Circus Excite (19 page)

As the crowd moved along the streets they drew startled glances from passers-by, some people sniggering at the sight of them and some sneering. Julia noticed the vague sense of hostility they seemed to cause, and drew closer to the centre of the crowd. Some of the party did look outlandish, she knew: David's heavy black eyeliner and the tattoos that snaked delicately across Henri's temple and down his throat. Rachel was dressed in red, as ever, wearing a shockingly revealing lace basque and hot pants, combined with heavy black cowboy boots that were caked in mud from the site. Altogether, the crowd moved with a grace and dynamism that were bound to stand out on the street of a city, particularly when some of them were singing loudly and laughing with the throaty abandon of people who don't give a damn what anyone thinks.

A month ago, she would have been treading gingerly alongside this bunch, Julia thought. But tonight, she was marvelling at them. As Rachel responded to the leers of a crowd of guys in football tops with a swift V-sign, Julia suddenly felt a rush of wonderful freedom. She knew the skill and utter dedication the performers put into their shows, knew that they believed utterly in what they did. It was a hard gruelling lifestyle, and far from glamorous when you lived in a tiny caravan in a sea of mud for weeks on end. But it was also thrilling, exhilarating, rich and fascinating. With a toss of her hair, Julia grinned and turned to wink at Joe, close
behind her and still looking nonplussed at the thought of an alcohol-free night ahead of him.

‘Don't worry, Joe,' she called to him. ‘There's other ways to have fun. We'll make it up to you.'

‘How d'you mean, Julia?' Dave the sound tech chipped in, raising his eyebrows in a filthily suggestive way. ‘You got a suggestion for tonight's entertainment?' The conversation dissolved into good-natured elbowing and laughter as the party found a pub with a beer garden by the water, where they instantly swarmed over three tables and started shouting loud drinks orders at the beleaguered Joe.

Above them the sky slowly grew dark as the drinks flowed and the night got rowdier. It was strange, for Julia, to see these people outside the circus setting. In contrast to the rest of the crowds they seemed more vivid, somehow larger than life. Henri was sitting next to her, and Julia was glad to listen to him talk about his great passions, art and film, with his strange long melancholy face expressing every thought. Tattoos like the stems and tendrils of plants curled round his temple, a subtle but exotic design that made Julia think of Maori warriors. As she listened, Julia watched the full moon rise, huge and white above the rooftops. Under its eerie glow, the face of her companion was lit with a faint unsettling light. Looking at the face of the moon, Henri's conversation once again strayed to Rachel.

‘Am I just a fool, Julia?' he asked sadly, looking surreptitiously at Rachel as she threw back her head laughing, arm-wrestling the guys at the next table. She was cheating, Julia noticed, digging in her nails till the men surrendered.

‘Henri, it's not foolish to love someone,' she said gently, wondering if she really had the right to suggest advice to a man with years more experience than her. And what of her unrequited feelings for Robert? She
pushed the man out of her mind, for tonight determined not to even think of him.

‘Maybe you need to change the way you're playing the game?' she said tentatively, reminding Henri of the advice he'd given her. ‘Try to find what Rachel likes . . .' She stopped mid-sentence, noticing the expression of pain that crossed Henri's face. He closed his eyes for a minute, and then looked up to smile at Julia. The moonlight caught his teeth and the whites of his eyes, and Julia was struck again by the strange craggy beauty of the man. Something about him touched her.

‘Julia, I don't even know if I really want her. I think I enjoy the desire more than I'd enjoy the thing itself.'

‘Did you ever try?' Julia asked, curious despite herself. ‘You seem to have a connection, you two. I think she feels more for you than you know.' She looked over to where Rachel was watching them, casting one of her toe-curling looks at Julia. She winked back cockily, feeling as though she could take Rachel's threats in her stride tonight.

