Closed Off To You (Singing Star Trilogy #1) (8 page)

“Why can’t you just go with the flow? We both felt this the last time we were together, didn’t we? Why not just go with it now?”

I finished my tea and sat forward on the sofa. My game was up. She was too closed off, not prepared to let anyone in.

“You only want one thing. You’re too young. I’ve had a really, really long day.” Melissa tucked her feet back into the blanket and regarded me from under her eyelids.

“Fair enough. I’m sorry for being a dick.” Getting up, I expected her to see me out. Instead, she stayed where she was and turned the sound up on the television.

I resisted the urge to lean down and kiss her goodbye. She was right. We both wanted different things.

“It was good to know you, Nathan. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

I didn’t reply as I left the flat. There was no point. Her indifference puzzled me. She wanted to date, yet, she wasn’t even going to get off the sofa to see me out of her home.

The woman was a contradiction.

Chapter Eight

“I’ve decided to give it a go. For you,” I announced.

Lizzie and Ella screamed in my ear as they jumped up and down and threw their arms around me. I tried to keep my composure, but their excitement was contagious. I squealed with them as we did a celebratory dance.

“What made you change your mind?” Lizzie asked.

We were in the woods, walking Lizzie’s dog. Her passion was animals as well as singing. She worked with dogs every day.

“Nathan, actually.”

They paused in their stride as we got nearer to the stream. “Nathan? When did you speak to Nathan?” Ella asked.

She dug in her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Her tall willowy frame was clad in skinny jeans and a thick jumper. She was one of those humans that felt the cold easily. So much so, that me and Lizzie bought her a new hat every year for a joke.

“He came to my house after the pub the other day,” I said, snatching the piece of paper out of her hand when she didn’t give it to me.

Looking down at what she’d written, I rolled my eyes. Lizzie held out her hand so I gave it to her. Ella had written, what she called, a prediction. Nathan would hook up with me again, according to her.

“We didn’t do anything. He wants to be friends with benefits. You know I don’t want that.”

Lizzie stuck her bottom lip out but didn’t say anything. Ella took the paper back and stuffed it in her pocket.

“Don’t look at me like that. I mean it. I want something more but not from him. He’s too young, anyway.”

Lizzie started to walk again, ignoring my defensive statement. Ella looked at the ground as we moved through the mud.

“I still think you’ll hook up again,” Ella muttered.

I nudged her with my arm to shut her up. She stuck her tongue out at me, running away before I could react.

“You’re supposed to be supporting me. If he’d asked me on a date, maybe I would have hooked up with him again. But I don’t want just sex. Even if he is ridiculously gorgeous.”

Lizzie whistled for her dog. He bounded over, splashing us as he charged through a puddle. We laughed when he shook right next to Ella, covering her with mud and water.

“I’m not sure I could be as strong as you if that muscular hot being wanted to pound-”

“Lizzie! Don’t be so crude.” Ella put her hands on her hips after her failed attempt at brushing the mud off her legs. She had smeared it in, making it even worse.

“Oh, come on. Why do you pretend to be all innocent?” Lizzie asked Ella as she put her dog on a lead.

My friends talked between themselves as we approached the car park. The birds sang high in the trees, but we had ignored them most of the way round. Stopping, I inhaled a deep breath. I loved nature, but I hardly spent any time enjoying it.

The others had confused me. They were usually extremely supportive of my decisions. Lately, they hadn’t agreed with what I wanted to do.

First the TV show and now Nathan. Although they weren’t saying it, I could feel something brimming underneath them both.

“Anyway, if you don’t want Nathan, I’m sure someone else will take him off your hands.” Lizzie winked at me as she opened the boot and the dog jumped straight in.

“That’s the thing with you, isn’t it, Lizzie? You’ll happily pick up someone else’s seconds,” Ella snapped.

Lizzie and I stood frozen with our mouths dropped open.

Ella was always so kind and loving. She had never said a bad word about either of us.

She tucked her dark thin hair behind her ear as she yanked open the car door and climbed in. I glanced at Lizzie and shrugged. She shook her head and smiled, but I caught the flash of pain that crossed her face.

