Circle in the Sand (25 page)

Jax and Ned look to me for direction. “It was definitely on that side of the street,”
I say pointing across. “And it had a porch. One of those three I believe.” As I run
across the street and toward the homes, I call out, “Sophie!” Ned and Jax are right
behind me calling out as well. I pause on the sidewalk, inspecting the front doors
of each house. No one is in sight. “Sophie!” I call again. I run to the front of the
house in the middle, pound frantically on the door. No answer. I turn to my right
and see Ned and Jax heading up to the next house. “Sophie!” I yell desperately one
more time. I cut across the lawn and over to the house on the left. As I approach
the porch, I gasp at the sight of a foot barely visible beyond the porch railing.
My body freezes. I stare at Sophie’s pink tennis shoe.
Please, God
. The horrid thoughts penetrate my brain as if I’m not fighting to keep them at bay.
The newspaper headline. My home filled with sympathetic faces. Dishes of food thrust
at me.
No! No! My baby girl is fine.
The air around me becomes still, silent. The only sound is that incessant heart pounding
that has once again found its way to my skull. I advance up the walkway, eyes glued
to the shoe, which becomes attached to a leg, and then skirt, and finally her whole
body is in view, lying on the porch next to the door.

I stumble over to her, brush the hair off her face to reveal dirty, tear stained cheeks.
“Sophie, honey. It’s Mommy.” My pulse races with relief, and fear, waiting for her
to respond. I take hold of her arm, give a gentle shake. Seconds later, her eyes flutter,
open, and lock on mine. She smiles and immediately begins crying. I pull her to a
sitting position, holding her tightly in my arms. “I know, baby. It’s okay. Mommy
knows.”

I pull up to what appears to be a state of chaos at Emily’s house right after Sophie
was brought home safely. Jax called me in the car with an update, but I was already
close to arriving. Now I won’t turn around without hugging Sophie, seeing for myself
that she is all right. The driveway and curbs in front of the house are taken, so
I have to park three houses down. A few scattered sets of neighbors mill about, eyeing
the police car and comings and goings of family and friends. I recognize a sister-in-law
of Emily’s and someone else who’s familiar standing on the grass chatting as if they’re
at a cocktail party. Rosa greets me at the door like a mock hostess, gives me the
latest, and directs me to the back bedroom. As I walk past the living room, I see
Eric sitting at the kitchen table, talking with an officer. Everyone around is speaking
in hushed tones.

Jax comes out of the bathroom as I reach Sophie’s door. Her face is tired. She lets
out a sigh before reaching for me. “Close call, huh?” I whisper in her ear.

“Too close,” she says.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

She squeezes my hand. “You’re here now.” Then she motions to Sophie’s door which is
partially open.

We both peek in to find Sophie asleep in her bed, Emily sitting on the edge. The light
is off and the curtains drawn, leaving little light in the room. I push on the door,
triggering a short squeak. Emily turns, then waves us in. She stands to greet me with
a hug. “Thanks for coming. I’ve been sitting here watching her sleep.”

“Heard you were a champ through this whole thing,” I say to Emily with a proud smile.

She gazes at Jax who shrugs. Then she shakes her head. “No choice. But I could never
have gotten through it without family and friends. You two mean the world to me.”
She wraps an arm around both our necks, squeezing insanely tight. So tight that my
eyes water up. I close them, taking in the moment that is the three of us. I feel
the love of two friends and twenty years seep into me. I think if I’m ever lucky enough
to have a child, I’d want him or her to have friends exactly like these. The kind
that will always be there no matter how much time has passed…how many tears shed or
mistakes made.

I don’t know how long we stand there that way before we hear, “What are you guys doing?”

We all turn to face the bright-eyed bundle of trouble, smiling up at us. “Hey, girl,”
I say. Jax and Emily stand back while I lean down next to the bed. I give her a kiss
and a hug. We talk for a moment before I leave her to rest, with her mother continuing
the vigil. Jax heads to the game room where she says Ned is playing with James. Suddenly
I’m overwhelmed by it all when I’m already dealing with so much. I make my way to
the backyard where it’s quiet.

I walk straight back to the end of the yard where a eucalyptus towers halfway over
the fence. Standing under it, the branches arch over my head and hang down to my shoulders.
I spot an odd clump of something on one of the branches. Lumpy and fuzzy, the outside
appears similar to cotton. I stare at it a moment and realize what it is when I hear.
“It’s a cocoon.” I turn and see Travis sitting in a chair on the patio. I’d walked
right past him and not even noticed him.

