City of Champions (2 page)

Cheryl released Jenna's hand and walked to the side of the bed so she could fuss with the pillows and blanket. Auntie Cheryl always seemed to be moving things and Jenna was grateful for the distraction as she stared at her hands moving quickly across the bedding, until Momma swatted at her and released a soft laugh. No matter how dismal a day seemed, that bubbling laugh always made Jenna feel better, giving her the strength to move her legs again and walk farther into the room.

"Cheryl, I know you like to always be doing something, but I think you've fluffed my pillows enough for one day. Just relax, sweetie, please, and let's visit for a bit. Maybe water my little Christmas tree? You know that makes me happy."

"Sure thing, Sara," Cheryl choked out, as tears started to appear in her eyes again. She rushed to the bathroom to get water for the tree. Jenna didn't really see why she would go to all that trouble, though. The pathetic little set of twigs was so tiny and really looked like it would die any second. Yet, Jenna was glad it was there, if only because it made her momma happy.

Jenna's mother looked over to her, her eyes hazy with pain and exhaustion but she still managed to twist her pretty face into a smile.

"Hey, baby girl, there you are. Come here, climb on up and sit with me. Can you bring her to me, Kevin, honey?" she asked Jenna's father, who was still clutching Jenna's hand so hard she was worried it would be sore the next day.

"Sure thing, beautiful," he said, with a catch in his throat. He walked slowly across the room until they were at the edge of the small, stiff bed that had been her mother's home for what seemed like an eternity.

Jenna looked up at her daddy and released his hand so that she could grab a hold of the scratchy hospital sheets and crawled up them like a monkey. After she lay down, her mother began to stroke her hair gently.

"It looks like Maw-Maw did your hair, huh?"

"Yes, Momma. She messed around with it forever. I think she burned my neck, too," Jenna pouted out.

"Everyone has things that make them feel better, and that does it for her. I think it's very pretty."

"Thank you, Momma," Jenna whispered.

"You hate it, though, don't you, Jenna?" her mother asked, with that light laugh again.

"Yep," Jenna answered, nodding hard, "I hate it so much, Momma."

"Here, let me pull it back for you. Kevin, hand me a hair tie. Thanks, honey."

Her mother took the elastic band from him and tried to put Jenna's hair in a ponytail but grunted in frustration when her arms were too weak to finish it.

As she fell heavily against her pillows, Jenna couldn't deny that her mother's once tanned skin was now almost entirely gray. Her eyes were sunken deeply into her face, and every time she breathed or coughed it sounded like something had broken inside of her and was shaking and rattling in her chest.

"Damn, Cheryl, I guess I did too much yesterday, can you come in here and help me out?"

"Of course," Cheryl said, leaving the tiny Christmas tree plant to come to the rescue of Jenna's hair. Cheryl's hands were shaking as she looked down at Jenna and her momma, only to start crying again and look away. "Darn it, Sara, are you trying to wreck me?"

"Hey, calm down, honey. It's just a ponytail, it's not the end of the world."

"You know that's not what I mean," she huffed out, dropping her hands.

Momma took Cheryl's hands in her own and said, "It'll be okay, Cheryl. Let's just do what's in front of us and figure it out from there. Right now, all I need is a ponytail and a smile, okay? Besides, you still owe me for driving you to Alabama to meet Ben all those years ago," she teased, releasing Cheryl's hands.

"Sara…" Cheryl said, as she gently pulled Jenna's hair back. Jenna tried to look at her but the movement tugged at her hair too much, and somehow she sensed this was
their
moment.

"No crying, Cheryl. That's the deal. I've already let you get away with too much of that. Come on, fix my baby's hair and remind me of that trip… Please, just give me that, okay?" Jenna's mother looked into her friend’s eyes intensely, even as her head rested heavily on the pillow. She only had a slight dusting of fuzzy hair on her head and her body was very weak. It hurt Jenna somewhere inside to look at her.

"Okay, of course, Sara. Um, we-ell, you drove, and it was after finals, and you stuck your left foot out of the car window, because you're so crazy." Cheryl stopped for a moment and wiped her eyes.