‘In fact, Henri, I think she might even be jealous.' Julia leant into his shoulder, letting Rachel see as she put her hand on Henri's arm and stroked it slowly. ‘Don't move,' she whispered to him, ‘don't look at her.' She moved closer, sure that Rachel was still watching, and lifted her mouth to Henri's. As her lips met his she felt the smooth cold flesh of his cheek against her mouth and tasted the sweet bitterness of beer. Closing her eyes, she sank into the kiss, letting her body fill with warmth as she experienced the strangeness of kissing him, allowing the arousal to spread through her although she wasn't sure why it turned her on. Perhaps the fact that she knew Rachel was watching, or maybe that she enjoyed playing the part of the tricky young upstart, stirring the waters between these two. Julia knew that the fact she was younger than Rachel was both an
advantage and a weakness – Rachel could pull rank on her with her experience and worldly-wise attitude. But although she was well preserved and shone with glamour, Julia knew Rachel would envy her fresh young skin, her delicious toned curves. Julia was well aware of her attractions and how to display them. She let her breasts rise under the sheer fabric of her top, pressing them against Henri's chest and enjoying the feel of his hard gently muscular chest against her skin. When she first kissed him he'd almost jumped with surprise, but now he was responding to her mouth with a skill that Julia appreciated. It was a performance, but that didn't mean she couldn't have fun.

‘What the fuck are you doing?'

Julia allowed herself a smile as she heard Rachel's question. She was standing next to them now and spitting with rage. Pulling away from Henri with a reluctance that was only half feigned, she looked up innocently at the woman who stood over her, a vision of fury in her sharp red outfit.

‘Is there a problem, Rachel?' she asked innocently.

‘Only that you seem unable to stop yourself from fucking anyone who crosses your path.'

Julia wasn't even slightly offended. She had heard so much criticism of her sensuality during her years at college that she was now totally immune to it – in fact it tickled her to think she was once again causing a stir by flaunting her voluptuous charms. And making a woman like Rachel jealous was a serious coup.

‘I'm sorry, Rachel,' she said sweetly. ‘Would you like a go?' Julia stood and motioned Rachel to the bench beside Henri. Now the two women faced each other, tension crackling in the air between them. The whole group was now throwing sidelong glances at them, curious to see if a fight was going to break out.

‘Let's go for a walk,' Rachel said, looking from Henri
to Julia and back again. ‘I think we've got some talking to do.'

It was a Friday night and the streets were full of rowdy clubbers, spritzed with aftershave, faces shining with excitement. The three circus people wove through them, making a strange picture – the strong wiry frame of Rachel in her hotpants, long brown hair falling in wild curls past her shoulders, fully made-up and with a face like thunder; Henri, dressed simply in black shirt and trousers but with his tall lean figure, shaved head, beard and tattoos hinting at exotic mystery. He walked with grace, loping through the cobbled streets, his face haunted and intense. Walking slightly behind them, taking her time, was Julia. Despite her light floaty outfit and hair pulled back in a simple pony-tail, she managed to exude an air of knowing sexuality. When the three reached a bridge next to the canal, where a bench lay in the shadows of a tall hotel building, they stopped as if by mutual consent. Julia and Rachel sat on the bench uneasily side by side, while Henri leant against the wall and waited. Rachel lit a cigarette, and Julia watched the smoke drift out over the black water of the canal, where the shattered reflection of the moon floated among the weeds. At last, she broke the silence.

‘Julia, you can fuck Joe and Sylvie to your heart's content. I can even live with you drooling over Robert, though trust me, you won't get very far. But Henri and I have – an understanding.'

‘Oh really? What if it wasn't my choice?'

Rachel gave a hard brittle little laugh, and looked over to Henri's long figure by the wall.

‘Henri, you couldn't possibly tell me you found this cheap little slut attractive, could you?'

Henri spoke from the shadows with his usual deep slow tone.

‘Rachel, you know how I feel about you. Have always felt. But you have to admit, she's alluring.' Julia couldn't see Henri's face, but she could hear the pleasure in his voice. Whether that was at the thought of fucking her or just the knowledge that for the first time he had the edge over Rachel, Julia didn't know.

‘I have to say, I'm sorely tempted. Particularly as I know you wouldn't let me get close.'

‘So despite all your whining about the spiritual love you have for me, despite mooning after me for all these years, as soon as some twenty-year-old with big tits comes by you'd toss all that away for a quick shag?'

‘Maybe I'm just tired of it being so fucking painful all the time. Watching you and Robert . . .'

