Cin's Secret [Club Libertine 4] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) (8 page)

“I realized that I still wanted to be better than you, so I stayed away. I figured you’d be better off without me.”

Lindy just sat there, staring at her sister, her appetite obviously completely gone.

“So why did you come back?” she asked quietly.

“I know that what I did was unforgiveable, and I understand that. But I had to apologize to you in person. And I’m going to track down Jason and apologize to him, too. I don’t need either of you to forgive me. That would be asking too much. But I hope, in time, you can stop hating me. I had a lot of time to think over the past few months. And I realized you deserved to know the truth so you wouldn’t blame Jason anymore for what I did. I even wondered if it wasn’t too late for the two of you, but then I saw you with Jake and I saw how happy you were. I almost backed out of this confession, telling myself that if I hadn’t broken you and Jason up, you wouldn’t be this happy now, but that was just the old Cindy trying to break loose again. I thought I’d killed her off for good, but clearly she’s still a part of me.

“I’ll go now. You don’t ever have to see me again. I’m just happy that I had a chance to see you again and meet Jake and see how happy he’s made you. I’ll leave you in peace now, without your forgiveness. That will be my punishment. I’ll leave Seattle forever.”

Cindy put her napkin on the table and stood up. She looked at her sister, shocked to see the tears running down Lindy’s face. And the anger. Lindy stood up and grabbed her wrist.

“Connor was right. You are running away again. Well, this time, I won’t let you. You are not running away again. I forbid it.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You ran away once instead of sticking around and facing up to what you did. I don’t care if you were on some kind of stupid ‘journey of self-discovery.’ You hurt me and Jason and our parents instead of facing the music. And now you are ready to run again. If you’ve really grown up and learned something about yourself, you’d stay and fight.

“But if I really get to choose your punishment, then hear this. I won’t stand for you running away again. I just got my sister back, and I’m not losing her again. And neither will the twins. You started something with them, and you’ll stay and see it through.”

Cindy was shocked. Lindy had always been the quiet one, going along with everyone else. She’d never stood up for herself like this.

“Sit. Eat. You look like shit.”

“Gee, thanks a lot.”

“What did you do to your hair? And you’ve lost weight.”

Cindy hesitated, confused by the abrupt change of topic. And the reference to the Connor saying she was running away. When had Lindy talked to them?

“The truth, Cindy.”

“I was working in Eastern Europe. I was working at a small medical clinic. Yes, me who couldn’t stand the sight of blood and freaked out over a broken nail. But I wasn’t there to do first aid. And I didn’t mean to do good. I was traveling, and I cut my hand. They were nearby and spoke English, and I went there to get it bandaged. They needed someone to organize the facilities and supplies and the patient records. While waiting my turn in the clinic, things were absolute chaos.” She laughed.

“You know how bossy I can be. I ended up sitting at the front desk directing traffic. I stayed there for eight hours, until the place closed. I was starving, but I felt good about helping. And it turns out I was good at it. I’d only been passing through, but I decided to stick around for a while and help out until their regular office person came back, but she never did. But I felt needed in a way I never had before, and so, the years passed, and the area got more dangerous, and it wasn’t just looking after sick kids, but kids and adults who had been shot.

“And then I was one of them.”

“Oh my god. You were shot?” Lindy’s face drained of color.

“Nothing serious. A flesh wound in the side. Really. It was nothing. A few stitches, but I got an infection and ended up flat on my back for a few weeks until I could be shipped home. That’s when I knew I had to open up completely and tell you what happened. It was cowardly of me to run off, and even if you ended up hating me, I had to clear Jason’s name.”

Tears started running down Lindy’s face.

“Oh my god. I did the wrong thing, didn’t I? I made things worse.” She moved to stand up.

“I said sit down.”

Cindy sat.

Lindy chuckled. “There are some things you learn from living with a Dom.”

Cindy started to speak, but her sister motioned for her to be silent. Lindy didn’t speak for a moment and seemed to be gathering her thoughts.

“Firstly, no matter what, you are my sister, and I love you. Second, if you run away again, I will never, ever forgive you. I want you back in my life. The past is the past. I am
very
happy with Jake. And I’d be happier if my sister was around.”

“But how can you ever trust me again? I’ve always gone after your men in the past.”

“I thought you said you were a changed woman? But talk is cheap, isn’t it? I’ll tell you how you can earn my forgiveness. Show me you are a changed woman. Talk is cheap. Prove you have changed.”

“I’ll do anything, Lindy. Whatever it takes to earn your forgiveness.”

“In that case, you are going to stay in town and work at the club with Jake and his partners, and you are going to keep away from the attached men and show that you are now trustworthy. And it’s just not my forgiveness you need. You hurt the twins, too.”

“But it was just a single night.”

“Obviously it meant something to them, but you were able to walk away without a backward glance.”

“Last night was the most wonderful night of my life. They are the most amazing men I have ever met. But I had convinced myself that you were going to send me away, so I wanted one night to remember them by. But then in the morning, I pushed them away. They must hate me.”

“Do you have feelings for them, Cindy?”

“Yes.”

Lindy looked at her sister intently.

“You know, I believe you do. That one word was more convincing than if you had launched into a poetic description of your feelings.”

“What can I say? They are great guys. Connor is so cheerful and optimistic yet so dominant in the bedroom. And Liam tries to balance Connor by being more cautious, but he wants nothing more than to throw caution to the wind. It’s far too soon to throw around the ‘L’ word, but from the moment I met them, I felt like it was meant to be.” Laughing, she added a little bitterly, “Maybe I need two men to keep me under control since I seem to be my own worst enemy.”