Seeing that everyone was so upset, Daddy came over and put a comforting hand on Cheryl's shoulder. He then let her go to put one arm around Momma and the other around Jenna. She felt as though she were wrapped in a warm, safe cocoon and she wanted desperately not to let it get away from her.

Cheryl took a deep breath before continuing to speak, "And I took pictures of you, and you made me laugh the whole way, and… Oh God, Sara, I can't do this…"

"There, now doesn't Jenna look pretty, and so much more comfortable — wouldn't you say, Cheryl?"

"Yes, she's so beautiful, just like her momma. Sara, please…"

"Kevin, Cheryl, can you let me and Jenna visit for a minute? Just us? Tell Maw-Maw I need a moment, too. Okay? I know she wants to come by right now, but Jenna and I have to talk about something." She looked away sharply and breathed in so hard that Jenna curled up closer. "It's okay, baby girl. I just had a long day. It's all gonna be okay. I promise."

"Of course, honey," Cheryl said, through tears. It was ugly, the way Cheryl was sniffling and snorting, but to Jenna, it was the most beautiful and comforting thing in the world — to know Momma's friend was just as heartbroken as she and Daddy were.

"Cheryl, there you go again, you better go get some water so you don't dehydrate yourself."

"Yes, Sara, you tough cookie. Come on, Kevin, I think I need some
Jell-O
."

Cheryl started to walk toward the door, wiping her face with one hand, while gesturing for Daddy to leave with other. Yet, Daddy wouldn't leave Momma's bedside.

"Sara, I don't want to leave you," Daddy said with a gravelly voice.

"Kevin, it'll be all right. I'll be here when you get back. Please, I need this, okay? I love you."

"Okay. I love you both…so much."

He leaned forward to kiss Momma's lips and then Jenna's forehead, before following Cheryl out of the room.

When they were gone, Jenna placed her hand on her mother's chest, feeling its ragged rise and fall, hoping somehow that the press of her cool flesh could make her mother better. She wanted to reach into her body and take away the sickness. She wanted to be able to make the world better for her mother — to
heal
her.

Maybe it would take them all back to that place in time when they were happy. She hated herself for not being able to make everything the way it had been before.

What did I do wrong?
she wondered, suddenly feeling like such a failure as fat tears slid down her cheeks.

Jenna's mother looked into her eyes and grabbed her hand from her chest. Even as thin and papery as it had become, Jenna still loved the feeling of that perfect, soft hand.

"It's okay, baby girl. I need you to breathe, and to know this isn't your fault."

"But it's not fair, Momma!"

"That's because this is life, and sometimes life is
so
unfair. You will drive yourself nuts trying to make life be fair. Instead, you just have to take from life what it's willing to give you, and accept the things it takes away from you. Because I love you so much, baby girl, but life is being a real bastard right now."

"Momma, you said a bad word."

"I know. And you better not ever say that word, I'll know if you do." Her mother tried to laugh but started to cough and shake and Jenna held her so tightly until she couldn't fight it anymore. She just let go, crying into her mother's thin, cotton gown until it felt like her whole world had shaken and fallen apart.

"Oh no, baby, don't do that. That's not what this is about. I don't want you to be sad. I want you to be strong. We don't have too much longer. I have so much I want to tell you, to show you, to teach you.
But that all takes time…and time is the one thing I can't give you. So I need to try to capture a lifetime's worth of love and lessons for you in this little moment."

Jenna listened to her words as she squeezed even more tightly against her mother's thin frame. She wanted to make her mother feel calm and happy. Maybe then she'd get better and wouldn't leave her and Daddy alone.

After a deep breath, she said, "All right, baby girl, enough of that. Come on, Jenna, help me get my locket off, please." Jenna sat up and obliged, her fingers trembling around the small, delicate golden clasp. "I want you to have this. There are lots of my things at home that are yours now, but I wanted to give you this one myself."

Jenna opened the locket as she'd done so many times when poking around her mother’s jewelry box, but this time, all she saw was bright gold.

"Momma, where are the pictures of you and Daddy?"

"I took them out."

"Why?"

