City of Night (16 page)

           Im sitting in the park with Chuck the cowboy on the railing facing 5th Street. “Oh oh, here comes Miss Destinée,” says Chuck, a cowboy youngman with widehat and boots, very slim of course, of course very slow, with sideburns of course almost to his chin, and a giant tattoo on his arm that says: DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR. “Destinee’s last husband jes got busted pushing hard stuff, man,” Chuck is going on, “an she is hot for a new one, so watch out, man—but if you ain got a pad, you can always make it at Destinee’s—it’s like a gone mission, man!”

           Indeed, indeed! here comes Miss Destiny! fluttering out of the shadows into the dimlights along the ledges like a giant firefly—flirting, calling out to everyone: “Hello, darling, I love you—I love you too, dear—so very much—ummmm!” Kisses flung recklessly into the wind.... “What oh what did Chuck say to you, darling?” to me, coming on breathlessly rushing words. “You must understand right here and now that Chuck still loves me, like all my exhusbands (youre new in town, dear, or I would certainly have seen you before, and do you have a place to stay?—I live on Spring Street and there is a ‘Welcome!’ mat at the door)—oh, they
nevuh!
can forget me—of course I loved Chuck once too—” (sigh) “—such a butch cowboy, look at him—but havent I loved every new hustler in town?—but oh this restlessness in me!—and are you married, dear?—oh, the lady doth indeed protest Too Much—” (this last addressed to Jenny Lu, still bumping (woe-uh!). “I
adore
Married men—as long as they are Faithful to me, you understand, of course—and I must warn you right here and now about Pauline, who is the most evil people in this city and you must stay away from her when she tries to make out with all kinds of—Ah Beg To Tell You—” (“Whe-woo!” sighed Chuck.) “—untrue promises as some—people—have—found—out—” looking coldly at Chuck, then rushing on: “Oh I am, as everyone will tell you, A Very Restless Woman—”

           She—he (Miss Destiny is a man)—went on about her—his—restlessness, her husbands, asking me questions in between, figuring out how Bad I was (“Have you been ‘interviewed’ yet by Miss Lorelei?—I mean Officer Morgan, dear—we call her Miss Lorelei. And dont let her scare you, dear—and Im sure you wont—why, Miss Lorelei—I mean, Sergeant Morgan—is as much a lady as I am: I saw her in the mensroom one time, and she ran everybody out—except this cute young boy—and—...”)—looking alternately coyly and coldly at Chuck then me seductively: all of which you will recognize as the queen’s technique to make you feel like such an irresistible so masculine so sexual so swinging stud, and queens can do it better than most real girls, queens being Uninhibited.

           Now Miss Destiny is a youngman possibly 20 but quite as possibly 18 and very probably 25, with false I.D. like everyone else if she is underage: a slim young queen with masses and masses of curly red hair (which she fondly calls her “rair”), oh, and it tumbles gaily over a pale skinny face almost smothering it at times. Unpredictably occasionally she comes on with crazy Southern sounds cultivated, you will learn, all the way from northern Pennsylvania.

           “Oh my dear!” she exclaims now, fluffing out her “rair,” “here I am talking all about my Sex life, and we have not been Properly Introduced!... Im Miss Destiny, dear—and let me hasten to tell you before you hear it wrong from othuh sources that I am famous even in Los gay Angeles—why, I went to this straight party in High Drag (and I mean
High
, honey—gown, stockings, ostrich plumes in my flaming rair), and—”

           “An you know who she was dancing with?” Chuck interrupted.

           “The Vice, my dear,” Miss Destiny said flatly, glowering at Chuck.

           “An she was busted, man—for ah mas—mask—...”

           “Masquerading, dear.... But how was I to know the repressed queer was the vice squad—tell me?...” And she goes on breathlessly conjuring up the Extravagant Scene....

          
(Oh shes dancing like Cinderella at the magic ball in this Other World shes longingly invading, and her prince-charming turns out to be: the vice squad. And oh Miss Destiny gathers her skirts and tries to run like in the fairytale, but the vice grabs her roughly and off she goes in a very real coach to the glasshouse, the feathers trembling now nervously. Miss Destiny insists she is a real woman leave her alone. (But oh, oh! how can she hide That Thing between his legs which should belong there only when it is somebody else’s?)... All lonesome tears and Humiliation, Miss Destiny ends up in the sex tank: a wayward Cinderella
....)

