon as possible. She had barely had time to scribble a note to Ravi. Even if he had received it, he would have lectures to attend—

And there he was. The clouds of steam cleared and blew away, revealing him standing by the ticket offices, looking small and isolated. He was looking around him. Ada’s heart gave a leap. She turned to Rose, who was guarding her trunks.

“Rose…” She gestured toward him with a glance. Rose’s expression showed she had seen him. “I have to speak to him. Will you make some excuse for me to Charlotte and Fiona?” They were farther up the platform, harassing a guard about the time the train was due to leave.

“Of course, my lady, but be careful,” Rose answered. “This is a very public place.”

Ada nodded. She did not need to be told of the danger, not since the shock of meeting her father at Oxford. As she walked back toward the booking offices, she glanced around. No one seemed to be paying attention to her. She caught Ravi’s eye, and saw the flash of recognition. Instead of stopping to talk to him, she walked straight past, hoping he would know to follow.

Not daring to look behind her, she moved through the crowd toward the dark and dusty end of the station, where the lost luggage office was. A chocolate vending machine and a trolley full of stacked trunks made a corner of shadows. She paused at the vending machine as if she were contemplating buying a Fry’s chocolate bar, and sensed him walk up behind her. He stood very close but did not touch her.

“You got my letter,” she said quietly, her finger tracing the prices on the machine.

“I have to talk to you.” The urgency in his voice startled her, and she half turned before remembering where she was.

“Is something wrong?”

“Not—exactly.” He hesitated. “Step behind those trunks when I tell you the coast is clear.”

She nodded. A few moments later, during which time she felt she had memorized the price of every chocolate bar in the machine, he said, “Now.”

Ada stepped to the side, around the corner of the machine, and found herself in the shadow of the trunks on one side. A moment later, Ravi followed her.

“I’m so glad to see you,” she began, her voice trembling because she could see from his face that all was not well.

He took her hand and pressed it. “I—I don’t know how to begin.”

His voice was so serious that she was frightened. “What is it? Has something happened?”

“Yes—but nothing bad.”

“That’s a relief.” She smiled.

He did not answer the smile. “You know I have been communicating with the Indian National Congress.”

Ada blinked. The rush of relief was quickly replaced with fear. “Have you done something wrong?”

“On the contrary, it seems I have impressed some very important men here in Britain, sympathizers with our cause. They have asked me to act as a bridge between them and the Congress in India.”

Ada gazed at him, eyes wide. “That’s…wonderful,” she said hesitantly. Was it? Her father, she knew, would consider it verging on treason.

“It is. It is work that I want to do, that I know I can do well, and that I would respect myself for doing.” He frowned as he spoke.

“So…”

“The post is in Bombay.”

There was a long silence.

“I see,” said Ada faintly. Bombay! It was so far away. “But—won’t you finish at Oxford first?”

He shook his head. “It is a dreamland, I see that now. For you, it’s the right place to be. But I must return to India. I feel it is my duty to do so.”

He was speaking again, and through the roaring in her ears she made out the rest of his words.

“…I wanted to say something to you at Oxford, but I could not find the words to express it. I have to try, though, so that you understand.” He took her hand. “I believe in India, and the other thing I believe in, Ada—is you.”

She looked at him in confusion.

“Ever since I met you on the
Moldavia
, and saw how determined you were to go to Oxford, to break out of the crystal prison that holds you trapped in society, I have admired you so much. You have the power to achieve anything you want to. I don’t want to take that away from you. I don’t want to be responsible for clipping your wings before you have even taken flight.”

“I don’t understand,” she said. “How would you do that?”

“By giving in to my dearest wish—and asking you to marry me.”

Ada’s breath hitched. The noisy train station suddenly seemed to fall silent as she stepped closer to Ravi, trembling. He hurried on.

“I have thought about it since I received news of this post. I dreamed that we could be married, that we could go to India together, that we would be poor but happy. And then I saw how selfish I was being.”

“But I will marry you,” she blurted out, realizing that this was what she had wanted all along. She had never wanted anything more in her life. “I will. How can you doubt it?”

“I don’t doubt it. But I will not ask you.”

She pulled her hands from his grasp. “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

“I am saying that as much as I want us to be together, I know it is impossible. I have come to say good-bye.”

“But I love you,” she exclaimed.

“And I love you. Very much. Too much to shackle you to a marriage you will without doubt regret, to steal your chance of independence from you.”

“Ravi, what nonsense.” She was half laughing and half crying. “You have given me every kind of freedom. I have never felt as free as I have with you. You have made me determined to go to Oxford, and—”

“And how would you attend Oxford if you were in India, the wife of a low-paid clerk working for an organization that the British government considers bordering on treasonous?”

Ada opened her mouth, then closed it again. The shock must have showed on her face, because he put his arms around her and hugged her fiercely. She pressed her face into his chest, every ounce of her longing to be held like this forever.

“Ada, you will thank me for this. Not next year, perhaps, nor the year after that, but in ten years, when you have achieved all your dreams and are happy, you will know that I did the right thing.”

“You can’t leave me this way,” she choked out, her voice muffled by his white linen shirt.

“I have to. I have to, for your sake.”

Nothing in her life had prepared Ada for this terrible sense of loss. How could it have come to this? Even as Ravi spoke, she was thinking, Something will happen. Some thunderclap, some miracle will happen to change things
.

But they remained standing where they were. The station clock struck twelve.

“The train—” Ada exclaimed. The time had gone so quickly.

Ravi looked pale. He caught her in his arms and kissed her. Ada let herself melt into the kiss, her head swimming as he ran his hands through her hair then wrapped a protective arm around her waist, tugging her closer still. Through her head ran the thoughts, This can’t be the last time. This can’t be. It’s impossible.

A beam of light flashed across her face, and instinctively they let go of each other. A porter was pulling the trolley away. Ravi backed into the shadows. The porter started as he saw Ada.

“Beg pardon, miss. Didn’t see you there. Hope I didn’t catch your dress?”

She managed to say, “No—no, I’m perfectly all right, thank you.”

“You shouldn’t stand there, really, miss—it’s dangerous, could get crushed.” The porter went on, but Ada hardly heard him.

Charlotte was standing at the end of the platform, looking directly at Ada. The expression on her face was unreadable. Ada’s heart almost stopped. Had she seen them kiss?

Slowly, reluctantly, she walked over to Charlotte. If she had seen, her reputation—her future—any chance of going to Oxford—were entirely in Charlotte’s power.

“So there you are,” Charlotte greeted her.

Ada did not reply. Was there some meaning behind that? Charlotte’s face was completely closed, but there was a spark in her eye—at least Ada thought there was.

“Do come along. The train is about to depart and the guard is getting most impatient with us.” Charlotte turned and marched off up the platform. Ada followed. She could see Fiona’s hat as she leaned from the window to beckon to them, and the guard waved peevishly.

She hurried onto the train, and the whistle blew almost at once. At least she had an excuse for her breathlessness and red face. Fiona was alone in the first-class carriage; Rose and Stella had already been exiled to the second-class one.

“Really, Ada, you do dawdle,” said Fiona with some annoyance.

“I’m sorry,” Ada murmured as she took her seat.

“I should think so,” Charlotte said, and Ada looked up sharply. Charlotte met her eyes for a fraction of a second, then turned to the window. The train began chuffing out of the station, the engines churning and the steam drifting back past the window in veils. Ada gazed through them, desperate for a last sight of Ravi. But hard as she looked, he was nowhere to be found. The train picked up speed, and then she could see nothing, not even the smoke, for the tears in her eyes.