Cindy Holby (24 page)

He saw his father as he had last seen him. The face looking back at him was younger, not as time worn, not as creased with grief, but the look, the image, the soul that looked back with the same dark brown eyes was an exact replica. He saw the same incrimination staring back at him that he felt every time he thought of how his father abandoned him and Brody. When had he turned into the very thing he despised?

“Banks!”

Cade grabbed a gown and ran to Leah’s side.

Banks. She had to find him. It wasn’t safe. She could not leave this horrible place until he was safe. The cabin was on fire and she ran through the rooms and battled the flames as she called out his name. She could hear him, in the distance, calling for her, but she couldn’t see him. Everywhere she turned, the flames burned high, blocking her view and blocking her escape. If only she wasn’t so hot. Lost. Confused. If only someone would help her.

You are alone…you have been since Nate died…
She didn’t want to be alone. Alone was such a sad thing to be. She’d seen that same sadness in Cade, she’d seen it in his eyes. Cade…Leah, trapped in the flames, wept because of the sadness and the loneliness, and because she could not find Banks. Without Banks there was no reason to care. There was no reason to go on. Without Banks she would just give in to the flames and let them burn her up until she was nothing but ash and could float away on the wind.

She didn’t ask for the strong arms that gathered her up and held her close. She didn’t tell him to wipe her brow and pour cool water down her throat. Yet somehow he knew. He knew she was lost. He knew she needed help. Leah opened her eyes.

“Cade?”

“Yes.” She saw his smile. Saw the creases it made in his face and the way his eyes crinkled up at the corners. “I’m Cade.”

There it was again. The confusion. The unsettling feeling that something wasn’t right. “That’s a strange name for a preacher.”

“I’m not a preacher Leah. I’m not what you think at all. Now get some rest.”

She didn’t want to rest. Every time he told her to rest the
flames came back and she was lost. She had to find her son. “Banks?”

“He’s fine. He’s at the Martins’. He wants you to rest so you will get better.”

She couldn’t rest. She could never rest because it was all up to her. He was her responsibility. There was no one else. Yet Cade was here. “Why are you here?”

He smiled at her again. His smile was so nice. It completely transformed his face. Yet there was still the sadness in his eyes that gave her an ache, deep in her heart. “Because I have no place else to be right now. No place else at all.”

“I’m glad you’re here.” She put her hand on his cheek. It felt so very cool against the heat of her palm. She wished his sadness would go away. He should be happy. Everyone should be happy at some time in their lives. Shouldn’t they?

“Don’t leave me.”

He smiled at her. But his eyes were still sad. “Get some rest.”

W
ard looked up from the table as the door opened with a blast of cold air. He was surprised to see Jim Martin walk through the door. It wasn’t because Jim was against drinking; it was just usually an issue of time. Between the livery and six kids underfoot, the man had little time for anything beyond work and sleep. What was stranger was the fact that it was so late at night when Jim stepped through the door.

“Any news?” Jake asked.

“Not unless you count coyotes as news,” Jim replied. He nodded when Ward waved the whiskey bottle in his direction. Ward poured him a shot. Jim took off his coat and hung it on the back of the chair before he joined the men at the table. “I found one snooping around the edge of the corral. I didn’t have my gun with me or I’d have taken a shot at it.”

“Everything’s gone to ground with the cold,” Jake said. “How’s Banks?”

“He’s all right,” Jim said. “He’s been too busy playing to miss his mom, although he did ask about her when he went to bed.”

“Has Gretchen been back?”

“She took some food up. Leah was asleep and the preacher was out back. She didn’t hang around.”

“I don’t blame her,” Ward said. The sight of the dead bodies and the smell from the fire was still fresh in his mind.

“She said it looked like he was doing a good job taking care of her, although the kitchen was a bit of a mess. Leah was clean.”

Ward watched Jake. As he expected the man flushed at the thought of the preacher keeping Leah clean.

“We’ll look in on them in the morning,” Jim added, and Jake nodded. Jim took a sip of his whiskey. “So what do you think of him?”

“You haven’t talked to him?” Jake asked.

“The one time I tried he was asleep. I know Bettina has but all she can think about is when she can get Margy down there. I think she wants the woman out of her house more than she wants to fix her up with the preacher.”

“You talked to him,” Ward reminded Jake. “What did you come away with? He must have said something to impress you, or else you wouldn’t have left Leah there with him, even if he is immune to the measles.”

Jake shrugged. “I don’t know. There’s something about him. He’s not what I expected for a minister but when he said he’d take care of Leah, I couldn’t help but believe that he would, to the best of his ability.”

Ward looked down at Lady, who’d quickly taken to his schedule. She lay on the floor by his chair with her head turned toward the door so she could see whoever came in. He rubbed the top of her head. Dang if he hadn’t gotten attached to her real quick. “You know what I think?”

The other two looked at him expectantly. “Dodger seems to like him, and you know how protective he is of Leah and Banks. If Dodger has no problem with him, then he must be all right.”

“I think I’ll reserve judgment until I hear him preach a sermon,” Jake said.

“Well since we know the chances of me setting foot inside the church to hear him are slim, I’ll just have to go along with Dodger,” Ward replied.