He gets up and strides over to me, smiling. I’m relieved, happy to see him too. We
haven’t spoken since that day at Jax’s house. He stands in front of me, and for a
few seconds neither of us speaks. I’m unsure of what to say.
Sorry, I wanted to be more than friends and you didn’t
?

“Nice that you came,” he says.

“Of course I came. I’d do anything for them.”

Another awkward silence and then, “Look, Sage,” he says diverting his eyes over my
shoulder. “I’m sorry about the other day. I really handled that poorly.”

“Look, it was my fault really. You offered me friendship and I accepted. And I appreciate
everything you’ve done for me. I shouldn’t have pushed things.”

“I should explain,” he says. His eyes go dark. His hands dig into his pockets as if
that’s the last thing he wants to do.

“Wait.” I reach out, take hold of his wrist. “Please don’t. Not yet, anyway. Maybe
I’m being selfish, but I don’t want anything bad to happen before grandmother’s birthday.
I sort of need you there.” Knowing my charms have yet to work on Travis, I still bare
a sexy smile, pleading for his agreement.

He returns the smile, nods and says, “I’ll be there.”

●●●

Grandmother sits in a wheelchair staring out the window when Jax and I enter her room.
I can tell she hears us, but she doesn’t turn our way. Everything has been set for
tonight, so I hope this knot in my stomach is not foreshadowing. Maybe Rose has changed
her mind. Maybe the night will be a disaster. Maybe my parents won’t show up as they
promised. I’m annoyed with myself for all this negativity, so I plaster on a smile
and greet my grandmother while Jax sits on the bed.

She turns, slams her hand down on the arm of the wheelchair. “Doctor says I need to
take this damn thing if I want to go out.”

Truthfully, she can do whatever she wants. But I’m guessing her protest is for us—that
she would probably feel safer in the chair. Her energy has diminished quite a bit
in the last few weeks. “That’s all right. We’ll get you around faster that way. And
once we’re there, you don’t have to stay in it.”

“Perhaps this whole thing is a mistake,” she says fingering the charm on her chain.
“I should just stay here and have the famous Oak Grove birthday
slash
you’re almost dead party.”

“Bullshit,” Jax says, standing up from the bed. She goes to Rose’s side, kneels down
next to the chair. “Sorry, Rose. But it’s true. I hate to hear you talk that way.
You are a strong and beautiful woman who should be celebrating her life today. If
you don’t want to go, that’s fine, but tonight should be whatever
you
want it to be.”

“She’s right,” I say. Then I open the bag I brought in and pull out the black dress
Jax and I picked out. “But if you don’t go, who will wear this hot little number?”

She smiles and quickly covers her excitement with, “God, I’ll look like Cher in that
thing.”

“Better than Cher,” Jax says.

“So are we doing this or what?” I say.

We both stare at Rose and wait for her answer. “What the hell?” she says, throwing
her hands up.

We spend the next thirty minutes getting her ready: helping her into the dress, fixing
her hair as she swears and re-adjusts every piece of hair we touch, applying her makeup.
As we finish and are putting things away, she pushes herself out of the chair, standing
proudly on her own. As she examines herself in the mirror, I visualize the strong-willed,
beautiful grandmother I remember growing up. Somewhere inside that frail body is the
old Rose wanting to surface. I hold back tears knowing that she never will, but I’m
thankful for the time in getting closer to her now. She touches her necklace, the
one thing that reminds her of once being a loving wife, and I believe this night was
the right thing.

“Dayum!” we hear from the doorway. We turn to find Dante, wearing long black pants
and a black vest over a white, long-sleeved dress shirt. And of course his dangling
braids top off the outfit. “Rose, you are fiiine! Dig that necklace on you. I mean,
uh, Mrs. Douglas you look very nice.”

“I’d tell you to watch your mouth, but I don’t know that I’ll ever look this good
again. So, come give me a hug, young man.”

Dante dances over to her, hugs her, and then retrieves something from his pocket.
“Got all your favorite music right here on my iPod, Rose. Jax has some speakers set
for me to hook you up.”

Rose rolls her eyes, then pats him on the shoulder. “Lovely.”

He finally notices Jax and me who are nicely dressed but not as formal as Rose. “Ms.
Sage, you pretty dazzlin’ yourself. And, you too, Jackie O. Very hot.”

Jax’s eyes pop wide at hearing her name. “What the…Who told you?”

“I did,” Rose says. “And you’re as elegant as she was, Jacqueline.”

Jax pretends not to hear, busying herself putting things away.

“Well, I better go,” Dante says. “My mom is taking me and my aunt over to help set
up.”