“I’ll drink to that. But, Cindy, can you really tell them apart?”

“Yeah. I mean, they look alike, but they give off such a different vibe.”

“That’s what Jake says, but you and he are the only two who can see it. He always said that when the twins found a woman who could tell them apart, they would collar her so fast she wouldn’t even realize it until it was a done deed.”

“Well, I guess Jake was wrong. See, no collar.” Her face crumpled as she thought back to last night. “They did ask to start something, but I insisted on a single night. I pushed them away emotionally. It’s all my fault. Oh, Lindy. Why am I such a terrible person?”

“What did you say to them?”

“I told them that I wanted to be their sub, but I could only promise a single night. And then this morning, I told them it was over.”

“And you think that got rid of them for good?”

“They didn’t even drive me home or say good-bye. They just called me a cab and let me leave.”

“You realize that you’ll be seeing them tonight at work, right?”

“Tonight?”

“Yup. I checked with Andie. She wants you there from eight to midnight every night they are open. Are you up for working near the twins six nights a week?”

“I desperately want to be with the twins. There’s no greater punishment you could give me than making me see them every night, knowing that I destroyed any chance I had with them. In fact, it’s a fitting punishment.”

She was startled when Lindy started laughing.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I was talking to them when you arrived. They were giving me due notice that they intended to pursue my sister, even though she said she didn’t want a relationship with them. And they asked if I could put in a good word for them with you.”

Lindy looked at her sister appraisingly. Cindy found herself squirming in her chair. Cindy started to speak, but Lindy held up a hand to silence her. Lindy really had gained confidence. It looked good on her.

“Okay. You seem to want to be punished, which will be a good thing if you end up with the twins. Connor, especially, loves to spank, and I hear that Liam has a real talent with a riding crop. He’s no Jake, but he knows what he’s doing.”

“Oh, my god. Jake whips you with a crop? And you like it?” Cindy blushed. “My big sister is all kinds of surprising.”

“So, as I was saying. Here’s your punishment. You can’t have sex with the twins.”

“Ever?” Lindy swallowed, hard. “Okay. If that’s what it takes. Consider it done. Or rather not done. But I just need one favor from you. I need directions to the nearest sex shop. I think I need to get a battery-operated boyfriend.”

“I don’t think the twins would like that. Doms hate it when their subs take charge of their own orgasms. Always leads to punishments. But maybe that’s what you want?”

“I don’t understand. You said I couldn’t have sex with them.”

“Not forever. Just this week. You can work with them and spend time with them, but no sex until Saturday night. Take the relationship back a step and get to know each other. Platonically. No sex and no punishments. You know, they told me you wanted to be punished last night. They were worried about you. They wondered if you just wanted them because you wanted to be punished. They even had to force you to accept a safe word. That’s a dangerous thing to do. You are lucky you were with them.”

“Oh god, no. I wanted to be punished, yes. But. Crap. Maybe that’s why I didn’t want the safe word. I didn’t even acknowledge it myself. But maybe I wanted them to hurt me. But they didn’t. A few spanks, but not real punishment, not like I deserve.”

“It was wrong to put them in the middle. Since you seem to need a physical punishment to move on, I’ll symbolically take the first strike, and then Jake will carry out your punishment on my behalf in front of the entire club. You’ll take what he dishes out on my behalf, and that will be that. No more guilt or remorse or self-flagellation. The past will be the past, and you will put it behind you in a very public manner.”

“Oh, Lindy. Are you sure? My worst sins against you in the past have involved the men in your life. Are you sure you want Jake to do this?”

“Don’t you see? He can punish you and then publicly choose me. Then, if you still want the twins, you have my blessing to be with them.

“By the way, I should tell you that Jake’s nickname at the club is ‘Master of Pain.’”

Cindy found herself standing nervously in the elevator. She looked into the mirrored wall and reached out and fluffed up her hair. She’d gotten it cut professionally after lunch with Lindy, but she’d decided against coloring it again. She knew she used to hide behind her Barbie doll look. Now she was just going to be Cindy.

What would it be like, the first time she faced the twins tonight? Or, oh, god, the first time she faced Jake?

All too quickly, the elevator dinged and then glided to a stop, opening at the staff entrance to the club.

Lindy was working late at the library, but she arranged for Andie to meet her and get her settled in. Every time she heard a footstep, she turned, wondering if it was the twins, until finally Andie told her to cut it out.

The work wasn’t that hard. She was to sit out front at reception and check IDs and membership cards to make sure that no one slipped in who wasn’t precleared. The club had a very strict policy about only allowing members in. Members sometimes brought guests, but they had to be vetted, too. There were all sorts of people who had to be kept out, including those people who equated BDSM with a license to abuse women and reporters who wanted a juicy scoop on the rich or famous members, and finally, there were the ex-members. Just because someone had once been a member didn’t mean they were still welcome. People were banned temporarily or permanently depending upon the severity of their infractions. If the greeter at the front desk didn’t do the job right, all sorts of problems could occur.

So Cindy took her job seriously. She was pleasant, yet firm, turning away several people who tried to sneak in including one man she suspected was a journalist, all without help or causing a scene.

“I’m impressed.”

She jumped. For a big man, Jake moved quietly.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on you. You are very good.”

“After dealing with armed rebels, these guys are a piece of cake.”

Jake laughed. “I’ll try to remember not to get on your bad side.”

“Then just keep treating my sister so well. She’s literally glowing with happiness. I can only hope that one day, I have that, too.”

Jake laughed as Cindy suddenly realized how her words could be misconstrued. “I didn’t mean that. Not the way it came out. I want to be happy, but not with you. I mean, I wasn’t hitting on you.”