Claiming His Brother's Baby (6 page)

“I think I’ve slept enough for both of us,” she said through a brittle smile. “I had a shower to freshen up and didn’t feel tired, so I thought I’d have some green tea and sit for a while,” she said and sighed. “I was thinking about Doug.”

Of course she was. Tanner didn’t doubt that his brother was on her mind most days and nights. “Then I’ll leave you—”

“Do you know the details about what happened?” she asked unexpectedly, cutting him off.

Tanner stilled. “Details?”

“About the incident.”

“You mean how he was killed?” he queried.

She nodded. “You’re his official next of kin so I figured you had the details. I know he was on some covert mission and that he and two other members of his squad were killed by a sniper...but that’s all I know. Since I wasn’t listed as family it’s been almost impossible to get information. I know you got the army to forward his belongings here, but did you know this house wasn’t even listed as his place of residence? Instead it’s some post office box I didn’t know existed and don’t even have a key for. And there’s a safety deposit box, too, did you know that? I don’t have access to it, of course. But I’m guessing you will.”

Tanner didn’t respond. He didn’t want to say anything about the safety deposit box until he’d had a chance to go through the contents himself. He certainly hadn’t suspected that Cassie knew about it. Doug’s lawyer had told him about it along with the details of his will.

“I’ll see what I can find out,” he said vaguely. “There’s also the matter of Doug’s military pension. I’m sure there’ll be some money available for you and—”

She waved a hand and frowned. “I don’t want any kind of handout,” she said and cut him off again. “And I intend to go back to work when my maternity leave is up.”

“And Oliver?” Tanner asked as he walked behind the kitchen counter and grabbed a mug. “What are your plans for him?”

“Day care,” she said. “Which is the option of most working single mothers. There’s a good day care center not far from the hospital where I work.”

“But if there’s money available you could—”

“No,” she said, interrupting him once again. “Doug obviously wanted his estate to go to you. I can’t and won’t challenge his wishes.”

Tanner wasn’t sure whether she was being altruistic or just foolishly naive. “It’s not that simple.”

“Yes,” she defied. “It is.”

He flicked on one of the lights and then rested his hands on the counter. “Oliver is Doug’s son. Which makes him the beneficiary of my brother’s estate. And also the recipient of any benefit that may come about from the years Doug spent defending this country. I won’t argue, Cassie. Not on this issue. You can look at me with those beautiful, big, blue eyes all you want...but I won’t change my mind on this.”

She stilled suddenly, watching him as a tiny half smile creased the corner of her mouth. “You think I have beautiful eyes?”

Damn...

Tanner ignored the way his heart thundered in his chest and shrugged as casually as he could. “Well, I’m not blind.” He stopped, thinking he shouldn’t say anything else. But good sense
didn’t
prevail. “And you’re very...pretty.”

She laughed softly and raised both brows. “I’ve always thought I was kind of average.”

Tanner frowned.
Average?
There was nothing average about Cassandra Duncan. “You’re not serious?”

“Perfectly,” she replied. “Doug said I—”

“Doug was an ass.”

She laughed again and the delicate sound echoed around the room. “Really?”

“I meant that he—”

“He did have some
ass-like
qualities I suppose,” she said and grinned. “But then, no one is perfect, right?”

Except for you...

Tanner pulled himself back from saying anything stupid. Or rather, something even more stupid. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Are you referring to criticizing Doug or complimenting me?”

Was she being deliberately provocative? Tanner couldn’t tell. He knew so little about her. Her moods, her thoughts...they were a mystery to him and he knew it needed to stay that way. “Both.”

She sipped the tea and then placed the mug on the table. “Well, what’s a little harmless flirting? It doesn’t—”

“Is that what we’re doing?” he asked quickly, fighting the heat climbing over his skin.

She gave a brittle laugh. “I’m not sure what we’re doing. I’m not sure what
you’re
doing.”