"My momma gave this to me back when I was your age. She told me to fill it with a lifetime of love and memories. I had my time. Now it's yours."

"No. I don't want it. It's still yours. I won't take it. You're gonna need it when you get better and come home."

"Shh, sweetie. I've never lied to you, have I?"

"No, Momma."

"And I won't do it now. I need you to understand that I'm not gonna get better, baby girl."

Jenna tried to struggle and squirm away from the locket, from those terrible words…from
everything
.

"Yes, you
are
gonna get better, Momma, you have to." Jenna's voice had grown loud through all her distress until she couldn't help but let it turn to a whisper. "We need you. Why won't these doctors make you better, Momma? Why won't they fix you?"

"They tried, baby girl, but some things just can't be fixed."

"They
should
fix you. If I were a doctor, I would save you. If I knew how, I would make it all better."

"I know you would, baby girl," she said, in short gasps, as her teeth clenched in pain. Her brown eyes filled with tears until they finally spilled forth onto her sunken cheeks, and she had to wipe them away with a shaky hand.

"I wish it were that simple, baby girl. Please know that all I've ever wanted in my life was to be at home with you and your daddy. But sometimes we don't get everything in life that we want. And fighting just makes it hurt more. Please take the locket. It would make me so happy for you to have it. And you'd better say yes because I'm getting tired." She managed to chuckle only to start coughing and breathing in tiny, choking gasps.  

"Okay, Momma, I'll take it," Jenna said, once her mother's body had calmed down again.

"And I want you to wear it, okay? Don't hide it away in a jewelry box. Please wear it and love it. And when you find something great that life is willing to give you, please promise me you'll accept that great thing. Honor it by putting a picture of it in this locket and — believe me — I will know that you did. I don't know how, but I swear that somehow I will. Do you promise me you'll do that?"

"I promise, Momma."

"Thank you, baby girl," she answered, as she watched Jenna close her hand around the necklace.

Momma didn't speak for a while. Her breaths were short and the rattling sound coming from her chest seemed to get louder with ever gasp of air she tried to take.

"I'm also gonna need you to look after your daddy," she continued, speaking in bursts. "He is gonna be really sad and I will need you to be strong for him. You'll also have to be strong for yourself. Don't ever give up when you want something. Life is hard for girls, and I won't be here to look after you…"

"Stop saying that, Momma," Jenna interrupted, but her mother just patted her hand and shushed her.

"Jenna you're going to have to be tough and rely on yourself. Try not to let anyone hurt you or take advantage of you."

Her mother paused trying to catch her breath again, before continuing to speak.

"Jenna, folks are gonna…gonna try to get the best of you, but I want you to work really hard not to let them. You also need to take care of the ones you love, because that's the most important part of this crazy life. You got that?"

"Yes, Momma."

"I love you so much, Jenna," she added softly, holding Jenna in a close hug, before releasing her and grasping at her chest with a tense hand.

"Momma, what's wrong?"

"Baby, I can't…" She was trying to take a breath, but she couldn't. Her face was turning from slightly gray to the oddest shade of blue. Suddenly Jenna's mother's weak body started to shake and flop on the bed like a bass they'd caught, after her father had thrown it in the bottom of the boat on their last fishing trip.

"Momma!" Jenna was screaming now, crouching on the bed on all fours. She was desperately trying to get her mother to look at her, moving her own head and body to get closer to her face. Yet, it seemed that each time her mother's delicate frame twisted and jerked on the bed, her eyes began to look emptier, so much so, that Jenna could barely recognize her.

Footsteps approached and voices quickly surrounded them. Jenna continued to scream for her mother, trying to be heard over the loud beeping from all the machines connected to her shaking and twitching body.

Beep…beep…beep.

Hands suddenly dragged Jenna off the bed.

"Oh God, Jenna, you need to come with me," she heard Cheryl say, with fear in her voice.

"Auntie Cheryl, no! Let me go. Momma's in trouble. She needs me," Jenna shouted to her.

Her father ran in the room behind the army of doctors and nurses that were wheeling in more scary machines. Everyone was rushing around and saying words to each other that she didn't understand. All Jenna could do was reach for her mother.