“I’m sorry. That was uncalled for,” Ella said when we got in the car.

“No, you’re right. I shouldn’t joke about Nathan and Melissa. It wasn’t like she actually took him from me, even though I pretended she did.” Lizzie grinned over her shoulder at me. I was glad I was in the back seat. The tension in the atmosphere made me sit back and look out the window.

“We probably shouldn’t have gone on the show.” Ella sighed.

“Why not?” Lizzie asked, putting the key in the ignition. “We’ve just got to stop bickering. It’s all we’ve done since we got through. Our friendship is too important. This could be an amazing adventure.”

Ella was right. The audition had changed our friendship. No, that wasn’t quite right. I had changed our friendship. By being scared, and not wanting to put myself out there, I had tainted the excitement of our achievement. My fear had got in the way, but I wouldn’t let it any more.

“We need to have some fun. Let’s start again. We’ve got a week until we go back to the studios to start this bizarre journey. There’s only one thing for it.”

“Karaoke!” Both Lizzie and Ella shouted at the same time.

I grinned as my best friends tuned into my thought pattern. The one thing we did when we were feeling low was sing our hearts out.

*

“What are you up to?” my brother shouted down the phone when I answered.

The song blasted in the background so I held the phone as tight to my ear as possible. “Karaoke, brother, karaoke. The only way to cheer a woman up.”

We had started on the wine as soon as we got in. Karaoke wasn’t the same without a glass of wine or three.

“Sounds good. I’ll be round in half an hour,” my brother shouted.

I mumbled some sort of agreement and hung up the phone. My brother always said he’d visit but never actually came. I wasn’t going to start trusting him now.

“Come on, Melissa,” Ella shouted. “It’s your turn.”

I grabbed the other bottle of wine from the kitchen side and spun towards the door. A flashback of Nathan pinning my arms above my head came to me. I giggled as I rushed back into the living room and dumped the snacks and drinks on Lizzie, who sat on the sofa.

“Why are you grinning?” Ella asked as she handed me the microphone.

“I was just remembering,” I sang, “a time of fun and fucking.”

“Melissa! It’s not like you to be so blunt. Who were you remembering?”

I shrugged as I chose my song and stared at the screen instead of looking at my two friends. They would be making eyes at each other behind my back, trying to work out who I was talking about. Not that it would be hard. There was only one man that I had slept with in the last year. Yes, it really had been that long.

“Come on,” Lizzie called.

I burst into song as the lyrics started up. They wouldn’t get my attention now. When I was singing, I was in the moment, fully embracing my craziness.

Once I’d finished, Lizzie jumped up and grabbed my shoulders. “You do have a thing for Nathan.” She looked at me so seriously, I had to laugh.

“Oh, pack it in. Like I said, he’s too young, and he’s too good looking for little old me. I need someone who makes me feel good about my little curves. Okay big curves.” I handed the mic to Lizzie and slammed myself down onto the sofa.

“You’re not that bad. I wish you wouldn’t worry so much about how you look. You’re pretty amazing. Your body is womanly; most people would die to have big boobs like yours.” Ella, who was next to me, put her head on my shoulder.

“That’s not how you feel, is it?” I asked.

Lizzie was distracted, flicking to find her favourite karaoke song. We’d started off slow but gradually grown more confident. When we were drunk enough the big ballads came out.

“Sometimes, I look at you and Lizzie, and wish I had more curves. Don’t hate what you got. At least you have a fully functioning beautiful body,” Ella muttered.

Moving her hair out of her face, I looked into her eyes. I had never heard her talk that way about her figure before. Not that she was directly talking about her figure, but I knew what she was getting at. She was tall and skinny; some would say too skinny. She was beautiful and had model features. Not like me and Lizzie.

“You have an amazing figure.” I kissed her forehead and leant over to get another glass of wine.

“Of course Ella has an amazing figure. She’s the skinniest.” Lizzie yelped in excitement when she found her song.

“And the tallest,” Ella joked.

We always had fake fights about who was the tallest. Ella towered above us. I was about an inch taller than Lizzie, but she wouldn’t have it. She tried to blame my hair for having extra volume, but a fact was a fact.

