Clover (13 page)

Chapter 24

Five Years Ago

Jake dropped his packed suitcase on the top step of the porch. He hated this day. When his parents had dropped him off for the first time, he’d been scared and worried. Parents weren’t supposed to give up on their kids. They weren’t supposed to give them away. But his parents did a lot of things parents weren’t supposed to do. It had turned out to be the best thing they’d ever done for him. He got to spend the summer in a house where he didn’t have to be afraid all the time.

His parents loved him, he supposed. Probably more than his aunt did. Thinking that made him feel a little guilty about wanting to stay with her instead of going home. Still, he now looked forward to the drive to her house and dreaded the drive home.

“You all packed?” His aunt joined him on the front porch. Suds covered her wrists and she wiped her hands on a dishtowel.

“Yep.” Jake’s body felt tight, like something was missing. Or something was about to be taken from him and he couldn’t do anything to stop it. Energy hummed through him and he wanted to run. If he just took off into one of the fields and hid there until nightfall, he’d be able to stay. His parents wouldn’t stick around and look for him. His dad would curse out his aunt and kick the car. His mom wouldn’t even get out. She never did. Ultimately, they’d leave without him. He never tried it though because he knew, eventually, they’d come back.

“It’s a little early,” Aunt Tammy said.

“No point in waiting.” He rocked back on his heels, but it didn’t do anything to clear the buzzing in his head.

“I suppose not.”

“Maybe I’ll run over to the Watsons’. Say goodbye.” Jake had only seen Clover a handful of times that summer. He didn’t know how much of the ache in his chest could be attributed to that and how much was due to leaving later that afternoon.

“You didn’t see them very often this year.” His aunt put her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“Wasn’t time. I was working here, R.J. made the All-Star team, and Clover spent the summer at the pool.” The way he said it made it sound like Clover did nothing but lay around all summer. He knew that wasn’t accurate. She was working, just like him, but still he resented it just a little. He busted his ass while she sat by a pool with a whistle. To top it off, every guy in the county got to stare at her. He hadn’t minded her job last year when he’d been one of the guys staring. This year, however, he had to admit that he was just a tad jealous. He had no right to be, but he was. Jealousy made him feel ugly inside.

“Your dad won’t be here for another hour or so. You have time if you hurry.”

“Yeah, I think I will.”

He made it to the bottom step before the familiar Corolla pulled into the driveway. R.J. climbed out before Clover had turned off the engine. He ran over and jumped on Jake. Jake half caught him, but the momentum brought them both crashing to the ground.

“You didn’t think you’d get to leave without saying goodbye, did you?” R.J. punched Jake in the arm and tried to keep him pinned. They kicked up some dust in the gravel.

Out of necessity, Jake was very good at not getting trapped on the ground. He could tell R.J. was stronger than he was last time they’d wrestled, but he still wasn’t big enough to pose a real challenge. Jake rolled until R.J. was beneath him, then grabbed his hands and pinned them over his head. “Say uncle.”

R.J. squirmed. “Never.”

“Have it your way.” Jake adjusted his grip until he was able to hold both of R.J.’s hands in one of his own. He wouldn’t be able to maintain his grip indefinitely. R.J. was strong enough to make it very difficult. But Jake only needed a few minutes. While R.J. struggled to free himself, Jake tickled him mercilessly. He didn’t stop until R.J. pleaded for help.

“Okay, okay, I give up. Please.” Tears streamed down R.J.’s face from laughing.

“You sure?” Jake didn’t trust him at all. More often than not, he’d attack again immediately after being released. History made Jake wary.

“He promises,” Clover answered for her brother and R.J. stopped struggling. Jake released his hands and stood. He brushed the dust off his clothes and watched Clover out of the corner of his eye. She wore one of those short dresses that made her legs look ten miles long. Clover had always been beautiful, and became more so every year.

Finally Jake stopped fussing with his clothes and faced her. “Hi, Clover.” His voice had stopped cracking, thank God, but he still sounded like an idiot when he tried to talk to her. He wanted to say cool things and be super suave, but all that came out was awkward boy.

“Jake.” Clover smiled with only half her mouth, but it made it all the way to her eyes. It made Jake’s heart skip in his chest. “I brought you something.”

Clover held out a small package wrapped in blue paper. She’d never given him a gift before. His hands shook as he took it from her.

“What is it?”

“It’s from both of us.” R.J. smacked his sister in the arm. “It was
my
idea.”

Clover nodded toward the package. “You won’t know unless you open it.”

Jake removed the paper slowly, careful not to rip it. It took too long and irritated R.J., but he knew that Clover wrapped it and he wanted to save everything - the paper, the thin ribbon, even the little bits of tape that broke off as he pulled them loose.

“Jesus, man, just open it.” R.J. tried to take it from Jake, but he pulled it out of reach.

“Hold on to your pants.”

“R.J., let him open it. It’s his present, not yours.” Clover adopted the “I’m in charge” voice she used when babysitting. Her brother was only ten, so still in need of a sitter, but he hated when she talked to him like that. He’d complained to Jake about it, but he didn’t argue when she told him to back off.