Going slowly out of my mind...that’s what.

Tanner straightened. “You know why I’m here.”

“I know what you came here to do,” she said quietly. “I’m still not sure why.”

“Does it matter?” he asked, reluctant to say too much. “For Oliver, like I said.”

“And to sort out Doug’s estate,” she added, watching him closely, as if she was looking for answers in his expression. “When we both know you could have done that through lawyers. The house needs to be sold. There’s no money left to speak of other than a possible military pension. So if this is all about Oliver, if my son is the real reason you’ve come all this way, I want to know why. I want to know why family is so important to you, when it didn’t seem to matter one way or another when Doug was alive.”

There was strength in her voice and a kind of unexpected determination to get answers. She was annoyed. And she wasn’t hiding it.

“Okay,” he said on a long breath. “The truth is, I don’t want Oliver to feel...abandoned.”

Her gaze sharpened. “Like you were, you mean?”

“Exactly.”

She nodded a little. “But Oliver has me. He’s not alone. And I’m not about to shuffle him off to boarding school when he’s of age. And although I do appreciate that you want to have a relationship with your nephew, Tanner, I can’t see how it will be sustainable once you’re back in South Dakota. A part of me is reluctant to let him get attached to you when I know you’ll be leaving soon. I know he’s only a baby, but he’s already bonded with you and I—”

“I intend to come back and see him when I can,” Tanner explained, hating all her relentless logic.

Her brows came up. “Like you saw Doug? Once every couple of years? Tell me, how often did Doug visit you when you were at boarding school?”

“Not often.”

She shrugged. “I can’t see this being any different.”

“I’m not Doug,” Tanner said. “And if his son—my nephew—ever needs me, then I’ll be there.”

She looked into her mug for a moment and then lifted her gaze. “It’s a nice idea and I guess only time will tell. But have you considered what will happen when you get married and have a family of your own?” Her eyes were questioning. “You do plan to do that, don’t you?”

His insides burned. “At some point.”

“Do you really think you’ll have the time or inclination to nurture a relationship with Oliver when that happens?”

“I won’t abandon him.”

“You can’t take Doug’s place in his life.”

Tanner gripped the counter. “It hadn’t occurred to me to try.”

Her brows came up again. “Are you sure? You seem to have ridden in on your proverbial white horse. I’m not saying that I’m not...grateful. I am. Especially with being sick these past couple of days. But it’s not your job to look after us. And frankly, I don’t want to take advantage of your...generosity.”

“You’re not,” he assured her. “I’m here because I want to be here. I mean, with Oliver. I made a promise and I intend to stick to it. Doug would want me to make sure his son was provided for.”

It wasn’t exactly the truth. Since Doug hadn’t any plans to claim the child he’d fathered or the woman who’d loved him.

She inhaled heavily. “I hardly saw him, you know... I mean, in the last twelve months before he was killed. He returned for about a week, but he was restless...like he didn’t want to be here. Like he was waiting to get back to his other life.” She shrugged. “That was the week Oliver was conceived. And it was the last time I saw Doug.”

Tanner remembered that visit. Doug had called him, complaining about how Cassie was pushing for commitment and how he wanted out of the relationship. He’d talked his brother out of doing something rash, but three months later Doug called again...and this time he wasn’t going to be swayed. Cassie was pregnant. He didn’t want commitment. He didn’t want fatherhood. He didn’t want to be tied down to a life he wasn’t suited for. Tragically, by paying the ultimate sacrifice for his country, his brother had gotten the freedom he’d craved.

Tanner wanted to tell her that Doug
would
have come home to claim his family. He wanted to tell her that she would have had the happy-ever-after she deserved. But he couldn’t. Because it wasn’t anywhere near the truth. Doug had been a fine soldier, but in his personal life he’d repeatedly left wreckage in his wake.

“I’m sorry it didn’t turn out the way you were hoping it would.”

