Authors: Johanna Jenkins
What it came down to was tonight I had to decide if I could live without Grace in my life or not. Could I let her be married to Edwin, and most likely be removed from my life? If it made her happy, shouldn’t I let her be with whom she wants? Could I let our lives and our relationship change forever?
That’s considering that she might not wish to be with me instead.
I suddenly realized that no matter what happened, our relationship would never be the same. For either I would let her go and allow her to be with Mr. Montgomery, if he was who she so chose, or I would…I wasn’t sure. What would I do? Tell her? Tell her what exactly?
My stomach tightened and I felt as if the wine might reappear.
But regardless, something tonight had changed. Tomorrow would be different no matter what.
I banged my head against the wall. This was aggravating! How was I supposed to make such a monumental decision in such a short amount of time? It didn’t seem possible. Where had these thoughts come from? Why was Edwin so different? Why had her reaction to him bothered him so much?
Had I truly had feelings for her all along? Had I been lying to myself for the last however many years, the truth dormant until something like this happened? Had I always been happy for these sorts of events secretly believing somewhere deep inside of me that she would never actually find someone? Had I been just like her mother, already knowing that she would turn down all of the suitors?
Did I believe that this sort of cycle would just go on forever?
Maybe it truly was that I didn’t want anyone else to be with her. Maybe deep down inside, I always wished for it to be the two of us, but I never consciously made that decision on my own. Neither had I found someone to be with, nor had I ever met anyone that even remotely caught my interest. Why was that?
It was because Grace was always there. I never, ever saw anyone but Grace. No one was as kind as Grace, as playful as Grace. No one knew me like Grace.
I felt as if my entire world had just flipped onto its head. How in the world had this never crossed my mind? How had I never seen this? I had been completely blind my entire life. The reason why I had never even noticed another woman or approached another woman seriously for her hand was
because of Grace.
She was always right there in front of me, and I had never realized just how much a part of my life she was.
I looked at her and Edwin again with new eyes. Suddenly, it made compete sense why it upset me so much. Because I couldn’t imagine her being with anyone else, and I couldn’t lose her. Not now. Not now when it all made complete and utter sense.
I exhaled slowly, the revelation of it all sinking into my bones.
I was in love with Grace, and I always had been.
*****
Without even realizing what I was doing, I walked across the room to where she and Edwin were seated on the couch.
“Hello there,” I said, and both of them turned to look up at me.
“Ah, there’s my friend Mr. Gale!” Edwin said, raising his glass to me. “How is the evening treating you?”
Grace smiled up at me, and I felt the knot in my chest tighten. Was I absolutely losing my mind? What was I going to say?
“Very well, thank you,” I replied, bowing my head slightly. I turned to Grace. “Miss Fletcher, I was hoping that you might share the next dance with me?”
Edwin stood to his feet and grinned. “Yes, what a fantastic idea! I certainly cannot keep the lovely Miss Fletcher all to myself this evening!” He turned to her, helping her to her feet. “Do make sure to save me a dance before the night is through!”
She smiled at me, and then nodded at Edwin. “Of course, Mr. Montgomery. Nothing would please me more.”
“Well off you go then! I will go find your charming mother, Oliver. She insisted I tell her all about my mother’s letter I received this morning.” And with a wave of his hand, he excused himself from the room.
I suddenly felt the tension return to my shoulders.
“Whatever could be the matter with you?”
I looked over at Grace. “What do you mean?”
She put her hands on her waist. “You have been pale and acting very strange all evening. Now tell me, what is the matter with you?”
I swallowed. “Come, let’s go have our dance.”
She took a step back from me, but smiled slyly. “Not before you tell me what is going on inside that think head of yours.”
I smiled in spite of myself. “Come now, I’ll tell you while we dance.”
She seemed to consider my words, and eventually she put her hand in my outstretched one and followed me back to the room where all of the dancers were.
She continued to pester me the whole way, but I only heard some of her words. My mind seemed too full of possible things to say to her, how to word it, and all of her possible reactions to it.
No matter what happened, I only had until tomorrow before things changed forever.
The music began and her eyes were fixed on me, and I could tell she grew more and more curious the longer I remained silent.
“So what were your thoughts on Mr. Montgomery?” I finally decided on. I had to see what her thoughts were first. That was more important than my own feelings. I was prepared to hear the worst for myself and bury my own feelings in order to preserve her happiness.
She smiled a small smile. “He’s quite a gentleman. Very kind, thoughtful, respectful.”
My heartbeat quickened. I hadn’t expected her answer to be much different, but in light of the recent discovery in myself, the words still hurt. “You know what I really mean, Grace.”
She suddenly seemed exacerbated, and shook her head. “I don’t know, I’ve never ever seriously considered someone before. It’s strange. I truly don’t know what to do.”
“It’s strange for me as well,” I replied.
“Really?” She replied looking at me.
“It is, since every man before Mr. Montgomery had been wrong in your eyes.” We danced in silence for a few moments, her lost in thought, and myself dreading what she might say.
“So what do I do?”
Here was the moment that I had waited for. Here was the perfect opportunity. I could completely change everything about our relationship here in this moment. I wasn’t sure that I could walk away from tonight without letting her know how I felt. It was so strong now that it had surfaced, and it threatened to spill out. I should just let it.
I pulled her towards me, pulling her out of the dance position, and looked at her straight in the eyes.