●●●

“Thrusters?” Rose says as we wheel her up to the bar. We never told her the name of
the place, worrying she wouldn’t approve. Thanks to the generosity of Jax’s boss,
we have two hours of the bar to ourselves. “This is where you work, Jax?”

“It’s a nice place, Rose. You’ll see,” Jax says.

When we enter, there are only a handful of people there: Jax’s boss, Matthew, Dante
and his family, Emily with her husband and kids. We thought Rose might enjoy being
around the children. We didn’t want to overwhelm her with too many people at once,
so the rest—Ned, Travis, Brady, my parents, my sister, Sierra, and a few of the more
spry Oak Grove residents—will trickle in over the next half hour.

We wheel Rose over to a special table. She has no trouble getting out of her chair
and into a seat. Matthew comes right over from behind the bar. “What can I get you
to drink, Mrs. Douglas?”

A delighted expression appears on her face. She scans the tattoos that travel up his
arms. “Oh, you have any single malt scotch hidden back there?”

He nods before leaving. “Just one!” I shout to the back of his head. I sit to make
Rose comfortable, so she doesn’t feel as though she’s the only one in a chair. Lydia
and her sister come over to wish her happy birthday while Dante gets music rolling.
Tables are set up with cloths, and each one has a different hors d’oeuvre tray. Jax
comes over with a plate filled with something from each table and sets it down in
front of us as the music blares on. Rose startles and I signal to Dante to turn it
down a bit.

“I gotcha; I gotcha,” he seems to say, nodding.

Rose eyes the food Jax brought over before picking at a few things. Eating sometimes
wears on her, but I can see she’s trying to be resilient. She doesn’t want to ruin
the night for anyone.

My parents arrive, and I almost tear up at the sight of them walking through the door.
I can’t believe it’s been eight months since I’ve seen my mother. I go to greet them,
then thank them for coming. Mother is stunning for her age: gorgeous figure, skin
aglow. One could never tell she battled cancer.

Within thirty minutes, all the guests have arrived, giftless as Rose directed. Instead
she asked that anyone wanting to bring something donate a small amount of money to
their favorite charity. It crosses my mind that my father didn’t mention this to me.
I wonder what his plans are. It’s quite possible he figures I’m giving enough of the
family money away as it is.

When I see Travis walk in with Brady, I’m taken aback. I’ve never seen him in nice
clothes. Tonight he wears black pants and a short-sleeved polo-style shirt in dark
gray with faint black stripes. I watch him for a moment before he catches me. His
smile shows he’s uncomfortable but happy to see me. Brady makes a beeline for my sister,
so I grab Travis and immediately take him to Rose’s table.

Half-way through the night, Jax stands, guitar in hand, on a small stage at the back
of the bar. Dante runs over to pause the music. Emily comes to sit next to me. Everyone
quiets without being asked.

“Rose said she wouldn’t come unless I sang a song,” Jax says. She scans the crowd
and then stalls when her eyes come to all of us. “Took me a while to figure out what
to sing, so I hope my choice is fitting. Rose, you’re a very special lady who’s been
in my life a long time. I know I was a pain in the ass and a bad influence on Sage
sometimes…but then again, so were you.” A few people giggle. A couple of Rose’s friends
gaze around in disbelief. Rose throws her head back and cackles, allowing the rest
of us permission to join in. “But you’ve also grown to be a great friend. So tonight
I cherish you along with my two best friends with this song. Happy Birthday.” Jax
begins to play a beautiful acoustic version of the Beatles song, “With a Little Help
From My Friends.”

The crowd joins in on the chorus. I even see Travis singing along which seems out
of character. Then he reaches for my hand. I take it not caring what the gesture means.
I only know that in this moment I am happy. I turn to my grandmother who is smiling,
singing along, enjoying what could be her last birthday.

When the song is over, Rose nods and raises her glass to Jax. “Thank you, dear.” Then
she turns in her seat still holding her glass. Everyone quiets, waiting for her to
speak. “And thank you to all of you for celebrating with me tonight. I’ve had a long,
full life. Full of experience. Full of mistakes. Full of regret. But it’s also been
full of love. I can see that now.” Her eyes catch me as she scans across everyone.
It takes all my strength not to break down, but still my eyes water. A tear creeps
down my cheek. Travis squeezes my hand, but his sweetness makes me more emotional.
She continues. “And I’m thankful I learned from my mistakes and have been able to
make peace with them…and even make up for some of them. Please don’t pity my departure.
Instead remember these words. Live each day being the reason someone smiled, the inspiration
for someone to fight, the strength for someone to heal.”