“Thanks.” Jake smiled at Clover as he removed the last bit of tape. The paper folded open to reveal a copy of
Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
.

“Isn’t it awesome? We can play together. You have a headset, right? Then we can talk, too.” R.J. was enthusiastic enough for all three of them.

“Ummm, actually, my Xbox broke right before I came here.” He shrugged, but held the game close anyway. It was really nice of them to get it for him. They didn’t know that his dad had put his foot through the console.

“That sucks.”

“I’ll get a new one as soon as I can. We’ll play then.”

“Yeah, okay. I guess.” R.J. kicked a rock. Clover ruffled his hair, but didn’t say anything.

“You play this?” Jake asked Clover.

She laughed. “No. Never. But R.J. really missed you this summer. I thought you guys could keep in touch this way.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Sure.” Clover left room for him to say something more, but when he didn’t, she said, “Well, we should head back. Let you finish getting ready.”

“Yeah, okay.” Jake didn’t mention that his bag was packed and sitting on the porch. Instead he watched as she got back in her car and drove away.

Present Day

Jake tightened his hold on Clover. He wondered if he’d ever get used to the idea that she liked him as much as he liked her, enough to let him draw her into an embrace for no reason other than it simply felt good.

“This is nice.” Clover leaned back into his arms. They were sitting on the bank of her family’s pond. He was behind her and she sat in the space between his legs, with her back to his chest. She fit perfectly with him, like two pieces of a puzzle.

“It is, yes.” He nuzzled her hair, then kissed her neck softly. Not in an effort to start something, but just to let her know how much he liked being here with her like this.

The sun sat low in the sky, but Jake wasn’t in a hurry. Before he left his house, he’d tossed some firewood and other supplies into the back of his truck. He’d set up a makeshift fire pit and it was ready to be lit whenever they were ready. So far, the waning daylight hadn’t been enough to make him release his hold on Clover.

Clover turned to look at him. “You really have no idea what you want to do after school?”

He shrugged. “I’m not sure yet.”

She kissed his cheek. “If you could be anything, what would you be?”

Jake had thought about nothing else for as long as he could remember. The path seemed so clear for people like Clover. She knew exactly where she was supposed to go, then set her feet on a straight path to get there. He, on the other hand, had no vision beyond the hope of escaping his parents. He would do everything in his power to avoid turning out like them. He just had no idea how to make that happen.

He could feel Clover’s eyes on him, waiting for his answer. He gave her the only answer he had. “Happy.”

To him, life was more about finding a way to enjoy the people around him rather than finding a specific job. Happiness wasn’t linked to a career as near as he could tell. It was far more elusive.

Clover kissed his cheek. “Are you happy now?”

“Right now? Here with you?”

She nodded.

“Very.”

“Me, too.” She snuggled into his arms.

“But I’m still worried.” Jake couldn’t help but think about what came next. Yes, Clover planned her life, but she did so with the assumption that everything would go her way because everything
had
always gone her way. She’d never experienced life as unkind. She’d contemplated the theory, he was sure. Anyone with eyes could see that the world was often cruel. Clover was smart. There was no way she could look at the state of the world and think life was fair. Still, she was able see things with a layer of protection from the rough edges. She’d never actually experienced any of it for herself. That perspective made her naively beautiful and Jake loved that about her. He didn’t want to be the one to take it from her.

“Why?”

“I just don’t want to lose you, that’s all.”

“You won’t.” Clover spoke with such conviction that Jake almost believed it. He wanted to suspend the part of him that always watched for things to fall apart or be snatched away, but he never could quiet that voice completely.

Jake didn’t respond. He let himself hold her without thinking, occasionally indulging in a kiss. She felt perfect in his arms and there was no reason to look beyond that right now. As the sun dropped low in the sky, it transformed the surface of the pond from clear light blue to a deep, dark black with a strip of orange down the middle. Finally, because he could ignore the darkening sky no longer, he released Clover and went to start the fire.

He bent low over the stack of wood with his lighter, and just as he touched the flame to the paper, her voice reached him through the night. “It sounds like you could do all the things you have planned in Portland just as easily as in Salem.”

He thought about what it would mean to move to Portland with her. He couldn’t imagine ever being happier than he was in this perfect moment in time. He held back, however, restrained by the knowledge that he couldn’t afford to live in the city and still go to school. The only reason he was able to pay for school at all was because he parents didn’t charge him rent. They’d mentioned it more than once, but hadn’t followed through on the threat yet.

Clover might let him live with her. He could get a job to pay his way and take classes at night. It’d take longer to finish, but it would be worth it if they could be together. The thought of sharing a home, even an apartment in the city, with her sounded like a fantasy, too perfect to be true.

Jake wanted to tell her, “Yes, I will move to Portland with you and we will live happily ever after,” but he couldn’t. As much as he hated to let her go, he just couldn’t see himself fitting into her life right now. Not with the way things were in his own. He was entering his second year of college. He had nothing to offer her and she was the type of girl who was used to having everything.