She gave a derisive laugh. “He told you, I suppose, that I had brought up the subject of marriage.”

Tanner nodded. “Yes.”

“He said we’d talk about it when he got back. Only, he never did get back. And we never talked.”

“Some people just aren’t the marrying kind, I guess.”

Her eyes widened. “So you don’t think he would have married me and settled down?”

Realizing he might have said too much, Tanner backpedaled. “It doesn’t really matter what I think.”

“But Doug talked to you,” she persisted. “And he obviously told you how he felt about the baby coming.”

“He was surprised,” Tanner said too casually. “And in a war zone. I don’t imagine he had the chance to absorb much of anything at the time.”

“I suppose. I only wish... I wish that he’d met Oliver...that he’d had a chance to know this perfectly beautiful baby and hold him just once. I’m sure if he had he would have...he would have felt like I do.”

Tanner wasn’t so sure. But he didn’t say anything. Because her blue eyes were now glistening brightly and her tremulous voice echoed around the room. She dropped her face into her hands for a moment and sighed heavily. Seeing her sudden anguish, he walked around the counter and moved closer. She looked up to meet his gaze and within seconds there were tears on her cheeks.

Without a word he sat down and reached for her hands, taking them gently within his own. She didn’t protest. She didn’t move. The only sound in the room was the faint tick from the clock on the wall and the gentle hum of the refrigerator. And she wept. Not racking, uncontrolled sobs, but quietly, with restraint and a calm kind of dignity.

As he held her hands and felt the connection of her skin against his own, a tide of long-buried feelings rose up and hit him squarely in the solar plexus. He pushed them back, willing them away with all his strength because he knew they were futile.

“I’m sorry... I don’t know what’s come over me,” she said, still crying.

Tanner squeezed her fingers gently. “You’re tired, you’ve been ill
and
you’re grieving, Cassie. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Tears trailed down her cheeks and he fought the impulse to wipe them away. He wanted to take her in his arms and console her. But he wouldn’t.

“The more time that goes by, the less I feel I knew him,” she said shakily. “It’s like there’s this wall of disconnect that keeps getter wider with each day that passes. Sometimes I’m afraid that I’ll forget what he was like and I won’t be able to tell Oliver about his father.”

“That won’t happen,” Tanner assured her and gently rubbed her fingers. “We both knew Doug... We can both tell his son the kind of man he was. How he was brave and fought for his country. How he could make people laugh with his lame jokes. How, even when we were mad as hell with him, we couldn’t help loving him.”

She nodded and looked at their hands. Still linked. Still connected. And making his heart beat faster with each passing second. He met her gaze and sucked in a sharp breath when he noticed her lips part fractionally. He knew it was an unintentional invitation, but it was an invitation all the same and the very notion of her lips against his made his skin burn.

He wanted to kiss her. Just as he had all those years ago. He wanted to hold her, as he’d imagined countless times since.

But this was Cassie...the woman who’d borne his brother’s child. She’d loved Doug. Just like Leah. And he wasn’t about to let his heart get smashed.

Not ever again.

No matter how much he was tempted.

Chapter Six

C
assie was captivated. There was something about the way Tanner looked at her that defied logic. Defied good sense. Defied every warning bell in her head telling her she was crazy to be so achingly aware of him. His brown eyes searched her face, lingering on her mouth, and there was enough heat in his gaze to combust the air in the room.

Something rattled around inside her head. A sense. A feeling. It was both familiar and breathtakingly new. She wondered how he could do that to her. How, even though they barely knew one another, there was a growing energy between them that drew her toward him in a way she hadn’t expected.
If
she believed in past lives,
if
she believed that two people could have a connection that belied the depth of their acquaintance, she would have sworn they’d somehow shared a moment of time together.

