Circle in the Sand (14 page)

“What are you doing here?” I ask Ned as I shake out a Margarita and pour it into a
glass. It’s Tuesday night at Thrusters. Valentine’s Day. Ned is standing, sandwiched
between two guys’ elbows poking at his sides because there’s not a seat left in the
place. It’s been almost a month since I saw him during my weekend with Emily and Sage.

“I came to talk to you about the party.” He takes a careful sip of the beer I served
him, eyeing the burly guy on his right.

“I know about the party,” I say loud enough for him to hear me. The music is always
up higher than I’d prefer, but tonight the conversations are even louder with people
trying to convince themselves that it’s okay they are dateless on this night. I spent
my day here doing the books for my boss, Matthew, and volunteered to work tonight.
The accounting helps me make ends meet and spend less time behind the bar.

I pull back some empties and wipe down the counter a few feet away from him. I need
to close out for a lady waving her card at me, so I turn from Ned even though he seems
to have more to say.

The woman with her has not looked at me once since their arrival. Her eyes, thick
and heavy with mascara, have been glued to a smart phone the entire time. The woman
paying is clearly newly engaged. She’s waving that finger around like she’s trying
to land Air Force One.
Look, I’m engaged so it’s okay I’m alone on this day.
I snag the card and step back over toward Ned to run it through. “So what’s the story?”
I ask him.

“This is the first party since it happened,” he says with a shrug.

We exchange looks that say neither of us wants to think about what almost happened
on that day. I remember arriving at the house, seeing Ned holding a bag of ice and
talking to Rosa. Only part of the conversation came through to me, but I heard “James”
and “emergency room.” Ned turned when I entered the room, eyes laced with fear. The
bag hit the floor, and in an instant we were holding each other, listening to our
hearts pound steadily along with the sounds of our breathing. Those two days were
the nicest Ned and I had ever been to each other. It was the first time I didn’t see
a silly smile plastered on his face and a smart-ass comment shooting from his lips.
“So you’re worried about how Emily’s going to handle it?” I feel the hard gaze of
the finger waver on me as I ignore her printed receipt and talk to Ned.

“Yeah. What has there been? Four birthdays between the three kids since it happened?”

“At least,” I answer. Emily had been so different back then, before James’s accident.
“So what have you got in mind?”

“I hope this doesn’t make things worse. Sophie really pushed for it and Emily finally
caved. I’m not sure she’s ready for that kind of stress. Remember what happened at
the beach that time?”

I don’t have to try hard to recall the memory of Emily losing it because she had forgotten
Ned was taking James to the restroom.

“Excuse me,” I hear squeaking from the side of the bar.

Ned gestures with his head and a smirk.

“I know,” I say. I turn to see her shooting eye daggers at me, so I tear off the receipt
and carry it over to her. Diamond girl manages to hold the pen with her weighted down
hand and scratch out her name and total, including a fifteen percent tip. I take it
and smile, giving a thanks that they couldn’t care less about as they shake their
asses toward the door.

I refill an ice tea and take another beer order before I return to Ned. We’ve done
this intermittent conversation thing before, so he’s patient until my arrival. “So
what do you want to do?”

“I have a plan. Can we talk about it when you get off?”

“I’m here for two more hours. Think you can handle it?”

He crooks a thumb to the right and says, “I’m stealing this guy’s chair as soon as
he gets up. Then I’m going to harass you all night. So yeah, I can if you can.”

Twenty minutes later, the guy gets up and Ned slides into place with a triumphant
grin. “So, where’s your bad boy? I thought you were getting him a job here?”

“Behind,” Gayle, our pregnant bartender, blurts out as she sidles by me with two full
pints of beer.

“It didn’t work out,” I tell Ned. I set a shot, on the house, in front of him. Hopefully
it will distract him from this line of questioning about Travis. Plus, he’s always
nicer to me when he’s got a buzz.

He slams it back after giving me a suspicious stare. “Thank you, barkeep.”

“I prefer, mixologist,” I answer. 

A couple I’ve known for years takes the seats that open up on the other side of Ned.
Jason orders a mojito for his lady and then a New Castle for himself. As I’m mixing
her drink, Ned asks, “So…what happened? The ex-con thing? Tough for people to take
that chance?” He nods while screwing up his face in a condescending expression that
tells me he’s not too fond of Travis.

“It was my mistake. I should have known he wasn’t allowed…” I catch myself and try
to recover my shocked face.

Ned executes a slow, confident nod, courtesy of the Tequila. “Got it. So, I take it
that this has something to do with the business of this particular establishment.”

I shake my head as I deliver the drinks to my friends. Ned won’t let this go, so I
consider telling him about Travis. It’s not as if he swore me to secrecy. I just loathe
gossiping. But, I won’t need to tell Ned because now he won’t keep his trap shut.

“I’m on to something, aren’t I? He can’t work here because you serve alcohol. So what
did he do?”

I replace Ned’s empty beer with a new one, keeping my cautioning eyes on him. Then
I walk away without a word to check in with my other customers. I glance back at him
a few times to find him chatting it up with my friends. I decide to ignore Ned for
a while. I talk with a group of three men who claim they had no idea it was Valentine’s
Day. I play along, pretending to buy everything they are saying. They tell me they’re
in town for some neuroscience convention, which could be true given that San Diego
is a big convention destination. That and the fact that they look like stand-ins for
the guys on Big Bang Theory. The tall one is attractive, but keeps staring at my chest.
I’m used to it being behind the bar. When I bring them new drinks, I tilt my head
to the side to lead his gaze to mine.

“Uh, I was uh, just looking for your name…Jax,” he says in a barely audible tone.
“I’m Rob by the way.” His eyes dart away when they connect with mine.