With great reluctance, he said, “I can’t move to Portland.” He stared at the fire the whole time, unable to look at her face. He didn’t want to see how much his words hurt her. Or worse, what if she didn’t appear hurt at all?

“Okay.” Clover didn’t sound happy or sad, just resigned.

“Okay?” He looked at her. She sat where he’d left her, curled in over herself with her arms wrapped around her knees. She looked very vulnerable.

She smiled sadly. “I understand. Doesn’t mean I like it.”

“I don’t, either.” The fire rose in the night sky, growing big enough that he didn’t worry about it dying. He returned to his former position, with his body framing Clover’s.

“I wonder if Lexy would kill me if I moved in a week late,” she mused.

Jake’s fantasy flattened before him. Even if he was able to move to Portland, there was no way he could live with her. He’d forgotten all about her best friend and roommate. They’d lived together through four years of college and liked it so much they’d arranged their postgrad stuff in the same city so they could stay together.

He kissed her hair, but he didn’t respond. An extra week wouldn’t make much difference. Either way, the summer would come to an end and that would be that.

“You know…” Clover turned in his arms until she could look into his eyes. “Salem isn’t very far from Portland.”

“No, it’s not.” Jake smiled, but it didn’t squelch the pocket of sadness in his chest. Depending on traffic, a trip into Portland was only an hour or so each way. It was just far enough to make it impossible to see each other every day, but close enough they could objectively swing weekends.

They would be close enough, but it still wouldn’t be practical. He couldn’t afford the gas to make that drive regularly. His truck used way too much fuel and was not fun to drive in the city. He’d done it a couple of times and hated every minute of it. On the other hand, Clover’s new car would make the trip quickly and efficiently, but then what? It’s not like she could stay with him at his parents’ house. Even if they allowed it, he didn’t want her to ever be exposed to them so intimately.

Dinner together sometimes, sure. They behaved nicely in public with an audience. But an entire weekend? They would slip up and forget there was someone else there. He’d watched his dad throw his mom through a wall once. She’d laid there for a moment moaning, then gotten up and kicked her husband in the balls. The next day, they both walked with a limp. Jake didn’t want Clover to ever see something like that.

“Hey, why such a serious face? A second ago you were happy.” Clover cupped his face and kissed him gently.

“Just trying to figure things out.” He kissed her again because he loved her lips and she was always willing to let him. He wanted to take advantage of that while the opportunity existed. “Let’s change the subject. How’s work? Your boss being a jerk?”

Clover wrinkled her nose. “Why would you bring him up? He’s an ass.”

Jake tried to remain calm. She was right. He shouldn’t have brought him up. That man made him want to punch first, ask questions later. It was an instinctual response that he barely kept in check. He didn’t want to be like that ever. Especially not around Clover. “Has he tried anything else?”

Clover rearranged her body until she was facing the water again. “No. He just keeps giving me these looks. Like he’s thinking things that I don’t want to know about. He’s totally creepy.”

“Have you told your dad about it?”

“Why? It’s not the first creepy guy I’ve had to deal with. I can’t run to my daddy every time someone looks at me the wrong way.”

Clover’s casual dismissal upset Jake. How many times had she been on the receiving end of attention from men like Vince? It had happened often enough that she considered it commonplace. Was that what it was like to be beautiful, young, and female?

“I guess not.” It felt wrong to agree with her, like he should do more to protect her. Jake wanted to be her safe haven. He’d been able to watch over her when he was driving her to work. He could swim at the pool and make sure her boss saw him. He sent the silent message that he was there to keep her safe. However, since she’d gotten her new car, he hadn’t accompanied her to the pool. “But maybe I could start coming to work with you again.”

Clover stiffened. “I’m a big girl, Jake. I can take care of myself.”

“I know, I know.” He tried to keep his voice light. “But I like to swim. And the view at the pool is awesome. There’s this one lifeguard…super hot. You should see her.”

His plan worked. She relaxed and even laughed easily. “Feel free to come to the pool any time you want. It’s a public place, after all. But you don’t need to watch over me. I’ll be okay.”

She was right, he knew, but it didn’t change his instinct. When he spent her shift at the pool with her because he was her ride, that was practical. It saved him the expense of driving into town. Now, though, if he made a special trip just to sit and watch her work, it crossed the line from practical to obsessive. He didn’t want to be the insanely controlling boyfriend. He had to respect her wishes and trust what she said.

“Okay.” He kissed her to let her know that he understood.

Clover leaned back against him, her head against his chest, and turned until she could loop one arm around his neck. She pulled him deeper into the kiss and, as his tongue stroked against hers, he forgot all about her creepy boss and their dwindling time together. All that mattered was the soft brush of her lips against his and the way her hair felt as he cupped her head to draw her closer.

The words “I love you” slipped from his mouth without thought. It was the most natural thing in the world to say between kisses. Clover responded by pushing him to the ground and climbing on top of him. She pulled her shirt over her head and dove in to kiss him deeper than before.

So long as he could kiss her, everything would be all right.