“Grace Fletcher, I realized tonight that I could not imagine my own life without you in it. When I saw you look at Mr. Montgomery, it stirred up something deep inside myself that I did not know existed. I realized that there could be no better match for me than you. No one has ever been right, and I never understood why. Until tonight. Until I saw you start to slip away from me. I realized that I had never felt our relationship threatened until tonight, and it was then that I realized that I needed you. I needed to be the one that you end up with.”
“Mr. Gale,” she breathed, her green eyes wide and her cheeks growing more red each moment.
“I realized that I love you dearly, Miss Grace. I always have. I have loved you since we were little. You have been my very best friend for as long as I can remember, and because of that, I don’t know exactly when I fell in love with you. All I know is that it is all I have ever known. You know me better than I know myself, and I realized that no one else in this world would ever know me as well you, nor would anyone know you as well as I.”
She couldn’t speak; her mouth hung open in a slight gape, and her eyes searched mine. She began to tear up, and her arms began to tremble. But I couldn’t stop now, I had to get it all out. I realized that many eyes were fixated on us, but thankfully the music still played, and it drowned out our voices from the rest of the room.
“I had to make a decision tonight, whether I could let you go and live with another man as his wife. I decided if that was going to make you happier than being with me, then I will swallow my pride and my love and I will ask you to forgive me for such an outburst. I will never speak of it again, because my only wish is for you to be as happy as you possibly can be.” I stared into her eyes, and the room and the people and the music around us seemed to disappear.
“But, if that is not what would make you happy, then I ask you,” I laughed, feelings tears well up in my own eyes, “No, I
beg
you, please, would you take my hand in marriage, and make me the happiest man on God’s green earth?”
She pulled her hands out of my grasp, and she slowly placed them on either side of my face. She searched my face, a few tears spilling out onto her cheeks and down her face. And then she laughed, the tears coming harder.
“You silly, silly boy. I have waited for you to say those words to me since I was a little girl and we sat beside the pond on my parents’ estate talking about our lives one day. I always thought you would think me a fool, and I believed it was just a young girl’s infatuation. But it never left me. It always was there, that hope, way deep down inside of me.”
More tears fell onto her cheeks. “I eventually gave up on that hope when our parents began matching us with different suitors. I assumed that since no one had suggested the obvious, that it wasn’t meant to be.” She laughed heartily. “No man has ever been good enough for me either, because not one of them has matched up to you.”
Without caring about the propriety of my actions, I scooped her up into my arms and spun her around, holding her tightly against me. I felt as if I could fly! I cried and laughed into her hair, my hands trembling with joy, my head light and dizzy. How much the night had changed from when we had first arrived?
I placed her down on her feet and we just smiled at one another.
“Mr. Gale, my answer is yes. It has always been yes, and it will always, always be yes.”
There was an eruption like none that I had heard before around us. Cheering and clapping and calling out. Startled, Grace and I looked around the room at all the people. Everyone had turned to face us. All of their faces reflected the same thing; joy.
“Wha – what?” Grace said, clutching onto my arm.
The faces of our parents made their way to the front of the crowd. Both of our mothers were crying, and our father’s grinned from ear to ear beside them. They all clapped along with the rest of the guests.
My father held up his hands to attempt to calm the crowd. Grace and I could only cling to one another, and embarrassment and shock must have been evident on both of our faces. He laughed as the room quieted.
“Well, it is about time!”
I blinked. “What do you mean?”
He rolled his eyes dramatically, and Grace’s father joined him.
“We have been waiting for this moment for four years now.”
Grace pulled away from me, and tilted her head to the side. “You’ve been waiting for this? But how –”
Now it was my mother’s turn to approach us. “The conversation we had earlier was entirely true, my dear,” she told me. “We had wondered if the two of you would simply choose one another on your own. When you didn’t, we decided that these balls would be a perfect chance to encourage you towards each other. Naturally, these were also perfect opportunities for your siblings to meet their own matches, but we also hoped that by meeting other suitors, it might help you two to realize what we had; that you were perfect for each other.”
“Why didn’t you just tell us?”
“Would you have listened? Or would you have rejected the idea?” her mother asked and came to stand beside my mother.
I hesitated. It was hard to focus on my own thoughts with so many eyes fixated on us. “I suppose I do not know.” I looked at Grace who seemed just as confused as I was.
“When this didn’t work, we began to wonder if perhaps we were indeed wrong, and that maybe you would find another of these suitors to be agreeable matches. But we waited patiently, believing that eventually you would discover your feelings for each other.”
“We decided to try one last time, and asked Mr. Montgomery if he would like to meet Miss Fletcher on our behalf. He seemed genuinely interested when we told him of your relationship, and gladly offered to help usher the two of you along.” My mother smiled at me. “He is so fond of you, my dear.”
He appeared at the edge of the circle, and made a deep bow. “I apologize, dear Miss Fletcher, if I led you astray in any way. It was only my intent, at the full discretion of your families, that I play a suitor who resembled Mr. Gale in almost every way. Collectively we hoped that by doing so, it would help you to see your fondness for Mr. Gale. I hope that you can forgive my deceit.”
She opened her mouth, and then closed it. She looked up at me. “You all did all of this…so Oliver and I could be together?”
My father laughed. “We felt as if you never would realize it! But we wanted it to be natural and not orchestrated by outside means. We put all of our hope into this evening, made it well known our intentions. But you had to decide on your own. We could allow for every opportunity, but you both had to come to that realization on your own.”