Close Remembrance (26 page)

“We did a lot of digging through Saret’s files,” Mia continued, her eyes shining with excitement. “Adam thinks we might learn something useful about my condition this way.”

At that moment, her stomach rumbled and her cheeks turned pink in response, making Korum smile. “I’m guessing someone’s hungry,” he teased.

“Busted,” she said, laughing.

Smiling, Korum let her go and headed to the kitchen. A few minutes later, they were sitting down to a meal of grilled vegetable sandwiches with miso-avocado dip.

Mia quickly devoured everything on her plate, and so did he, his appetite strong after his swim earlier today. For dessert, Korum had the house make them a kiwi-mango pie with a crust made of ground macadamia nuts – and tea for Mia.

As they were enjoying the treat, Korum reached across the table and took her hand, stroking the middle of her palm with his thumb. “Mia,” he said quietly, “there’s something I have to tell you.”

She froze for a second, apparently reacting to the serious note in his voice. “What is it?”

“I spoke to Saret today,” Korum said, his fingers tightening around her palm. “He didn’t just wipe out your recent memories. He also did something to make you . . . more accepting of things.”

* * *

Mia stared at her lover, unable to believe what she was hearing. “What? What does that mean?”

“He called it ‘softening’,” Korum said, and the expression on his face was grim. “It was apparently a way to make you more amenable to his advances. If he didn’t lie about it, you don’t experience fear as strongly as you did before . . . and you’re also more open to new impressions.”

Mia frowned. “I don’t understand. How would this have helped Saret?”

“Because you’re not only more open to new impressions – which explains why you’re acclimating so well – but you’re also prone to new attachments.” Korum’s mouth was tight with anger.

“New attachments?” And then it dawned her. “He thought I would fall in love with him? That’s insane!” She laughed, inviting him to share the joke.

Korum didn’t respond, and her amusement faded. “Wait a second,” she said slowly. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?

“I’m sorry, Mia. I really wish it wasn’t true.”

Automatically shaking her head, Mia pulled her hand out of his grasp and rose to her feet. “But that’s ridiculous,” she said. “Are you saying that I’m not myself? That everything I think and feel is a product of some madman’s procedure? That what I feel for
you
isn’t real?”

Korum got up as well. “It’s all my fault,” he said, his voice heavy with guilt. “I should’ve been there. I should’ve protected you from him –”

“No.” Mia refused to believe this. “How do you know he wasn’t lying? Wouldn’t it make sense for him to lie?”

“It would,” Korum said. “It would make all the sense in the world. And that’s why I want to have you seen by the mind lab in Arizona. We’ll go there tomorrow.”

“But you don’t think he’s lying.”

“No.” Korum gave her a pained look. “I don’t.”

“Why not?” Mia whispered, her voice starting to shake.

“Because you haven’t been fully yourself, my sweet,” he said gently. “The differences are subtle, but they’re there. You’ve noticed it too, haven’t you?”

Mia sucked in her breath. She had. Of course she had. She’d wondered at how well she was adjusting to her new world, to living in an alien colony with a lover she’d just met. A lover who was now as necessary to her as food and air.

“Couldn’t there be a different explanation for this?” Mia knew she was clutching at straws, but the alternative was too much to process. “What if my memories aren’t really gone? What if they’re still there, suppressed somewhere deep inside? That would explain everything: why I feel so comfortable here, why I’m learning so fast, why I fell in love with you –”

Korum closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, his gaze was bleak. “You didn’t, Mia. You didn’t fall in love with me. You barely know me.”

“But if I still remember you on some level –”

He drew in a deep breath. “You don’t, my sweet. Ellet ran tests on you before you woke up, and there were signs of damage consistent with a memory loss. I really wish it were otherwise, believe me.”

Mia blinked, swallowing hard to contain the growing knot in her throat. He thought she was damaged. Defective. Incapable of real emotions. “So what now?”

“It’s your decision,” Korum said, his voice oddly flat. “You can either stay with me or return to your old life.”

“Return to my old life?” She could barely say the words. “You . . . Y-you want me to go?”

“What? No!” He looked startled at the idea. “Of course I don’t want you to go. You’re my entire life now, don’t you understand that?”

Mia almost shuddered with relief. He still wanted her, despite the damage from the procedure.

“You are my entire life as well,” she told him. “I know you think the way I feel is the result of what Saret did, but I don’t believe it. I loved you before, despite everything that happened between us, and I fell in love with you again in these past couple of days. You may not think it’s real, but I know my own mind. Yes, I noticed I’m not reacting to things as I would’ve expected, but so what? Isn’t it a good thing that I’m learning so fast? That I’m becoming as comfortable in Lenkarda as I was once in New York? Even if it is a result of Saret’s procedure, it doesn’t change the fact that that’s how I am now – that that’s the way I think and feel. It doesn’t make my emotions any less strong . . . or any less real.”

As she spoke, the little grooves of tension bracketing his mouth began to dissipate. “Are you sure, Mia?” he asked, his eyes filling with familiar golden heat. “Is this what you really want?”

“To be with you? Yes!” Mia had never been more certain of anything in her life. The thought of leaving him, of going back home and never seeing him again, was unbearable. When she’d thought he was dead, she had wanted to die too. Life without Korum was not worth living.

“Then you will be with me.” His voice was rough, his hands hurried as they reached for her and pulled her into his arms.

His mouth was ravenous, like he wanted to consume her, and Mia responded in kind, her hunger matching his. She ached for his touch, his embrace. The shocking ecstasy of their post-Arena lovemaking had left her wrung out, drained, and yet she already wanted more. More of Korum, more of the magic.