The feeling lingered and she couldn’t have moved if she’d tried. She looked to where his fingers stroked her hand and felt the heat of his touch through to her very core. He had nice hands, big and tanned and just a little calloused on the tips. Hands that were made for schooling the most skittish colt, but hands she’d seen soothe her baby son to sleep as no others had. Cowboy’s hands, she mused, forged from hard work and skill.

Her thoughts shifted and she wondered how it would feel if his fingers traveled slightly up her arm. The quiet intimacy of the room amplified her awareness of him and Cassie let out a long, shuddering sigh. He felt it, too; she was sure of it. The intensity in his gaze couldn’t be faked and the tenderness of his touch was wholly mesmerizing.

It had been so long since she felt a connection to someone.

And the fact that someone was Tanner McCord scared her to pieces.

He drew her hand to his mouth and softly kissed her knuckles. It should have sent her running. It should have had her jumping up in protest and demanding an explanation. But she didn’t move. She didn’t break the contact.

He did.

Tanner released her hand and got to his feet, staring at her for a few long seconds. “Good night, Cassie.”

By the time he’d left the room she was shaking all over. By the time she finally tumbled into bed ten minutes later she was certain she had to pull herself together.

And fast.

It was past seven when she rolled out of bed the next morning. Tanner was in the kitchen preparing Oliver’s bottle and she barely looked in his direction when she entered the room and made a beeline for her baby, who was happily chuckling away in his bouncer. It felt so good to hold her son after a day without having him in her arms. She took a deep breath and inhaled the sweet baby smell that always gave her such comfort.

“Good morning.”

Finally she looked at Tanner. He’d pushed a steaming mug of coffee across the counter and Cassie half smiled. “Ah, thanks.”

“This is ready to go,” he said and shook the bottle in his hand a little. “You want to feed him?”

“Oh, yes,” she replied and moved toward the counter. She took the bottle and quickly settled herself at the table. Oliver latched on immediately and she relaxed when he began to feed.

“You’re feeling better this morning?”

She glanced up. Tanner hadn’t moved from his spot behind the counter. “Yes, much.”

He nodded. “Good. Then I’ll get going.”

“Tanner, I think—”

“I’ll call you after my meeting with the lawyer.”

There was a terseness to his voice she hadn’t heard before. The easy friendship they’d developed over the past few days seemed to have disappeared. He clearly wanted to leave and she had no intention of stopping him. “Okay, sure.”

“Goodbye.”

She nodded a little. “Yeah...goodbye.”

Then he was gone from the room and Cassie barely drew another steady breath until she heard the front door close and the faint sound of his car pulling out from the driveway.

By the time she’d fed and bathed Oliver it was close to nine o’clock, and after she put him down for a nap Cassie took a shower, tied up her hair, applied a little makeup and changed into jeans and a pale lemon-colored sweater. Keeping busy stopped her from thinking about Tanner, which was exactly what she wanted.

At ten she’d had an unexpected visitor—her longtime friend Mary-Jayne Preston.

“You’re here?” Cassie said once they’d finished hugging in the doorway. “I thought you were neck-deep in orders and holed up in your workshop?”

Her friend shrugged. “I bailed and came to see you instead.”

Cassie grinned. “I’m so glad you did. But do you want to tell me why?”

Mary-Jayne, or M.J. as she was affectionately called, tossed her mane of dark curly hair. “Not especially. Today was merely just another boring event in my mundane life.”

There was nothing boring or mundane about Mary-Jayne Preston. Her beautiful and talented friend designed jewelry. She was vivacious, fiery and had strong ideals about politics and the environment.

“You’re the most
un-boring
person I know
,” Cassie said and ushered her guest down the hall.

M.J. grinned. “I think I’m just restless.”

Cassie raised a brow. “Are you thinking of taking off again?”

M.J. often went on spur-of-the-moment vacations to obscure places. Cassie had always envied her friend’s fearlessness and adventurous spirit and sometimes wished she was a little more like her. She’d never traveled. She’d never even been on an airplane. Doug had complained many times that she’d lacked daring and was too set in her ways. She always shrugged it off, but deep down she was hurt by his words.