           “Now, honey,” she says with real indignation, “I can see them bustin me for Impersonating a man—but a woman!—
really!
...” And you will notice that Miss Destiny like all the other swinging queens in the world considers herself every bit a Lady. “But nevuh mind,” she went on, “I learned things in the countyfawm I didnt know before—like how to make eyeshadow out of spit and bluejeans—and oh my dear the kites I flew!—I mean to say, no one can say I didnt send my share of invitations out!... Of course, I
do
have to go regularly to the county psychiatrist (thats a mind doctor, dears)—to be (would you believe it? this is what they actually told me:) ‘cured’! Well! One more session with him, and I’ll have
him
on the couch!—but now—” turning her attention to me full-blast, because, you will understand, Miss Destiny scouts at night among the drifting youngmen, and at the same time you can tell shes out to bug Chuck: and when she asked me would I go to the flix with her now (“across the street, where it is Divine but you mustnt be seen there too often,” she explains, “because they will think youre free trade—...”), Chuck said: “It would not do you no good, Destinée, they will not let you in the men’s head.”

          
“Miss
Destiny,
Mister
Chuck,” she corrects him airily.

           And went on: “Didnt I tell you all my exhusbands are jealous of me? Chuck lived with me, dear,” she explains, “as just about every other studhustler has at one time or another, I must add modestly. But, baby, it was a turbulent marriage (that means very stormy, dear). Why, I just couldnt drag Chuck from the window—he—”

           “Oh, man,” interrupts Chuck. “Next to Miss Destinee’s pad theres this real swell cunt an she walks aroun all day in her brassiere—standin by the window, an she—”

           “But I fixed that!” Miss Destiny says triumphantly. “I nailed the damn windowshades so no one can look out at that cunt anymore!... Oh!” she sighed, her hand at her forehead, “those days were trying days. Chuck’s a good hustler—but hes too lazy even to try to score sometimes. And, honey, my unemployment check went just so far: You see, I took a job just long enough to qualify for unemployment, and then I turned up all madeup and they let me go—and everytime they call me up for a job, why I turn up in drag and they wont have me!... But anyway—...”

           Looking at Chuck and Miss Destiny—as she rushes on now about the Turbulent Times—I know the scene: Chuck the masculine cowboy and Miss Destiny the femme queen: making it from day to park to bar to day like all the others in that ratty world of downtown L.A. which I will make my own: the world of queens and malehustlers and what they thrive on, the queens being technically men but no one thinks of them that way—always “she”—their “husbands” being the masculine vagrants—fleetingly and often out of convenience sharing the queens’ pads—never considering theyre involved with another man (the queen), and as long as the hustler goes only with queens—and with other men only for scoring (which is making or taking sexmoney, getting a meal, making a pad)—he is himself not considered “queer”—he remains, in the vocabulary of that world, “trade.”

           “Yes,” Miss Destiny is going on, “those were stormy times with Chuck—and then, being from cowcountry, God bless him, Chuck believes every Big story: like when Pauline told him she’d really set him up—”

           “Man,” Chuck explained, laughing, “Pauline is this queen thats got more bull than Texas!”

           “Can you imagine?” Miss Destiny says to me. “She offered him a Cadillac! Pauline! Who hasnt even got enough to keep her dragclothes in proper shape!... But nevuhmind, let him be gullible (thats someone who believes untrue stories). And, besides,” she says with a toss of her head, “I flipped over Sandy, a bad new stud.... But Chuck’s still jealous of me—he knows Im looking for a new husband—now that poor Sandy (my most recent ex, dear) got busted, and I know he didnt have any hard narcotics on him like they say he did—they planted them in his car—... Shake that moneymakuh, honey!—” (this to a spadequeen swishing by) “—and I still love my Sandy—did the best I could, tried to bail him out, hire a good attuhnee, but it was no good—they laughed when I said he was my husband. The quality of muhcee is mighty strained indeed—as the dear Portia said (from Shakespeare, my dears—a very Great writer who wrote ladies’ roles for dragqueens in his time). And it breaks my heart to think of my poor Sandy in the joint away from women all that time, him so redhot he might turn queer, but oh no not my Sandy, hes all stud. If I know him, he’ll come out of the joint rich, hustling the guards.... And I tried to be faithful—but the years will be so long—and what can a girl do, and restless the way I am?—restless and crying muhself to sleep night aftuh night, missing him—missing him. But my dears, I realize I Will Have To Go On—he would want it that way. Well, queens have died eaten by the ah worm of ah love, as the Lovely Cleopatra said—she was The Queen of Ancient Egypt—” (quoting, misquoting Shakespeare—saying it was a lovely he-roine who said it in the play—taking it for granted—a safe assumption in her world—that no one will understand her anyway). “Then Miss Thing said to me (Miss Thing is a fairy perched on my back like some people have a monkey or a conscience),” she explained, “well, Miss Thing said to me, ‘Miss Destiny dear, dont be a fool, fix your lovey rair and find you a new husband—make it permanent this time by really getting Married—and even if you have to stretch your unemployment, dont allow him to push or hustle’ (which breaks up a marriage)—and Miss Thing said, ‘Miss Destiny dear, have a real wedding this time.’... A real wedding,” Miss Destiny sighed wistfully. “Like every young girl should have at least once.... And when it happens oh it will be the most simpuhlee Fabulous wedding the Westcoast has evuh seen! with oh the most beautiful queens as bridesmaids! and the handsomest studs as ushers! (and you will absolutely have to remove chose boots, Chuck)—and
Me!
... Me... in virgin-white... coming down a winding staircase... carrying a white bouquet!... and my family will be crying for joy.... And there will be champagne! cake! a real priest to puhfawm the Ceremony!—” She broke off abruptly, shutting her eyes deliriously as if to visualize the scene better. Then she opened them again, onto the frantic teeming world of Pershing Square....