His hands were frantic on her body, ripping off the dress, leaving it lying in shreds on the floor. His clothes met the same fate. Before she could blink, she found herself pressed against the wall, her thighs spread wide as he lifted her up, rubbing his erection against her bare sex.

“Fuck,” he growled. His expression was that of a man in pain, his breathing harsh and uneven. “I have to be inside you, Mia. Now.”

“Yes,” she whispered, holding his blazing gaze. “Yes . . . please . . .”

As though she had given him permission, he plunged into her, his shaft unbearably thick and long, stretching her, filling her to the brim. Mia cried out, the pleasure-pain of his possession as intense as it was startling. With the way he was holding her, she was completely open to him, unable to control the depth of his penetration in any way. He was in so deep she could feel him nudging against her cervix, her channel tightening in a futile effort to keep him out.

He paused for a brief second, letting her catch her breath, and then he began hammering into her, his thrusts pressing her into the wall. Mia moaned, her body overwhelmed by the sensations. There was no slow build, no gradual transition from discomfort to pleasure; instead, the orgasm hit her suddenly, her inner muscles spasming around his cock with no warning.

He groaned, his pace picking up further, and she climaxed again with a scream, unable to control her body’s helpless response. Her skin was too hot, and she was panting, gasping for breath, but he was relentless, driving her toward her third peak mere minutes after her second.

And just when Mia thought she couldn’t take anymore, he came with a savage roar, his head thrown back and his cock pulsing deep inside her.

* * *

The next morning, Korum waited impatiently as Haron – the mind expert in the Arizona Center – carefully examined Mia.

She was lying on a float, her eyes closed and her expression relaxed. She had been lightly sedated to allow for a more thorough examination of her brain. Haron was brushing her hair back, exposing more of her forehead to attach his equipment there.

Korum had given the other male permission to touch her in this instance, but he still felt like ripping him apart for it. He had been equally angry to learn of Arus restraining her during the fight, even though he knew it had been for Mia’s own protection. The territorial instinct was primitive – and completely irrational given the circumstances – but Korum couldn’t help it. When it came to Mia, he was no more evolved than an amoeba.

By the time the examination was over, Korum was in a dark mood. “Well,” he demanded as soon as Haron put away his equipment.

The mind expert lifted his broad shoulders in a shrug. “I don’t know,” he said, giving Korum a puzzled look. “Her brain is healthy, but it does show signs of recent memory erasure. There’s also something else, something that I’ve never seen before.”

“The softening procedure,” Korum said. “Do you think it could be that?” He had told Haron about Saret’s claims, and the mind expert had been very intrigued.

“It could be,” Haron said. “I honestly haven’t come across anything like this before. If Saret says he invented the procedure, then that would make sense.” He sounded admiring, making Korum want to do something violent to him again.

“Can you fix it?” Korum already knew the answer but he had to ask.

Haron shook his head. “I don’t think so, not without chancing some real damage to her brain in the process. Whenever we come up with something new here, we do extensive testing in a simulated environment first, before experimenting with live subjects. I could try, of course, if you want –”

“No.” Korum could never take that kind of risk with Mia. “Forget it.”

As their ship headed back to Lenkarda, Korum held Mia on his lap. She was awake but a little groggy, and she seemed content to just sit there, with her head resting on his shoulder. He stroked her hair, enjoying the feel of soft curls under his fingers.

Their conversation yesterday had gone very differently than he’d feared. Mia had been shocked and disbelieving at what Saret had done, but what had upset her the most was the idea of leaving him. And Korum had been glad. He had been so fucking glad and relieved that she wanted to stay. He honestly didn’t know what he would’ve done if she’d said she wanted to go home. He wanted to think that he would’ve let her . . . but, deep inside, he knew otherwise. He couldn’t bear the thought of being apart from her for a day; how would he have survived a lifetime without her?

He wouldn’t have. It was that simple. He would’ve tried if that had been what she wanted, but the odds of failure would’ve been high. Korum had no illusions about himself. Altruism was not in his nature. He would’ve suffered for a while – out of guilt for letting her get hurt, out of desire to make up for past wrongs – but he would’ve eventually come for her.

She stirred in his arms, interrupting his musings. Raising her head, she gave him a sleepy smile. “Where are we going now?”

“Home, my darling,” Korum answered, the remainder of his black mood fading as he gazed upon her beautiful face. As much as he wanted to reverse Saret’s procedure and undo any damage done to this exquisite creature, he was happy to have her no matter what. Even if she didn’t truly love him now, he hoped she would develop genuine feelings for him over time.

And Korum would make sure her love didn’t turn to hate when she learned the truth about his plans.

Chapter 19

The next month flew by. Korum found himself busier than usual, with his designers finalizing the new shields for the Centers and the Council trying to decide Saret’s fate.

After several meetings, it was determined that a trial like that of the Keiths would not work in this instance. With Saret having been a long-term member of the Council, nobody was completely impartial and emotions were running high. Korum wasn’t the only one who had considered Saret a friend. The mind expert had been generally liked, with his seemingly laid-back personality and friendly manner. The magnitude of his attempted crime was beyond belief, and even complete rehabilitation seemed too mild of a punishment for what he had intended. Finally, the Council reached out to the Elders for guidance – an initiative on which Korum took the lead, since he had other things to discuss with the Elders as well.

Between that and his regular work, Korum barely found time to sleep – because he also wanted to spend as much time with his charl as possible. Mia’s attachment to him seemed to be growing every day, and Korum no longer doubted the strength of her feelings. As she’d said, whatever Saret had done to her, that was the way she was now – and they both had to accept it.

On the plus side, Korum kept getting surprised by how well Mia was adjusting to everything . . . and how independent she was becoming.