“Maybe,” M.J. replied and sat at the table. “You know how I feel about being trapped by routine. But enough about me... How are you doing?”

“I’m good,” she fibbed and smiled.

“Lauren said you’ve been ill,” M.J. said, suddenly serious. “Do you need me to do anything for you? Perhaps help out with Oliver?”

She shook her head. “No, I’m fine. I’ve had—”

“Help?” M.J. asked with a grin. “Yes, so Lauren told me. I hear a certain cowboy has been here.”

“Tanner,” Cassie explained, and ignored the heat in her cheeks. “Yes...that’s right.”

“Is he still gorgeous?”

Cassie allowed herself to smile fractionally. “Oh, yeah.”

“Does he still make your knees go weak?”

Cassie colored hotly. “I’ve never said he does that.”

M.J. laughed softly. “Maybe not in so many words.”

“You’re incorrigible.” She grinned. “But the truth is...”

“Yes?” M.J. prompted.

“He’s...nice. Much nicer than...”

“Much nicer than Doug ever said he was?” her friend asked bluntly when Cassie’s words trailed off.

“I guess so. I mean, I knew they didn’t have the closest relationship...but there are things Doug said about Tanner that now seem so far from the truth.”

M.J.’s brows rose sharply. “You mean Doug lied?”

She nodded. “I suppose he did. It’s almost as though he wanted me to think badly of his brother.”

“Perhaps so he could make himself look like the better man?” M.J. suggested.

Cassie’s mouth flattened. The idea of that sounded mean and spiteful. It wasn’t how she wanted to remember the man who’d fathered her child. “I know you think I was blind to Doug’s faults, but I did know he wasn’t perfect.”

“He never deserved your love, Cassie,” M.J. said quietly. “Or your loyalty. The way he reacted when you told him you were pregnant was truly awful. You know that in your heart.”

Cassie did know it. And Mary-Jayne, with her tell-it-like-it-is personality, was only saying what Cassie knew herself deep down.

“He would have come around to the idea of being a father,” she said, way more animated than she felt. “With time, things would have been better.” She sighed and looked at her friend. “I have to believe that. For Oliver’s sake.”

“I get what you’re saying,” her friend said gently.

But she knew M.J. didn’t really understand. And she didn’t want to explain any further. If she didn’t remain loyal to Doug’s memory, then she’d be forced to question her reasons for loving him. Without that love to hide behind she’d be vulnerable...and with Tanner McCord in town, being vulnerable was out of the question.

*

When Tanner arrived on Cassie’s doorstep on Wednesday afternoon he didn’t expect to be greeted by a stunning-looking brunette with wide green eyes, who regarded him with a kind of guarded curiosity.

He stepped back on the porch and forced out a smile. “Is Cassie home?”

The brunette leaned against the door frame and shook her head. “So, you must be
the jerk’s
little brother?”

Okay. Now he knew who she was. Doug had told him about Cassie’s friend who had always been a very vocal critic of his brother’s continued absence from Cassie’s life.

“Tanner,” he said, ignoring the jerk taunt. “You must be M.J. Doug mentioned you once or twice. Nice to meet you.”

M.J. grinned. “I’m watching the baby while Cassie’s out visiting her grandfather. She should be home around four. You can stay and wait if you like.”

He glanced at his watch and then politely declined her offer. “Just tell her I stopped by and I’ll call her later.”

Knowing that Cassie was visiting her grandfather made him think about his own family. And the visit he’d been putting off. Tanner got back in the rental car and took the fifteen-minute drive to the cemetery where his entire family was buried. His parents’ dual headstone greeted him as it had so many times in the past. He stared at their names, forcing memories into his head. So much about them had been forgotten. But the feel of his mother’s embrace and the deep comfort of his father’s voice remained locked inside. So many years had passed. Over two decades of being without them and it struck him how similar his story was to Cassie’s. They’d both lost their parents around the same time. His died in a car wreck, hers in a boating accident. Thankfully she’d found a home with her grandfather, which he hoped had lessened her loss just a little.