           “They will bust you again for sure if you have that wedding, Miss Destinée,” said Chuck gravely.

           “It would be worth it,” sighed Miss Destiny. “Oh, it would be worth it.”

           Then we noticed a welldressed man standing a few feet from us in the shadows, staring at us intently until he saw us looking back and he shifted his gaze, began to smoke, looked up furtively again.

           Miss Destiny smiled brightly at him, but he didnt smile back at her, and Miss Destiny said obviously he is a queer and so he must want a man. “So darlings, I will leave you to him and him to whomevuh eenie-meenie-miney he wants. But let me tell you, my dear—” me—confidentially “—that when they dress that elegantly around here, why, they will make all kinds of promises and give you oh two bucks,” and Chuck said oh no the score was worth at least twenty, and Miss Destiny laughs like Tallulah Bankhead, who is the Idol of all queens, and says in a husky voice, “Dalling, this is not your young inexperienced sistuh you are talkin to, this is your mothuh, who has been a-round.... Why, Miss Thing told me about this sweet stud kid going for a dollar!—... Ah, well, as my beloved sweet Juliet said, Parting is: such—sweet—sorrow—...” And she sighed now, being Juliet, then whispered to me loud enough for Chuck to hear, “There will be other times, my dear—when you are not Working.”

           And she moved away with peals of queenly laughter, flirting again, fluttering again, flamboyantly swishing, just as she had come on, saying hello to everyone: “Good evening, Miss Saint Moses, dear—...” spreading love, throwing kisses, bringing her delicate hands to her face, sighing, “Too Much!” after some goodlooking youngman she digs, glancing back at Chuck and me as the man moved out of the shadows, closer to us, jingling money.

           So there goes Miss Destiny leaving Pershing Square, all gayety, all happiness, all laughter.

           “I love you too, dear, ummmm, so much....”

        
2

           Those first days in Los Angeles, I was newly dazzled by the world into which my compulsive journey through submerged lives had led me—newly hypnotized by the life of the streets.

           I had rented a room in a hotel on Hope Street—on the fringes of that world but still outside of it (in order always to have a place where I could be completely alone when I must be). Thus the daulity of my existence was marked by a definite boundary: Pershing Square: east of there when the desire to be with people churned within me; west of there to the hotel when I had to be alone.... At times, after having combed the bars, the streets, the park, I would flee as if for protection to that hotel room.

           Yet other times I needed people fiercely—needed the anarchy of the streets....

           And Main Street in Los Angeles is such an anarchy.

           This is clip street, hustle street—frenzied-nightactivity street: the moving back and forth against the walls; smoking, peering anxiously to spot the bulls before they spot you; the rushing in and out of Wally’s and Harry’s: long crowded malehustling bars.

           And here too are the fairyqueens—the queens from Everywhere, America—the queenly exiles looking for new “husbands” restlessly among the vagrant hustlers with no place to stay, and the hustlers will often clip the queens (if there is anything to clip), and the queens will go on looking for their own legendary permanent “Daddies” among the older men who dig the queens’ special brand of gone sexplay, seldom finding those permanent connections, and living in Main and Spring Street holes: sometimes making it (employed and unemployed, taking their daddies and being taken by the hustlers)—sometimes hardly, sometimes not at all.