“Well, Rob,” I say grabbing his empty glass. “Looks like you’ve got your work cut
out for you.”

“Excuse me?” he says.

“Neuroscience, right? The study of the nervous system?”

He nods, wide-eyed, while his two friends stare at him, holding back grins.

“What?” he asks innocently.

I wipe down their area and smile before walking away. “You can breathe now, Rob.”
I hear his friends laughing at him from behind me. I head straight to the back area
to take care of some things, leaving Ned to fend for himself. My phone rings while
I’m back there, so I step in the alley to answer it even though I see that it’s Dale.
I can’t avoid him forever. Being at work will be my excuse to get rid of him quickly.

“Hey,” I say, my stomach knotting up.

“Jax, dammit, why don’t you answer my fucking calls?”

“I’m good, thanks. And you?”

He pauses, and I can hear him sighing. “Shit,” he whispers. “Jax, I’m sorry. I’ve
got no right to talk to you that way. I’ve just been so worried about you.”

“No reason to. Shouldn’t you be out with your Valentine?” I hit that last word a tad
too snidely, and I cringe at my pettiness. I don’t want him back.

“God, you were supposed to call me weeks ago about the test. You went to the doctor’s,
right?”

I wasn’t trying to make him suffer. I just hated talking about this. “Yes, I went.”

“And?”

I never imaged I’d get myself into a situation like this. I’m sure the wait was killing
him, and I let it go on; let him worry what the results would be of the HIV test I
had to take because of him and Valerie. But it was because I didn’t want to face it,
or him. “My first test was negative.” I wish I could say that with relief, but the
thought of having to take another one to confirm it keeps me on edge.

“Thank God,” he says. “Mine, too. I should get my second test back any day now. I’m
sure it will all be fine.”

Tony steps out into the alley for a cigarette break. I give him a half-wave. There
is silence on the line. I know this is not Dale’s fault, but I’m not going to coddle
him. Finally, he says, “You wish you never met me.”

“That’s not true,” I say honestly.

“But you think I’m an idiot for taking Valerie back. Especially after putting us through
all this.”

“You needed to follow your heart. Now, I need to go back to work. Goodbye, Dale.”

I avoid Ned after the call, depressed and confused. When we make eye contact, I sense
him trying to read my mind. I wonder if he can see right through me. I hope he won’t
ask me to talk about it because I don’t want to tell him that Sage and Emily have
been right all along. I need to get my shit together—build some sort of stable life.
I always thought doing whatever I wanted would bring me freedom and happiness. Then
why the hell am I not happy? The problem is, I don’t know how to changes things. Is
it possible I only have the ability to bring others happiness?

When I finally finish my shift, I head back to Ned. Capacity of the bar has thinned
out considerably, with a few desperate souls still clinging to the evening. He points
to the side of the bar. “Looks like your nerd friends waited too.”

“Shall we join them?” I ask. Then, out of frustration, or pure reflex, I say, “You’d
fit right in.”

“Hey, I’m only looking out for you. Dateless on Valentine’s Day and all.”

“Okay, pot. We both know what color we are.”

“Hey, maybe your mystery kisser will swoop in and rescue you, finish the job.” He
gives me that dazzling smile he assumes I can’t resist.

Why did I ever tell that story in front of him? “Shut up,” I say. Because right now
being kissed by Mr. X is about the only pleasant thing I can imagine.

He sighs, defeated. I can tell he knows something is wrong. He’s trying to lighten
things up. “We’re a match made in heaven,” he says holding his arms open to me.

I walk right past him, leaving his arms in an empty air hug. “Let’s go.” He follows
me out, and we walk down the street to “Dan’s” since I’m not allowed to drink at my
bar. We spend the next hour drinking and talking about Emily. Ned wants us to take
charge of Sophie’s birthday party. Most of the plans have already been made. But the
day of is most important. We talk about the best way to keep Emily’s stress down.

“We’ll each be in charge of a kid,” Ned says as he leans back in his chair. His glossy
eyes tell me I should have served him a snack with all those drinks. “Eric will take
little man, you can take Sophie and I’ll take James.”

I’m fine with everything he says as long as Emily will agree. That way she can concentrate
on the kids without completely freaking out. If we can pull this off, she might be
able to work toward getting back a little piece of herself. A small part of me worries
this could backfire and she’ll get angry because we think she can’t handle it.

“What about Sage?” I ask. We have only spoken once since she found out about her grandmother’s
will. I let her chew me out on the phone, blaming me for everything. Yes, this was
a big turnaround for Rose. I’m probably partly responsible. But Rose has never done
anything she didn’t want to. I never persuaded her into any decisions. We’ve just
had some long, in-depth conversations about life. I’m sure Sage hates the thought
of that. After her rant, I said, “Call me when you’re done acting like a prissy bitch.
I can help you through this, Sage.” Silence. That was three and half weeks ago.

“She can’t stay,” Ned answers. “She’ll make her appearance, drop of a gift, the usual.”
He shrugs.

“You still going to that work party with her?”

“Yeah, it’s the night before.”

“So you can come through for her, but not the other way around?” All these years I’ve
tried to keep my mouth shut about how Sage takes advantage of Ned. It’s the one area
I manage to show some restraint. It’s getting harder.

“Basically.”

When we’ve practically closed down the bar, we both agree Ned is in no shape to drive.
We walk back to my car, so I can drive him back to my place. Even at this hour, the
streets are still alive with people. I love that about my town. But the alleyways
of downtown are dotted with homeless, so the carefree atmosphere is tainted. We hand
a couple of the more aggressive drifters a few dollars when they approach.

In the car, Ned stares out the window. “Sorry, Jax.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m such a loser, riding bitch and having to be taken home with you.”

“What are friends for,” I laugh.

He turns from the window. “That’s not exactly what I was looking for.”