He took a deep breath and turned his gaze to the right. Doug’s headstone was glaringly white beside the faded one of their parents. Tanner’s stomach churned and emotion quickly thickened his throat as he read the words.

Douglas Ian McCord. Aged 41. Son. Brother. Soldier. Killed in action. Never forgotten.

He blinked away the heat in his eyes. In that moment the loss of his brother hit home in a way it hadn’t since the moment he’d heard Doug had been killed. Tanner pressed a palm to his chest to ease the sharp jab of pain that knocked him with the force of a runaway train.

He experienced a mix of emotions. Hate and love. Betrayal and forgiveness. Relief and anguish. Over the years he’d felt them all in one way or another when it came to his brother. After Leah had told him she was in love with Doug and carrying his brother’s child, Tanner had shut down and vowed to never speak to the other man again. At eighteen, his heart had been fueled with rage by the knowledge of Doug’s treachery. His inheritance was gone. The girl he’d loved was gone. He’d packed his bags and taken off for Europe, never intending to look back.

Two years had passed before Doug tracked him down and for so long afterward Tanner wondered why his brother had sought him out. For a man who didn’t want commitment or anything or anyone tying him down, he’d worked hard to rekindle their broken relationship.

Guilt...

He hated to think that was his brother’s sole motivation. But nothing he’d done later in his life made Tanner believe that Doug had changed. Not when he’d bought a house he clearly couldn’t afford or wasted money on cars and bikes he’d never use. Not when he’d secured the love of another woman who would go on to bear his son, and then have every intention of casting them aside.

No...his brother hadn’t changed.

But he
still
grieved the loss of his only sibling. And he still wanted him back so he could tell him what a damned irresponsible fool he was.

“Tanner?”

A soft voice said his name and he turned. Cassie stood by his parents’ headstone, her hands clasped together. In her kitchen he’d almost kissed her beautiful mouth. And he was certain she wouldn’t have stopped him. Which meant one thing.

Complicated.

He stepped back, leaning heavily on his uninjured leg and moved beside her. “I thought I’d come and pay my respects,” he said quietly.

She nodded. “I usually stop by on my way back from seeing my grandfather.”

“How is he?”

“Granddad?” She stepped closer. “He’s had a bad week and didn’t know me today.”

Tanner saw the pain in her expression. “That must be difficult.”

She shrugged. “Yeah...but he’s eighty-two and has lived a full life. Not like...”

“Like Doug?” he queried when he noticed her gaze flick to the headstones. “Or my parents? Or your parents?”

“Yes, exactly.” She pointed south. “They’re down that way.”

“Shall we visit?”

She frowned a little and looked at Doug’s grave. “You don’t want to stay here?”

“I’ve said my goodbyes.”

She lingered for a second and then nodded and, as she turned, the scent of her perfume caught on the breeze. It didn’t take long to reach the spot where her parents were and Tanner hung back while she stood at the foot of their graves. She remained there for barely a minute and then turned back to him.

“I’ve had enough now,” she said and started moving away.

“It’s hard for you to be here?” he queried as they walked down the path.

She shrugged. “I guess I don’t want this place to be how I remember them. No one’s life is defined by their headstone.”

“You’re right,” he said and moved in step with her. When they reached their vehicles and she’d flicked the lock mechanism on her sedan he opened her driver’s door. “If it’s okay with you I’ll see you back at the house. I went to the lawyer today and there are some things we need to discuss.”

Her small smile faded. “My friend Mary-Jayne is at home looking after Oliver and she always stays for dinner on Wednesday night, so now is probably not a great time.”

“I met her,” Tanner said and grinned. “I dropped in earlier. Colorful girl.”