There was anger in Henri's voice now, and Julia felt the accumulated frustration of his feelings were threatening to spill over. She cleared her throat, not wanting to sit like a gooseberry while the two thwarted lovers had a slanging match. Particularly, she didn't want to hear about Rachel's history with Robert.

‘I have an idea.'

‘Oh please let us hear it,' Rachel snapped at her waspishly.

‘Rachel, I don't want to fuck Henri.'

‘Are you quite sure of that?'

‘Yes,' Julia said firmly. ‘I want to see you fuck him.' She looked at Henri, still leaning in the shadows, motionless. ‘To be exact, I want to see Henri fuck you. I want to see you held down and given a thorough screw. Right here.' She laid her arm along the back of the bench, feeling her heart pound as she waited to hear the reaction. She knew this was a dangerous game to be playing, but she was developing a taste for the adrenaline of these uncertain sexual adventures.

It was Henri who moved first, walking slowly to stand behind the bench, putting his hands on Rachel's
shoulders. She seemed to have been rendered speechless. Her eyes were flaming with anger, but Julia noticed that she didn't move away from Henri's touch. She didn't flinch when he ran his hands over her breasts, rubbing slowly and hard over the round curves under her basque. As Julia leant forward to unlace the garment and let Henri in to feel the flesh beneath, her lips parted and she started breathing hard. But she didn't say a word. She watched Julia with an expression that was a mixture of hatred, fury and arousal that Julia recognised well. It was just how she looked, she thought, when Robert played his games with her.

As Julia gently turned Rachel around and positioned her on all fours on the bench, she had a sense that this was how Robert would feel, directing the action of one of their voyeuristic scenes. Firmly, she yanked down Rachel's hotpants, exposing the woman's perfectly toned ass, which she noticed Rachel was raising slightly, rocking her hips back as though asking Henri to fuck her. The only sound she was making was a hard panting, an animal noise that Julia found darkly sexual. She was drawn to join in a little, and the satisfaction she felt as she gave Rachel a sharp slap on the bottom was deliciously rewarding. She gave a couple more slaps, relishing the jerks that Rachel couldn't help making under the sting of her hand. It was as though she were toying with a wild animal. Julia even dared to dip her finger in the warm crevice of Rachel's cunt and felt the wet of her arousal, knowing she wanted to be fucked as much as she resented the loss of control.

‘Go for it, Henri,' she said, stepping back and letting him take over. She watched with fascinated excitement as Henri approached, grabbing hold of Rachel's hips with a surprising firmness. He didn't touch or caress her, just held her steady with one hand while he unzipped himself with the other. After years of submitting to her
cruelty, Julia sensed a kind of sadistic pleasure from Henri as he held Rachel's thighs apart and sunk his cock deep into her, forcing a moan out of her that sounded like the gasp of relief she'd waited for for a very long time. As the two of them rocked slowly back and forth, their lithe bodies an angular jerking silhouette in the grey moonlight, Julia felt a strange new kind of arousal. She could imagine the way it felt for Rachel, and see how much they enjoyed this charged union at last. But more than that, she felt that she was living some erotic lucid dream, able to will the desire of the two people fucking in front of her. She knew they hadn't been able to break out of the old, practised roles they'd been playing until she gave them permission. She wasn't involved, yet was intimately essential to their pleasure. As long as she was there watching, Henri and Rachel were her willing acolytes. Julia felt a surge of unfamiliar power, and for the first time understood Robert's pleasure as he manipulated her sexual awakening.

It was a turning point, and she felt the strength of this new insight gather as Henri's movements became more urgent, as he pushed harder into Rachel till the woman stiffened to let him grind as deep as he could. Julia watched, entranced, as Henri started hissing through his teeth, on the brink of coming and struggling to hold himself back. Suddenly Julia knew what she had failed to do all along. What Robert wanted, and what he had been subtly trying to make happen for the past month.

As the realisation dawned on her, Julia thought of the intensity of their relationship, the balance of power and strength. What it was that made her want him, and the reason he wouldn't touch her. In front of her Rachel and Henri were reaching their climax, struggling against each other to attain that sweet moment of oblivion, calling out like birds, their voices breaking. Julia,
without touching herself, felt the warm satisfaction of communion spread through her body.