It was like fighting a losing battle, but so was everything else he put his mind to. And he approached it with the same stubborn tenacity that had kept him alive so far. Cade spent what seemed like hours cooling Leah down and then she’d get hot again. Her fever was sneaky, waiting until the few moments that he walked away to attack again. As long as he kept after her with the snow, wiping and cooling her skin, she was fine. But as soon as he stopped, because he was afraid of giving her frostbite, it would shoot back up, crawling higher and higher each time, until he was afraid she would burst into flames when he touched her skin.

“Come on now, Leah.” Cade sat in the chair by the bed and wiped her face with snow. “You’re stubborn. You’ve got to fight this.”

She muttered something, but he couldn’t understand the words. She was lost in a dream with ghosts from her past. Still, she was talking and Cade took it as a good sign, so he kept on.

“I thought you were an angel the first time I saw you. I reckon I had you mixed up with that dang statue sitting out in the middle of the street.”

She shook her head, jerking it back and forth on the pillow, as if she were arguing with someone. Dodger put his
paws on the edge of the bed and rose up to look at Leah. Cade rubbed his head, and the dog whined before he lay down on the floor beside his chair.

“It makes sense when you think about it. You’re a lot like that stone angel, standing there with its arms all stretched out, ready to welcome everyone into the fold.” He started on her arms again, wiping the length of them, and each delicate finger. “You took me in and saved my life.” Cade laughed. “Of course, if you’d known who I really was, you probably would have left me out in that blizzard to die.”

He bathed her neck, pushing her hair out of the way as he did so. “But here’s the thing. I believe in angels. It’s not that I’ve come across that many of them, but I know they’re out there. They have to be, because there are so many demons around. If you’ve got demons then there have to be angels. It’s the only way to keep balance. There’s winter and there’s summer, there’s spring and there’s fall. We’ve got the desert and the forests, the plains and the mountains, the land and the sea. There’s good and there’s bad and there are angels and demons. In case you didn’t realize it, I’m kind of an authority on demons. I reckon I’ve spent enough time with a bunch of them.”

Leah tossed her head and muttered again.

“It’s funny you know.” Cade talked to her as he’d never dared talk to anyone before. “I never really thought about it much. I just thought that this…my life…was the way it was. That there could never be anything different. But now…” He pushed her hair back from her brow. “Now I wish for things I never knew existed.”

Leah turned her face into his hand and sighed.

“A very wise man told me we have no way of knowing where God’s path will lead us. God only knows that I’ve had no purpose in my path. I can’t help but wonder if I was supposed to wind up here. I can’t imagine why. I can’t imagine how my being here can be of any use to anyone, unless
it’s just because I’m able to take care of you while you’re sick.”

He had not realized his ramblings would turn into such introspection. He only thought to keep her focused. To keep her from slipping away. “It surely wasn’t of any use to Timothy.”

Leah mumbled again. Cade bent closer to the bed. “Prayers…” she sighed.

Cade shook his head. “God doesn’t want my prayers,” he said.

“No, no, no…” She was out of her head with the fever and he was a fool to ramble on the way he had. Cade stood and stretched from the long hours he’d spent in the chair. He needed to clear his head of the nonsense he’d dredged up from deep inside. He’d spoken of things he’d never given voice to before. Things he should never voice.

He felt so helpless against Leah’s fever. Admitting it was frightening, especially since with it came the realization that he now knew what it had been like for his father. He’d been unable to stop the horrific murder of his wife and daughter. He’d blamed himself for their deaths and his guilt had been so strong, he could no longer care for his sons. And what about Leah? Had she felt the same hopelessness when they carried her husband in, and she had to watch him die?

Cade went out back. The creaking of the door shutting behind him startled something beside the shed. He heard the rustle of Leah’s chickens and their panicked clucks. He saw a coyote racing across the snow toward the stream. The pickings must be slim for one to come so close to town. He’d better make sure his gun was handy next time. Just in case.

The sky to the east, over the mountains, was streaked with pale grays, pinks and purples that announced the coming of dawn. Another night gone, another day closer to someone discovering his deception. Was it worth it? Only time would tell.

The cold was vicious and intense. Maybe he should bring Leah outside and pack her in snow. No…that would be too much. It was so cold that he shivered, he who usually ignored it. It would kill her and that he would not allow.

He heard the click of Dodger’s toenails on the wood floor and his scratch at the door. He let him out. The dog whined and nudged Cade’s hand with his nose. “Go on,” he said, thinking the dog just needed to go. Dodger didn’t move, instead he gave Cade another nudge.

“Leah?” Cade returned to his room. She lay still, very still, where before she’d been fretful. Cade touched her forehead. She was burning up, hotter than ever. What should he do? What else could he do?

“LEAH?” Cade shook her. She didn’t move. Cade dropped to his knees by the bed and laid his head on her breast, with his ear over her heart. Her breathing was shallow and he could hear the flutter of her heart in her chest. It was going too fast as it tried its best to fight the fever which held her in its grip.

She’s dying…

“Please God…not this.”

Timothy’s Bible still lay on the table beside the bed. Cade picked it up and flipped the pages to Hebrews. He knew exactly where to find it. His father taught him to recite the books of the Bible soon after he learned his ABCs. He trailed his finger down the pages, skimming until a verse caught his eye.

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.