“Then I’m the second tallest,” I stated, picking up my glass from the floor.

Lizzie glared at me before pressing play on the song. “I don’t think so somehow.”

I laughed along with Ella as Lizzie started to screech the words to the song. She pulled faces, pretending to be a diva. Ella couldn’t stop giggling as I stood and mimicked the exact same gestures behind Lizzie’s back.

“You’re mad,” Ella shouted.

Her words caught Lizzie’s attention. She spun before I could stop pretending to be her. Seeing me, she clouted me gently over the head. I grabbed my scalp and fell to the sofa, feigning great pain. Just like the footballers who annoyed me when they rolled around on the floor.

“I can’t believe you’re taking the piss out of me. That was a serious bit of singing.” Lizzie threw the microphone on the floor and stomped out of the room.

Ella covered her mouth as she tried to contain the laugh that escaped her. I wasn’t so wise.

“I can hear you laughing at me,” Lizzie shouted from the bathroom.

That was the only thing with having three friends, often two of them ganged up on the other. Especially when they had finished three bottles of wine between them.

Someone knocked on the front door. I frowned as I remembered that my brother had mentioned he would come round. Was it actually him? Did he actually mean what he said this time?

“I’ll get it,” Lizzie shouted.

I picked up the microphone and started to scroll through to my favourite song. Lizzie hated my choice of ballads, so I quickly pressed play before she got the chance to come back in.

“Go for it,” Ella said.

The music started up. I heard an exaggerated groan from the hallway. The front door opened and voices filtered in, probably Charlie chatting up Lizzie.

Opening my mouth, I let the words blast from me. It was one of those power ballads sung by Adele. You know the kind, the ones that no one could actually sing, but everyone tried. My brother had heard me sing it many times, so I wasn’t bothered about him hearing me drown a cat.

There was movement behind me, but I was so focused on the words, I didn’t take notice. My brother had better have bought his own alcohol. He was good at finishing mine.

The song came to a warbling end. I put my hands in the air in triumph. Spinning, I froze. Martin and Nathan lounged on the sofa. Ella sat between them. Lizzie and Charlie shared the armchair.

Nathan started clapping, invoking a full-blown applause.

“I didn’t know you were here.” My whole face flushed with heat. Even hotter than it already was from the wine. My whole life would revolve around embarrassing myself in front of Nathan.

“That was good,” Charlie joked.

I knew he was joking by the way he shook his head at the same time he spoke.

“Don’t be mean. It was quite good.” Nathan stood and reached for the microphone.

His fingers wrapped around mine as the mic flicked from my hand. I swallowed as he grinned down at me before turning towards the screen.

“Are you going to sing?” Lizzie asked, jumping up and down on the arm of the chair.

“That’s what most people do when they hold the microphone and look at the TV screen with words on.” Nathan hadn’t turned to Lizzie as he concentrated on finding a song.

Lizzie glared at him before she caught me watching her.

I plonked myself in the seat Nathan had just vacated. My brother had never bought his friends to my house before. He deemed me as too unsuitable to socialise with them.

“What’s he doing here?” I muttered.

Nathan cleared his throat pointedly. I looked up at him. He was focused on the screen. He had picked a song and pressed play. When he opened his mouth, I expected… Well, I didn’t know what I expected, but I didn’t expect him to have the most gravelly husky voice I had ever heard. It was sexy as hell.

“Wow, he can sing,” Ella whispered into my ear.

Martin looked past Ella and smiled at me. I smiled back, unsure of how I should be with him. He had been acting a bit strange ever since he’d come back from travelling.

“He’s good,” Martin mouthed.

I nodded before turning to watch Nathan. He was concentrating so hard, his body started to sway to the music. The tune filtered through my veins as his deep voice told us a story. I had never expected such a young man to be quite so deep. The words were perfect. They told of pain and heartache. They also told of overcoming it. Maybe Nathan wasn’t as cocksure as I had first imagined.

My gaze was transfixed on his back as the song came to a close. The whole of my insides shivered from suppressed emotion. It was like his whole being wanted me to cry. Not for him necessarily, but for the pain he felt.